Saturday, 31 July 2010

Big Blogger.

Tonight, I watched an episode of the British version of 'Big Brother'.  You may have seen a version of this fascinating must see T.V. and realised that your life had little meaning before you viewed these highly talented collection of individuals posing on our television screens.  
You may have realised that I was being ever so slightly sarcastic in the above sentence.  Yes, believe it or not, even I can be teeny weeny bit sarcastic.  This is the eleventh and apparently final series of the British adaptation of this intriguing show.  Gee, what a shame.  It originally started in Holland.  Why am I not surprised.
I have occasionally checked out the show and its cast of 'reality star' characters, since the very beginning.   I have yet to observe anyone with even a modicum of talent.  No, what you seem to get is a collection of 'wannabees' who are nothing more than cheap trash television.  So they get thousands of folks applying for these type of shows.  You would have reckoned that out of all those auditions, one person would have lived up to the hype preceding their entrance into the Big Brother house.  Alas, I have never noted this.
So, once again, this has got me to thinking.  Yes, I do sometimes think.  Why not a variation of the show with a group of diverse bloggers all vying to be the winner of 'Big Blogger'?  You could have the poetry blogger who entertains us with such immortal lines as, 'There was a young fella' named Skinner, who took a young lady to dinner, at quarter to nine, they began to dine, and quarter to ten it was inner, not Skinner, the dinner, Skinner was inner before the dinner.'   There would be, of course, the crude one-dimensional blogger.  The following is for documentary purpose only, and I would suggest you look away now, if you are easily offended.  The crude blogger is conversing,  with their fine command of the English language, to one of their fellow housemates, 'Hey fuck you!  I'm fucking awesome!  Now, stay away from my cornflakes, you slimebag!!'  You can come back now.  One of the housemates would be renowned for their deeply profound philosophical musings such as,  'If you were drowning in the negative sea of despair, some would throw you an anchor.  I would throw you a life jacket.'   Another of the Big Blogger housemates would be as highly amusing in the house as they are in the blogging world.  They would be amusing the other contestants with witty remarks such as, 'So this guy tells me his hobby is racing pigeons.  I asked him, So who wins?  You or the pigeons?'  Then you have the representative from the cynical bloggers.   Bloggers so cynical, they make 'Scrooge' and 'The Grinch', seem like really positive, upbeat kinda' guys.   Here is what the cynical blogger might say in the Big Blogger house, 'I have been told about this so-called non-profit charity that runs what's called a 'Cynic Clinic'.  There slogan is a 'detox for the disillusioned'.  Yeah right, non-profit, my ass, they are, without a doubt, a self-interest group raking in the big bucks!'
So how about it?  Do you reckon a television network would take us up on this?  Probably not because you guys are just too talented.  Whoops, did I go slightly cynical...

And speaking of Big Brother, a stuffed hedgehog has more life and personality than that collection of ridiculous wannabees.
'Klahanie, you have been evicted.  Please leave the Big Blogger house.


  1. Can I sign up to be the cynical blogger in the big blogger house..I'll bring beer.

    Seriously though I've seen the U.S version of the show and all it is is braindead wannabe actors and trash. My turds have more talent then all of them combined.

  2. Sir Tom Eagerly31 July 2010 at 06:12

    In a Geordie accent (north-east England): klahanie, please come to the diary room. You can have supper only if you disembowel one of your fellow bloggers. Whom do you choose?
    Haha! Only joking , sir! (Although you may wish to answer!)

  3. Yeah, both The Wolf and I could be the cynical bloggers, for sure. lol. I could fill in the sarcastic blogger's shoes pretty well, too. I won't be bringing just beer, though. If you know what I mean.*


    And speaking of shoes... Could you be that special someone who could fit in the shoes of that deeply profound philosophical blogger? Hmmm. Methinks so. Hell, I think there would be a spot for every blogger you interact with- that could be on that show. Great idea, Gary.

    So when does production begin? Do you wanna direct? I've got a tiny video camera. I have a feeling this will be a low budget production, but then, aren't all of those no-talent reality shows like that? Except ares would have talent, aplenty.

    I agree. Those reality shows suck. They just feed those wannabees their lines and we (but not me) just watch all that "highly entertaining" fun go on and on. Meh.

    Great post, Gary. Your cast of bloggers are anxiously awaiting your calls to the stage. :-)

  4. I'd join in if -when evicted - I were to be given one of those hedgehogs as a farewell gift, quite charming. x

  5. I suppose I'd be the self obsessed airhead blogger.

    Great idea Gary. X

  6. I am pleased to announce that I have not seen one second of this season's Big Brother! Some people I know (my daughters) used to be obsessed with it but, thankfully, have grown out of it.
    Who would want to be around those people in real life?

  7. hi mr gary! i didnt ever see this show. the pigeon joke was pretty funny. ha ha. if i got in your big blogger house id get kicked out real fast cause id only be talking to the hedgehog. ha ha.
    ...smiles from lenny

  8. Klahanie you were so on a roll there, I nearly choked myself, laughing! Who in this time and age, does that kind of poetry! I guess those cool ones, eh. It was hilarious. And as for being very extremely sarcastic and cynical in one tiny post, you have won the title of the Funny Blogger! Hooray!

    On a serious note, I mean I was serious earlier, now I'm even more so, I really enjoyed this post and please do yourself a favor and turn the TV off. Just stay on FB, trolling alright? HAHA!

  9. Hello Wolf,
    By all means you could be a an excellent example of the cynical blogger in the Big Blogger house.
    No doubt, you will say the beer is too weak and cost way too much. That's what happens when you bring in that lousy American beer. Bring in some of the legendary Moose Head beer eh.
    I think the versions are most likely crap, all over the world. Maybe your turds could be used as one of the daily tasks. Whoever can fling them the farthest wins a luxury hamper. Gosh and wow!
    Have a good week.

  10. Greetings good Sir Tom Eagerly,
    Oh I know a Geordie-type accent. I have friends who live near Durham. I wonder if that is English they are speaking.
    'Hello klahanie, how are you finding the Big Blogger house?' Well, I walked through the front door and there it was. 'klahanie, if you want your supper you must disembowel one of your fellow bloggers. Whom do you choose?' Is there any chance I could disembowel that special contestant, the blogger 'heckler'? 'Of course, klahanie. 'Sir Tom Eagerly, please come to the diary room!'

  11. Hello Kelly,
    Yes indeedy do, you and the Wolf would be terrific examples of cynical bloggers. However, you being a sarcastic blogger contestant in the Big Blogger house? Sir, you shock me. I would never ever have even a tiny weenie bit considered you to be in the slightest, a sarcastic blogger, ever. Okay, maybe a little bit lol.
    More than just beer. Suddenly, I'm thinking about Holland and Amsterdam, in particular.
    I would not consider myself being that profound philosophical blogger. There are many out there far more worthy of that role than me. I am but a mere fleeting shadow of a ghostlike ether floating amongst the leaves of my garden. Ah my garden, an oasis in my desert of despair..
    I really do think it would be a great idea to see if a network would commission such a show. They could audition all the bloggers we interact with and choose the best group of contestants. Those I have the great pleasure of interacting with have a lot of talent. Well, most of them.
    Still, you are most likely correct. It would end up a low budget affair with you and your tiny video camera. I don't think folks would want me as director. No doubt, a crude, one-dimensional blogger would want that role.
    You know what? Those highly entertaining and of great significance reality shows, that will be for the betterment of mankind, are well worth watching. Am I being ever so sarcastic or what?
    Thanks for your input, Kelly. I hope we get loads of positive responses to this proposed blogging project.
    Take care, Gary.

  12. Hi Carole,
    I have a hunch that you would win the show and get a whole collection of stuffed hedgehogs to proudly display in your home.
    Stuffed hedgehogs as the grand prize. Now there's a great reason to audition for 'Big Blogger'.
    Hugs, your way, Gary x

  13. Hi juliet,
    Interesting thought to the ever growing list of categories. I think you could be the 'finding positivity in life', blogger representative.
    The 'self-obsessed airhead' blogger has not responded yet. lol
    Kind wishes, Gary x

  14. Hi bazza,
    You are pleased to announce you have not watched any of Big Bother, I mean Big Brother, this year?
    Well, hang your head in shame lol. Do you not realise that the show is a fascinating social experiment? Or, if you like, 'car crash' television.
    Seriously, yes seriously, I agree with you. Would you want to socialise with these folks out here in 3D land? Of course you would. I mean, of course you wouldn't.
    Cheers bazza.

  15. Well, hi Lenny,
    I think it is a good thing that you have not seen the show. Glad you liked the pigeon joke.
    I think there is a good chance that you and the hedgehog would be the last contestants in the Big Blogger house. Heck, the hedgehog would definitely be more interesting than the contestants on Big Brother.
    Lenny, I hope you make sure it okay to read postings by me like this.
    Have a great weekend. Smiles, your way, Gary :-)

  16. Hi Shanaz,
    You think I was 'on a roll'? What? You thought I typed this while sitting on a bakery product? Sorry, I've been loafing about and that really takes the biscuit. Sorry, I think I need professional help:-)
    Yep, they don't do poetry like that any more. 'There was a girl from Montreal who.......' forget it.
    Thanks for thinking I was perhaps slightly funny in this post. Of course, as we both know, I would never even consider attempting anything sarcastic. I know you are thrilled with knowing this. And cynical? Of course I knew that Mother Terasa and Mahatma Gandhi had 'hidden agendas'. They were making a fortune out of selling souvenir T shirts with their faces on them. I'm kidding :-)
    Right then, I've switched off the TV and I'm heading over to FB to post up another one of my vitally important to the world, profile updates lol
    Take care and I look forward to seeing you as one of the contestants on 'Big Blogger'.
    With respect, and a stuffed hedgehog and a variety of baking products, your way, Gary :-)

  17. I could be the evil schemer disguised as a nice middle-aged intellect. Hmm. Have to think on that for awhile, me thinks. I have a feeling I'd be the first castoff.

  18. Dear Gary,
    Is it me, or does your description of those "various" bloggers actually match up to blogs of your own, proving yet again how eclectic your talent is. Or am I just being cynical.
    If I were in such a show, I suppose I would fit in to the dull, boring "documentary" blogger category with only a small number of diciples- sorry, "followers".
    However, Gary, as you know, in real life I am a zesty, spritely, witty, handsome, interseting individual who deserves to be famous, unlike the twats on BB.
    Great post again, Gary.
    Yours with Very Best Wishes,
    Your pal,

  19. Hi Joylene,
    Well, the list of blogging category candidates just keeps growing.
    However, I could never imagine you as the 'evil schemer'. And middle-aged? I don't think so. In fact, if I owned a licensed establishment and you asked for an alcoholic drink, well, I would have to ask you for ID.
    I believe you would be there right to the bitter end in the Big Blogger house. The public vote would want to keep you in for your entertainment and yep, intellectual value.
    Have a great week, Joylene.
    With respect and a 'script' for your part in the show, your way, Gary:-)

  20. Dear David,
    Surely you would never include me in the 'crude, one-dimensional blogger' category? Would you? Although, it would be the easiest blog I ever did. It is so easy to be crude and I could type away and publish such a blog within minutes.
    Your category, my esteemed buddy, would be the 'Articulate and thoughtful blogger' section. Okay 'dull and boring'. I know you only have a few 'adoring fans' on your site. If you want loads more adoring fans, just start doing some crude blogs with lots of profanity and tell everyone how great you are. That fucker.
    In 3D reality your wit, charm, enthusiasm and stunning good looks, is so outrageously obvious. You, my awesome friend, do indeed, deserve all the fame that comes your way. Never mind those idiots on Big Brother. I reckon you would be odds-on favourite to win Big Blogger. Or just odd.
    With very kind and special wishes, your way, Gary :-)

  21. I want to be on the show. Could it include rural Southern American bloggers who constantly find typos two days after posting? Come on, you know you may need a southern bell and every group could use a deep southern accent.

    I have always relied upon the kindness of strangers.

  22. Well howdy lifeshighway,
    Well how y'all doing? Note I did not stereotype or even make reference to the 'Dukes of Hazzard'..Yee haa! :-)
    I think a southern bell (isn't that your local phone company?) would be fantastic on Big Blogger. I love the accents from where y'all, sorry, where you live. I have had the great pleasure in the past of having chats with a very nice lady in North Carolina.
    Look forward to you auditioning for Big Blogger. Take care now, you hear.
    With respect and a special garden gnome your way, Gary :-)

  23. You are definitely onto something...and is it coincidence that both you and I should be writing about reality TV this week?...Perhaps we are eating the same sheep's cheese? I love the rhyming, You've got good timing!

  24. Hello 'THE SNEE',
    It might not be coincidence. Perhaps we both realise how vitally important 'reality' television is for the betterment of humanity and stuffed hedgehogs.
    My next posting will be along similar lines in regards to reality or is that unreality and so-called celebrities.
    Thanks for liking the rhyme. Your was also fine. I was thinking about doing a poem about, 'Edgar', an 'Edgar Allan Poem', do you know him?
    I hope you audition for 'Big Blogger'. Just think what fun you would have with all those blogging 'stars', in the Big Blogger house.
    With respect and some British sheep cheese, your way, Gary :-)

  25. Gary, you truly are multi-dimentional! I think this is a great idea and that you should pitch it to some networks. Seriously! You also have an amazing wit so I'm sure you could charm them. Although, if the hedgehog is the only prize, maybe you better count me out!

  26. Hi Cher,
    Thank you. Some, or many, might suggest that I am actually 'multi-delusional' :-)
    I am serious about 'Big Blogger'. There really is a lot of talent out there in 'blogland' and I think it would be great to have bloggers in various categories all competing for the ultimate accolade, to be the winner of 'Big Blogger'
    The hedgehog is in reference to it being more interesting than any of the alleged talented idiots on 'Big Brother'.
    No doubt, the prize would involve some sort of cash and an exclusive deal with some tabloid magazine or newspaper. I visualise a truly international format for the show.
    I have no influence on such matters. I wonder what network or networks I should contact?
    Thanks Cher. With respect and two stuffed hedgehogs, your way, Gary :-)

  27. That's a great idea for a show... as good as a lot of the others out there, anyway.

    I can just see it... the Mommy Bloggers trying to feed and burp the Food Bloggers, the Hunting Bloggers stalking the Animal Rights Bloggers, the Dating Bloggers putting the moves on the Divorced Bloggers... The possibilities abound...

  28. Hey bluzdude,
    Thank you for your comment and linking into my blog. That is most appreciated.
    After subjecting myself to a a cringe worthy hour of Big Brother UK, I thought that there is so much untapped talent out there in the wonderful world of blogging that surely there must be a show in it, somewhere.
    The options and categories are indeed many and varied. I reckon there should be one for the self-interest blogger. Got a comment the other day from a blogger whose site linked into a place trying to sell me Viagara. I was going to respond to that comment but did not rise to it. Now, I'm wondering if my ex wife does a blog...hmmmm...
    Kind wishes, Gary:-)

  29. hhahahaha, I just read your come-back comment to this post. Why would I need a stuffed hedgehog for! But thanks I'll perhaps let my kitten "Smurf" play around with it. And the baking products will go to my mother's kitchen, for her to bake us a cake.

    Have a beautiful and blessed day, Gare.

    And by the way, Congratulations for having your blog featured on B.B.C.'s Radio!! =)

  30. Hi Shanaz,
    I hope that your kitten, 'Smurf' has a purrfect time with the stuffed hedgehog.
    I hope your mother lets you put the icing on the cake.
    Thank you for congratulating me in regards to having my humble and modest blog featured on BBC radio. Of course, I would never brag that I was interviewed and my blog read to folks around the entire planet. No, not me lol
    In peace and kindness, Gary :-)

  31. i've never watched the show, so i'm thinking that gets me evicted before ever moving in, but your show does sound entertaining... so all these brothers (or in your case bloggers) live in one house together? then what happens?

  32. Hi Joanne,
    I'm sure you would be able to get on the show I'm formulating. They all take turns voting for who they think should be evicted from the house. Then it gets down to the final two bloggers. The public votes for who should be the winner.
    The winner gets to sit in the cargo hold on 'Blog Air' with a variety of exotic animals. Namely Marvin the kiwi and Fred the iguana. Plus, wait for it, it gets better, the winner also gets a stuffed Hedgehog named Hayden :)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.