The Wisdom Of The Wee Folks.

My last post, way back when, was more from a personal, family angle.  My concerns for my son and his health.  My ongoing battle to work through my fog.  To see clearly that brighter future on offer. My son is much better and he's back at work.  The fog begins to lift. 

And yet, my friend, you are very much an integral part, a catalyst in my working through all that has impacted me so profoundly over the past year.  The emotional and physical upheavals have drained me.  I'm slowly getting there and in part, thanks to you.

This "electric family", this community of caring beyond my screen, is one that leaves me with gratitude beyond any suitable words.  Thank you.

I sat there in the deafening hush of the living room.  My mind's eye vaguely noticed fleeting visions. Of blurry blacks and greys.  The mind's eye hankered back to a time not so long ago.  Back to a time when the wee folks danced, sang songs of joy, in an enchanted garden that now seemed but a distant dream.....

I concentrated, oh how I concentrated.  Fidelina, the beautiful fairy princess, her husband, Geoffrey the garden gnome and their boy child, Einahalk, came more into view.  Somewhat clearer, the vision started to take on dashes of colour.

Then the brilliance arrived.  The resplendent colours, symbolic of hope, of renewed optimism, washed upon my inner vision.  The wee folks spoke.  Gentle, whispered words of hope.  Words of wisdom from the wee folks.

I visualised my son.  A sense of pride consumed me knowing that my son is adapting so well.  Yes, he has started his life in his own home.   I celebrate his independence and come to terms with my reality.  A reality I'm determined to make the most of.

I opened my eyes.   Stared across the living room.  There she was in all her sweet innocence.  Penny the loving dog and three of the garden gnomes.  Three garden gnomes from the community of wee folks who travelled from an enchanted garden.  They make the most of a new situation.  The past meets the present.   What an image of inspiration.

Beyond The Window.

It had been a windswept, rainy night.  The clouds passed.  The rain stopped.  Sprinkled droplets splashed upon yon window.  The street lamp cast an eerie glow.

Lessons have been learnt.  Those who would devalue our humanity, shall never, ever kill the good in the human spirit.  Together, in hope, we cope.  You, my friend, have shared that lesson.  Thank you.

And beyond the window, I saw the universe.

Bringing Back The Vibrant Colours Of The Rainbow.

And the darkness descended again.  The colours of the rainbow faded back to shades of black, of white, of grey.  For the past month I've been living under a cloud of gloom.  Time to have the sun shine through that cloud of doom and see the vibrant colours of the rainbow.

Like so many, I have been targeted by a ruthless British government.  A government who are attacking the poor, the sick, the vulnerable.  And through this, the memories I had tried to move on from, were dredged up by a questionnaire that questions my illness.  Yes, the stress has been unbearable and made me feel sick, distraught and hysterical with fear.  Indeed, this horrible government is making the already sick, sicker.

Why are they doing this?  It's all in the name of austerity.  That would be austere measures where those who can least afford it, are suffering the consequences of those who got us into this mess in the first place.  This may sound all too familiar, no matter where you live.

For the past month, I've been completely exhausted.  Barely able to get out of bed.  For the past month, I would get out of bed and within an hour, found myself back under the duvet.  Thanks to all this outrageous stress imposed, I have been feeling anxious, breathless and barely functioning.  In actuality, I can hardly muster up the energy to type this.

With every fibre of my resilient, defiant nature, I challenge this.  I need to relax and realise a more positive now.  I have decided, no matter what obstacles are put before me, I shall knock down the barriers and find a way.  I always do.  I will not give negative influences permission to sabotage my right to a peaceful, positive life.

I have a friend in Wales who needs some comfort.  My friend is going through a challenging time and I want to be there for him.  This means that I'm staying well away from a computer for the next few days, starting Tuesday morning.  I believe that by trying to help my friend, in turn, I help myself.

I am profoundly grateful for your ongoing support and understanding during one of the worst moments of my life.  I know that we are here for each other and that fills me with hope, inspiration and the determination to carry on.  Thank you for reading this.  I'm visualising the vibrant colours of the rainbow.

Depression Is A Thief.

Depression is a thief.  Robs the colours from the rainbow.  The dreams, the hopes, the beautiful colours, I so embrace, had faded to a teasing, taunting background blur.  Faded to murky shades of black, of grey, of white.   

No, not again.  Please, not again.  And I lay in bed.  Watched the shadows dance upon the wall as the cool autumn breeze drifted in through open window.  And I lay in bed.  Hardly noting the tears streaming down my cheeks.  It had all become too much as I lay there and thought of my sleeping son.

Depression is a thief.  It robs you of the joy of the simple things in life.  Blocks out the sounds of the singing birds playing gently on the branches of winter trees.  Depression is a thief.  Steals the wonder from your heart and suffocates with impending doom.  

And yet, despite it all, I have received gifts of caring, compassion and hope. You have reached out to me and your kindness is clear, profound demonstration that we can all be here for each other.  Thanks to you and thanks to my determination to cling on to those delicate strands of positivity that linger in the back of my mind, the colour is beginning to return.  It's a little bit blurry, a little bit hazy, but the uplifting colours of optimism have started to immerse my being.  I even heard the sweet sounds of winter birds playing gently on the branches of winter trees.

And thus, thanks to David at,  A Day in the Life  and Kim and CindyLu, over at, CindyLu'sMuse,  for doing guest postings while I have been trying to work through this bout of depression.  I am heartened and encouraged by such genuine and inspirational concern.  I thank each and every one of you for reaching out to me.  For thanks to you and your warm wishes, the thief has been apprehended.

Reaching Out To You.

The ethos, the ideals of my blog, have and always will be my attempt to demonstrate that my mental health issues are only a small part of who I am.  I endeavour to be of support and encouragement to those who may be experiencing feelings of great isolation as they battle with the turmoil of mental health concerns.   Yes, I am mentally ill, yet I am not ashamed of who I am.   

I endeavour to display realistic positive anticipation in my daily life.   For the impact of negative speculation plays on the mind, destroys the uplifting energy I so desire.  I'm battling here.  I cannot focus.  I cannot eat.  I hardly sleep and sleep has been the only freedom that I know.  And when I do catch those moments of precious sleep; instead of waking up with an air of optimism, I wake up to wave upon wave of panicky thoughts, drowning what's left of my fragile ego.  

I'm gasping for breath as I write this.  The fragments of my positive energy punched, kicked and suffocated by an unrelenting negative force.  One of my few remaining passions, the passion to write, something I hold so dear, is garbled and sporadic.   

And what has triggered this negative energy?  The sadness in the eyes of my son.   Sadness caused by the desperation of not having work and being able to move on with his life.  His sadness, a grim reminder of the torment I endured all those years ago.  I see his pain and I relive my own personal nightmare.  Somehow I must regain my inner strength.  The love for my son depends on this.  

And thus, my dear 'electric friend', my 'electronic tonic', this very frightened and lonely man is not going to post for the next little while.   Instead, I'm going to do what the ethos of this blog set out to do.  To encourage and support others.  I will be as proactive on as many of your blogs as my exhausted mind will allow.  I embrace the true spirit of the caring and sharing blogging community.   Indeed, all different, all equal.   

I thank you for your time and your understanding.   And now, I'm reaching out to you.....

Friends.

Ah yes, friends.   And when I note 'friends', it is in no way a reference to that nauseating, sickly sweet American television 'shitcom', I mean 'sitcom' show, 'Friends'.   That would be the show that had Jennifer Aniston amongst the galaxy of stars.  Yes, the same Jennifer Aniston who was devastated when I told her I wouldn't marry her.   So, yes indeed,  to try and get over her heartache, she married and then divorced, Brad Pitt.  I guess she never really got over me turning her down.  Which reminds me, if you're reading this Brad, no I won't tell you the secret in regards to my stunningly good looks.   Or, is that stunning or stunned look...Anyway, whatever, Brad, deal with it.

So nothing to do with the television show, Friends.  The show that also featured Courtney Cox.   You may recall her in a certain Bruce Springsteen video.   Yes, his video for 'Dancing in the Dark', where he beckons a very young Courtney Cox to come and dance on the stage with him.   And judging by their dancing, I wish they had danced in the dark, total dark.

Before I completely digress from the actual theme of this posting.....I suppose there might be a bit of a clue in the above photo.  Teresa, over at this friendly site : A Likely Story  has very kindly bestowed the 'Friendly Blogger Award' to me because she considers me to be a friendly blogger.   Teresa, I'm most honoured that you would think of me as a friendly blogger friend.  

Okay, I'm supposed to forward this award onto a few friendly bloggers.   Of course, you are all friendly and during an extremely difficult time in my personal life, your friendship has been a lifeline.  However, even though I consider you all to be my friends, I wish to pass on the award to the following for their ongoing kindness to me that goes beyond any words.  To all my blogger friends, I am truly grateful.

1:  A Moment At A Time On Cluculz Lake  

2:   THE SNEE         

3:   Austanspace    

4:  thefeatherednest       

5:  PSYCHO CARNIVAL   

6:  W.M. Morrell's Musings From Down Under      

7:  browndogcbr     

8:  Positive Letters....inspirational stories ....     

9:  A Day in the Life   

10:  Soundoff    

11:  CindyLu'sMuse      

12:  It's A Lollipop World     

13:  Ten lives and second chances   

14:  The Manic Chef  

15:  joanne rose  

To all of those friendly bloggers I have forwarded this award too; please do not feel any obligation to acknowledge this award or, if you do, to not list as many friends as me.

I am going through the toughest time of my life.  I've been in the background and not very proactive.  I cannot think straight and I'm exhausted.  My dear friends, all of you, I hope you understand.

Are Friends Electric?

"You know I hate to ask...but are friends electric?"   You might be familiar with that song, "Are Friends Electric", by Gary Numan and the Tubeway Army, which came out in the summer of 1979.   The song got me  thinking about my friends out there on "Electric Avenue".
Some might take a scientific view of whether friends are indeed electric.  You know, the kind that touch you on a cold winter's day and give you a bit of zap.  Talk about your friends giving you static.
I know, ohm my god, watt am I talking about?  Does it have anything to do with 'current' affairs?  Well, in a way, it does have to do with the current and the flow of electricity that drives my computer.  It has everything to do with the comfort I receive from those I have gotten to know out there in the vast and varied world that lies beyond the glow of my screen.
I am but one man, who through a series of sad, heartbreaking and traumatic events, woke up one day and found himself to be a lonely, isolated recluse.  A scared man, barely coping, barely functioning.  So, what keeps me going?  What determines I face another day with renewed determination?  It's the love I have for my son and for our precious dog.  It's the overwhelming kindness and compassion I have been graced with from comments and emails.   Ah yes, my electric friends.  Friends on the other side.  The other side of my computer screen, who reach out, and for those few precious moments, I am no longer alone.  Thank you.