Saturday 29 August 2009

Chip Off The Old Blog?

Hi there. Would you like a chip off the old blog? Please, help yourself. Or, maybe you might just like to rearrange the formation of the chips to spell out something else. I've already worked out 'bog doll'.
You may have realised that I have too much time on my hands. Yes, I was thinking about writing, 'too much time', on each of my hands and taking a photograph of it.
So feeling somewhat chipper, I have decided to do a blog about...ah...chips. When the chips are down, I chip away at the chip on my shoulder and take a chip shot at the chipboard where the chipmunk is chopping chips after cashing in the chips at the casino for critters who like...ah..chips.
I hope you have not become 'chipbored'. You might wish to chip in with a comment and maybe submit a chip pan, whoops, a chip pun. I leave you with my attempt at some semblance of poetry. I told you I have too much time on my hands.

Chocolate chips
Chip and pin
Some you lose
Some you win
Chip and Dale
Without fail
I doesn't matter

What? There's more? Just a little bit more. In closing...'get on with it man''s 'Goodbye, Mr. Chips'...chip, chip, hooray.....what do you get when you cross a potato-loving ape with a flower? A chipansy...

Tuesday 25 August 2009

Stress Enough.

You know when you have one of those stressful days? A day where you desperately try to clear your mind of the negative debris and search for that positive focus?
I lost a big part of my life to depression. Completely engulfed with a panicky sense of negative inevitability. Such has been my state of mind, that the 'inner chatter' spoke to me of impending humiliation, embarrassment and failure. Defeated before I started, this man refused to see the warm, reassuring rays of sunlight, peeking through the dark clouds.
I have been there and, to some degree, I am still there. Everyday is a challenge as I pursue a better life. My hope, my optimism, battles the opposing forces that tell me I'm hopeless, helpless and pessimistic. Everday, I get stronger as my positive energy refuses to let my negative energy control my world. My life depends on it.
The challenge continues. Determined resilience beats strongly in my heart. For no matter how daunting, how overwhelming situations seem; I will continue to embrace, to nurture all that is good.
I am inspired and I am grateful. Inspired by the beauty all around and the simple, yet profound pleasures in life. I am inspired by those who, despite the trials and tribulations that life has thrown at them, continue to maintain a positive outlook. I am grateful for what I have and for the kindness of those who have encouraged and supported me.
I took the photograph at the top of this blog. There was a time that I would not have attempted such a task. Yet now, I look at that photograph, think of the lovely garden I created and I'm filled with a sense of contentment and happiness.
Life is so much what we make it. We do have choices. I choose to celebrate all my positive possibilities. My negative thoughts will grow weaker, for I make it so. I cannot stress enough, the power of positivity.

Saturday 22 August 2009

What Shall I Blog About?

The 'Apathy Workshop' has been cancelled due to lack of interest.
What shall I blog about? I have no idea. Perhaps I should invite a million monkeys, on a million typewriters, into my home, and see what we can formulate. Maybe not such a good idea. My home is not that big.
A friend of mine shared some great news with me the other day. "Gary, I have some excellent news. Our furry friend is becoming very obedient. He can roll over, play dead, sit, stay, beg, shake a paw and the really good news is that he is no longer crapping on the carpets!" "That's wonderful", I replied. "Enough already about your boyfriend. How's the dog doing?"
The following thoughts I have posted up on my 'Farcebook' profile page. So if you have seen these before, my sincere apologies.
Here's one for the British. I have this urge to challenge a 'Staffordshire Oatcake' to a duel at a local ranch. So that would be: 'Shoot out at the Oatcake Corral'. Here's one for you football (soccer) fans. If A.C. Milan played D.C. United, would the atmosphere be 'electric'? I've heard people mention about the speed of sound. So what is the speed of silence?
I was in a pub and this lady said she wanted to do a sketch of me. I looked at her somewhat reluctantly because I'm very shy. The lady said to me, "Oh don't worry Gary, I've been sketching for several months now." I responded, "Well then, you really should get some sleep." Now here comes the predictable part. She then proceeded to say, "If you're really comfortable with it, I would like to sketch you in the nude." "Fine with me." I stated. "Go ahead, take your clothes off."
The 'Improve Your Memory' Workshop has been cancelled due to the fact nobody can remember where, when, or at what time it is taking place. 'The What Shall I Blog About?' Workshop has been postponed because I have no idea what to blog about...

Monday 17 August 2009

Pet Shop.

So I went to the pet shop and asked the owner, "I would like to purchase a 'peeve' please."
I try to avoid overusing the conjunction word 'and' (apparently, 'conjunction', in grammar, means a connecting word 'and' is not an intersection where criminals meet). I try to be careful with 'and' because it can lead me into writing a 'run-on' sentence and that means that instead of using a comma or a semi colon or a period (full stop) I end up using 'and' and that is not good for before I know it I have written a sentence that goes on and on and on and you can take a breath now for this sentence that may seem to go on and on will not go on and on and on...Gasp! What a long sentence. Maybe I should get a 'long sentence' for crimes against grammar or the fact I am writing another one of my disjointed blogs.
My neighbour has asked me if I would tidy up his front garden. "Gary", would you mind cleaning up my garden? I'm tired of the neighbour looking over at my garden and giving me dirty looks like I'm some kinda' twat. " I reassured him, and said, "What makes you think it has got anything to do with your garden?" Nothing like getting along with your neighbours. Okay, my neighbour and his girlfriend burst out laughing. Luckily, they took it the right way. Have you ever seen anyone 'burst out' laughing?
My accent is somewhat different than the folks around here. Often people will ask me where my accent comes from. Well, I tell them that it starts down in the bottom of my throat and works itself out of my mouth. I'm thinking of setting up a business looking after mansions for really posh people. A kind of 'house sitting' service. The name of this business? 'Mind Your Manors'. The lady on the phone from my bank said, "May I have your name please?" I responded, "Sure, if you don't mind being called Gary. " Well, I did mention that this blog would be disjointed. Pretty darn good evidence that I am obviously bored and need a serious lie down.
So the rather perplexed owner of the pet shop told me he did not have a pet peeve. Now my pet peeve is the fact that the owner of a pet shop does not have a pet peeve. This blog could go on and on and on and....

Tuesday 11 August 2009

Letter Box, Ladder and Love?

Can you believe it? There were some people who doubted that the 'wee folks' invaded my kitchen, took liberties by drinking my coffee, and had the sheer audacity to use only the finest in 'Royal Doulton' china. So some might think that I imagined that whole magical moment. Perhaps they reckoned that I had consumed one too many 'Pot Noodles'.
Well, I witnessed the aftermath of there merrymaking. Did they clean up their mess? Sadly, no. I suppose in their haste to leave and not get caught; they overlooked the fact that they should clean up the evidence. A fairy using 'Fairy Liquid'?
So there they had been and now they are gone. Since then, when I go to the kitchen, I think about our little friends, and I smile. Ah, the beautiful fairy princess, the garden gnome, and the ever-present entourage. Pixies in the pantry? An elf on the shelf? An oven with a 'Hob' goblin? If you had doubts and thought this ongoing story was just the ramblings of some delusional man; the above photograph is proof that they did indeed enter my house, via the letter box, using a string ladder.
If you believe that love conquers all, you can believe that the magical love between the beautiful fairy princess and the garden gnome grows ever stronger. Letter box, ladder and love? What some wee folks will do for a bit of warmth and a cup of coffee.

Monday 3 August 2009

Candlelight, Coffee and Congratulations?

The tiny string ladder hanging precariously through the inside of my letter box should have been somewhat of a clue. At that moment, I sensed that a moment of magic, a wondrous magic, had descended upon my home.
I gently opened my kitchen door. Behold, before my very eyes, were the garden gnome, the beautiful fairy princess and the ever-present curious gnomes, hiding, albeit, none to discretely, behind a pair of glowing candles. I was delighted, I was enchanted, my heart rejoiced at the gleeful contentment that sparkled in the eyes of the garden gnome and the beautiful fairy princess. Not wishing to startle them; I gently closed the kitchen door. I tip-toed into my living room and tried to comprehend what I had witnessed.
The last time my eyes had cast upon these 'wee folks', was way back on an early summer's day, in the mystical, magical world that is my garden. Perhaps the alluring warmth of my home had beckoned them in. Maybe the incessant rain had proven too much for these gentle folks. If they sought a bit of shelter, a bit of comfort, a warm brew, then so be it. Drink, be warm, be merry.
What happened in my kitchen has given me great inspiration. Twas beauty to behold the ongoing budding romance between our garden gnome and the beautiful fairy princess. Candlelight, coffee and congratulations? I hope this to be true.
To dream a dream, a lovely dream, where we see the beauty within. In that magical world of a garden gnome and a fairy princess, love is all that matters. If only mankind would see beyond the labels and stigmas we place upon each other, and see the beauty within. I bestow upon thee warm wishes, and I bid thee farewell until next we meet.