Sunday, 3 February 2008

The Cynic Clinic.

Hi there. I was contemplating doing a blog about apathy but I couldn't be bothered. Somebody asked me if I was always indecisive. Well yes and no.
Then I got to thinking about doing a blog about being cynical. Okay then, it is easy to dismiss the good intentions of folks as some sinister plan to actually take advantage of us. So does everybody have a 'hidden agenda'? Please look at the lil' dude (yes it's a dude), in the picture on the left. Does he look like he would become disillusioned by an indifferent world? Maybe, just maybe, he would challenge the cynics. What about 'Tinkerbell'? You would most certainly trust her. Or, would the cynic think that people, or for that matter, mythical fairies, are all just 'wolves in sheep's clothing'? What if I were to tell a cynic that I have no 'hidden agenda'. 'Yeah right, 'course you don't', thinks the cynic.
It is a sad state of affairs, when genuine good intentions are interpreted as some sort of sinister, surreptious plot to take advantage of the unsuspecting. So what if we had a way to convince the cynic that not all people have underlying devious intentions? What if we could convince the cynic that the reason shops put milk at the back of the store, when you only wanted milk; is not because they hope you will be tempted to buy extra items. No, ofcourse the real reason is they want you to enjoy the delights of battling down some crowded aisle, skillfully dodging the congregation of folks who refuse to budge. You see, they know that you want the challenge of getting to the bloody milk. Why put it in a location that would make sense to someone who just wants milk!
Bravely and unscathed, you stagger up to the checkout counter, firmly clutching the bottle of 'cow juice'. You begin to relax as you hand over the money for the milk. Ofcourse, if you have kids, this little escapade to the store may not be quite over. Boldly on display are the dreaded sweet temptations. "Oh can we have some sweets, please oh please!" scream the little angels. Now we know that the store has located them is such a manner, not as a ploy to increase profits and torchure parents. No, what the shop is really saying is: 'Go on buy your wonderful children a well-deserved treat. It has nothing to do with our profit margin, it all about how much you love your kids.
I'm sure you realise that none of the preceding statements were even remotely cynical or sarcastic (yeah right!). However, how about a place cynics could go to reduce their overwhelming sense that the world is full of 'two-faced', 'back-stabbing' plotters? What if we could make them see that there are people who embrace altruism? So why not a non-profit, charitable organisation for cynics? The logical choice of names would be 'The Cynic Clinic'. A warm and caring ethos. Where our aim would be to help the cynic discover the goodness in others.
That's it then. The Cynic Clinic. A detox for the disillusioned. "Yeah right. I suppose you people at The Cynic Clinic expect me to believe you are as sincere as a mosquito at a blood donor centre? You expect me to believe that you are not making 'big bucks' out of it all!" states the cynic. Never mind, I suppose the concept of The Cynic Clinic would never work. Then again, maybe I'm just being cynical?


  1. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant As you may know, the number of books I have read could be counted on the fingers of two hands and as my memory of these things is somewhat hampered, I could well be exaggerating a little. However, I have read a small book (fan of small books) by Guy Browning called 'never hit a jelly fish with a spade'. Have a read if you can - if you can't find it in the library, I have a copy you can borrow. His writing style reminds me of yours and he writes every week in the Guardian magazine. You deserve a wider audience Klahanie. Hope you got home OK last night. Em.

  2. Dear klahanie

    You may be aware of a BBC2 programme called Moaning Old Git's (or something like that). I will be writing on your behalf to see if Jim (the fixer) can find you a well deserved place!!

    Another wonderful piece of writing, as I read I could feel the waves of disenchantment and gloom washing away all the last fragments of idealism adhering to my epidermis.And alas as you know I do believe everyone does have a hidden agenda, or is that just paranoia?

    Keep up the great works of composition; whilst waiting for the next I shall catch up with the wee people, (you can trust fairies!!)?

    P.S. Any way if they put milk by the front door I would have to go searching for my veg.

  3. A very amusing, humourous post Klahanie. Keep 'em coming!

    I liked Phil's suggestion for the 'Moaning Old Gits' programme....although I believe it's actually called 'Grumpy Old Men'! Best wishes to you D x

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  5. Dear klahanie

    Well I think the program should be renamed Moaning Old Git's. I am one myself and from your blog I rcognise a kindred spirit!

    I find your writing to be as sharp and insightful as a really sharp and insightfol piece of writing.

    Keep it up (the writing!!!)


  6. I enjoyed your blog Klahanie. The world we live in can make you cynical. But I believe there are lots of good souls out there. I am very lucky to have met some lovely people over the years. You are one of those good souls and I hope you can go from strength to strength and have as good health as possible. Your blogs are very insighful and enjoyable. Take care.

  7. thank you so much dude for the motivating stuff u write for me and im positively sure others can vouch for okay ill get toe the pint i mean to the point :}as he says squegging squaagging the grapes u are very transparent in thought and expression only wish one day i could be the same in the mean time easy with the paddling up the winding creek and careful with the yoddling as there are many bats around here in your new found pastures i will be leaving roma soon as i think ive stayed too long.

  8. I enjoyed reading your post very much. Sorry I've not been commenting on your, and other peoples Posts. The reason is that I have a Virus on my computer again. Carry on with your humourous comments, see you, Phil.


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.