Not In Vain.

Wayward flakes of snow gently float and paint the scene from dreary green to glowing white.  Out yon window, the moon casts shadows.  Snow of white becomes snow so blue.

And the muffled, the hushed silence, created by the falling snow, enhances thoughts of hope, of dreams becoming reality.

Son sleeps soundly in his room.  Beloved dog, breathing softly, curled upon her comfort blanket.  Ticking clock...pendulum beats, to the rhythm of my heart.

I gazed out my kitchen window.  So early in the morning.  Snowflakes drifted.  One last mug of hot chocolate, complete with extra marshmallows.  I thought about how determined I was to make this a positive year and I thought back upon Christmas Day when I was there for others and others were here for me.  With that, the following words danced around in my mind....

Tears stream,
Cheeks stain,
What I dream,
Was not in vain.

Recognising Our Validity.

What is self-esteem?  In essence, it is how much you like, accept and respect yourself.  Self-esteem refers to how you think and feel about yourself.  The more positive your thoughts and feelings are, the healthier your self-esteem will be.  Conversely, negative thoughts and feelings have a detrimental impact on your overall well being.  

Thus, self-image and self-esteem are intertwined.  You can think of your self-image as the marker on which the opinion of yourself is based.  In other words, a positive self-image is conducive to positive self-esteem.

Feeling good about yourself is a vital aspect of feeling in control of your life.  Other aspects of your life will feel the benefits.  More fulfilling relationships.  Allows you to set realistic expectations of yourself and not the perceived expectations of others.  Feeling good about yourself can give you confidence in realising your goals in life.

Having a low opinion of yourself can give you a distorted viewpoint on who you really are.   And the end result can be total lack of confidence, negative speculation and yes, low self-esteem.

Your self-esteem is based upon your life experiences.  If you were constantly put down, constantly criticized and told you were not as good as so and so, this will impact your self-esteem in a way that you start to question your validity.  If enough people undermine you, you can start to believe the hype.  Do not believe the hype.  If you have been surrounded by a positive environment, your chances of a higher self-esteem level are more likely.

Some Common Signs Of Low Self-Esteem :

.  Being overly self-conscious and a feeling of being inferior to others.

.  Unable to be assertive and prone to being hurt by criticism.

.  Incapable of making an honest evaluation of strengths, qualities and capabilities.

.  Struggles with accepting compliments or acknowledgement from others.

.  Struggles with a sense of self-identity and adjusts their personality to blend in.

.  Insecure, fearful and anxious in the company of others.

.  Fearful of opposition to their opinion out of fear of rejection.

.  Being a 'people pleaser' and finds it difficult to say no.

.  Replaying conversations in their head.  Thinking they said the wrong thing.

.  Avoiding new experiences because they think they will look stupid.

.  Feelings of frustration, bitterness and resentment towards others.

.  Distancing themselves from society and becoming reclusive.

.  More inclined to mental health issues and the usage of addictive substances to mask the pain.

Some Questions To Determine If You Might Have Low Self-Esteem :

.  Do you like yourself?

.  Do you think you're a good person?

.  Are you someone worthy of love?

.  Are you entitled to be happy?

If you find it difficult to say 'yes' to the above questions, you might be struggling with your self-image, your self-worth, your self-esteem.  I leave you to think this over and in the next posting, I shall discuss the various positive resources and distractions that can be implemented if you are experiencing low self-esteem.

We must understand that recognising our validity is something we must cherish, nurture and let blossom.  Peace and positivity, be with you.

Blog 200.

This posting marks a personal milestone for me.  This is blog number 200.  This blog of hope was born on February 21, 2007, and from the outset, my aim was to demonstrate that my mental health concerns are only a small part of who I am.  It has always been, and always will be, about reducing the unfair stigma and labelling that those with mental health issues have endured.  My personal observations have been that public perception and awareness has vastly improved through positive interaction.
Originally, I had planned to do a quirky blog to celebrate this anniversary.  That changed after my last posting.  Instead, I dedicate this landmark posting to you.  I want to extend my heartfelt thanks for your ongoing kindness and support.  The kind and caring comments in my last blog are testimony to just how much goodness there really is in our world.  I always look for the good in people and I have witnessed humanity at its finest.  For this, I am truly and deeply grateful.

Last night, I went out for a stroll in my garden.  I observed the wonderfully resplendent leaves of the little Acer tree.   Tis the glory of autumn painting the landscape with warm and vibrant colours.
I listened to the rustling leaves,
The wind that blew through bending trees,
Indeed, my soul was put at ease.

I do live my life, as best I can, with realistic positive anticipation, rather than negative speculation.  I know that everyday and in every way, I'm getting better and better.  I challenge the 'inner critic', for the inner critic tells me lies.  I must continue to tell myself that a positive environment starts from within.  Positive affirmations reinforce the will,  the desire,  to live a happy and peaceful life.
The breeze played a gentle tune upon the wind chimes.  A loving tune of hope, wonder, inspiration and positivity.  Can you hear that gentle tune?
This blog is dedicated to you.  

Positive Energy Saboteurs.

Being positive can be bloody hard work.  Yet the alternative is a place I try to avoid.  Oh I can find loads of reasons to be miserable, angry, resentful, envious and bitter towards those who seem to have everything going their way.  What good would that do?  Well no good comes from living life expecting every situation to become some, 'I told you so', negative inevitability.
I have encountered folks who will not grasp the concept that I want to live a happy and positive life.  They live their lives waiting, with great negative anticipation, the next terrible situation to enter their persecuted world.  If you don't drop everything you're doing and tend to their emotional needs, then you are, 'just like all the rest', indeed,  you've 'betrayed' them.
Now then, if they took action, made that phone call or visited someone, they might just find they're enjoying themselves.  Well, they're having none of that.  That's because they actually relish being mired in self-pity and they will be damned if someone else has the audacity to immerse themselves in positive energy.
These people are exhausting.  I have been kind, caring and supportive, yet instead of being grateful, they lay guilt trips on me because I haven't done enough.  Thus, like so many others, I distance myself from them.  This is what they want.  The need to be 'right' that the whole world is out to get them.  Nobody else has problems or concerns as bad as them.
Well, I will not let these positive energy saboteurs drain away my right to a peaceful and happy life.  I have distanced myself from such negative forces because I choose to become even stronger.  I've done what I can and I feel no guilt.  Now this might seem inappropriate and I apologise if you find the following offensive.  To all those positive energy saboteurs, I did what I could to be there for you, yet you dismissed me as just another nasty person with a hidden agenda.  Well, I say to them, 'fuck off'.
In my own ongoing pursuit of maintaining positive distractions, I took a few more photographs.  So, here you are and I hope you like them.  Thanks.

The above photograph is a view of Leek.  The tall building in the centre is called 'Waterloo Mill' and used to be a silk mill.  It has been converted to a block of apartment suites.  In the background is a part of the cliff formation know as 'The Roaches'.

Here is a view of a Roman Catholic church is Leek named, 'St. Mary's'.

This beautiful church in Leek is named 'St. Edward's' and is a popular gathering spot for people to observe the 'double sunset' that occurs here on the Summer solstice.

Another panoramic view of Leek and the surrounding and inspiring countryside.

Here's another shot that you can click on and fill up your computer screen .

And finally, another view of St. Mary's church with the haunting moorlands as a backdrop.  Thanks again for reading this posting and taking the time to view these photographs.  May you continue to embrace positivity.  With respect and kindness, your friend, Gary.

No, Not Again.

No, not again. When I first realised I had mental health issues; I noticed a rather unsettling negative pattern. About every three years, I found myself on a collision course with my reclusive state. The four walls move ever so closer. I get scared, I cannot breathe, the panic becomes an unstoppable force.
So, once again, I am starting to encounter the darkness that tells me to withdraw from the outside world. The enthusiasm that I have for others becomes clouded by disturbing self doubts. The new friends I have made become lost in the blur, as my depression kicks in. I become scared, scared of society, scared of myself.
Part of the problem is that I start to notice that my good intentions appears to fall upon deaf ears. I try to be empowered, I try to empower others. When I sense the interaction is not a two-way street, this sad, scared man retreats back into a world he tries so desperately not to revisit.
Right now, I am being overwhelmed with that negative pattern. Yet, this time, with the help of positive distractions, I shall work it through. I am determined to get back out there and try again. This time, I will not let my depression and anxiety lock me in a self-imposed mental prison. I shall soon be free. No, not again.