'WEE. T.' Phone Gnome.
I was scouring, or trawling, or perusing, through one of the local, thrilling beyond my wildest dreams, newspapers. I'm used to such exciting front page headlines in the local 'rags' such as, 'Farmer Brown's Cow Dies!' and "Girl Loses Doll Out Of Pram In Derby Street." That second headline is actually true. I guess, although very sad for the little girl, it was kinda' surreal to think that was actually worthy of being the headline news item. Ah, life in a small town.
Anyway, I read through the obituaries, my name wasn't there. I was about to dispose of the newspaper in the correct recycling bag. Then I noticed, much to my astonishment, in a paper that likes to delight me with vital information, such as the big cake sale at the community hall, the following article.
"Aliens may be using a cosmic version of Twitter to contact us - but for decades we have been missing their "tweets", it has been claimed. ET is more likely to be sending out short, directed messages than continuous signals beamed in all directions, say experts."
"This approach is more like Twitter and less like War and Peace," said Californian physicist Dr James Benford, president of Microwave Sciences Inc.
He and twin brother Gregory, an astrophysicist at the University of California, Irvine, looked at the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (Seti) from the aliens' point of view.
They concluded that Seti scientists may have been taking the wrong approach for the past five decades."
So, there are aliens from other worlds trying to contact us using a cosmic form of social networking? 'Yodafone' might be one form of communication. 'E.T'witter'? 'Forcebook'? May the Forcebook be with you. Judging by the gibberish I read on the social network sites, maybe some of my friends are actually from another planet and are trying to convey what they believe is a deep and profound message.
If there are aliens twittering away, maybe they have some special powers and could transport 'celebrity' 'twits', I mean twitters, to a galaxy far, far away. The next two paragraphs shall provide examples of 'tweets' from 'celebrities' that really should be viewed by an attentive audience on another world. Wonder what they would make of this?
"Ok. This is now mad. I am stuck in a lift on the 26th floor of Centre Point. Hell's teeth. We could be here for hours. Arse, poo and widdle," Those were the immortal words of British writer and comedian, Stephen Fry.
"Some punk bitch rookie cop named Fisher #10026 made the arrest of his bulls**t career today by arresting the Notorious Ice-T for no seat belt. That was some bull they made up. The officer said 'I know who you are and I don't give a f**k!' That was right after I called him a punk bitch." Yep , those were the articulate words of that much loved rapper, 'Ice-T'. Ice-T meet E.T.
The 'wee folks', Fidelina, the beautiful fairy Princess and her husband, Geoffrey the garden gnome, had heard about the possibility of life on other planets. So I let them read some interesting articles on my 'magic machine'.
The wee folks got all excited about the prospect of life on other worlds. They'd heard of one particular alien wanting to use a phone. Thus they tried contacting life on another planet. Maybe there might be wee folks on some distant galaxy. Life on planet 'Elf'? Or is that just an another investigation for the 'Elf Files'? Geoffrey, rather optimistically, spoke these words into the magical speaker, 'WEE.T. phone gnome.'
If they are reading celebrity tweets, we are all doomed.ReplyDelete
Let your wee folk try to contact them. We might have a chance.
Knew Facebook was evil... Bet it's the dark side of Forcebook.
Although, if the aliens read your celebrity tweets, they would find much wisdom and humanity.
The wee folks are trying to contact them through 't wee-t er'!
Let the 'Farcebook' be with you :)
If aliens are reading facebook, we have nothing to fear regarding an visits from them. But I DO believe I'm picked up on a few of their postings. Something about saving earth by blowing it up. So on that note, you might want to read tonight's post at my place.ReplyDelete
Hey lotta joy,Delete
Aliens are reading 'Farcebook' everyone's favourite social 'notworking' site, where they are fascinated by my incredibly important profile updates such as, "When someone says, "no pun intended", do they actually mean there was a pun intended? A friend of mine told me that they work at an office of the 'Tree Surgeons Union'. I asked, 'which branch?' No pun intended...."
I saw, I read, sort of commented and got all rational, reading your posting. Will I ever recover...
If they're reading posts from nice folks like us, they're probably heading our way. Gads, I hope they like gluten free cookies. I'll make a bunch just in case they stop by for a visit. I should probably put chocolate chips in a few, eh? Or more raisins, maybe.ReplyDelete
If they read your blog or heck, check your deeply engrossing 'Farcebook' profile updates, them alien type folks will be coming to your home for cookies and a chat. You can tell them all about Canada, eh. Raisins? Do raisins talk about 'currant' affairs?
Hi Gary - that paperwork must be a right pain - I hope you can get to the otherside of this glutinous mountain that is so necessary to part of our lives - for reasons someone knows about .. but not the little folk at the bottom of the hill.ReplyDelete
If you look out now - you'll find the Wees disappearing off in the gales, or floating by on the rip tide of a flooded river .. I'm not sure we'll know where we are soon ... and sure hope they have Gnome Postal Service to redirect us ...
Despite the spade work you're dealing with .. hope you're safe and above the floods, or away from crashing trees ... keep at this hurdle you'll get by it soon ... with thoughts Hilary
Have nearly completed the dreadful paperwork that dredges up a lot of stuff I've tried to move on from. The folks at the top of the hill are trying to crush those at the bottom of the hill. This cannot be allowed.
The "Gnome Postal Service" has headquarters in 'Gnome', Alaska. How cool is that.
Thankfully, we are well above the floods of a literal kind. I also wish to thank you for that delightful email :)
Kind thoughts and stay dry.
I am happy for you that you have your writing as a coping mechanism to fall back on to get through the day.ReplyDelete
Are you okay, my friend? I'm not coping very well at present and thus, I've been reposting just to maintain some momentum. I do try to use writing as a therapeutic resource.
In kindness, Gary
Very funny. Aliens tweeting. I want one.ReplyDelete
Hugs and chocolate,
Or 'wee folks' 't wee-t ing' :) I reckon if you offer aliens hugs and chocolates, they will come and visit you.
Thanks for the hugs and chocolates, Shelly.
"Read through the obituaries. My name wasn't there." That must have been a relief lol. So a couple of twits are looking for tweets from other space? Good grief. Do you suppose we have anything that a more advanced civilization would be interested in?ReplyDelete
Just had another read of the obituaries and yeah I appear to still be here. I think an advanced civilisation from a galaxy, far, far away, could learn plenty from good humans such as you.
Take care, eh.
Funny. I've never tweeted, and probably never will.ReplyDelete
Oh no, just think what you're missing out on and the aliens are missing out on. You can read 'amazing' tweets from 'celebrities' and you could tweet messages of hope and goodwill to the aliens. Then again..:)
May the farce be with you, Gary
Hilarious, dude. That Stephan Fry dude knows how to make the English language come alive and full of wonderful imagery for the mind. Hey, is Fidelina fondling her husband so he'll give her cash to buy new shoes? Yeah, I thought so.ReplyDelete
Honestly, I think aliens have already contacted us, maybe made a contract with some leaders around the world and there's crap we don't even know about. I'm not a conspiracy theorist but I do find it interesting that we're making all of these technological advancements in a relatively short period of time. Too bad some of the emotional parts of the brain haven't caught with some folks. Maybe there wasn't a chance.
Luckily, those who care enough can make their world and the world of their brothers and sisters a better place. Poot.
That Ice T dude can soothe mankind's temperament with his flair for doling out words of wisdom. Oh yaaaa. :)
Stephen Fry is being sent over to you guys. Every time I switch on the idiot box, that dude is on there wittering away about this, that and the other.
Fidelina is giving him a hand job as he attempts phone sex to alien wee folks. Although, she does need new shoes and a matching handbag!
Yes, you make a good point about aliens and our rapid advancements in technology. I think the aliens are conspiring with the corrupt politicians and bankers on this planet. Might explain things.
Ah yes, may we be of goodwill with the aliens and have new forms of rampant sex. Nice antennas, my alien friend.
Ice-T meet E.T meet WEE T. Ice-T, he is da man!
Cheers, human type dude.
I, too, am relieved that my name isn't in the Obits.ReplyDelete
Hi Susan Kane,Delete
When did you last check the Obits? Take care, my friend :)
I'm glad you did a re-run on this post, because I missed it the first time around. Funny stuff! (Judging from some of the tweets that are flying around in the ether, maybe instead of looking for signs of intelligent life forms in outer space, the SETI guys should be concentrating on finding some here on earth?)ReplyDelete
Hi Susan Flett Swiderski,Delete
Thank you and this repost got retweeted, whatever that means :)
Those SETI guys need only read your thoughtful, clever and witty postings to discover intelligent life right here on this lil' ol' planet!
Thank you, Susan.
i tagged you in my monday post tomorrow...check it out...ReplyDelete
Oops, it's now Wednesday. I am about to comment on your site. Of course, I have been 'tagged' by the 'blogger police' so I do not go beyond my writing curfew. Thank you, Tammy.
:0) good re-post while you fill in forms. Without becoming overly political you may want to consider moving North in advance of us becoming the People Republic of Scotchland. Mr Potato Head (the man? in charge) has promised that the roads will be paved with gold and we will all live like kings. Hope to see you down the local fish shop for a deep friend mars bar soon!ReplyDelete
Hi Mrs M,Delete
Thanks for thinking this was a good repost while I battle through a load of bureaucratic crap imposed on many of us by that moron Cameron and his gang of posh half-wits.
Mr. Potato Head, does he work at the local fish and 'chip' shop in his spare time...Ah yes, a deep fried Mars bar and some haggis, please! :)
Must go up to Greenock and freeze my 'Gourocks' at the beach.
Thanking yee....Gary :)
This is a fun post... repeat or not... thank you, Gary!ReplyDelete
And it was fun, reposting it. And it was fun reposting it. Sorry about that. Thank you, Dixie and I hope you had a lovely birthday :)
I haven't read this post before, so I'm happy that you did a repeat!!! LOL!!! I loved it.ReplyDelete
I'm glad you read this repeat posting. Watch out for aliens leaving you messages, eh! :)
Much kindness to you.
What an intriguing idea! I wonder what they would say, but perhaps it is just adverts :DReplyDelete
I am really sorry that you are stuck in paperwork about this disablement thing. Did you see the programmes about the company that runs the scheme? The infuriating thing is that all the politicians involved blandly insist that they are bending over backwards to help.
Ah yes, perhaps the aliens are doing adverts for "Mars" bars :)
Thanks for that, Jenny. I have finally sent off the paperwork. It might arrive late thanks to me not being able to get documents until the last possible moment. They used to give you six weeks to fill it out. Now you only get four weeks. Gee, I wonder why. The only help these politicians help out are those who don't need help. Take good care, my friend.
I suppose it's a good think I have a twitter account I'll keep my eyes open and let you and the wee folks know, if anything suspicious might appear on Twitter.ReplyDelete
Yes, I'm glad you have a twitter account. Watch out for messages from the wee folks and a typing dog! :) Thank you, my friend.
You do know that all that paperwork is just a government plot to distract you from the tweets, don't you? It's the faux celebrities who are alien -their messages have coded instructions to their home planets for the invasion they are planning on December 21st, 2012. The governmnet is not only in on this, they are behind it.ReplyDelete
Yes, you are totally correct. It's all a conspiracy cover up by those aliens, alleged celebrities and a government led by David 'Scameron', who hails from the planet Uranus. Thank you for your info. Guess we'd better keep it a secret.
Take good care.
I wanted to hear the conversation the wee folks were having about life on other worlds. Must have been interesting!ReplyDelete
I can't stand this disgraceful Tory government. I can hardly bear to watch what they're doing to the country. I'm so sorry about all the stress you must be going through.
And thanks for going back over a couple of postings to add a comment. Very kind of you. I think the 'wee folks' were talking about what a small world they live in.
The coalition government is the most despicable British government I have ever seen. As you know, they are targeting the sick, the poor, the vulnerable, to pay for the mistakes of the filthy rich. They call it austerity. I call it a moral outrage that is making the sick, sicker. I shall overcome and your support is warmly embraced. Thank you, Jai.
With respect and good wishes,