Beyond The Window.

It had been a windswept, rainy night.  The clouds passed.  The rain stopped.  Sprinkled droplets splashed upon yon window.  The street lamp cast an eerie glow.

Lessons have been learnt.  Those who would devalue our humanity, shall never, ever kill the good in the human spirit.  Together, in hope, we cope.  You, my friend, have shared that lesson.  Thank you.

And beyond the window, I saw the universe.

Bringing Back The Vibrant Colours Of The Rainbow.

And the darkness descended again.  The colours of the rainbow faded back to shades of black, of white, of grey.  For the past month I've been living under a cloud of gloom.  Time to have the sun shine through that cloud of doom and see the vibrant colours of the rainbow.

Like so many, I have been targeted by a ruthless British government.  A government who are attacking the poor, the sick, the vulnerable.  And through this, the memories I had tried to move on from, were dredged up by a questionnaire that questions my illness.  Yes, the stress has been unbearable and made me feel sick, distraught and hysterical with fear.  Indeed, this horrible government is making the already sick, sicker.

Why are they doing this?  It's all in the name of austerity.  That would be austere measures where those who can least afford it, are suffering the consequences of those who got us into this mess in the first place.  This may sound all too familiar, no matter where you live.

For the past month, I've been completely exhausted.  Barely able to get out of bed.  For the past month, I would get out of bed and within an hour, found myself back under the duvet.  Thanks to all this outrageous stress imposed, I have been feeling anxious, breathless and barely functioning.  In actuality, I can hardly muster up the energy to type this.

With every fibre of my resilient, defiant nature, I challenge this.  I need to relax and realise a more positive now.  I have decided, no matter what obstacles are put before me, I shall knock down the barriers and find a way.  I always do.  I will not give negative influences permission to sabotage my right to a peaceful, positive life.

I have a friend in Wales who needs some comfort.  My friend is going through a challenging time and I want to be there for him.  This means that I'm staying well away from a computer for the next few days, starting Tuesday morning.  I believe that by trying to help my friend, in turn, I help myself.

I am profoundly grateful for your ongoing support and understanding during one of the worst moments of my life.  I know that we are here for each other and that fills me with hope, inspiration and the determination to carry on.  Thank you for reading this.  I'm visualising the vibrant colours of the rainbow.

Depression Is A Thief.

Depression is a thief.  Robs the colours from the rainbow.  The dreams, the hopes, the beautiful colours, I so embrace, had faded to a teasing, taunting background blur.  Faded to murky shades of black, of grey, of white.   

No, not again.  Please, not again.  And I lay in bed.  Watched the shadows dance upon the wall as the cool autumn breeze drifted in through open window.  And I lay in bed.  Hardly noting the tears streaming down my cheeks.  It had all become too much as I lay there and thought of my sleeping son.

Depression is a thief.  It robs you of the joy of the simple things in life.  Blocks out the sounds of the singing birds playing gently on the branches of winter trees.  Depression is a thief.  Steals the wonder from your heart and suffocates with impending doom.  

And yet, despite it all, I have received gifts of caring, compassion and hope. You have reached out to me and your kindness is clear, profound demonstration that we can all be here for each other.  Thanks to you and thanks to my determination to cling on to those delicate strands of positivity that linger in the back of my mind, the colour is beginning to return.  It's a little bit blurry, a little bit hazy, but the uplifting colours of optimism have started to immerse my being.  I even heard the sweet sounds of winter birds playing gently on the branches of winter trees.

And thus, thanks to David at,  A Day in the Life  and Kim and CindyLu, over at, CindyLu'sMuse,  for doing guest postings while I have been trying to work through this bout of depression.  I am heartened and encouraged by such genuine and inspirational concern.  I thank each and every one of you for reaching out to me.  For thanks to you and your warm wishes, the thief has been apprehended.

Reaching Out To You.

The ethos, the ideals of my blog, have and always will be my attempt to demonstrate that my mental health issues are only a small part of who I am.  I endeavour to be of support and encouragement to those who may be experiencing feelings of great isolation as they battle with the turmoil of mental health concerns.   Yes, I am mentally ill, yet I am not ashamed of who I am.   

I endeavour to display realistic positive anticipation in my daily life.   For the impact of negative speculation plays on the mind, destroys the uplifting energy I so desire.  I'm battling here.  I cannot focus.  I cannot eat.  I hardly sleep and sleep has been the only freedom that I know.  And when I do catch those moments of precious sleep; instead of waking up with an air of optimism, I wake up to wave upon wave of panicky thoughts, drowning what's left of my fragile ego.  

I'm gasping for breath as I write this.  The fragments of my positive energy punched, kicked and suffocated by an unrelenting negative force.  One of my few remaining passions, the passion to write, something I hold so dear, is garbled and sporadic.   

And what has triggered this negative energy?  The sadness in the eyes of my son.   Sadness caused by the desperation of not having work and being able to move on with his life.  His sadness, a grim reminder of the torment I endured all those years ago.  I see his pain and I relive my own personal nightmare.  Somehow I must regain my inner strength.  The love for my son depends on this.  

And thus, my dear 'electric friend', my 'electronic tonic', this very frightened and lonely man is not going to post for the next little while.   Instead, I'm going to do what the ethos of this blog set out to do.  To encourage and support others.  I will be as proactive on as many of your blogs as my exhausted mind will allow.  I embrace the true spirit of the caring and sharing blogging community.   Indeed, all different, all equal.   

I thank you for your time and your understanding.   And now, I'm reaching out to you.....