Thursday 26 September 2013

Name, Bank And Serial Number.

Subject to interpretation
Gone astray
You might say
I phoned the bank
No need to prank
The lady at the other end
Wanted to be my latest friend
She asked me
Oh so carefully
"Can I have your name?"
What a strange game
I replied, as I sighed
"Of course you can
If that's your plan
Now you are Gary
How very scary!"
"Aha, good sir!
For sure"
She said
I listened with dread
As she asked the next question
Such a strange direction
"Can I have your phone number?"
Did she say cucumber?
Or was it slumber?
"Yes have my phone number
And call the plumber
So you have my number
And I'm feeling dumber"
Question three
From her to me
"Can I have your address?"
Oh what a mess!
"Yes, have my home
The street I shall roam"
So no name have I
Makes me sigh
No phone for me
No way to plea
And no address
I just have to guess
This really stank
A cautionary tale of phoning the bank.

Sunday 22 September 2013

All Our Receptionists Are Currently Engaged.

Ten days ago, I went for my annual every three months or so, give or take a week, check-up with the urologist.  This is always loads of fun because I check in at a kiosk machine and get issued a ticket.  From there I take the ticket which indicates to proceed to the Outpatients Clinic 1.  I then watch the monitor to wait for my number to show up.  It feels like an airport departures lounge.

"Patient 2407, please report to subwait 3",  the voice states from the monitor.  Now I wait for the urologist to come and get me.  Ten minutes later and for the first time ever, I actually get to see the urologist whose name is on the letter from the hospital.

We have a nice little chat and he asks me, "Where does your accent come from?"  To which I reply, "It starts out from my larynx, works up through my throat and comes out my mouth.  Okay, seriously, it's a Canadian accent."  He then made mention of a certain Canadian chap now being Governor of the Bank of England.  I decided to curtail any further musings, such as, how Mark Carney, the Canadian in question, would be sorting out the economy by having thousands of Tim Hortons restaurants open up in the UK.  The main thing is that my overall condition has improved.

He hands me a prescription for some antibiotics.  This I take to my health centre.  He also gave me a green form that I'd never received before.  I forgot to ask him what the green form was for.  For all I know, maybe he told me what the green form was for. I just wanted to get the heck out and the heck home.  Once home, I noticed it was to arrange an appointment at reception.  For some baffling reason, I thought it was the reception and my health centre.  So, I handed it into the receptionist at the health centre.

That was on Friday, September 13.  On Monday, September 16, I checked a message on my answer machine.  It was from the health centre and it was about the green form.  I went to the health centre on the Tuesday and realised that I was supposed to hand in the green form to the receptionist at the hospital.  While at the health centre, I asked about my antibiotics prescription.  It wasn't ready.

On Friday, September 20, I phoned the health centre to see if my antibiotics prescription was ready.  *Ring ring*  "All our receptionists are currently engaged...please hold the line....there are two calls ahead of you..." So I'm thinking, do I really need to know about the status of the receptionists' personal lives?  Are they going to stay engaged?  Are they truly happy?  Will they get married?  Anyway, I'm pleased to report I have my antibiotics.  As for taking that green form back to the hospital.  Guess I'd better get going.

Tuesday 17 September 2013

Extra Sensory Pawception.

Hi there!  Yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

Since the return of my human brother, Tristan, I'm much happier and I'm eating my food again.  Thought I'd summarise with some of my pawetry.

My human brother went away from me
I was told he went over the sea
Extra sensory pawception
Took an exception
I got confused
Food I refused
Was he coming back
My heart felt a lack
Of his warm embrace
When I nuzzled his face
My human dad 
Was getting sad
So we went in his car
Not very far
To the vet's room
To check out my gloom
He stuck in a needle near my bum
And even so he's still my chum
Gave me a shot
To improve my lot
Improve my mood
It was understood
So home we did go
Ever so slow
I puked on the seat
Not such a treat
Headed indoors
Scampered on paws
Human dad got me to eat
A little morsel of chicken treat
Then one morning
Before the new day dawning
He drove away
What could I say
I waited for a sound at the door
Waiting to see my dad once more
I heard the sound of rattling key
This was really pleasing me
In walked two
How do you do
Frantic with glee
Who did I see
My brother Tristan
Oh how I missed him
With a gentle squeeze
He put me at ease
We went for a walk
Went for a talk
Now I understood
All was good
I'm eating my food
No need to brood
Extra sensory pawception
Upon reflection
Was always there
It's the love I share.

Thursday 12 September 2013

A Dark And Foggy Morning.

It was a dark and foggy morning.   Just gone five on that dark and foggy Wednesday morning.  The photo you see is the view I couldn't actually see on that dark and foggy morning.  At the bottom of the photo is Rudyard Lake.  At the top of the photo is a hill named, "The Cloud."

The photo location is about four miles north of where I started from in Leek, Staffordshire. Where was I going at five in the morning?  I was heading to Manchester airport to get my son upon his return from Crete. I had driven to Manchester airport on numerous occasions.  However, I'd never driven there on a dark and foggy morning.

Then I got those silly thoughts.  Those self-fulfilling prophecy thoughts.  "I'm going to get lost this time.  I'm going to end up at a mystery roundabout that takes me away from the airport", said my silly inner voice. "Instead of the roundabout with the turn-off that shows the cute little plane, indicating the airport, I'm going to end up seeing the exit for, "Upper Lower Piggy Bottom."  

It was moments like that I really wished I did have satellite navigation.  Yep, the voice of "Mr. T", yelling, I told you the second left at the roundabout, fool!"  Or the reassuring voice of Joanna Lumley stating, "You've arrived, darling."  Then again, I knew of the horror stories about sat-navs.  I could see me following the instructions which led me to a dead-end lane, destination canal.

The first part of what should of been about a forty five minute journey, went according to plan.  To heck with that silly inner voice.  Soon I'd be parking at the airport.  Then I noticed the sign on what was now a very busy road, that indicated that I was in some place named "Gatley".  If I continued on, I'd end up in downtown Manchester.  Didn't want to do that.  I  swung back around at the next turning and to my relief, I saw the sign that stated, "Manchester airport", complete with the cute little plane on the sign.

Finally and almost an hour into my forty five minute journey, I noted  the correct parking for the correct terminal.  Except, somehow I ended up missing the entrance and then saw a sign in front of me that indicated I was heading to a place named Gatley.  Much quicker this time, I swung back around and circled the parking locations.  This time, I actually got to the spot where you get a little token from a machine.  Yes, the barrier went up.  Yes, I was in the correct parking lot.

Phew!  Now safely parked up and just over an hour since I left Leek, I went into the arrivals area.  The flight had landed slightly early, just before seven.  Almost an hour later, my son walked through the arrivals   After leaving the airport and being light out, I was more confident about the return trip.  That would be until I realised that I missed the Macclesfield bypass road and ended up in the thick of the morning "school run". This is where everybody who has a vehicle, drives their kids the twenty feet to the school.  This means blocked roads and total chaos.

Finally, yes finally, we get out of Macclesfield and see the sign for Leek.  A nice straight drive of about twelve miles south.

It's now nine in the morning.  My son and I, enter our home.  A certain dog, now very zippy, practically knocks him over and frantically licks his face.  Penny, the same dog who had lost her appetite and caused me so much worry, that I took her to the vets.  Tristan took her into the garden and they had a nice, long chat.  Penny, I'm pleased to report, has regained her appetite.

Slightly off-topic, I was at the hospital on  Thursday afternoon, September 12.  Went in for my once every three months check-up with the urologist and my condition has improved.  That's good, indeed.  The only thing wrong was that I found myself suffering with "appointment envy."   How come that dude who came in half an hour after me gets called in within five minutes?  Of course there's a logical explanation.  They hate me.  I'm kidding.  I think I'm kidding.
Other situations are back to normal, also.  Penny waits patiently for her human brother to finish in the bathroom.
Other heart warming moments have returned.  A young man and his beloved dog.  A bond of unconditional love.  Two days ago started out with a dark and foggy morning.  Now it's bright and clear.

Friday 6 September 2013

An Ongoing Story Of Love.

Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, has been rather poorly for over a week.  At times, still her usual playful, energetic self.  A lot of the time, just lying down.  Staring at me with her dark brown eyes that seemed so sad.  Her appetite had gone.  Even chicken, which she loves, was refused.

After five days of her barely eating anything, I took her to the vets.  That was on Wednesday, September 4.
What a charming old house that Moorlands Veterinary Centre is located in.  In we went.  I held Penny in my arms.
After reporting into reception, we sat in the waiting area.  Visualise a packed out waiting area.  There was a frenzy of excitement.  Humans were thrilled. Cats in cages and dogs on leads, all started to react.  Yes indeed, they realised that a celebrity was amongst them.  No, not me!  Of course, I mean, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!
"Penny Pennick.", the friendly lady veterinary assistant stated.  "Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, actually!", replied Penny.  Okay, I made that up.

The vet checked Penny out on the very table you see in the above photo. Checked her belly, all fine. Checked inside her mouth, brave man, all fine.  He told me she was in good health and was puzzled as to why she wasn't eating.  I mentioned that it might be coincidence, but she'd stopped eating the day my son, Tristan, had gone off to Crete.

He replied that her behaviour might well have something to do with her missing my son.  He stuck a needle in her butt region that was a booster shot to hopefully stimulate her appetite.  He also stuck another needle in her butt area that contained vitamin B12.  He told me to monitor her situation and see how things went over the next few days.

Back to reception and had a chat with the staff.  They were very keen to ask about Penny.  I told them that she wasn't even eating chicken out of my hand.  I also mentioned perhaps because the chicken was alive might have something to do with it.  Yes, we all had a laugh over my silliness.
Oh look!  Some staff members and a few animal fans of Penny's, seeing her stroll off back to her waiting limo.  Okay, I made that up, also.  We don't have a limo.  Hard to believe, I know. 

Since returning from the vets, I have managed to hand feed her a few morsels of chicken.  And no, not a live chicken.  As I fed her, the relief and the love I felt for Penny went beyond words.  "Good girl!", I cried, "Good girl!" 
This photo is nearly thirteen years old.  My son is twelve and Penny is a two month old puppy.  This would be the start of an ongoing story of love between a boy and his puppy.  The day he went to meet her, the day their eyes met, I knew, I just knew.......
In five days time, Tristan will return from Crete.  Once again, they can snuggle up together.  A young man and his dog, an ongoing story of love.

Sunday 1 September 2013

Snoop Bloggy Dog.

What it is...oh yeah...uh-huh ...y'all right now
Hey yo, where you gangsta's be at? Y'all been kissing some ice ice baby.
You say y'all the gangsta rappers, hangin' out with da gangsta man, chillin' over yo master plan
In da club....In da hood
You pumpin' up the volume
Blastin' that noise that bangs yo head
For 50 Cent
You earn your rent
You got yourself a magic stick
You turn dat trick with yo mouth so slick
You tell me you da gangsta rappers, whatever
You tell me you da gangsta homies, whatever
You takin' that heat
To dead end street
Findin' your way to the candy shop
A bit of heat, a bit of candy and y'all stop
Stop and drop
On dead end street.

Check me out, I'm Snoop Bloggy Dog
Butterfly bling, diamonds and more
Flowers I got and you got da floor.
Where's all my gangsta's at
Helpin' me out with da dawgy rap.