A Cynics' Christmas Party.

"A cynic is not merely one who reads bitter lessons from the past; he is one who is prematurely disappointed in the future." Sidney J. Harris, American Journalist.

A very reluctant, somewhat indifferent welcome to the 'Cynics' Christmas Party'. In a few moments, I will introduce you to the folks who bothered to show up to this little farce posing as some kind of Christmas party. You know, a Christmas party, like the office Christmas party, where everybody has a good time, smiles, laughs and says how wonderful you are. That would ofcourse be the same people who actually hate your guts but put on a false smile, through gritted teeth and wish you a 'merry Christmas' and a 'happy New Year'. Yes indeed a fine collection of 'workmates', one tried to get you sacked, one had sex with your partner and one stole a doughnut from your lunchbox.
I will now give you the great pleasure of meeting this happy lot. Ofcourse they don't know you, so they, unlike the Christmas parties you have been to in the past, have not had the chance to hate your guts. But hey, give em' time, no doubt, they will soon dislike you.
Sitting over there looking totally disinterested with proceedings is that big fan of Christmas known as 'The Grinch'. Now the Grinch is a bitter, cave-dwelling chap, who lives high up on a mountain just outside of a town named Whoville. He despises the warm-hearted 'Whos' and their nauseating love of Christmas. With his only companion, his dog Max, he plans to dress poor Max up as a reindeer, use him to pull his sleigh and steal all the trappings associated with the festive season. No gifts, no decorations, no Christmas. That would be right, wouldn't it?
Perhaps the Grinch might say hello to you. Perhaps not.
Sitting over there looking even more disinterested, if that's possible, is another lover of this jolly season. Let me introduce you to Ebenezer Scrooge. Maybe Mr. Scrooge will say something. Mr. Scrooge goes off on a rant: "Why I came here, I don't know. I could have been back at my office working out more ways to make even more money. On Christmas Day, I shall have that idle loafer employee of mine, Mr. Cratchit working. Christmas is just another day and I need to make more money."
The cynics' Christmas party has not been that well attended this year. Matter of fact, all who bothered to show up were these two fine examples of the Christmas spirit, or lack of. The wicked witch of the west was evidently stuck under a house, whilst Montgomery Burns was too busy watching Homer Simpsons' activites, or lack of, on his closed circuit television. Heck, we even tried to bring in an 'off-the-wall' comedian, to liven things up, sadly, 'Humpty Dumpty' cracked at the last moment.
You know what? I got this feeling that the Grinch and Mr. Scrooge are going to have a rethink about their cynical ways. I believe that soon they will discover that Christmas is so much more than gifts and decorations. They will learn not to be bitter and envious of folks who are trying to be happy. Happiness is a right for all of us....and that includes the Grinch and Ebenezer Scrooge.

The Cynic Clinic.

Hi there. I was contemplating doing a blog about apathy but I couldn't be bothered. Somebody asked me if I was always indecisive. Well yes and no.
Then I got to thinking about doing a blog about being cynical. Okay then, it is easy to dismiss the good intentions of folks as some sinister plan to actually take advantage of us. So does everybody have a 'hidden agenda'? Please look at the lil' dude (yes it's a dude), in the picture on the left. Does he look like he would become disillusioned by an indifferent world? Maybe, just maybe, he would challenge the cynics. What about 'Tinkerbell'? You would most certainly trust her. Or, would the cynic think that people, or for that matter, mythical fairies, are all just 'wolves in sheep's clothing'? What if I were to tell a cynic that I have no 'hidden agenda'. 'Yeah right, 'course you don't', thinks the cynic.
It is a sad state of affairs, when genuine good intentions are interpreted as some sort of sinister, surreptious plot to take advantage of the unsuspecting. So what if we had a way to convince the cynic that not all people have underlying devious intentions? What if we could convince the cynic that the reason shops put milk at the back of the store, when you only wanted milk; is not because they hope you will be tempted to buy extra items. No, ofcourse the real reason is they want you to enjoy the delights of battling down some crowded aisle, skillfully dodging the congregation of folks who refuse to budge. You see, they know that you want the challenge of getting to the bloody milk. Why put it in a location that would make sense to someone who just wants milk!
Bravely and unscathed, you stagger up to the checkout counter, firmly clutching the bottle of 'cow juice'. You begin to relax as you hand over the money for the milk. Ofcourse, if you have kids, this little escapade to the store may not be quite over. Boldly on display are the dreaded sweet temptations. "Oh can we have some sweets, please oh please!" scream the little angels. Now we know that the store has located them is such a manner, not as a ploy to increase profits and torture parents. No, what the shop is really saying is: 'Go on buy your wonderful children a well-deserved treat. It has nothing to do with our profit margin, it all about how much you love your kids.
I'm sure you realise that none of the preceding statements were even remotely cynical or sarcastic (yeah right!). However, how about a place cynics could go to reduce their overwhelming sense that the world is full of 'two-faced', 'back-stabbing' plotters? What if we could make them see that there are people who embrace altruism? So why not a non-profit, charitable organisation for cynics? The logical choice of names would be 'The Cynic Clinic'. A warm and caring ethos. Where our aim would be to help the cynic discover the goodness in others.
That's it then. The Cynic Clinic. A detox for the disillusioned. "Yeah right. I suppose you people at The Cynic Clinic expect me to believe you are as sincere as a mosquito at a blood donor centre? You expect me to believe that you are not making 'big bucks' out of it all!" states the cynic. Never mind, I suppose the concept of The Cynic Clinic would never work. Then again, maybe I'm just being cynical?