Listening To The Inner Child.

We all have choices.  In the past, I made the mistake of giving in to negative thoughts. The screaming chatter in my head that told me I was useless and not worthy of being a part of society.  A pathetic man trapped in his self-imposed prison.  And I clung onto those thoughts.  Reinforced by those who exploited my vulnerability and compounded by me.

In one last gasp attempt, I reached out for the last remaining shreds of my self-worth, my dignity. Negative energy will not be given permission to sabotage my right to a peaceful, positive life.  I will not drown in the sea of despair.  Now I walk along the beach of dreams where the sea and the sky embrace.  Beyond the horizon, the voices in the chorus of compassion, the instruments in the orchestra of enlightenment, merge together, flow as one, in peaceful, rhythmic harmony.

I challenged my fears.  Understood that the inner critic tells lies.  Yes, I have been scared.  Yet through those dark clouds of fear, I found inspiration.  Inspiration to carry on, to face any outcome, with a resolve, a determination that has made my heart, my soul, rejoice with the knowledge that when you seek the good, you find the good.  I began to listen to my inner child.  For the inner child reveals the truth.

A positive environment starts from within and transcends to the world beyond.

The past few weeks have been painful, hopeful.  Moments where I sat in a darkened room, stared out at the stars and felt the solitary tear flow down my cheek.  My life has been one of bizarre contradictions.  I am the reluctant recluse who when he braves the outside world, becomes a man who brings that smile to someone who seems so sad.

I have made many a mistake and lessons are learnt.  I am not defined by my mistakes.  What I learn from my mistakes, defines me.

Stress Enough.

You know when you have one of those stressful days? A day where you desperately try to clear your mind of the negative debris and search for that positive focus?

I lost a big part of my life to depression. Completely engulfed with a panicky sense of negative inevitability. Such has been my state of mind, that the 'inner chatter' spoke to me of impending humiliation, embarrassment and failure. Defeated before I started, this man refused to see the warm, reassuring rays of sunlight, peeking through the dark clouds.

I have been there and, to some degree, I am still there. Everyday is a challenge as I pursue a better life. My hope, my optimism, battles the opposing forces that tell me I'm hopeless, helpless and pessimistic. Everday, I get stronger as my positive energy refuses to let my negative energy control my world. My life depends on it.

The challenge continues. Determined resilience beats strongly in my heart. For no matter how daunting, how overwhelming situations seem; I will continue to embrace, to nurture all that is good.

I am inspired and I am grateful. Inspired by the beauty all around and the simple, yet profound pleasures in life. I am inspired by those who, despite the trials and tribulations that life has thrown at them, continue to maintain a positive outlook. I am grateful for what I have and for the kindness of those who have encouraged and supported me.

I took the photograph at the top of this blog. There was a time that I would not have attempted such a task. Yet now, I look at that photograph, think of the lovely garden I created and I'm filled with a sense of contentment and happiness.

Life is so much what we make it. We do have choices. I choose to celebrate all my positive possibilities. My negative thoughts will grow weaker, for I make it so. I cannot stress enough, the power of positivity.