A Cynics' Christmas Party.

"A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future." Sidney J. Harris, American Journalist.

A very reluctant, somewhat indifferent welcome to the 'Cynics' Christmas Party'. In a few moments, I will introduce you to the folks who bothered to show up to this little farce posing as some kind of Christmas party. You know, a Christmas party, like the office Christmas party, where everybody has a good time, smiles, laughs and says how wonderful you are. That would ofcourse be the same people who actually hate your guts but put on a false smile, through gritted teeth and wish you a 'merry Christmas' and a 'happy New Year'. Yes indeed a fine collection of 'workmates', one tried to get you sacked, one had sex with your partner and one stole a doughnut from your lunchbox.
I will now give you the great pleasure of meeting this happy lot. Ofcourse they don't know you, so they, unlike the Christmas parties you have been to in the past, have not had the chance to hate your guts. But hey, give em' time, no doubt, they will soon dislike you.
Sitting over there looking totally disinterested with proceedings is that big fan of Christmas known as 'The Grinch'. Now the Grinch is a bitter, cave-dwelling chap, who lives high up on a mountain just outside of a town named Whoville. He despises the warm-hearted 'Whos' and their nauseating love of Christmas. With his only companion, his dog Max, he plans to dress poor Max up as a reindeer, use him to pull his sleigh and steal all the trappings associated with the festive season. No gifts, no decorations, no Christmas. That would be right, wouldn't it?
Perhaps the Grinch might say hello to you. Perhaps not.
Sitting over there looking even more disinterested, if that's possible, is another lover of this jolly season. Let me introduce you to Ebenezer Scrooge. Maybe Mr. Scrooge will say something. Mr. Scrooge goes off on a rant: "Why I came here, I don't know. I could have been back at my office working out more ways to make even more money. On Christmas Day, I shall have that idle loafer employee of mine, Mr. Cratchit working. Christmas is just another day and I need to make more money."
The cynics' Christmas party has not been that well attended this year. Matter of fact, all who bothered to show up were these two fine examples of the Christmas spirit, or lack of. The wicked witch of the west was evidently stuck under a house, whilst Montgomery Burns was too busy watching Homer Simpsons' activites, or lack of, on his closed circuit television. Heck, we even tried to bring in an 'off-the-wall' comedian, to liven things up, sadly, 'Humpty Dumpty' cracked at the last moment.
You know what? I got this feeling that the Grinch and Mr. Scrooge are going to have a rethink about their cynical ways. I believe that soon they will discover that Christmas is so much more than gifts and decorations. They will learn not to be bitter and envious of folks who are trying to be happy. Happiness is a right for all of us....and that includes the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge.

Prawn On The Internet.

I keep hearing about folks searching for 'prawn on the internet'. I really have no idea what all the fuss is about. Something about soft prawn and hard prawn. Well, I don't know about that, but I've had a deep-fried prawn. Anyway, I didn't need to 'surf', or, for that matter, 'trawl' the internet, to find prawn. No, all I did was go into my local supermarket and found prawn hiding inside a bag of crisps (or 'potato chips', if you are reading this from North America). Yeah, I know, the bag states it is 'prawn cocktail', and at this point, you might be thinking up some double meaning connotation.

A prawn is a crustacean. A crustacean is chiefly an aquatic creature. Typically, having their body covered with a hard shell or crust. One type of prawn is known as a 'king' prawn. Contrary to what I had believed was true; a king prawn is not in line for the throne of the British monarchy. Crabs are crustaceans. One type of crab is known as a 'fiddler' crab. The fiddler crab, does not, as I was led to believe, play a small stringed instrument, or indeed, entertain the various sea creatures, with tunes from 'Fiddler on the Reef'. 'If I were a rich clam...' Lobsters are crustaceans. One type of lobster is named, 'slipper' lobster. To this day, not one slipper lobster has been seen wearing slippers, smoking a pipe and sporting some tacky cardigan.

I wonder if a prawn has 'coral sex'? Do they do it 'atoll'? I wrote this story just for the 'krill' of it. I think I need 'kelp'. I know this posting was 'all at sea'. Yet, somehow, it 'warmed the cockles of my heart'. Right, that's enough, I'll 'clam' up now.

Glowing Optimism.

I sat in my dimly lit living room. Three flickering candles cast dancing shadows upon the walls. The ambience of this tranquil setting filled my heart, my soul, my mind, with peaceful, contented gratitude. I have so much to be grateful for.

I sat there alone, yet I was not alone. I stared at the candles and within their glow, I saw the smiling faces of friends afar and friends nearby. I knew that they would be pleased, I knew they would be comforted. For they realise that such simple beauty, as the reassuring flame of a candle, would fill my being with a sense of inner peace.

I sat there and I smiled. I am so lucky. I have a lovely home, a beautiful garden and genuine, honest friends. My positive thinking of the world around continues to grow in strength. I will never, ever again, allow negative speculation to sabotage my right to a peaceful and happy life.

I sat there and I listened. The wind blew through the branches of the trees. The rain pelted upon my windows. I was warm and I was cosy. The candles, with one last moment of brilliant flicker, faded away and the room became dark. It was time for me to sleep. It was the end to a perfect evening.

The candles had glowed and I to shall glow. For glowing optimism for a better life, a better world for you, for me, is an ideal that I embrace.

Lovely Blog Award.

I have been most honoured to have a, 'Lovely Blog Award', bestowed upon me. It has come to my attention that I have received this award twice. So I must humbly apologise to that wonderful blogger, 'Julie Phillips', whose very informative and supportive blog can be found at the following address: http://jlpwritersquest.blogspot.com/ Thank you Julie, it was really great for me that your daughter pulled my name out of a bag. Your posting regarding my blog was thoughtful and most encouraging. Wishing you much success in your ongoing writing endeavours. Happy writing and thanks again.

I would also like to thank Suzanne Jones. Suzanne does a terrific blog that is inspirational, informative, thought-provoking, humorous and conveys a transparency I much admire. Continued positive writing Suzanne and thank you again. Suzanne's lovely blog can be discovered at the following address: http://suzanne-sj.blogspot.com/

Now I shall duly pass this, Lovely Blog Award, on. This is certainly a most difficult decision. I have had the great privilege of reading and interacting with many fine bloggers. They have made me think, stirred my imagination and made me realise I'm part of a very special community. However, after much deliberation, I have decided to pass this award on to a very positive and inspirational new writer. Who, despite what could be perceived as overwhelming situations; continues to be resilient and remains positive in the face of adversity. So, to not only a lovely blogger, but a dear friend; I pass this award to you. My friend Heather's blog can be found at the following address: http://1soundingoff.blogspot.com/

Below are the rules that relate to this award. I thank you for your time. Happy writing to you all. Kind wishes, Gary.

1) Accept the award, and post a link back to the awarding person.

2) Pass the award on.

3) Notify the award winner.

Write Stuff.

After the 'nonsensical gibberish' of my last two, somewhat surreal blogs; I thought it might be a good idea to get back to a posting that was a bit more serious. I would have included a third, but 'Penny', the Jack Russell dog, would not be pleased if I thought of her interview, as just a way to exploit her genuine thoughts and concerns.

There have been a number of people who have said they: 'wish they could write like me.' Although flattered, I proceed to ask: 'Why not write, like you can write?' Their responses usually go something like this: 'I just don't know how to express myself.' I then ask: 'So tell me. What is it you find so difficult in explaining yourself through the power of the written word?' At which point, all the reasons they can't write come flowing out. With great verbalisation, with great articulation; they explain all those reasons that stop them from writing. 'There you go,' I state, 'now write it down.'

Writing, for me, no matter what style I use, is therapeutic, and is very much, a positive resource. I write for fun, for pleasure and to share experiences. This isn't a contest and comparisons are not needed. So those that tell me they can't write; can write. If one gets satisfaction from tapping away on the keyboard, and getting it out; then that is an excellent outcome. It doesn't matter the style, the formulation, or the flow of the sentences. What matters is that those who thought they could not write; realise that their words have a powerful validity. If it is cathartic, it is good.

I feel the passion. Comforted in the realisation that my writing transports me to wondrous place; a place that illuminates the magic of the imagination, recalls the good times, the sad times and the deeply profound times. So those that have told me that can't write stuff; have proven that they can write stuff. They know who they are, and I wish them well in their fascinating journey of discovery, through the ongoing tales of their lives. Happy writing to you.

'Daft As A Brush'?

'Daft as a brush'? So what proof is there that a brush is 'daft'? Now that's quite the sweeping statement. Should we go over the meaning behind, 'daft as a brush' , with a 'fine-toothed comb'? Next thing you know; we will all be 'tarred with the same brush'. Do 'beginner witches', 'fly off the handle'? Yes I know, that feeble attempt at a joke does have broom for improvement.

Right then, I'm cheating here, just a little. I'm posting up some of my past musings, along with a few 'Farcebook' profile statements. So if you are really, really bored you may just wish to continue reading on. Then again.... However, this blog is about to go colourful. No, not that kind of colourful. I've got this urge to 'paint the town red'. Knowing my luck, I would get caught 'red-handed' and end up 'red-faced', as I try to explain to the police officer, why I have an opened tin of red paint, complete with a paintbrush covered in..umm..red paint. So then I would feel 'blue' and would be 'green with envy' over those who have managed to get away with 'painting the town red'. Well, at least I can take some comfort in knowing that I can go into my garden and use my 'green thumb'. So you see, it's not all 'black and white'. They are always 'grey areas'.

Sorry about that. I wont try to 'chew your ear off'. Hopefully, you wont try to 'bite my head off' over posting another ridiculous blog. But, then again, be happy. I've been told that 'Bob's your uncle' and that makes you 'happy as Larry'.

Okay, if you were looking for real comedy; may I suggest you check out the legend that is 'Humpty Dumpty'. As far as I'm concerned, Humpty was the greatest 'off-the-wall' comedian..ever! 'Humpty Dumpty', now that sounds like a euphemism for a 'one-night stand', which is, of course, a euphemism for..well you know what I mean. Which reminds me, I wonder why it's called a 'one-night stand'.

Okay, this posting is about to end. If you are still here, thanks and well done. Now, I going off on a 'wild goose chase', dressed as a 'wolf in sheep's clothing'. Me thinkest that I have 'misplaced the allotment'..whoops..I mean..'lost the plot'. You want proof? Go ask any 'Tom, Dick, or Harry'. 'Daft as a brush'? Doesn't seem very fair on brushes. Perhaps we should 'sweep the whole thing under the carpet', 'make a clean sweep' and start all over again.

All Over The Place.

Apparently, I can be 'in bits', 'beside myself', don't know whether I'm coming or going, 'shattered', 'falling apart', or even 'cracking up'. Little wonder then that I'm 'all over the place'. I have actually been told, by quite a few people, that they 'love their children to bits'. Well ouch. So in theme with the title of this blog; I shall now write haphazard, disjointed musings that will be...well...all over the place.

I am often puzzled why some folks think my name is the abbreviation or Richard Edward. 'Hey 'Dick Ed'! how are you?' Conclusions, conclusions. Now, if you were able to leap over the words in that last sentence; I suppose you would be 'jumping two conclusions'. Do you think that lumberjacks have an axe to grind? To end this particular paragraph, and for no particular reason; I end it with the following. I was thinking about placing a bet on a butterfly race because I like a bit of a 'flutter'. (If you are British you will know that 'flutter' means a small bet. If you are not British, now you know).

I recall a time when I was coordinating a meeting for a mental health charity. The meeting was disrupted by some smug, self-important chap who seemed to think it was perfectly fine for him to upset our meeting. I asked him kindly to vacate the premises, what with the sensitive nature of the proceedings. Well, he responded by saying; "Do you know who I am!?" 'Why don't you know who you are?', I thought. Due to the potential of causing the group members undue anxiety; I stated, 'Tell somebody who effin' cares'. Okay, I didn't say that either. Tempted as I was to give this guy a somewhat verbal torrent, I did calmly say that I didn't know who he was and for him to please come back after the meeting. Yes, he did leave. He turned out to be the chap that supplied the premises, free of charge. Still, he should of known better.

I did state that this blog would be all over the place. So lets now continue by ending with some further disjointed, totally random thoughts from the depths of my silliness. Have you noticed those hovering insects wearing watches? They are, of course, 'time flies'. Have you seen those hovering insects that have doors, double-glazed windows and a roof attached to them? They are, of course, 'house flies'. You know, I wear 'my heart on my sleeve'. Might explain some of the funny looks I get. I'm very fast at totalling up numbers, I hasten to add. Just about sums it up. And speaking of summing it up...this ridiculous posting is almost finished. It's Friday night, my son is in Prestatyn. Still, I have my two friends in the picture, a hedgehog and a monkey, to keep me company. Oh, and not forgetting, 'Penny', the Jack Russell dog. Penny says : "Gary would you please hurry up and publish your silly blog. I need to go for a walk." I did mention that this blog would be all over the place. "Okay Penny, lets go for that walk."