Thursday 28 April 2011

'X' Marks The Blogspot.

I note that the 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!', yes, complete with the exclamation mark, for dramatic impact,  is drawing to a conclusion!  Not sure what that conclusion might be, but what the hell, y'all have learnt a bit more about the alphabet.  
So, in the spirit of my alternative to that amazing 'challenge', I humbly present another instalment of the 'A to Zed Alphabet Challenge.'

'X' is for 'Xenaphobia', which of course, is the fear of a warrior princess from a foreign land.

'X' is for 'X-Ray Spex'.   Gosh, just think of all the fun you could have.  Be amazed and delighted, as you find that by wearing the glasses, you become a drooling, slobbering idiot who ends up being arrested, spends two days in jail and makes the front cover of the local newspaper as someone best avoided, because you are now known as the local pervert.  In fact, the lynch mob, strings you up, butt naked and smears you with your own saliva.  This does not bother you.  You find being publicly exposed and humiliated in front of a angry gang of local folks, rather erotic and sexually stimulating.

'X' is for 'X-Ray'.  Yes, this was predictable.  Bet you could see right through this one.  'Doh!'

'X' is for 'Xerox'.  Do you copy?

'X' is for The 'X Factor'.  Not to be confused with 'Max Factor'.  Did you hear what happened to 'Lady Clairol' ?  'Max Factor'!    Seriously, The X Factor is 'car crash' television, where you get to watch 'really talented' singers all vying to be the next musical sensation.  You sit there, watch the live show and secretly hope they screw up.   You want them to rush off the stage, head down to the judges and punch them all in the face.  And the winner of this 'reality' show?  The winner would be someone who is adored for five minutes and then forgotten about after six minutes.
Evidently, X Factor was a replacement show for 'Poop Idol'.

'X' is for 'Xanadu'.  Oh yes, the movie and the soundtrack.  This is guaranteed to make you want to vomit violently and spend the rest of your evening slumped over your toilet bowl.   Xanadu is as nauseatingly, sickly sweet as, gee whiz and shucks, 'Glee Club'.  Of course, those who are overwhelmed with boundless joy, watching Glee Club, are affectionately know as, 'Gleeks'.  Awe bless.  And Xanadu?  More like, 'Xanadon't'.

I know, there are load and loads of 'X's' that I could of used in this incredibly fascinating posting.  'X Box', The 'X Files', 'X-Force', 'Xmas' and 'X' partners.  However, I know I'm slightly ahead in the alphabet than they are.  Those who are excited to the point of piddling their pants, will know the 'A to Z Blogging Challenge' has only just reached 'W', 'Weeeeee'...and yippee!  and thus, I don't wish to give those participating, too many ideas.
So, it's time for me to 'X' it........

Sunday 24 April 2011

Airing My Clean Laundry.

Ah yes, my washing machine.  I consider the friggin' thing quite agitating.  I did struggle the first time I used it.  The instructions made my head spin.  Couldn't figure out why it wouldn't work.  I pulled it away from the wall three times and had a look at the back to see if a pipe or something, had a kink in it.  No kink, nothing kinky at all.  Still it wouldn't work.  Then I noticed that I had somehow switched on the timer delay.  If only I had concentrated, but at least figuring it out took a load of my mind.
Anyhow, now that I've got your attention in what will prove to be a thrilling posting, I thought it vitally important to inform you that I did three loads of washing today!  There you go, an exclamation mark for dramatic impact!  Gosh n' wash!

And thus, for your delight, is some of my laundry hanging up on my clothesline.  Note the upside down trousers.  Please try and control your excitement!

Here, for you viewing pleasure, is yet another photo of my clothesline.  Note the upside down t-shirt with some writing on it.  Can you figure out what the word is on the t-shirt?

If you weren't sure what the word is on the t-shirt, maybe you now know.  Actually, you can see there are two words and five moose (mooses?) sitting at a bar.  Okay one of the moose is actually sprawled out on the ground.

Can you see the white garden chair off in the background?

You may also observe that the trees are now sprouting forth an abundance of leaves.  Of course, if you click on any of these photos, you can see all these intriguing pictures in even more detail.
Yes indeed, I'm a multitasking or is it 'multi-tasking', single dad who has proudly raised his son on his own for over ten years.   And speaking of proud, I am honoured to have received the following award.

I was flattered that 'Count Sneaky', who can be found over at this delightful site, full of amusing anecdotes and thought provoking musings and narrative.  If you have never visited this site, I would highly recommend you do so.  Here is the link to the site:  Count Sneaky's Journal  and here is what his award stated and I quote.

I am pleased to announce the newest blog on the block,

My very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.
It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for
 reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
You might, if you like, write an acknowledgement or a decline of award
 statement, or nothing at all, if you prefer. The first recipient of the
Award is my friend, Gary Phillip Pennick of "Klahanie."
for being Gary, a good friend!

I consider myself to be most fortunate that my good friend, Henry, over at Count Sneaky's Journal, thought of me as his first ever recipient for what I just know will be a highly sought after, highly treasured award.  Thank you Henry and thus, it gives me much satisfaction to forward this award onto one very worthy blogger.  I shall now dip my hand into my hat and pull out a randomly selected winner.  And the winner of the 'Bronze Award From Count Sneaky's Journal For Whatever...2011 is Grandpa who can be found here : 
Life on The Farm     Grandpa does the most fascinating stories about his life and adventures living on a farm set in a tropical rainforest at the foot of the Malaysian mountain range.  If you have never visited his farm, I would kindly suggest that you do so.  

And there you go.  This posting is 'clothes' to finishing.  Some, or all may consider it, to use a British expression, 'pants'.   Go on, take me down a peg or two.  Then again, maybe we're on level pegging.  And what about 'Jake the Peg with his extra leg'?  If you click on the following link in red, you can also delight in the wonder of   Jake The Peg    Could Jake have been the first ever 'goody three-shoes'?  And what of the pegs on my clothesline that have broken?  Glad you asked.  I shall be forwarded them to a synchronized swimming team, so that they can stick them on their noses.  

Tuesday 19 April 2011

The A to Zed Alphabark Challenge.

Greetings.  Yes, it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star.  Gary aka 'klahanie' is quite busy in his preparations for his upcoming trip to British Columbia.  He claims there are going to be loads of parades in his honour.  I would suggest he's deluded.
And thus, I have agreed to write this posting and give the old chap a break.  I note that after over four years of blogging, he has just passed the 200 'followers' mark.  I think he should give me my rightful credit for even having that many.  Whenever I do a posting, this site gets way more 'hits', whatever that means.  Maybe Gary should take the hint and let me take over.
Anyhow, I have observed that a lot of you seem to be participating in something called the 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!'.  Evidently, you write a topic that starts with the letter of the day.  'O', I believe today's letter is 'O'.  Which means, I can go down the blog list and see loads and loads of blogs who are writing about 'O'.  'O' no.

Although, I've got much better things to do, like posing on the lawn, I thought I'd submit my own alternative to that fascinating other 'challenge'.  Here is my 'A to Zed Alphabark Challenge'.  Today's letter is 'P'.  P is for p*ss.  Whoops, P is for Penny, as in Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star.

P is for paws.  Would you like to shake the paw of me, the famous, yet modest internet star?

P is for pondering.   As in pondering why Gary expects me to stay still when he takes my photo.

P is for proud.  I'm very proud to be a friend of the 'wee folks'.  Just like me, the wee folks display unconditional and non-judgemental love.

P is for placid.  I feel very calm and relaxed when Gary's son, Tristan, gently strokes my head.

P is for peaceful.   Tristan has fallen asleep and I know I make an excellent blanket.

P is for pleasure.  It's my pleasure to please.  I know I am loved and the love I share for you is conveyed through my photos and through my words.
I wish you humans well in your own 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!'  I enjoyed doing my very own 'A to Zed Alphabark Challenge.'  However, that's it for me.

P is for peace.

Saturday 16 April 2011

Embracing The Inspiration.

I've had the great honour and privilege to have the following award bestowed upon me by a truly remarkable blogger.  With much gratitude, I accept the award.

So, here are the rules :

1.  Thank and link back to the person who awarded this to you.
2.  Link posts by you and ten fellow bloggers that you find inspirational.
3.  Forward the award to those ten fellow bloggers.

So, first of all, I wish to thank Nas at the following site Closing Pandora's Box  for thinking me worthy of the 'You are an...INSPIRATION! Award'.  Nas writes one of the most beautifully crafted blogs that I've had the great privilege of reading.  Thoughtful and articulate stories can be found at his intriguing blog.

And now for the ten fellow bloggers that I consider inspirational and an inspiring example post by them.

1.  GEM at this blog site, the modern day spinster....  has been a most delightful and thought provoking discovery.  GEM writes intelligent and amusing stories that address the issues that a lot of would like seeing challenged.  That would be the labels and stigma that so many of us encounter.  Inspiring post example: Bachelors have more fun....?  
2.  David, over at, A Day in the Life is a man who writes with great passion and great intellect in his ongoing quest to see the elimination of the unfair stigma that still surrounds mental health issues.  Inspiring post example:  Dave's Progress. Chapter 116: Feeling Liberated. 
3.  Heather, who writes at, Soundoff  is clear and profound demonstration of  "Looking for the Positive in ALL things!"  Inspiring post example:  Am I sad?  
4.  Joylene, who can be found at, Joylene Nowell Butler, author ONE MOMENT AT A TIME ON CLUCULZ LAKE  is a highly informative and supportive published author who also has expert advice from guest writers.  Inspirational post example: What Inspires You to Write?
5.  Kelly, who hangs about over at, Psycho Carnival  writes in various genres and I'm a big fan of his zany stuff and his serious writing.  Inspirational post example:  Controlling Your Show of Emotions and Imagination  
6.  LilPixi, can be discovered over at, It's A Lollipop World  This brilliantly funny young lady also shows a most caring and sensitive side.  I also know that she is going through a very stressful time and her courage and resilience, despite of it, shines through in her latest posting.  Inspiring post example: ICU Too, You're A Fine Nurse, But This Can't Be Happening 
7.  Kim will be found over at, CindyLu's Muse  This thoughtful site is the very epitome of kindness and compassion for the vulnerable creatures on our fragile planet.  It is a clear display of proof that our friends in the animal world demonstrate to us, unconditional and non-judgemental love.  Lessons that we humans could learn from.  Many issues and worthy causes can be read about at this remarkable site.  Inspiring post example:  Horrible? Disgusting! And - ?  
8.  Rebecca writes a satirical blog at this site, THE SNEE  What makes Rebecca such an inspiration is because her satirical writing is testimony to her own resilience.  I have a lot of respect for this kind and dear lady.  Inspiring post example:  PETA CONDEMNS BIBLICAL TEXT! Sacrificial lamb must be deleted!  
9.  Henry at this delightful site, Count Sneaky's Journal provides entertaining and humorous musings that gives one food for thought.  Inspiring post example:  No. 48
10.  And finally and fittingly, I conclude this list of ten fellow bloggers with a glowing accolade for our little blogging buddy, Lenny, who, if you haven't already visited his wonderful site, can be found here, Lenny's World  This incredible young man is what inspiration and the ability to remain positive, is truly all about.  Inspiring post example: show and tell...

In conclusion, if you are someone who has just recently visited my site because you found out about my satire alternative postings that took a good natured poke at the 'A to Z Blogging Challenge! and think that I only do tongue-in-cheek postings, I leave you with this and I do hope you take the time to read it.   May you embrace the inspiration and be awash in the soothing calmness.   The Beach Of Dreams.  

Wednesday 13 April 2011

The A To Zed Alphabet Challenge. Something Beginning with 'K'.

Well, I thought, yes I can think, well, I thought, what with that blogging challenge going on, the ( A to Z Blogging Challenge!), complete with the exclamation mark for dramatic impact.  You can find out about that amazing challenge, if you don't already know about it, over at this site:  Tossing It Out.    Now, of course, 'Tossing'  is a bit of a British innuendo, a euphism, that I won't go into detail here.   Thus, I thought, I might as well do my very own blog on a letter that's in theme with the letter 'K'.   And thus, today's posting is brought to you by the letter 'K'.
And speaking of  tossing, you might want to grab a 'Kleenex', which of course, 'Kleenex' is actually a brand name, but the makers of Kleenex are very pleased that you use their brand name in reference to a paper tissue.  Now, I wont take too long to do this posting, because I need to 'Hoover' the carpets.
O K, here we go.

Yep, that's me.  No, not a brand of cereal, but special 'Klahanie', the shy, humble, modest and unassuming blogger who just wants to interact and rejoice in the diversity of all those wonderful people out in 'Blogsville'.

'K' is for 'Kwik-Fit'.  Note the sheer joy of these dudes who just love to check out your exhaust system.

'K' is for 'K-Y Jelly'.  Make up your own jokes......

'K' is for 'Katie Price' aka 'Jordan', so loved and adored, they named a country after her.  Ah yes, Katie Price, best-selling 'author' and the inspiration for all aspiring writers, everywhere.

'K' is for 'Klahanie Swim Team'.  See that, I'm more popular than I realised.  They named a swimming team after 'me'.

'K' is for 'Kickapoo Joy Juice'.   Yeee haaa!!  The favourite ('favorite') drink of 'Lil Abner', but not exactly this version, y'all....

'K' is for 'K mart'.  Not as convenient as 'The Alphabet Store' in Leek, Staffordshire, but would have been ideal for anyone participating in the 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!' and needing ideas for the letter 'K'.

And thus, those of you involved in that thrilling challenge, what the 'L' is next? 

Saturday 9 April 2011

The 'Wee Folks' Springtime Special.

It had been a most wonderfully warm and sunny early spring day.  In the evening, I went for a gentle stroll in my garden and behold, there they were, the 'wee folks' and their friends.  
I listened to the music created by the orchestra of nature.  And to the sounds of such sweet symphony, the choir of the wee folks sang joyous songs of love, of peace, of kindness and compassion.  
I suddenly felt confused.  Perhaps my recollection of the wee folks and friends engaging in lustful frolic within the confines of my living room, was only a cynical dream.  I felt ashamed that I could possibly think of those sweet and innocent creatures in such dark and disillusioning way.

And now, with my head clear and my thoughts free, I wandered through my darkened garden,    Amongst the branches of a purple heather, looking so content, were Fidelina the beautiful fairy princess, her husband, Geoffrey the garden gnome and their lovely little boy child, Einahalk.  

Thus, it was now the wee small hours and the loving trio pondered the tranquil scene as the whirling breeze made the blades of grass, dance and sway, dance and sway.....

Up in the high elevation of the garden, Scarecat stood so proudly in front of blossomed daffodils.  Scarecat surveyed the magical world of the wee folks and knew that all was right in the enchanting lives of those blessed tiny creatures.
We, the people of the big world can live our lives where cynicism is our driving force.  We can believe that everyone has a hidden agenda and is waiting for the right moment to betray us.  Or, we can learn to trust, to care and remove the unfair labels that so many of us endure.  The wee folks live in a world where no judgement, no assumption is ever made.  Maybe one day, humanity will learn the lessons of the wee folks and finally realise that we are indeed, all different, all equal.

Tuesday 5 April 2011

The A to Zed Alphabet Challenge.

This posting may have to do with a canine, a squealing pig, a croaky amphibian, a passionate kiss, a marshy swamp or British toilet, a portion of a tree trunk or to keep a record of something, a very low misty cloud, a gentle run or something that helps your memory.
Thus, this might just be a dog, hog, frog, snog, bog, log, fog, jog blog, but it isn't.

Actually, I've noted that a lot of bloggers are doing some kind of 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!'  Yep, even complete with an exclamation mark for dramatic impact!  Of course, I would call it the 'A to Zed Blogging Challenge!'  If y'all are living in the good ol' U.S. of A, you probably pronounce it the 'A to Zee Blogging Challenge!'
Well, as I've commented to a few bloggers, I don't need such a challenge because I've already learnt the alphabet.

I thought perhaps it might have something to do with the 'A to Z' challenge that is the great British road atlas.  Turns out it has nothing to do with that.  What it has to with is sort of explained in the next paragraph.

"What is the A to Z Challenge?
It’s blogging a letter of the alphabet every day (of) the month of April (with Sundays off for good 'behavior'.) It begins April First with the letter A and ends April 30 with the letter Z."  And yes, my spell check notes that 'behaviour' is spelt wrong.  
Well, that sounded easy enough.  Just write down the alphabet over twenty six days, starting with the letter 'A' and ending up with 'Z' or 'Zed' or 'Zee'.  I was hoping it could have been even easier than that. For instance just using bowels or constipation,  sorry, I mean vowels or consonants.  Hell,  vowels would have been super easy.   That would be five vowels, possibly six, if you include 'Y'.  
Then I discovered, with my keen sense of observation, that you were actually doing a topic beginning with the letter of the alphabet for that particular day.  I shudder to think what you might use as a topic for the letter 'F'.

And there I was, strolling through the lil' ol English town of Leek.  I thought about those participating in the A to Z Blogging Challenge! and what they might be using for inspiration for each letter.  Gosh kids, imagine my surprise when I came upon this newly opened store.  I bet there are loads of ideas for topics in 'The Alphabet Store'.  
Of course, if you wanted a real challenge when it comes to alphabets, you might consider the Tamil alphabet.  Tamil has 247 letters in it. 12 vowels, 18 consonants, 18x12 vowel-consonants and 1 special letter.  Wow, that would keep one busy over a month, (with Sundays off for good behaviour).
Okay, seriously, if you are involved with the A to Z Blogging Challenge!, here's wishing you all the very best and have some fun.  If you were trying to learn the alphabet, I leave you with this.
A - B - C - D - E - F - G
H - I - J - K - L - M - N - O - P
Q - R - S - T - U and V,
W - X - Y and Z
Now I know my A - B - C's
Next time won't you sing with me?

Saturday 2 April 2011

The Wee Folks Friends Equals Fun And Frolics.

You can sure tell it's spring time in Britain.  Out front of my home was an ice cream van.  Luckily, when I took this photo, Mr. Ice Cream man had turned off his ear piercing musical tune.  Every year it's the same bloody song.  If I hear 'Popeye the sailor man', one more time, I shall rush out the house and shove a can of spinach up his great fat ass!  After doing that, I will then proceed to place him under the soft ice cream machine, cover him with great globs of creamy goo, sprinkle the dude with chocolate flakes, nuts and strawberry syrup. And to complete his new look, I shall stick a cone on his head.  Change the tune man, change the tune.

Anyway, I bet you would now like an ice cream and the 'great globs of creamy goo' was indeed a reference to soft ice cream.  However, the above paragraph has dick all to do with the topic of this posting, which will, once again, be a waste of your time to read.  

This time of the year the 'wee folks' and their friends are usually out in my garden, playing about and rejoicing in the wonders of spring.  Imagine my surprise when I wandered into my living room and noticed our little monkey buddy with a rather shocked looking garden gnome.  It may indeed be a case of spunky monkey making funky frolic on garden gnome's gleeful genitals.

And then I noticed the rabbit with a garden gnome appearing to be inspecting the rabbit's rectum.  At least I think it's a rabbit.  Or am I just splitting 'hares'?
Oh my, the garden gnomes are taking turns.  Note the sheer delight as our wee gnome pal attempts to shove his hooter into the rabbit or hare's hair, which, I guess isn't really hare, I mean hair, but fur, or maybe it's also called hair on a rabbit, or a hare, as well as fur and I suddenly realise that I'm doing a run-on sentence and thus I shall stop hare, I mean hear, because I don't mean to rabbit on.....

So, what's this then?  Could it be Teagan the best gnome from Fidelina's and Geoffrey's wedding, with Fidelina's sister bridesmaid, Venetia?  There had been rumours of the two of them having a bit of romantic feelings for each other.  'Teagan buddy, say something!  Venetia, speak to me.....ummmm..maybe not!'

And there you have it.  It was late at night.  Outside I could hear the gentle breeze swaying through the budding leaves.  I heard the distant call of the night owl and the haunting sound of a wayward fox.  Inside, the wee folks, a funky spunky monkey, a randy rabbit, or is it a horny hare, were having uninhibited, unabashed and kinky  sex.   Gosh  and wow.  Just when I thought my life was boring, I witnessed the wonders of the wee folks and their frolicking friends.  And now, my dear friend, I share these photos with you.  

Sorry mum, I know this photo is rather blurry.  It's a photo of a photo and I don't have one of those fancy scanner things.   See mum, all those years of scribbling notes have paid off.  Note what really neat stuff I write like the wee folks and friends having a wild orgy in my living room.  See you in May.  Love Gary xx