The Alphabark Challenge, 2014!

Here, have a smooch 

From this lovable pooch

No A to Zed

It fills me with dread

So mark

And hark

Here's the Alphabark!

"A" if for "Arf!"

I'm having a laugh

"B" if for "Bark"

Sometimes I snark

"C" is for "Chihuahua"

Hello, how are ya? 

"D" is for "Dog"

A pawblished blog

"E" is for "eekPawblishing"

If that's your thing

"F" is for "Feline"

Having a whine

"G" is for "Gary"

How very scary

"H" is for "Howl"

Without a scowl

"I" is for "Insect"

A bug I detect

"J" is for "Jack Russell"

The dogs that hustle

"K" is for "Klahanie"

Pawmoting I see

"L" is for "Loon"

A Canadian tune

"M" is for "Metrosexual"

Such a transport ball 

On all things Metro

Didn't you know.

Halfway through 

Just for you

The Alphabark Challenge

My friendly revenge.

Alphabet "L"!

 "Z - Y - X - W - V - U - T

S - R - Q - P - O - N - M - L - K

J - I - H - G - F  and E

D - C - B  and A

Now I know my Z - Y - X's

Wont you sing this song of perplexes......"

"Gary!  Wake up, human!"  "Huh!  What happened, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar?"  "Gary, you were dreaming about the alphabet, but you were mumbling it backwards!"

"Oh yeah, now I remember, Penny......I dreamt I was in alphabet hell!"  

"I recall wandering into "The Alphabet Store." in Leek, Staffordshire.  In the store were a bunch of bloggers frantically searching for ideas for the "A to Z Challenge" that starts on April Fool's Day.  Suddenly, the group of bloggers noted me, Penny.  Like a frenzied mob, they started chucking letters of the alphabet at me.  Somebody yelled, "Take that, A!" I got buzzed by a bee, I mean "B".  I didn't see the "C" which conked me on the cranium.  I dodged the letter "D".  By the end of the alphabet onslaught, I managed to catch a few Zeds or Zees....."

"I thought the dream had ended, Penny. Then I drifted into the land of "O".  O no, I thought!   At least we've got the alphabet dream down to just one letter.  Uh oh, SpaghettiOs!"

"Penny!  Then the dream got much worse..."

Even though my human and I would never um dream of doing the A to Z Challenge, just to be ironic, here is the link for you if you're contemplating joining the challenge, Blogging from A to Z Challenge (April 2014)

My human, Gary, has gone back to sleep.  Probably catching a few more Zeds or Zees......

"C.B.A."

"C.B.A." is not a reference to the "Criminal Bar Association", the "Council for British Archaeology", the "Center for Backyard Astrophysics", nope, none of those. "C.B.A." stands for, "Can't Be Arsed."

I'd tell you why I didn't participate in the "A to Z", but I can't be arsed.  However, perhaps ironically, I've done my best to support those involved.  So I guess I was slightly arsed.

"C" is for "Cheese."  I love cheese.  The stronger, the stinkier, the better.  Cheese so smelly, so ripe, that just the aroma wafting up, heading directly for your nose, is enough to singe your nostril hairs.    

Dogs love cheese.  Well, every dog I've offered cheese to has gone into a frenetic fun-filled frenzy.  Note Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar's enthusiasm over the pack of cheese.

I love cottage cheese.  I have noted that folks here in England are not that keen on cottage cheese.  That's very good.  This means, at the "reduced price" section in the supermarket, the army of 'old rage pensioners', who clear out everything else, by the trolley load, leave me the tubs of cottage cheese. 

At this point, I would probably attempt a few predictable cheese puns.  I know, you Gouda be kidding.  Instead, I offer you a series of films, and no, not the film on really stinky cheese, but movie type films that were dedicated to cheese.  'The Big Cheesy', 'Cheesy Rider', 'Five Cheesy Pieces', 'Cheesy Come, Cheesy Go' and of course, who could forget this classic British cheesy movie,  'Cheese Sir!'.

Now, I have no idea what kind of cheese you like.  Maybe you hate cheese.  Perhaps the idea of being overwhelmed by the fumes of really strong cheese, makes you think of these lyrics, 'cheese release me, let me go...'    Then again, to kinda', sorta' quote John Lennon, '..all we are saying is give cheese a chance...'

"B" is for "Blog Air."  Oh yes, the blogger's favourite airline. Wonder where I'd sit on Blog Air?  Would I be sitting with the self-obsessed bloggers?  Nope.  Will I be amongst the self-promoting bloggers?  Definitely not.  Will I be in the section of the plane where the 'hey let's have yet another competition on my site, because I love y'all and it has nothing whatsoever to do with me trying to get more bloggers to follow my blog, bloggers'?  Of course not.  Will I be sitting beside a blogger who links into every blogging site they see and has like a thousand 'followers' after a week, because other bloggers notice their icon and thus link into their blog?  Umm, no way.  Will I be sitting amongst the blogger 'sheep' or as I call them 'Bleeps', who go to sites and heap praise and worship the self-obsessed blogger?  No chance. 

I suppose, based on the above paragraph, you might assume that I would be sitting in the cynical bloggers section of Blog Air.  Me cynical?  Never!  Me sarcastic?  Never been sarcastic in my life, ever! 

No, this shy and humble blogger on this unassuming site, will be down in the cargo hold.  Down there with the exotic animals, an iguana named Fred, a kiwi named Marvin and a couple of bloggers who do nothing but blog about cats.  Help me!   

"A" is for "Anarchic Alphabet Alternative."  So to you, my friend, at the "A to Z", thank you for visiting the "Z to A."

I Haven't Gone.

Yes, you can breathe a sigh of relief. I know how much you eagerly anticipate my um .must-read postings.  In other words, I haven't gone.  Nope, still being a rebel, an anarchist of the alphabet!  So much so, not only doing the Z to A, but have even been known to type some words, ǝpısdn uʍop.

I!... I!...I!  Why is "Eye" spelt with an "E"?  Perhaps a 'pupil' named 'Iris' might let me know.

And without batting an 'Ilid', I continue one.  

"I" is for "Inner Space."  You may have read the following before.  If so, I hope you don't mind reading it again.  

And man reached out to the heavens.  Outer space, a wondrous place of countless stars, countless galaxies and countless questions.

And man, gazed deeply into outer space and forgot about his inner space.  For man's heart beat with a brutal savagery.   He shed the blood of his brother's and sister's in the name of greed, of hatred, of betrayal, of deception. He invaded the space, the personal space of the scared, the innocent, the vulnerable.  Yes, in his pursuit to progress, to advance, mankind lost touch with that precious gift.  The gift of the inner child.

And man's lust to conquer, to destroy, to steal from his fellow man, lived on.   Then one day, one momentous day, it happened.  One man looked around, saw the rivers of blood and heard a gentle whisper.  The whisper was the voice of his inner child and it said, "This has to stop.  I want to play, to sing, to dance, to smile, to laugh and love.  Please, we must make this stop."  The man looked over at his blood-soaked enemy and asked, "Can you hear it?  Listen carefully, for your inner child has a message for you, for all of us.'" And his blood-soaked enemy listened and he smiled.  The word spread.  The voice of the inner child, the inner space, spread far and wide.  The bells rang out with the chimes of peace.  Enemies embraced and enemies became friends.

That was a long, long time ago, on that blue and fragile planet.  Mankind reached out and explored the beauty of outer space.  And the message he brought was of acceptance, understanding, hope and peace.  And it all began that day when that one man realised that inner space was the final frontier.

"H" is for "Hope."  The above photo is Mount Hope, near Hope, British Columbia, Canada.  

"G" is for "Garbage Gobbler."  The one with the bigger mouth is the Garbage Gobbler.  Garbage Gobbler meet Gary the "Garbage Bloggler."

Penny's Pawfound Pawsitive Pawsting Pawsenting "P" Paw "Penny"!

Hi there, yes it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  I've noticed my human, Gary, yes the guy I so kindly allow to live with me, has been doing some sort of alternate alphabet challenge. He's a rebel.  A non-conformist.  Likes to do things his way.

I also notice he seems to be doing the alphabet in reverse and doing more than one letter at a time on his postings.  Well to heck with doing more than one letter at a time.  Yep, despite my obvious modesty, this pawsting, oops, posting is dedicated to just one letter.  The letter "P".  Indeed, "P" as in me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  And in honour of me, I'm going to delight you with a bunch of photos of me, yes me, such a humble dog.

That's right, I have my very own award that I send out to bloggers just to say
thank you.  I have sent this award to humans and animals who understand the ideals of unconditional, non-judgemental love.  There are no rules.  Never a need to link back to my site.  Just an award with a lot of meaning, a lot of feeling.  This award has travelled the world.  It has spread the peace and joy intended.

Note my award being part of a poster campaign.

Here I am guarding over the wee folks in my magical garden.

Two of my adoring fans idolising one of my posters.

One of my larger billboards.  I believe they're about to remove me and replace my amazing self with an ad for a Kim Kardashian perfume set.  Oh the horror of it all!

I'm sure you are aware I have millions of adoring feline fans.

Hello cat.  Yes I pawmise to pawst another pawsting fairly soon.

                                                   Hello to my fans in Canada, eh! 

Having some moments of gentle reflection as my human brother, Tristan, sleeps.

Almost time for me to go.  And go, I really need to go.  Come on Tristan, hurry up and get out of the bathroom!  Time to take you for a walk.

Wish me luck.  This diva dog has to watch out for the pesky 'puparazzi' that always hound me.  Come on Tristan, I need to "P"........  

Something Regarding Queues.

S is for Syllable, the final frontier.  These are the voyages of the Starship Alphabet.  My one month mission, to explore strange new words, to seek out new linguistics and new consonants, to boldly go where no metaphor has gone before.

"Ah Captain, I canny no do a vowel moment!"  "Scotty!  You may be suffering from an irregular verb."  "Aye  Captain, aye!"  "Captain?"  "Yes Mr. Spock?"  "Can I have a look at your Captain's 'log'?"

R is for Repetition.  I repeat.  R is for Repetition.

Q is for Quota
Fulfilling the rota.
Q is for Queue
Or line up to you
An orderly Queue
We try to do
Q is for Queer
Have no fear
Q is for Queen
Know what I mean
We will rock you
One does, it's true
Q is for Quick
Fast and slick
Q is for Query
Agent ignores you, insincerely.

Zap My Zipper.

The following posting was typed in front of a dead studio audience.  And no, that's in no way a reference to those participating in the "A to Z Challenge, April 2013".

*Singing*  : "Z - Y - X - W - V - U - T

S - R - Q - P - O - N - M - L - K

J - I - H - G - F  and E

D - C - B  and A

Now I know my Z - Y - X's

Wont you sing this song of perplexes."

Or maybe you prefer seeing uʍop ǝpısdn ʇǝqɐɥdןɐ ǝɥʇ

"Z" is for "Zap" as in "Zap My Zipper"
"Zap" it enough and I become a stripper.

"Y" is for "You"
This be true
And why is "You" spelt with a "Y"?
Makes no sense to this guy.

"Y" is for "Yabba" as in "Yabba Dabba Doo!"
Mix it together with these two
Fred Flintstone meet Homer Simpson and what do you know
It suddenly becomes..... "Yabba Dabba.....Doh!"

"X" is for "Xerox"
Think out of the box
Do you copy?
A photo of your bum for all to see?

"X" is for "Xenaphobia"
Things that scare you from afar
Such a fear of that warrior princess
Something you need to fear much less.

If you are participating in the Blogging from A to Z Challenge (April 2013), I do wish you well.  May you embrace the ideals of a sharing, caring blogging community.  Rejoice in the all different, all equal diversity.  Learn from each other and make such knowledge a force for good on our fragile planet.

Yes, this posting was typed in front of a dead studio audience and they are getting restless.  In fact, they are heading towards me.  "Z" is for "Zombies!".........

The Alphabet Challenge.

I'm not sure about you, but I can barely contain my excitement over the upcoming challenge that brings further awareness of the alphabet you might be familiar with.  You know, the one that goes from A to Zed, or if you're American, A to Zee.

If you don't know of this challenge and want to self-promote and accumulate followers who may well be those much loved drive-by bloggers, then, by all means, join in.  Sorry, cynical moment over.  If you don't know of this challenge and embrace the ethos of positive interaction in a sharing, caring, blogging community, this challenge may well be to your liking.

Now then, if you're really fascinated and really do want to get involved in time for the fitting date of April 1, 2013 aka "April Fool's Day",  here is the link that leads you there, yep, complete with a countdown clock to the beginning of this amazing alphabet challenge : Blogging from A to Z Challenge (April 2013)  All the information you could possibly need is provided there.

As for Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, my good self and even the wee folks, we'll  be doing our mainly satirical alternatives to the challenge.  Good natured, of course.  In fact, perhaps somewhat ironically, in our own small way, we bring further awareness of this blogfest or whatever the heck you call it.  And all those hosts of the A to Z just adore us.

So, to cause confusion, chaos and a bit of fun, we may well do the alphabet in reverse.  Yes oh yes, starting with the letter Zed or "Zee" if you speak in American.

If you are doing the challenge or are still contemplating a theme, here's a handy store to go visit in Leek, Staffordshire, England.  Just think what inspiration you might find.

On a serious note, I wish all those involved, a most fulfilling, positive time.  May the ideals of a sharing, caring blogging community, all different, all equal in this great diversity, see you find much contentment and friendship.

"Hmmmm...something beginning with Zee, oops, Zed.."

Penny The Jack Russell Dog And Modest Internet Star's, A To Z Alphabark Challenge.

Right then, time to type away on the peeboard, I mean keyboard.  I've noted that a bunch of humans have been getting involved in that challenge again this April that evidently brings further awareness of the alphabet.  Which means, just like last April, during that A to Z challenge that thrills a few humans, I submit my alternative pawsting or posting.  Yes, you lucky human and the millions of animals who read my pawstings um postings,  here is the 'A to Z Alphabark Challenge.'  And because I cannot be bothered with all the other letters, I reckon it's apt that I'm doing the letter "P".

Now some might think that the letter "P" might be, "P" for 'Pawmotion', pawdon me, "Promotion".  Well, in a way it is.  When I forwarded on my very own award, "The Gold Framed Dog Blog Award", it was to pawmote, sorry, promote  pawsitivity, okay, I'll stop with the puns, to promote positivity and bring warm wishes to all who received it, as it travelled out into the internet ether.

"P" is for the profound pride providing  pleasing pleasure placing photographic placards presenting positive publicity perchance.  However, "Hey lady, stop licking my face!  And, hey lady, stop sniffing my butt!"  Humans, I'll tell ya!

"P" is for  "pussycat".  This photo was sent to me by post from two of my huge legion of adoring pussycat fans.  I have a special Press pass that I use to gain secret information on the whereabouts of the 'puppyarazzi' who often try to hound me.

"P" is for "peace".  I sense the sadness in Gary's son, as a tired young man knows the comfort of my love.  "P" is for "pacify", as I do my best to see that smile return to his face.

The A to Zed Alphabark Challenge.

Greetings.  Yes, it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star.  Gary aka 'klahanie' is quite busy in his preparations for his upcoming trip to British Columbia.  He claims there are going to be loads of parades in his honour.  I would suggest he's deluded.
And thus, I have agreed to write this posting and give the old chap a break.  I note that after over four years of blogging, he has just passed the 200 'followers' mark.  I think he should give me my rightful credit for even having that many.  Whenever I do a posting, this site gets way more 'hits', whatever that means.  Maybe Gary should take the hint and let me take over.
Anyhow, I have observed that a lot of you seem to be participating in something called the 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!'.  Evidently, you write a topic that starts with the letter of the day.  'O', I believe today's letter is 'O'.  Which means, I can go down the blog list and see loads and loads of blogs who are writing about 'O'.  'O' no.

Although, I've got much better things to do, like posing on the lawn, I thought I'd submit my own alternative to that fascinating other 'challenge'.  Here is my 'A to Zed Alphabark Challenge'.  Today's letter is 'P'.  P is for p*ss.  Whoops, P is for Penny, as in Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star.

P is for paws.  Would you like to shake the paw of me, the famous, yet modest internet star?

P is for pondering.   As in pondering why Gary expects me to stay still when he takes my photo.

P is for proud.  I'm very proud to be a friend of the 'wee folks'.  Just like me, the wee folks display unconditional and non-judgemental love.

P is for placid.  I feel very calm and relaxed when Gary's son, Tristan, gently strokes my head.

P is for peaceful.   Tristan has fallen asleep and I know I make an excellent blanket.

P is for pleasure.  It's my pleasure to please.  I know I am loved and the love I share for you is conveyed through my photos and through my words.
I wish you humans well in your own 'A to Z Blogging Challenge!'  I enjoyed doing my very own 'A to Zed Alphabark Challenge.'  However, that's it for me.

P is for peace.