Sunday, 7 August 2011

The Sadness Of One Young Man.

I thought it only fair to warn you that the following posting is going to have a considerable amount of swear words that you might consider inappropriate.  They will be used to describe the sheer impact that an ongoing situation is doing to my son's life and my life.  So, if you perceive the profanity in an offensive context, I would suggest you do not read any further.  Thank you.

For over two years, my son has struggled to get any work.  There have been fleeting glimpses of hope when he managed to get a bit of Agency work.  The first bit of employment went okay, at first, until the Agency only offered him one day a week, less money than on unemployment benefits.  During the few days he actually worked at the allocated job, my son felt very lonely, very left out.  For the people he worked with would not speak in English.  He was hoping to be involved in a bit of banter.  Banter that never came.  And thus, because of the dwindling hours and a lonely environment, my son went back on benefits.
Just before I left for my trip to Canada in early May, my son got another job via another Agency.  Before I left, the job was going well and he seemed happy in his work.  It was so wonderful to see the smile return to his face.  So uplifting to his see his confidence, his self esteem, take a turn for a much welcomed better.  This was of great relief to me knowing that he was working while I was away.  Upon my return, his job was still going well, but he had concerns.
The work, via the Agency, was with the local Council, which you might call 'City Hall', or 'local government'.  The work was designated out by a supervisor at the Council.  My son was getting three to four days a week whilst another young man, who started about two months after him, was getting five days a week. That particular young man's dad is a friend of the supervisor who determines the work rota. My son asked if he could perhaps get more work because he noted the chap in question was getting more work than him.  Well, the supervisor went ballistic and stated, 'I decide who works or who doesn't!'  The supervisor phoned the Agency and told them that he no longer wanted my son working for the Council.
Okay, perhaps my son could of phrased it in such a way that he just merely asked for more possible work.  However, that's not the point.  My son's morals are intact and he was questioning what I consider an outrageous injustice.  I'm fucking incensed and seething with rage and if it wasn't for the fact my son doesn't want me to get involved, I would love to meet that asshole who let my son go and tell the insecure, ego-tripping prick just what devastation he had caused in my son's life and my life.  However, I've heard a rumour that the supervisor may be losing his job because he has screwed around a few people.  I hate to be like this, but I hope the fucker loses his job.
Oh yes, I've seen it all before, I've been a victim of such bullshit in my work life.  Yes, it's, 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink',  the old 'face fit', 'not what you know, it's who you know, or blow',  situation.  And what of the consequences?  It's low-life scum like that supervisor, that have had a severe impact on the well being of my son.  Who the fuck do people like that supervisor think they are?  Fucking around with people's lives and probably not even giving a shit.
Sad, desperate and disillusioned, my son signed back onto unemployment benefits.  Benefits he had to wait a month for and they would not backdate the money.  And yes, the Job Centre.  He has to travel on the bus, at his own expense, to sign on for his benefits, a distance of twenty two miles, round trip.  One time, there were roadworks and the bus got to its destination, ten minutes late.  He went to sign on and he was told, because he was ten minutes late, that he could not sign on and would have to come back in six hours time  He tried to explain, but they would not listen.  And so, because he did not want to wander around for six hours on a cold November morning, he returned home and went back at the new time.  Job Centre, what the fuck is wrong with you?  For fuck sakes, a bit of leniency and a bit of respect, please.   Things are tough enough without you treating those who are trying to find work, like they are something that you scraped off your fucking shoe!
It's doing my head in seeing my son get so fucked about.  He feels 'trapped', wants to move out, get on with his life.  And you know what?  Oh, I cry for my son, for all of those who have similar stories to tell.  My young man, another youngster whose dreams have been dashed by this brutal economy and brutal people.  A young man who sees his qualifications going to waste.  Oh, I'm struggling to cope with it all.  I'm worried sick that any more knocks will wear him down.
Despite the fuckers with their lack of morals, I shall stay positive and focused on a more encouraging and optimistic future, for him and for all the desperate and decent young women and young men, who just want to get on with their lives.  And to all those who have the fucking audacity to devalue the humanity of those in sad and desperate situations, I say, how fucking dare you!


  1. I am so sorry that your son is having a hard time finding work. He sounds like a decent young man who just wants to make his own way. I will keep the both of you in my thoughts and prayers. Here's hoping something suitable comes up soon.

  2. sometimes there are simply no words to express something inexpressible... sometimes the only words to come up with are the strongest ones we can think of... and even those come up short... your outrage is an outpouring of love for your son... thank goodness there are still people (such as you) who are willing to open themselves to the outrage of love and speak out about it... in a world that increasingly worships selfishness and greed, those who are dumped into the expendable file can all too often fade into the quiet night, not knowing what to do, never to be heard from again...

    i hope for something better for your son and for you, for all of us... and soon...

  3. Sadly, life isn't fair Gary. Stories like this get me all steamed up too, because fairness is a quality in life that I hold dear, so when fairness is violated, I feel violated. All you can do is accept the crap with dignity and with your values intact, and keep trying.

  4. Hi Gary,
    Your feelings are completely justified! This country always has and always will be one where those that have want and get more and don`t care who they treat like shit in order to get it! Unfortunately people `in charge` think they can treat their underlings like crap because of the current climate and the fact that there is someone else out their who want work. I am self-employed and some of my customers treat me like something that they have just walked in, knowing full well that I can` t go elesewhere!
    Your son is lucky that he has the love and support of a wonderful Father and I am sure, in my heart that he will find a rewarding job/career soon.
    You two are in my thoughts for a postive future,
    Follow me at HEDGELAND TALES

  5. Dear Gary,
    I understand your outrage at this horrible situation. Even my parents have noticed how people's attitudes towards those in less fortunate situations has seemingly become less and less tolerant, and frankly it is time it stopped.
    There is even a book out ("CHAVS" by Owen Wilson) about how the working-classes have been systematically demonised by those higher up, who increasingly see them as some kind of low-life, scrounging good-for-nothings, when in reality the majority are just like your son- doing their best to get on despite the barriers they face. As the gap between rich and poor grows this situation appears to be getting worse.
    Although the situation is not comparable with your son's, only the other day I got a little taster of what he may have been facing when me and two friends were sort of "told off" in a very haughty fashion by a "JET" employee for smoking in the dooorway outside MAGMH. It was just the way it was done that got my back up- spoken to like we were some sort of moronic no-marks, when in fact we have four degrees between us, I am a published writer and my other friend has 30 years expereince as a social worker in the very difficult field of child protection. It sort of made me wonder that others who visit "JET" perhaps get spoken to like that all day. Who needs it, eh?
    And as for those who tell you that, well, life just ain't fair so we have to grin and bear it, I would say that "life", as we call it, has been governed for the last 30 years by a political, social and economic ideology that has widened the gap between rich and poor, made everybody greedy and self-seeking and reduced tolerance for those less fortunate. I think THIS CAN BE CHANGED.
    So I, to say the least, share your indignation at such unfairness and know that both you and your son deserve a hell of a lot better.
    Yours and, frankly, pissed off,

  6. Hi Gary .. I can quite understand your frustration, let alone the sadness your son feels .. life is difficult enough without others adding in their own misery.

    The supervisor .. probably comes from a worse situation, with a more difficult outlook, no imagination and not much in social skills or understanding and has risen the ranks through bullying.

    I think you and your son will find another way - a better way and become much more successful .. than those of the supervisor's ilk.

    As you say you're positive .. and will keep your son interested and progressively learning ..

    With many thoughts and much hope for his future .. cheers Hilary

  7. Hi Gary .. just thought .. could he not start a diary of his struggles .. a journal .. but a positive type one .. looking on the bright side of all the negative aspects that happen .. if he's got your imagination .. and hope .. cheers Hilary

  8. Dear Gary,
    Just to say that the book I mentioned above is by Owen Jones, not Owen Wilson, who is ,of course, a Hollywood actor, not a writer of leftist diatribes!
    Anyway, now you have two comments from me which surely must make you happy!
    Wishing you many postive vibes, dude, despite all the crap,

  9. How awful for your son - and a terrible worry for you. Sadly this is an all too familiar tale these days. I hope something comes up for him soon and he can rebuild his self-esteem. So sad to hear of a decent, hard working young person being treated in this way.

  10. It is extremely sad to hear of such incidents. May those in power who abuse it and act unjustly be given the punishment they deserve, and may your son find something better soon!

  11. Hello Gary:
    We were most distressed to read this post, not only for your son but also for you. We can only imagine the anguish you must feel for your son, combined with a deep anxiety, which can only worsen as the days, weeks and months go on. But, as you say, it is so important that you remain positive for him and give whatever support and encouragement you are able. All more easily said than done.

    For your son, we can only try to imagine what it is like to be in his situation where the prospect of proper work appears increasingly remote. We hold very strongly the belief that everyone has a fundamental right to a job, and it is the responsibility of those whose work it is to help unemployed people, of whatever age, to ensure that for their part all job seekers are treated with respect, afforded politeness at all times, are considered as valued members of society and, where self confidence is at a low ebb, to raise self esteem. We are appalled and shocked at the attitude of the Job Centre for which, as we see it, there can be absolutely no excuse.

    As for the 'Supervisor' in the local government office, have we not all, at some point, seen this whole approach of 'favouritism', however thinly disguised, in action at some time or another? In fact, we should argue, that in today's society it stems from the government down. There is, of course, as we know you will appreciate, no justice, and life remains bitterly unfair. What is so dreadfully wrong is that those who are in a position to redress the balance appear, in the main, to take no action whatsoever.

    It is a futile gesture for us to offer our sympathy to your son for he is not in need of that and, in any case, it will not alter his situation. But perhaps he should know that, after a long period in which we were in education, we greatly value young people with their widely varying skills and talents and truly believe that they are our future. Society disregards this at its peril.

  12. Oh Gary, this is horrible, for you and your son.

    I understand completely your feelings towards that supervisor – in your place I’d want to rip his head off. But there is a truth in Karma and no need for you to get your hands dirty because he will get what’s coming to him.

    Although it’s heartbreaking and these experiences will no doubt dent your boy’s confidence, I’ve no doubt he will be okay. Someone will give him a chance – hopefully that will happen one day soon. And he has a very big advantage in life – a lovely dad who loves and supports him and, most of all believes in him.

    Sending love to you both.

  13. I am so sorry!! :-(

    Don't let the bastards grind you or your son down. Don't don't don't. These fuckers think they can ride rough shod over decent people so everytime you or your son feel low, they win. So no, no, no, no! There are decent people and decent work out there - I hope and pray that you find them and they find you!

    Good luck and all the best!!! Take care

  14. so sorry to hear about your son i know lots of people right now out of work and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. will send positive thoughts in hopes it will change.

  15. Oh, tell me about it, getting work usually has nothing to do with what you can do, but with who you’re related to. These people aren’t doing themselves any favours, but that’s no consolation, is it? I feel for your son and you. Being positive isn’t easy sometimes on this financially and morally bankrupt planet.

  16. Gary,
    I usually try to keep my comments "clean" on your blog, but you know my, in the spirit of your post today, I shall join in to match the intensity of your feelings.

    Karma is a fucking bitch. She will ensure that the supervisor "gets his." The worst part about that is that we never know when that happens...we just have to trust that what comes around goes around.

    Similarly, good things come to good people - and the aggravating part about that is - we sometimes have to wait for what seems like an eternity - and causes severe fucking ass-chappage in the process!! Your son will prevail - and he has a great dad to keep cheering him on. I truly believe that times of adversity and how we handle it strengthen us and eventually help give us some of our defining characteristics.

    I'm sending positive mojo to you and your boy from across the pond. Tell him that some crazy yank broad is wishing him well and telling him to keep his chin up!

  17. I understand your frustration. With the state of the world economy, it's become dog eat dog. You do what you must to keep a roof over your head and food in your belly. It's not an excuse; it's just the way humanity works unfortunately.

    I've run my own company for 15 years and when my work dried up 3 years ago, I didn't even have the option of unemployment compensation. I just muddle through the best I can.

    It's tough, especially for younger folks who haven't developed adequate coping skills yet. It's this kind of hard lesson that makes us each tougher and more durable for the next hard time to come.

    This is precisely why I advise my friends with children not to overly shield them from disappointment. Life is chock full of it and if we don't allow our kids to experience it, it will likely crush them. With each experience, our children get stronger, wiser, and more resilient.

    Your anger is justifiable and just knowing you support him will help your son move on. Helping him get up every day and remain focused on what may be is sometimes the best a parent can do.

  18. Gary, this is sickening. Knowing you have the moral high ground can only take you so far.
    I learnt long ago to support my daughters but not to live their lives for them.
    Went things went wrong for either of them, I wanted to go and bash up some idiot but in the end I let them know they had my backing for what ever they did and let thm do it for themselves.
    That's very hard but in the long-run it works best.
    Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
    Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

  19. Hi Gary

    Easy said than done i know but your son needs to remain positive and not let the bastards win. Day in and day out he must tell himself that he will get a good job and that he is worthy of respect and success. You may have read the following quote before but just in case you haven't please read it to your son: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

    I hope this helps.

    Take Care


  20. Even if I didn't have sons I'd understand how you feel. To see them treated poorly is excruciating. So, I'm left doing the only thing I can, I'm going to ask God to be merciful and to land your son a good steady job. Not much to ask really.

    I'll just keep praying until you tell me he's got a job. I have to believe this will work. Hopefully, more of your followers will join in so we don't have to wait so long.

    Amen to that.

  21. I can completely empathise. When I signed on I got the same treatment, as far as they are concerned you are a naughty child that needs to be taught a lesson because you ahve no job.I hope your son finds something soon. Tell him not to let the bar-stewards grind him down. Hang in there. x

  22. So sorry to hear about your son's situation. It's heartbreaking to hear of people who are willing to work hard denied the chance to do so. I hope things are on the upswing for him.

  23. I am sorry that your son had to go through all of that Gary. I hope he finds a strength in his heart to stay positive during these trying times and with a wonderful and caring dad like you to be by his side, always supporting and fighting for him, I think he will be just fine. Here's praying and hoping that your son lands a good job soon.

  24. Amen brother… but the sad part is: most of life is WHO you know, rather than WHAT you know!

    I hope your son grows, and comes out stronger from this lesson.
    With dedication, the right mind set and a great father like you: I am sure he will.

  25. Hi Gary,

    I'm sorry to hear that your son's job did not work out for the long term. I, like you, despise injustice.
    You are a wonderful dad with a fantastic son. Life poses great challenges for many of us, and in the end, we are fortunate to have family and friends who we can count on. Your son has your support, and you have mine. Take care dear friend.

  26. It seems we take wrongs done to our children worse than those done to ourselves. You're a good Dad; he'll be fine. He has you.

  27. Greetings my friends,
    Normally, I try to give individual replies to each comment. Try to give it my best at the personal touch.
    However, upon switching on my computer, I was amazed and heartened by the incredible amount of comments I have been blessed with receiving.
    When I wrote this post, I had a sleepless night worrying that someone may take offence to this posting. My concerns were unjustified, because nobody passed judgement. This is true and sincere testimony to the compassion, the caring, of each and everyone of you.
    This posting was indeed about my love for my son and my outrage for those in this world who have been subjected to outrageous and unacceptable disrespect and the devaluing of their humanity.
    I know we can and we must make a difference, to make this a more caring, more compassionate, more peaceful world.
    Bless you all. I'm very grateful for your thoughtful interaction.
    With much respect and kind wishes, your way, Gary.

  28. Hi Gary

    Hope your son finds a suitable job soon. Having just had a period of manic job searching I really feel for him. Fingers crossed for him getting something he enjoys with a decent boss.
    Ms M

  29. Hi Mrs Midnite,
    Thank you for your kind and supportive words. It seems you can relate to such a plight.
    Sadly, at this time, my son is getting increasingly down about his work situation. And to be subjected to immoral corruption was a huge blow to his esteem and confidence. I shall do my utmost to stay positive for him.
    Thank you, my friend.
    In kindness and good wishes, your way, Gary.

  30. The petty exercise of petty powers is such a dreadful thing. I can only endorse and echo what others have said, and particularly this from the Hattats: But perhaps he should know that, after a long period in which we were in education, "we greatly value young people with their widely varying skills and talents and truly believe that they are our future. Society disregards this at its peril."

  31. Hi Susan,
    Thank you for your supportive and understanding response to this very raw and brutally honest posting. Jane and Lance and indeed all those who so kindly responded, have demonstrated, that together, we have the opportunity to make this a better world, for the disillusioned young, for all of us.
    Thank you, Susan. I am thankful for your comment.
    With respect and peaceful wishes, your way, Gary


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.