Two Dog Night!

I made mention of the following story on everybody's favourite social "notworking" site.  Which means, if you're a friend of mine on that notworking site, bear with me as I repeat myself.  When I state, "repeat myself", it's nothing to do with belching.

It was approximately two in the morning on Tuesday.  Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar had given me a hint that nature was calling her name, loud and clear.  This meant going down three flights of stairs to get outside.

Off we went for a gentle, quiet stroll.  A gentle, quiet stroll that was rudely and abruptly interrupted. Out of the corner of my right eye, I noticed a very fast, very low moving object heading straight towards Penny.  I realised, to my horror, that it was Amy, the Jack Russell dog from hell!  Amy, a dog minus a lead and a collar.

Off in the distance, standing outside the apartment building, was the lady that Amy lives with.  What I found baffling was that the lady didn't even attempt to come get her dog.

Before the situation got out of hand, or out of paw, I suddenly found myself tucking Amy under my left arm and Penny under my right arm.  This made for quite the visual as I watched two dogs having a staring down contest.   I calmly walked back to the apartment building.  Somewhat surprisingly, Amy became very relaxed.  Penny was her usual, chilled-out self.  Penny told me later that she thought Amy was just an over exuberant, starstruck fan.

As for the human in question, this was the same human who had caused me so much grief previously when she accused me of unfounded, anti-social behaviour.

She thanked me for bringing her dog to her.   She also told me that she had been given six weeks notice to vacate the premises.  Something about anti-social behaviour.

I'm really struggling here, my friend.  I'm trying to be proactive whilst still battling with chronic fatigue.  Comments are switched off as I try to sort of catch up with commenting on other blogs.

Oh great!  It's gone two in the morning and Penny is indicating that nature is calling her, yet again, loud and clear....

*Let's go, my human dad.  Time to take you for a walk!* 

Social "Notworking" Site.

Yeah, I know, where has that must-read blogger, Gary, been lately?  Yes, you might possibly be thinking that.  It's been two weeks since my last, must-read post.  I've been trying for the last two weeks to continue with the dream that I made mention in that other post from two weeks ago.  Alas, no luck.

And for no apparent reason, I'll share with you some more of my profile updates on everybody's favourite social "notworking" site.  Once again, if you've already seen the following stuff on that social notworking site, you may well be one of my friends on that social notworking site. 

The following lyrics are courtesy of "Three Dog Night", an American band popular in the late sixties and early seventies.  I should add that the following lyrics might just have two spelling mistakes.  Oh come now!

"Mama told me not to cum

Mama told me not to cum

That ain't the way to have fun, son

That ain't the way to have fun, son."

Mama! Are you crazy?! 

"When you're in love with a beautiful woman, it's hard.

When you're in love with a beautiful woman, you know it's hard."

Ahem, Dr. Hook, way too much information!!!!!

For sale, a Marcel Marceau CD.  With hits such as, "The Sound of Silence" and "Silence is Golden."

Any reasonable offer accepted....

We made love in a barn.  We fell in love with the barn.  We bought the barn.  We started living in the barn.  Ever since, we've been in a stable relationship.  I now wait for the comments about "roll in the hay" and the various farm animal innuendos....

The photo above displays a handy device called a masticating machine.  Just think, you can use this handy device to whip your banana, mess with your nuts and froth up your cream.

And then I saw her face.  Now I'm a retriever.  Arf! 

Anybody know what happened to this 1970's porn star? 

A 'Guessed' Posting.

First off, I wish to thank Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar for doing the previous pawsting, um posting.  I know she hastily did her poetic post so that we could move on from seeing my "tough dude" face in the posting before her posting.

I'm running a little behind. Or maybe it's a big behind.  Bottoms up.  I have an announcement to make that should of been made on Friday, July 26,  2013.  Told you I was a little or big behind.

I was asked by the kind and lovable Damyanti if I would possibly do a guest posting. Would I like to do a cynical, satirical, sarcastic, maybe even bordering on witty guest posting?  A guest posting that alluded to my thoughts on social 'notworks' such as, 'Farcebook'. Yes, that fascinating place where you can read my vital to your life, profile updates.  If you're not on Farcebook, gosh, think what you've been missing.

I was even considering posting up my thoughts on Damyanti's site in regards to blogfests, blog hops, blog parties, blog tours, blog challenges and the dreaded, "A to Z Challenge" that hijacks the month of  April. Oh how I look forward to the month of May. Only to discover A to Z reflection posts about reflection posts about reflection posts.  Before you know it, it's April 2014 and the darned thing starts all over again.

Do I mention that Damyanti is a co-host of the A to Z Challenge?  I suppose I just did.  The irony is not lost on me. In fact, more irony, even though I'd rather be publicly humiliated in the stocks at the local market square, I have, in my own discreet way, promoted the darned thing for those who might consider participating.

If you've never had the delight of visiting our friend, Damyanti's site, you will find the link to her site below. You will note that not only does she write thoughtful musings, she displays the ethos of bringing further awareness of her fellow writers and bloggers.  I'm grateful to know her. Damyanti, thank you for the opportunity to guest post and I wish to apologise that I somewhat screwed up by doing a serious guest post. I owe you something tongue-in-cheek.

 Here's the link to Damyanti's site and my guest post : Writing on Writing : Amlokiblogs

In Other News

The collaboration writing challenge is ongoing.  I would like to pass on my gratitude to Samantha Geary for getting this endeavour so well organised.  To check out the continuing story, you can find it here: Tree of Life: Branching Out

And even more news.  There's some sort of anti-blogfest circulating the wonderful world of blogging.  Can you believe it?   If for some weird reason, you want to get involved and you haven't already, here it is in all its glorious irony, "The Anti-Blogfest Gary Fest".  The info about this non-contest can be found via these fine collection of well meaning folks.

Here are the list of hosts!

Mark “Madman” Koopmans, 

Ninja Captain Alex J. Cavanaugh, 

“Life is Good” Tina,

Rockin’ Robyn Engel

Morgan “The Morg” Shamy. 

Ready to check out Damyanti's site and that guest posting?
Excited about the "Tree of Life: Branching Out" collaboration story?
Thrilled beyond belief about the anti-blogfest?
Smooth or crunchy peanut butter?  Both?  Or neither?
Your favourite superhero?
Your favourite monster?
Your favourite movie?
IWSG?
Why is this posting so long?
Have you visited Ninja Captain Alex!?

Welcome To 'Farcebook'.

You may be familiar with social networking sites.  I joined 'Farcebook'.  Thought it would be a really neat way to interact and reconnect with folks from my past.  All good stuff.  Right?
Well it turns out that there is a lot more to Farcebook.  I have noted some of the 'friend' requests led me to a link to a 'porno' site.  This led me to believe that, hmmm, I guess this isn't a genuine friend request.  So I have a quick look at the link for about thirty minutes, I mean thirty seconds and ignore the 'friend' request.
Then there's the 'profile updates'.  'Joe Bollocks is having some toast and a cup of coffee.'  'Suzie Creamcheese is all excited about watching Glee Club.  I'm such a Gleek lol'.  Well hello Joe and Suzie, I don't care!
Okay and then we have all those Farcebook games and applications.  You get to see all the thrilling updates that could possibly leave you breathless with excitement and anticipation, as to what happens next.   'Mary Lou Cupcake would like to hire you to work in my facilities in RanchVille!'  'Bobby Redneck Critter could really use some help fertilizing their crops in FarmRanch!'  Enough already.  Then I noticed the edit feature to prevent me from seeing all this fascinating information.  So I gratefully switched that feature on. No more exciting updates on 'IguanaVille', 'Pass the Possum',  'Poke the Pirate', or even the latest moving activities over at 'ShiteVille'.
Yes, fair enough, I will admit it.  There was a time I attempted one of the gaming applications.  It was 'FarmVile' and it was a disaster from the outset.  I ended up having my cows trample and crap all over my prized cucumbers, got chased around a field by my tractor, was kicked off my land by a bunch of rowdy hillbillies who wanted my flock of sheep and the wild possum that had knocked over the majority of my freshly painted fencing.  'Howdy neighbour'.  I don't think so and don't get me started on the 'Send Good Karma' application.  I sent out loads of karma to my friends.  Apparently good karma will come back.  So what happened when I went into a karma frenzy?  Thought you'd never ask.  Well, the car I had got wiped out by an ambulance.  Yeah, I know, good karma.  After all, if you are going to be involved in an accident, an ambulance would be the ideal vehicle.
I do put up profile updates.  Recently, and this will explain the photograph, I posted the following update.  'I require one more tin of beans to reach the next level on 'FartVille!'.  Oh, and if you are really interested, here is my latest profile update on Farcebook.  'If they can land a man on the Nevada desert.  What next?  The moon?'
Welcome to 'Farcebook'.  That tin of beans worked a treat. 'Toot, toot...'

'Daft As A Brush'?

'Daft as a brush'? So what proof is there that a brush is 'daft'? Now that's quite the sweeping statement. Should we go over the meaning behind, 'daft as a brush' , with a 'fine-toothed comb'? Next thing you know; we will all be 'tarred with the same brush'. Do 'beginner witches', 'fly off the handle'? Yes I know, that feeble attempt at a joke does have broom for improvement.

Right then, I'm cheating here, just a little. I'm posting up some of my past musings, along with a few 'Farcebook' profile statements. So if you are really, really bored you may just wish to continue reading on. Then again.... However, this blog is about to go colourful. No, not that kind of colourful. I've got this urge to 'paint the town red'. Knowing my luck, I would get caught 'red-handed' and end up 'red-faced', as I try to explain to the police officer, why I have an opened tin of red paint, complete with a paintbrush covered in..umm..red paint. So then I would feel 'blue' and would be 'green with envy' over those who have managed to get away with 'painting the town red'. Well, at least I can take some comfort in knowing that I can go into my garden and use my 'green thumb'. So you see, it's not all 'black and white'. They are always 'grey areas'.

Sorry about that. I wont try to 'chew your ear off'. Hopefully, you wont try to 'bite my head off' over posting another ridiculous blog. But, then again, be happy. I've been told that 'Bob's your uncle' and that makes you 'happy as Larry'.

Okay, if you were looking for real comedy; may I suggest you check out the legend that is 'Humpty Dumpty'. As far as I'm concerned, Humpty was the greatest 'off-the-wall' comedian..ever! 'Humpty Dumpty', now that sounds like a euphemism for a 'one-night stand', which is, of course, a euphemism for..well you know what I mean. Which reminds me, I wonder why it's called a 'one-night stand'.

Okay, this posting is about to end. If you are still here, thanks and well done. Now, I going off on a 'wild goose chase', dressed as a 'wolf in sheep's clothing'. Me thinkest that I have 'misplaced the allotment'..whoops..I mean..'lost the plot'. You want proof? Go ask any 'Tom, Dick, or Harry'. 'Daft as a brush'? Doesn't seem very fair on brushes. Perhaps we should 'sweep the whole thing under the carpet', 'make a clean sweep' and start all over again.