Saturday, 3 July 2010

The Talking Fridge.

This may just be the coolest blog I've ever done.  So chill out and relax while I tell you about the refrigerator.  When I mention, 'the refrigerator', this has absolutely nothing to do with the defensive lineman who played for the Chicago Bears.

I recently replaced my old 'frost-free' fridge with a new frost-free fridge.  Try saying 'frost-free fridge' after a frantic fun-filled Friday full of fine friends and one too many bottles of beer.  I had to get rid of my last frost-free fridge.  I got just a bit tired of defrosting a frost-free fridge.  Heck, my kitchen floor was getting so wet from water seeping from under the fridge, I started thinking about that classic song, 'Like a fridge over troubled waters...'  Oh well, it's just 'water under the fridge'.
Eventually, after needing a canoe just to get across my kitchen floor, I reckoned it was time to replace my not so frost-free fridge with a shiny new frost-free fridge.  I was saddened to say goodbye to my old fridge.  It reminded  me of that film, 'Heartbreak Fridge'.
I have noted that fridges seem to have a language.  My old fridge had its own distinctive form of communication.  It would emit strange gurgling and belching sounds.  Sometimes it would be the 'fridge of sighs'.  Was my fridge trying to tell me something?  Did my fridge have some kind of indigestion?  Perhaps it was a cry of help.  'Hey, just because you think I'm a frost-free fridge doesn't mean I gonna' cooperate.  Now defrost idiot!'
Well, my new refrigerator 'speaks' in a language even more bizarre than the previous.  The sounds emanating are similar to that of a squealing pig waiting its turn at the slaughterhouse.  Was my new fridge trying to convey a message to me?  Maybe the message, if there was one, was just the 'tip of the ice cube'.  It could be a case of a 'fridge too far'.
Anyway, despite the weird noises, this fridge has been working very well.  This fridge 'runs' efficiently.  Indeed, you might call it 'cool runnings'.  And before you ask, I did not discover the Jamaican bobsleigh team practising in the freezer section.
You might think that I have either completely lost it, or I am totally bored.  You might even think I had nothing to blog about and got desperate to publish something, anything.  But, go on, admit it.  You too have heard those noises coming from your fridge and thought it sounded like some kind of language.  Have another look at the photograph.  Overwhelming proof that fridges talk, right?  Hey, it's cool.  Must go now and put an icepack on my head and chat with 'the talking fridge'.  Here's hoping I don't get a frosty response.....


  1. Gary my good man, that was some really fridgelicious post! The fridge in my house does make those weird noises at night, when everything's all peace and quiet. It's generally the same sort of noise, so I never really took the time to decipher the message it was trying to relay. It seems happy, though. Haha. Thank you for making me chortle, Gare. =D Say hi to your new frost-free fridge and tell it to cool down, life's too short to be too rebellious. :p

  2. Brilliant. I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to create my own fridge pun and I couldn't do it, dammit all. Nice work.

  3. Hello Gary, this post made me want to go immediately and listen to my own fridge! He is very quiet, I tried to break the ice and have a conversation with him but he seemed to freeze up on me! However, I am the very proud owner of an ancient chest freezer, he is over 30 years old, I inherited him when I left home many moons ago. He is still going strong and has a lovely low rumbling sort of voice that I find very soothing.
    A great post , it reminded me just how attached we can get to our possessions what ever form they may take.

  4. Must go now and put an icepack on my head and chat with 'the talking fridge'.

    From a moment there, I thought I read "icepick." Gee, maybe I should have my "ice" checked.

    Ok, you are definitely becoming a zen master... being one with all the things around you... non-stick frying pans, solar lamps, cat poop, dog poop, horse manure, etc. To tell you honestly, sometimes you make me laugh so hard that my arse hurts. Do you think an icepack on my behind can ease the pain or should I just apply ice directly on the affected area?

  5. Dear Gary,
    Mmmm, a talking fridge, eh.
    Gary, dear friend, I suggest you do put that ice pack on your head to cool those over-active neurons of yours.
    Just don't take things too far and try and have sex with said domestic appliance. It'll only end in tears when it tells you that it's frigid! Ha f****** ha!
    Yours with All the Best,

  6. Sometimes during the middle of the night, when it's particularly dark, our fridge sounds like she's farting. Girl-style. You know, these quaint puffs of air expire from back there somewhere behind her. I can hear the sound now. Puffuff. Sometimes it's more like "piffoff" I'm wondering if she's trying to tell me "Enough with the rotten fruit, already!"

    You're weird, Gary, it's true. But in a good way.

  7. Excellent, funny post man. I really dig that fact you have a talking fridge. It must like you a lot. My fridge doesn't talk to me. I tried to make it talk to me. I've patted it on the head, rubbed it's tummy and even gave it some food.

    Still, no go. Refuses to talk to me. Hmph!

    Seriously, I know ya mean about talking fridges, man. My mom and dad's fridge was like that. Making freaky noises in the middle of the night or something. And frost-free, my ass. The defrosting of any fridge I've seen so far is a pain to deal with.

    Well, I'm off to shove a bottle rocket into my wife's bum. Happy 4th of July to ya, Gary. lol.

  8. Ah Shanaz,
    I knew you would understand this blog. Now is the time for you to check out what your fridge is trying to tell you.
    I firmly believe that if you think your fridge seems happy, that is because it maintains its cool.
    My frost-free fridge says hi to you and sends you an ice cold bottle of pop.
    Very 'freezed' you liked this 'fridgelicious' post:-)

  9. Why hello there, Gucci Mama,
    Please don't feel embarrassed. I mean a lot of folks struggle with the spelling of the word embarrassed. How embarrassing is that?
    My old fridge was really misbehaving. It got so bad that the 'fridge police' had to come by and control it as it was 'running'. The fridge police yelled at the fridge, 'freeze'....

  10. Hi Diane,
    So your fridge is a male fridge?
    So you like the cool, silent types. I wish you well in 'breaking the ice' with him:-)
    'An ancient chest freezer'. I'm not sure if I would like my chest frozen lol. Sorry..I think it is nice to know that you find his rumbling sort of voice, very soothing.
    Must go now. There is a fascinating show on my wide screen, high definition, microwave oven:-)
    Very ice of you to leave a comment.
    Kind wishes, Gary x

  11. Hello Ryhen,
    Very good. You were never one to make an 'ice' of yourself.
    Iceprick, I mean, icepick. Yeah, I can sort of see the point in having your ice checked.
    "non-stick frying pans, solar lamps, cat poop, dog poop, horse manure, etc." And garden gnomes, a beautiful fairy princess, a collection of stuffed creatures and a 'talking' Jack Russell.
    "Do you think an icepack on my behind can ease the pain or should I just apply ice directly on the affected area?" May I suggest an icepick for your sore arse? lol

  12. Dear David,
    I think my over-active neurons have become more like, morons.
    Sex with a domestic appliance. Something you want to tell us something, David?
    With my charm I would defrost said domestic appliance and kiss its ice.
    Must go now David, I've got a date with the vacuum cleaner.
    Seriously, friend, it was a very nice visiting you last week.
    We aim to freeze, Gary :-)

  13. Hi Joylene,
    Farting girl-style. And I was told that girls don't fart.
    You have so eloquently described those sounds, or language, that resonates from the 'rear end' of your beloved fridge. 'Piffoff', has been noted by me on several occasions. It wasn't the fridge saying it though. Ex-wives, I don't know.
    'Icy' what you mean about me being weird. I'm glad you think of my weirdness in a good way. I blame it on one too many cups of Tim Hortons coffee:-)

  14. Ah Mr. Kelly-type dude,
    You, good sir, are the voice of 'freezin'.
    I knew you would have realised that fridges 'talk' to us. I suppose yours has a good ol' American accent y'all. Unless, your fridge is a foreign make. Hell man, there could be potential for being bilingual in fridge-type language! How exciting.
    I do wonder why I had to defrost a 'frost=free' fridge. Perhaps I should have asked my dearly departed 'Heartbreak Fridge'.
    Well, the big celebration in North America, 'Canada Day', is over. Still, wishing you all the very best with your 'Independence Day' adventures. Sounds like, well, for your wife at least, that it will be a real 'blast':-)

  15. After reading this I went to listen to my fridge and I could swear I heard a voice singing 'Freezer jolly good fellow'!

  16. Hi bazza,
    'And so say all of ice.'
    I knew you would understand. There, are people now listening to their fridges.
    What an excellent response, bazza!
    Ice scream with laughter.
    Thanks and have an ice day:-)

  17. Dearest Gary..... appliances that come to life at night... the thought leaves me cold!

    I did try a friendly chat with the hoover but found him quite vaccuous. Couldn't keep up with the clothes dryer... talks too fast... the words just tumble out. The iron was just too nosey... kept pressing me for personal information.

    The hairdryer though, just blew me away!

    Hang on... there's trouble brewing, I can hear the kettle whistling at the teapot and the and the coffee pot spouting about grounds for divorce!

    Gary, Ice pick as a friend when I say you are quite mad. The thing is so am I.

    Keep making me smile. Julie. XXX

  18. Dearest juliet,
    It aint just the night time that appliances come to 'life'.
    My 'talking' fridge, with its magnificent freezer 'chest' seems to like talking to me. Maybe, because I'm a bit of a 'fridge magnet'.
    A most excellent appliance play on words, Julie. In fact my toaster would like to make a toast in your honour. Do you have domestic appliances? Or, are they wild?
    Thanks Julie and happy blogging.
    Hope icy you soon, Gary x

  19. Gary,

    That was absolutely wonderful! I found myself singing along...I have a whole array of fridge songs going in my head now...

    Thanks for sharing. :-)

  20. Hi Sharon,
    Thanks for checking out the coolest blog I ever did.
    I'm suddenly hearing that classic nursery rhyme 'London Fridge is falling down..falling down...'
    Thanks Sharon. So freezed you liked it.
    With respect and a tray of ice cubes, your way, Gary:-)

  21. LOL... If my fridg could talk, it would be telling me to clean it out!! My Hubs loads it with all kinds of sauces, dips... what ever... but then he forgets he buys them and they get old and mold.

    1. Hi Terry,

      Aha, there are many secrets to be found in a fridge. Perhaps your hubby is doing some kind of science experiment in the fridge! :)


  22. Now you see, I never saw this post and I missed out on your super cool message. I am rather disappointed that the Jamaican Bobsled Team wasn't inside the freezer section, though. Could you do something about that?

  23. Hi Lee,

    Very kind of you to comment on this posting that's been left on ice. I shall be heading to Kingston, Jamaica. In negotiations to bring back the team to practice in my freezer section.

    Before I make a total ice of myself, I shall go now....

    Gary :)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.