Monday 29 October 2007

Making a Positive Choice

Greetings. Well here I go again. This is another attempt at sailing into the great social unknown. I have come close before, nearly entering a more mainstream social environment. Previous sojourns encountered stumbling blocks. Partly created by me, partly enhanced by a negative environment. I became so disillusioned with society, that I retreated to a self-imposed, hermit-like world. This time, I am determined to take that path that leads me through unchartered territory. I visualise a positive adventure, not another, 'why did I bother?' scenario.
My mental health issues distorted my ability to 'go with the flow'. I was always expecting a negative inevitable. Each time I ventured into social situations , I was overwhelmed with a sensation of being dismissed and undermined. My opinion, indeed, my right to even exist, felt like an ourtrage to humanity. How dare I talk to people?
Yet through all this mental inner-turmoil, I have had this flickering hope of a positive outcome. Now I see that my negative situations were directing me towards a positive choice. For my negativity revealed a positivity. It was there all along. I discovered a wonderful, powerful resilience growing within me. I would take advantage of this untapped resource.
In a way, I am convinced my mental health concerns are some sort of bizarre blessing. Ofcourse, I'm not saying we should have to endure such anguish. Yet the turbulent times have allowed me to discover some very positive traits. I do remain undaunted, I shall continue to challenge my lingering self-doubts. I have a choice. I choose to keep moving forward. No longer will I think: "hmmm..when one door closes...another one slams in your face."
So my social adventure goes through another barrier. This time I will not fade back into obscurity, for such loneliness is not a very nice place. I will be realistic, at times, social situations will not be ideal. There will be occasions my outrageous antics will be frowned upon.
Ironically this zany form of bravado draws attention to me. Which is pretty strange for a guy who is scared of social networking. I think I am trying to convince myself that I belong, that I am a part of something..anything. I hope people understand that this bravado is very sincere. All I'm trying to do is make folks happy. I love to see their smiling faces. Now it is about time I gave myself permission to have a happier, more fulfilling life. It is time for a sense of purpose.
So Klahanie is making a positive choice. "Hello..pleased to meet you..the great social unknown." Before me lies the pathway that takes me through unchartered territory. I stroll along it, comforted with the knowledge, that this time, I will not turn back.
I thank you for your time. Warm regards Klahanie.

Sunday 21 October 2007

Blogger's Block?

So what do we want to write about? I have been told about 'Blogstipation'. You just don't know what to blog about. So I continue typing... hoping that I will come up with some semblance of a blog.
Already I have established that I can randomly type out words...hoping that something will come of this. I think that I'm very close to actually having a topic. Not bad eh? For I'm now doing a blog about not being able to do a blog. This, ofcourse, now becomes a blog with an outside chance of almost making some sense.
Perhaps we could try using various writing styles. We could go into metaphor 'overdrive'. Such as this nauseating example: "My garden is an 'oasis' in my 'desert of despair'." Maybe we could attempt some humour? I have been asked: "Am I a 'dog' or 'cat' person?" I assume they mean what my preference is, rather than me being some strange mutation. My reply: " I'm definitely a 'dog' person. If your house catches on fire, your dog will warn you. Whilst the cat 'f***s off out the catflap!" (my apologies to you cat lovers).
So to heck with 'Blogger's Block'. I just had to get in front of my computer and type. Type anything... just keep typing until my latest bout of anxiety subsides. Use this as a positive distraction from those nagging self-doubts that still try to sabotage my right to be happy.
So you see, I think I can blog, even when I have nothing in particular to blog about. I like to mess about with various styles of writing. I enjoy doing surreal and disjointed postings. Equally, I take satisfaction in thinking, that maybe, just maybe, some of my blogs give folks a little bit of comfort.
I take great solace in being a part of this Mind Bloggling community. I almost have a sense of purpose. I am most grateful to all of you for showing me an abundance of kindness. Without this support, I'm not sure I would have dared 'impose' myself on society. For such was my confidence, or lack of, that I felt I was not worthy of any form of social networking. When you have been undermined and dismissed for so long, you can begin to think that such treatment is justified. Thanks to the good people who have recently come into my life, I realise those who had the audacity to mistreat me, were the ones with the problem.
If I hadn't made that first bold step out my front door; I firmly believe that I would still be a virtual recluse, staring at the four walls and crying myself to sleep. Sadly, there was a time in my life, that sleep was the only freedom that I knew.
I had no intention of doing a blog today. Yet somehow, even with no idea what would transpire, I think I have done a blog. So I thank you for your time and know you have the right to a positive life.

Thursday 11 October 2007

Occasional Furniture

Well hit me with a wet noodle. Wasn't really sure what to blog about. So then I got to thinking, why not just start typing about the first topic that came to mind? So perhaps the above photographs and the title may be some sort of a clue. Then again, I have been known to just type random observations that had absolutely nothing to do with anything in particular. So this maybe another disjointed blog. So let's see how this 'experiment' progresses.
I've been wanting to upgrade my furniture. I have repainted most of my home. All I need now is some furniture to 'compliment' the decorating. Ah, I can visualise it now. New table enters my home, looks at my walls and says: "nice paint job!" (sorry that was a tad surreal).
I have stated that most of my home is repainted. There is one notable exception. Yes indeed, the 'inner sanctum', also known as my son's room, is a definite 'no go area'. Maybe, oneday, I shall actually get an invite into his room. Then again, hmmm...maybe not.
So what sort of furniture am I contemplating? You may well ask. I know, perhaps I should get some occasional furniture. Occasional furniture? So I am thinking: "if it is occasional furniture, what the heck is it the rest of the time?"
I would also like to purchase a 'Grandfather Clock', sadly I have searched and searched and searched some more, all to no avail. I cannot find one that even remotely looks like my parent's Dads or any Grandfather for that matter.
Sometimes things get lost in translation. In Canada, I had a shag carpet. Little did I realise that 'shag' had a somewhat different connotation , in this 'green and pleasant land'. So, forgetting about the translation differences, I phoned up a carpet shop. "Can I get a shag there please?" I asked the lady on the other end of the phone. She replied, before she swiftly hung up: "We certainly do not provide that kind of service!" Click...Doh!
So now that I have 'furnished' you with another blog, I will now end it with a bunch of disjointed, silly thoughts. Evidently when somebody here calls me the 'dogs bollocks', that is actually a compliment. I have been told that a weasel goes 'pop'. That you can be 'bright eyed and bushy tailed'. That well meaning folks tell me 'here's mud in your eye'....huh? thanks. Some people 'don't give a monkeys' what!? I have been told to 'keep my pecker up' (I don't even wanna' know what that means). I'm supposedly 'daft as a brush'..(how do you know how daft a brush is?). Well, well, well, I can also be 'in bits', 'beside myself' and 'all over the place'.
Right...that's it then. Just answer me this please. Who the hell is 'Gordon Bennett'? My other watch is a digital..and that's not a 'WIND-UP'.......