Saturday, 2 November 2019

Rhododendron Bush.

The night that our beloved Penny the Jack Russell passed away, is a night that will be forever etched in the hearts of my son and I.  Her passing impacted on the both of us in ways that I believe has made us better human beings.  Penny taught us lessons of pure love that shall always resonate.

When it came to the spreading of her ashes, my son wanted to be alone.  Alone with his thoughts and the magic of Penny's spirit.  I respected his decision. Tristan spread a portion of her ashes at the places that meant so much to the both of them.  The date was April 6, 2019.  Slightly over five months since she went to sleep.

He then brought over the remainder of her ashes for me to scatter.  On April 9, 2019, I spread her ashes in the wind.  I went to the places so symbolic of Penny's buoyant enthusiasm for the allurement of the great outdoors.
April 9, 2019, was a breezy day.  Her ashes whirled and settled in the open field.  A field so fitting for the inquisitive nature of a curious dog.  I sensed her still playing, still running, in that open field.
I kept some of her ashes to scatter back at the gardens of the place I live.  On the journey home, I wandered through the local park.  I noted a rhododendron bush in full, magnificent bloom.

I felt compelled, felt an overwhelming desire to get closer to the rhododendron bush.  I lovingly sprinkled, in a circular motion, some of Penny's ashes around the roots.

I showed the above photo to my son and told him of how I'd had this powerful, spiritual sensation that seemed to emanate from the rhododendron bush.  My son recognised the bush.  Until then, I had no idea that, three days earlier, part of his ceremonial journey had led him to the park.  Tristan felt compelled, felt an overwhelming desire to get closer to the rhododendron bush.  He lovingly sprinkled, in a circular motion, some of Penny's ashes around the roots.
Wednesday, October 23, 2019, marked one year since the passing of Penny.  My son and I think about her lot.  Yes, we both shed tears.  Yet through those tears, there be joy for all the love she shared with us.  There is no finality.  Penny's love lives on forever.  The sanctuary of the rhododendron bush is such a special place.  A special place that makes us understand Penny's spirit, Penny's love, is watching over us.

Thank you, Penny.  We love you.

Wednesday, 16 October 2019

I Left In An Ambulance And Came Back In A Police Car.

Way back when, as in May 12, 2019, I wrote a post that stated, "I shall be returning soon with what I believe will be the most powerful and spiritual post I ever wrote."  

Then life and a whole series of ongoing challenges, got in the way.  I'm battling with chronic fatigue.  Yet, paradoxically, I'm struggling to get any semblance of a decent, uninterrupted sleep.  Awake, when I should be asleep.  Asleep, when I should be awake.  A scheduling nightmare, as I constantly feel lethargic and nauseous, both physically and mentally.   The frustration of being like this has overwhelmed every facet of my life.

Here's a typical night.  I go to bed around one in the morning and at nine in the morning, I'm still awake.  I have dude problems.  An enlarged prostate that brings on the urge to frequently attempt to urinate.  I lie in bed and five minutes later, I'm heading to the bathroom.  I go back to bed and five minutes later, I'm heading to the bathroom.  This continues all through the night and morning.  Eventually, I manage to somehow get some fleeting sleep, even though the pain is ever-present.

The hospital has run a series of tests on me.   And yet, it seems I'm going around in circles with the hospital.  The consultant at the urology department will be seeing me again in early November.  I dread to think that the results of the latest tests will mean that I have to have even more tests.  I'm sure I need surgery.  In the meantime, because I don't want to travel in such pain, I've had to delay my latest trip back to see in my friends and family in British Columbia.

I'm having a tough time coping with it all.  I've tried exercising. I have a routine where I go out for a late night stroll around the retirement living apartment building that I live in.

The late night stroll gives me moments of peaceful reflection.  Peaceful reflection until I head back into my apartment. 

Just gone midnight, Saturday, August 17, 2019.  I was out having my usual walkabout.  I was on the sidewalk right near the apartment building.   Good-natured banter ensued with a couple of care workers who were chatting to me from the apartment building's office window.  It was a nice, pleasant conversation.  

I realised that some young man was now very close to my personal space.  He was very intoxicated.  He started to become very aggressive and started pushing up against me.  Despite that, I tried to maintain an air of pleasantness with the rather unsavoury character.  

The two care workers who had noticed that the situation was turning for the worse, left the office and came outside.  I told the young man that I was going back inside.  He proceeded to punch me in the face.  I swung back in self-defence.  What happened immediately after that was just a blur. 

It transpired, as I was told later, that my skull was cracked violently against the pavement.  I was knocked out and one of the care workers was assaulted by that outrageous idiot.  

At two in the morning, my senses came back to some level of normality.  I noticed I was sitting in the office that the care workers had been chatting to me from.  Before me sat two police officers.  I was wondering why they were there because I had no recollection of being knocked out.   The two gentleman police officers got statements from the two care workers.  They said they would interview me on Saturday afternoon in my apartment.

The interview never happened because I was taken away in an ambulance around three in the morning.  Upon being assessed, I was told I had a fractured skull and a small bleed on my brain.  The hospital wanted to keep me in for observation for 48 hours.  

After being at the hospital for about 12 hours, a very pleasant lady police officer came and interviewed me.  I recalled the incident as best I could.  While she was interviewing me, the head doctor came in and asked if it was okay to have me perform a number of tests.  Tests that concluded that I was well enough to go home.  However, I was told by the head doctor that if my symptoms took a turn for the worse, such as my mild headache, to immediately phone for an emergency ambulance. 

With that and most conveniently, it turned out the lady police officer was going to my apartment building to check out the CCTV footage.  This meant I got to go in her police car back to where I live.  

It was and I know this might seem weird, a very humorous trip back to my place.  She was brilliant and despite it all, we had a good laugh.  That helped an awful lot.  I'm grateful to her.

Unfortunately, the CCTV footage was inconclusive.  However, there are several charges against that young guy.  In fact, when he assaulted that care worker and me, he had just taken off from breaking and entering a house just up the road from the apartment building.  The police were already looking for him when he attacked the two of us.  He was arrested about ten minutes after he attacked us.

As of now, his day in court to give his plea, has been delayed.  There were even more charges against him that have to be sorted out.

Thus, we wait.  During this waiting time, I somehow mustered up enough energy to fill in a couple of forms that the police sent me.  Forms I delayed filling in because they were a reminder of what happened.  I have found that by not really thinking about it has been a good coping strategy. 

I'm frustrated.  The events that have been plaguing my life has been a severe challenge to my mental health.  A severe challenge to my clinical depression.  I've been jittery.  I've been anxious.  But, I'm proud.  So very proud.  I have refused to allow these events to completely sabotage my right to a peaceful, positive life. I am determined to to work through this.  I visualise a much better life ahead.  I still go out for my usual stroll.  

I hope you will understand why I've been very much in the blogging background.  Until I get better, just interacting with your good self, is something that feels daunting.  Besides, I've been told by the hospital to limit the amount of time using my computer due to the eye strain that could impact upon my working through the fractured skull situation.

Thank you for reading, by my standards, a rather lengthy blog post.

The post I was going to do will now be published on October 23 of this year.  I will be combining two ideals into the one post.



Sunday, 12 May 2019

One-Hip Wonder.

When I published this post, Thank You, Penny. , my son, Tristan, was deeply moved by the story of Penny's love of life and the pure, innocent love she willingly shared.  However, my son mentioned to me that I'd overlooked one very notable time in her life.

Penny was only about two to three months old.  A little puppy who loved to go on walking adventures.  One evening, we realised that something was terribly wrong with her ability to walk.  She was limping very badly.

The next day, we took Penny to the vets.  He did an x-ray on her rear left leg.  To the utter astonishment of Tristan and I, the x-ray revealed that she had shattered bone fragments down the entire leg.  It was amazing she could even walk.  She must of been in an awful amount of pain. The vet explained that small dogs, such as a Jack Russell, can be prone to degenerative bone disease.

The vet cancelled his lunch and operated on her immediately.  The bone fragments and the hip bone in her left back leg were removed.  We were informed that muscle would replace the hip bone.  We were told that after a few months, we'd hardly even realise that she had her hip bone removed.  That was mostly true, but sometimes, she would have a slight limp. 

The vet placed her hip bone in a small container which Tristan has kept as a reflective keepsake.    


And thus, as Tristan said to me recently, "Penny was a one-hip wonder."  In the above video, you can notice her slight limp.

I shall be returning soon with what I believe will be the most powerful and spiritual post I ever wrote.

Thank you.  In peace, Gary. 

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

Breaking Through The Blogger Burnout.

My friend, yes I know, my blog over the last couple of years has been bordering on non-existent.  My lack of writing and interaction with you has been a most frustrating time.

These have been challenging moments.  I'm still struggling to cope with the loss of our beloved Penny.  Just like my son, I do my utmost to focus on all the positive love she brought to our lives.  Thus, between the tears shed, I rejoice in knowing how blessed we both were.  Blessed in having her share the pureness of her unconditional love. 

I shall endeavour to return soon.  Thank you, my friend. 
July 18, 2006. My son, Tristan at 17 and Penny at 5 years old. Treasured, loving memories of a magical past embraced.

Sunday, 13 January 2019

Moving Along The Pathway.

Last year was a memorable year with so many emotional extremes. So much so that I'm still finding it difficult to formulate a tangible post.

Yet, as I move along the pathway that is life, I focus on all the positive moments that inspired me in 2018.  I shall resonate with the pure love that Penny bestowed upon me.  Her gift, a  precious gift to be cherished.  A gift that I will learn from.

Before me, the pathway of life in 2019.  I shall embrace the year ahead with a renewed vigour.  Any pothole along the way shall be considered an opportunity.  The opportunity of transforming what might appear to be a negative into a triumphant positive.  I shall stumble a bit and move on.

I truly hope that 2019 will be a wondrous year for you and your loved ones.