Showing posts with label Workshops. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Workshops. Show all posts

Friday, 5 March 2010

The 'Apathy Workshop' Has Been Cancelled Due To Lack Of Interest.


The 'Apathy Workshop' has been cancelled due to lack of interest.  Now then, you may note the above photograph.  It is a picture of a hedgehog advising you to stop and consider not reading this blog for all the following reasons.
This posting will be completely and utterly ridiculous.  It will be a series of disconnected, random musings of someone who obviously has nothing worthwhile to write about.
Right then...here goes.  Here's how to be charmingly reassuring.  Walk up to a friend and say the following, 'Hey, my good friend.  I don't care what all the others say about you; I think you're okay.  It doesn't matter to me that everyone else hates your guts; I think you're just fine.  Heck, I refuse to believe all that malicious gossip that has been spread around about you and your not-so-secret fetish for public transport.  I mean, really!  Does it matter that you are a 'Metrosexual'?'
Speaking of outrage.  Imagine my shock when this guy told me that his wife had been cheating on her boyfriend?
Here are a few definitions.  'Con artist'- someone who does paintings of prisoners.  'Cross-dresser'-a person who gets really angry when they can't find matching socks. 'Homophobe'-the fear of homogenised milk products.  'Homo Erectus'-(I'll let you figure out the definition of that one) 'Prick up your ears'-(I won't tell you the meaning of that one.  But ouch and no thanks!).
Apparently, Barack Obama, has been learning Burlesque dancing.  'Yes, we can can!'
This completely and utterly ridiculous posting is almost finished.  Hopefully, you did not read any of the above and took the advice of our friend, the hedgehog.  So based on that; you wont be reading the conclusion that goes like this.  'Do I detect a tear?'  Said my friend in their posh English accent.  So I checked my trousers to see if the split had returned to a rather embarrassing location.  'You look like you have been crying', my friend added.  So now it is time for me to get the lead out.  It's nearly time to go.  Time to get the lead out and attach it to the dog's collar.
Before I go..yes I know, get on with it.  If you did bother to read the above; you may have noted that some of the rubbish (garbage) written in this blog has been used by me before.  Just shows that I'm getting lazy.  So in the spirit of laziness; here's another old one of mine.  This guy told me that his hobby is 'racing pigeons'.  I asked him, 'Who wins?  You or the pigeon?'  Oh, one last thing.  The 'Comedy Knitting Workshop' had me in stitches.....

Saturday, 22 August 2009

What Shall I Blog About?

The 'Apathy Workshop' has been cancelled due to lack of interest.
What shall I blog about? I have no idea. Perhaps I should invite a million monkeys, on a million typewriters, into my home, and see what we can formulate. Maybe not such a good idea. My home is not that big.
A friend of mine shared some great news with me the other day. "Gary, I have some excellent news. Our furry friend is becoming very obedient. He can roll over, play dead, sit, stay, beg, shake a paw and the really good news is that he is no longer crapping on the carpets!" "That's wonderful", I replied. "Enough already about your boyfriend. How's the dog doing?"
The following thoughts I have posted up on my 'Farcebook' profile page. So if you have seen these before, my sincere apologies.
Here's one for the British. I have this urge to challenge a 'Staffordshire Oatcake' to a duel at a local ranch. So that would be: 'Shoot out at the Oatcake Corral'. Here's one for you football (soccer) fans. If A.C. Milan played D.C. United, would the atmosphere be 'electric'? I've heard people mention about the speed of sound. So what is the speed of silence?
I was in a pub and this lady said she wanted to do a sketch of me. I looked at her somewhat reluctantly because I'm very shy. The lady said to me, "Oh don't worry Gary, I've been sketching for several months now." I responded, "Well then, you really should get some sleep." Now here comes the predictable part. She then proceeded to say, "If you're really comfortable with it, I would like to sketch you in the nude." "Fine with me." I stated. "Go ahead, take your clothes off."
The 'Improve Your Memory' Workshop has been cancelled due to the fact nobody can remember where, when, or at what time it is taking place. 'The What Shall I Blog About?' Workshop has been postponed because I have no idea what to blog about...