Social "Notworking" Site.

Yeah, I know, where has that must-read blogger, Gary, been lately?  Yes, you might possibly be thinking that.  It's been two weeks since my last, must-read post.  I've been trying for the last two weeks to continue with the dream that I made mention in that other post from two weeks ago.  Alas, no luck.

And for no apparent reason, I'll share with you some more of my profile updates on everybody's favourite social "notworking" site.  Once again, if you've already seen the following stuff on that social notworking site, you may well be one of my friends on that social notworking site. 

The following lyrics are courtesy of "Three Dog Night", an American band popular in the late sixties and early seventies.  I should add that the following lyrics might just have two spelling mistakes.  Oh come now!

"Mama told me not to cum

Mama told me not to cum

That ain't the way to have fun, son

That ain't the way to have fun, son."

Mama! Are you crazy?! 

"When you're in love with a beautiful woman, it's hard.

When you're in love with a beautiful woman, you know it's hard."

Ahem, Dr. Hook, way too much information!!!!!

For sale, a Marcel Marceau CD.  With hits such as, "The Sound of Silence" and "Silence is Golden."

Any reasonable offer accepted....

We made love in a barn.  We fell in love with the barn.  We bought the barn.  We started living in the barn.  Ever since, we've been in a stable relationship.  I now wait for the comments about "roll in the hay" and the various farm animal innuendos....

The photo above displays a handy device called a masticating machine.  Just think, you can use this handy device to whip your banana, mess with your nuts and froth up your cream.

And then I saw her face.  Now I'm a retriever.  Arf! 

Anybody know what happened to this 1970's porn star? 

Instant Confusion.

*Twiddles thumbs...*  *Hums* and patiently waits for the latest batch of "IWSG" aka "I Was Seeking Gary" aka  "Insecure Writer's Support Group", to finish.  Yep, the first Wednesday of every month, you will note a bunch of writers discussing such topics as writing.  Although I don't get involved in groups, I'm a lone wolf, as such, you might note, that rather ironically, I've actually put in the link that takes you to that group.  So, if you aren't a part of that group, you might like to get involved the first Wednesday of next month.  What am I doing!

Moving on.

To start the New Year, I thought I'd share some of my profile updates from a certain social "notworking" site.  If you're linked in with me on that certain social notworking site, I hope you're okay that I've subjected you to a repeat performance.

I thought my instant coffee tasted kinda' weird.  It was rather "fowl" tasting.  "Aah! BISTO."  You bastard!

And here's a rushed photo of my son wearing a clock on his head.  And the word is, "clock", there is an "l" in the word.

Just finished attending the, "Comedy Knitting workshop."   It had me in stitches....

I went for a meal with a beautiful lady, wearing a low cut dress.  And, before you ask, it was her wearing the low cut dress.  Being such a gentleman, I did my utmost to maintain eye contact. "Excuse me!", she exclaimed, "My breasts are down here!"  Then I woke up.....

Fifteen Years On.

I shall never forget that day in early December of the year 2000.  I took my twelve year old son to a house on the other side of this sleepy, laid-back English town named, Leek.  The reasons we were going to that house were wrapped in a mystery of intrigue, of curiosity.

The front door opened and we were greeted by a friendly but rather eccentric older lady.  "Please make yourselves comfortable in the living room", explained the smiling lady.  Tristan sat across from me and gave me a quizzical look.  The wonder in the eyes of my twelve year old son was magical to note.

The lady came into her living room and asked us both to please come upstairs.  Step after step and the sounds emanating from one of the bedrooms became more pronounced, more wondrous, more alluring.  A choir of cute little growling sounds could be plainly heard.

The lady opened the door to the bedroom.  There they were.  A litter of playful two month old Jack Russell puppies.  "Tristan, I know how much you love dogs.  Would you like to choose?", I asked him.

"Buzzin'!" That was the first word that Tristan spoke, with a thrilled delight at the prospect of having a puppy that he could love.  "Penny" and Tristan made immediate eye contact.  I knew, I just knew that Penny and Tristan would have a special bond.  Penny chose Tristan and Tristan chose Penny. This would be the start of a very special, very loving relationship.....

My son, Tristan, at 12 years old, with Penny the Jack Russell dog, early December, 2000.  A young boy with his two month old puppy.

Tristan at 27 years old, with Penny at 15 years old, December 25, 2015.  A young man with his dog. Their shared love, a powerful force for all that's good in this world.

We are a family.  In my arms, my daughter and the beloved sister of my son.  Fifteen years on.

On behalf of Penny, Tristan and myself, we wish you a peaceful, compassionate New Year as we embrace the ideals of the lessons that our animal friends do truly teach us.  The ideals of unconditional, non-judgemental love.

The Wee Folks Seasons Greetings, 2015.

 
And thus, Fidelina, the beautiful fairy princess, her husband, Geoffrey the garden gnome and their wee son, Einahalk, rejoiced in the warm, reassuring glow of the twinkling Christmas lights.

The wee folks, such curios, magical beings, were in from the cold.  The warmth of their well meaning radiating a sense of peace, of calm, within our living room from the days gone past.  Memories captured from a previous Christmas time.

Such diversity.  Their ethos, an ideal that embraces an all different, all equal world. 

See the joy, the sheer delight on the faces of the wee folks.  They find celebration through observation.  Observation of the simple yet profound moments that often go unnoticed by the big folks in the big world.

Ah yes, that Christmas past.  That living room of the past and the magic that continues. 

In the above photograph is Venetia, the sister of Fidelina, bridesmaid from, The Wee Folks Wedding. The enchanting wedding of Fidelina, the beautiful fairy princess and Geoffrey, the garden gnome.  Standing beside her is the "best gnome", Teagan. There was a hint of romance between the two of them at the magic-filled wedding on the first day of summer, the 21st of June, 2010. Note the gnome in the background, Yrag, who is the best friend of Teagan.

Here be a happy little monkey.  His great long arms wrapped over top of a couple of friendly garden gnomes.  Nice tinsel effect.  Happy little monkey.

A past magical moment, frozen in time.  The wee folks rejoiced as one.   Each unique snowdrop cast its glistening wonder upon the enchanted garden where they once doth lived.

Behold.  It be a gathering of wee folks in their new location.  A location removed from their enchanted garden.  And yet, they have told me that they shall make the most of their new, shared ideals adventure.  An adventure which will reveal new hopes, new dreams, new aspirations to my son, our beloved dog, Penny and to me.

Glowing lights.  Glowing candles.  Glowing fire.  The wee folks sing songs of peace, of hope, of love.

Bless Penny the dog.  Like the wee folks, Penny understands the positive power of non-judgemental, unconditional love.  Penny, like the wee folks, can teach us big folks lessons.  If only we would listen.

The setting sun embraced the western horizon.  A twilight of magical promise was revealed as the wee folks gazed upon a tranquil town.  Soon they would drift off to sleep.  A gentle lullaby of hushed tones could be heard as nature's orchestra whooshed through the winter branches.

They be gnomes, fairies and elves

They give of themselves

The sharing 

Of caring

Such diversity

Without adversity

The wee folks

Evoke

That sense of one

It has begun

Their little world

Has unfurled

It reveals

The new ideals

Lessons of peace

On the increase

That we must embrace

For the sake of the human race. 

Piddle In A Tube.

Hi there, yes it's me, Gary, the human dad of Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  I will now take this opportunity to thank Penny very much for taking over the blog site as I continue to try and find the baffling cause to my ongoing chronic fatigue.  *Boo! Hiss! Bring back the dog!*  Huh?  What was that?  Now then, where was I?

On Friday, the 27th of November, I had an appointment for a check-up with the nurse at my health centre.  When I saw the nurse, she seemed surprised that I was having a check-up because I'd had a check-up about three months before.  I explained to her that I was phoned and asked if I would like a check-up.

So, just for fun, or something like that, she took my blood pressure.  My blood pressure was perfectly normal.  So, just for fun, or something like that, she decided to take some blood from me to be analysed for cholesterol.

I told her, despite every other test I've taken, there has been no indicator as to why I'm feeling constantly exhausted.  It gets very frustrating having tests come back showing that everything appears to be normal.  Well, normal in regards to physical tests....

The nurse suggested I make an appointment with a doctor right after my visit with her.  I went to reception and made an appointment to see a doctor on the following Monday, the 30th of November.

When I saw the doctor, although she means well, I felt like I was getting nowhere with trying to solve my chronic fatigue mystery.  The doctor printed up a bunch of stuff in regards to healthy eating and sleeping.  Oh my, I've done this all before and I've been very good at improving my lifestyle. Anyway, she handed me over a tube that I was supposed to piddle in.  Not then and there, I should add.   Nope, take it home, piddle in the tube and then bring it to reception.

Piddle in a tube

I felt like a boob

Piddle in a vial 

My urine on trial

Took tube to reception

No urine deception

Here's my pee

For all to see

The piddle 

Was not a riddle

Got a phone call

They were on the ball

Your urine is fine

Was the bottom line

Then I got a letter

This gets better and better

Please arrange for another blood test

We kindly request

Test after test

Surely, they jest

What does this mean

I might make a scene

Tired of being tired

Something's backfired

Must get inspired

Patience required.

Sit-Down Chariot Racing.

Hi there, yes, it's me, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!  My human, yet again, is still too lazy, is still having issues with chronic fatigue.  I know he's going for a full check-up this coming Friday, November 27, to see if they can finally give him a diagnosis.  

So, once again, I shall take this oppawtunity to put up one of my must-read pawsts.

I love horses!  Whenever I see a horse on the TV screen, I try to jump into the screen.  So far, that hasn't happened.  Maybe I should get Gary to pawchase one of those 3D televisions with the curved screen.  That might work.

I saw this really weird horse racing on TV.  It was on a Welsh channel and I'm not too good with speaking Welsh.  This means, I shall have to learn some of that language from a Welsh Corgi.  

 I went and grabbed Gary's camera and managed to take a few pictures of what is named harness racing.  I'm pawplexed because I didn't see any of the riders chasing a harness, or for that matter, an electronic hare.  Oops, wrong sort of race.  

Here's some more action from the harness race.  Actually, I think it looks more like a sit-down chariot race!

And even more action.  Quite the reaction and loads of traction. 

I'm quite confused

Totally bemused

Look at the dude

How very rude

He tries to pass

All he sees is the horse's ass

What can he do

When he's covered in poo?

Astro Boy displays a plan of attack

Get the horse to crap in a sack

Wont prevent the lack of view

But the rider wont worry about the horse's poo.

Scam-I-Am!

I get a number of junk phone calls.  Often, I look at the number displayed and ignore the call if I don't recognise the number.  If no number is displayed, I definitely wont answer.  I subscribe to a telephone preference service which, in theory, blocks out nuisance calls.  That makes no difference to the scammers.

However, on Monday morning, the phone rang and I couldn't resist answering.  The noisy chatter in the background is often a hell of a hint that you're getting another junk call.

"Um.....hello...", I responded.  "Mr. Husband?", came the reply.  "That's not my name.  My husband days are over.", I continued.  "Mr. Husband, this is Greg from 'Windows'.  "Really, Greg?  Greg, my windows are just fine, thank you!", was my next response.  "No, no!  Your 'Windows' system on your computer is having serious problems and we can fix them for you."  "How do you know I have a computer?  Which computer?"  "Believe me, your computer will blow up within 24 hours if you don't let us access it right now!" 'Greg' responded, rather impatiently.

"Okay, 'Greg', I'm switching on my Etch A Sketch, Version 10.1.  Doh, 'Greg', the Etch A Sketch is upgrading!  And 'Greg', you should be ashamed of yourself trying this scam!  This scam has conned vulnerable people out of money fixing a problem that doesn't exist.  And 'Greg', Greg is not your real name!  I know you people use fake names."  *Click* followed by a ring tone as good old 'Greg' hung up on me.

You might be well aware of this particular scam and a few other devious cons going on.  They are a disgrace and this is a warning.

What one should really do is in the list below.

• Do not allow remote access to your computer.
• Hang up the phone when you identify that the call is uninvited.
• Never divulge passwords or pin numbers.
• Microsoft or someone on their behalf will never call you.

To end this post, here's a poem for the scam artists.  Apologies to Dr. Seuss.

I AM SCAM.  I AM SCAM.  SCAM I AM

THAT SCAM-I-AM!  THAT SCAM-I-AM! 

I DO NOT LIKE THAT, SCAM-I-AM!

DO YOU LIKE GREED EGOS AND SPAM?

I DO NOT LIKE GREED EGOS AND SPAM.

I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SCAM-I-AM.