I "Flu" Back From Vancouver.

I'm very sure you've been anxiously waiting for a post from me.  Thus, stay calm as I let you know that I'm not exactly well enough to do a blog post.  Typing this post is taking a lot of effort as you will begin to understand.

Oh yes, I left Vancouver at 7:00 P.M., Saturday, October 8.  I arrived just before noon, Sunday October 9, at Manchester airport wondering where the hell the weekend had gone.  I prepared myself for the jet lag.

The next few days and the jet lag kicked in, big time!  It seemed that my body was here but my mind was 8 time zones behind.

Still, I waited for the jet lag to subside only to then realise that I'd picked up a rather nasty flu bug that could be traced back to my time in Kelowna, British Columbia.  I worked that out because my friend, Heather, whom I'd being staying with in Kelowna, mentioned to me in a recent phone call that she was just getting over the flu.

Fantastic!  I travelled over 4500 miles, went back 8 time zones just to get some Canadian flu.  A bit of "eh fever", eh.

I also noticed about a week before the end of my trip to British Columbia that I had a lump growing on the bottom of my right elbow. It's called bursitis, aka "tennis elbow", although I didn't play any tennis.  Tennis elbow can be caused by a thump to the elbow, or can be caused by doing a repetitive motion. No, not that!

I have no idea how I got such a condition.  You will now further understand that typing this post is indeed taking a lot of effort.  Try typing when you've got a giant bollock flopping onto your keyboard.

I've been to the doctor's who has prescribed a course of anti-inflammatory drugs.  I'm hoping to see some improvement over the next few days,  If not, I have to go to Accident and Emergency to get the big elbow bollock popped.

So there it is.  I've got the flu, a "testicle" drooping down from my right elbow and a bit of lingering jet lag.

While I'm in what I hope is recovery mode, the comment section will be set to the off position on this post.  I really don't want to attempt to keep shoving my flopping ball sack off the keyboard.

Thanks and I hope you are well, eh.

Here is the view out of the plane I flu, um, flew on.  Yes, a window seat with a view of the wing. Although, seeing the wing is reassuring, I was sort of hoping for a view of the scenery below, aka constant clouds.  Note what it states on the wing, " DO NOT WALK OUTSIDE THIS AREA".  A really good idea at 40,000 feet.....

Trying To Not Make A Brick Of Myself.

Bricking it for Canada

If you click on the link above, you will be taken to a map that shows a brick wall under construction along the Canadian border.

This is a photo of what you will see in the link.  Moose, sorry, bear in mind, that the brick wall has gone a considerable distance further west than in the picture you see. 

                                 

Although the above video, courtesy of the British TV show, "The Last Leg.", hosted by an Australian, pleads with Canada to build a brick wall, I want to try and help any Americans wanting to still flee to Canada.  You're welcome, eh. 

If you're an American and you wish to get the heck out and head north, you'd better hurry up because the wall is now around the Montana/Saskatchewan border.  If you live on the East Coast of the USA, pisser, because you've got some travelling west to do to still get across the border.  If you live in Alaska, you wont find any wall. 

Upon arrival at the un-bricked portion of the border, you will be welcomed by a moose, a serenading Mountie, some hoser wearing a lumberjacket, a guy wearing a hockey uniform, Justin Bieber, Celine Dion, William Shatner, the band members from Rush, Michael J. Fox, Jim Carrey, Avril Lavigne, Shania Twain, Alanis Morrissette, Mike Myers, Dan Aykroyd, a beaver and Pamela Anderson handing out small samples of maple syrup.

Good luck, eh.....

Accents And Idioms.

No, not that type of accent.  Although, maybe the above product might have altered my accent.
As a dude with a Canadian accent, living in England, I get the following question on a regular basis.  Doesn't matter if I'm draped in the Canadian flag, wear a Vancouver 'Canucks' baseball cap, or ride around on a polar bear.  Yes, I often get asked this, 'what part of America are you from?'  Now this makes for a fun conversation and invariably I will ask the person with the English accent, 'what part of Scotland are you from?'  One day, knowing my luck, someone will reply 'Glasgow'.
So with that, I try to explain the differences.  I keep it nice and simple.  'In Canada, we say 'eh' a lot eh.  I think we have a mellower accent than the Americans.  Let me give you an example of a Canadian speaking.  'How's it goin' eh!?'   Whilst an American, in a New York accent, might say, 'eh how ya doin'!?'  'Okay, I get it.  Let me try doing your Canadian accent', says the English chap, 'hey, how y'all doin' good buddy!?'  Thus, much to my bewilderment, the English chap does my accent, sounding like some dude from a trailer park in Alabama.

Occasionally, someone will ask me, 'where does your accent come from?'  To which I reply, 'well it starts in the bottom of my throat and comes out of my mouth.'   I will attempt to do a local accent.  I will admit I'm not very good at it.  However, compared to Dick Van Dyke in 'Mary Poppins',  I almost do a decent job. 'Nuff said, guv'ner?'  

Now then, lets clear up some other accents that people get confused by.  Australia, you know, 'the land down under'.   Whenever I think of Australia the name Alice Springs to mind, I wonder where was Melbourne and no more city jokes because that's all you Canberra.  Anyway, Australian accents are confused with New Zealand accents.  Well, there is a difference between the two accents.  Apparently you can try the 'fish and chips test' to determine who is indeed Australian or from New Zealand.  An Australian eats 'feesh and cheeps', whilst someone from New Zealand prefers 'fush and chups'.  Can anyone from Australia or New Zealand confirm this is true?   Oh, 'g'day', Australia.  'Gidday', New Zealand.......

So I shall attempt to summarise.  I would not go to Montreal and ask a French Canadian what part of  France they are from.  I would not go to France and ask a French person what part of Quebec they're from.  I would not go to Holland and ask a person what part of South Africa they're from.  I would not go to Brazil and ask a Brazilian what part of Portugal they're from.  And I sure wouldn't go to Argentina and ask an Argentinian what part of Spain they were from.  And, for sure, I wouldn't go to New Zealand and ask a New Zealand person where they came from in Australia.   Heck, I damn well wouldn't go to the States and ask the Alabama dude, living in a trailer park, 'excuse me, what part of Canada are you from?'  Then again, what the hell.

So what the hell am I talking about?  I have no idea.  What I do know is accents fascinate me.  Over here, in Britain, accents can change from street to street.  Never have I experienced such a diversity of accents or expressions.  People where I live say, 'you okay...duck!?'  Which was rather confusing because I kept wondering why I needed to 'duck'.  Then I realised that 'duck' was a term of endearment.  Nonetheless, a 'fowl' expression.  

I'm now aware that this posting is becoming 'too damn long'.  Which means you might have skipped the above and just started reading right about NOW.  So let me conclude by saying, in my Canadian accent, have a nice day eh....y'all' 

Happy Thanksgiving Day, Canada!

I would like to wish all my friends and family, in Canada, a peaceful and positive Thanksgiving Day.  I will be thinking about you.
So I thought it would be really neat eh to tell you some 'facts' about this great nation that you might not already know.  Okay, I'm cheating a bit, because some of the stuff below has been used by me in previous blogs.   Hey, I'm lazy and in a rush to get this out on the right date.
Did you realise that it was a couple of Canadians who basically sorted out the Universe?  Please allow me to explain. Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner) of Star Trek fame, is Canadian.  You remember this famous line? 'Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship 'Canada eh'.  Then again, there was also Commander Adama, (Lorne Greene) another Canadian trying to get things sorted out in space and the leader of a noble mission.  Do you recall him saying this?  "Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, 'Galacticanada', leads a ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest—for a shining planet known as Earth."  So there you go, some overwhelming 'proof' just how vital Canadians have been in our space type adventures.
Wait there's more.  Let me tell you about an invention by a truly great Canadian scientist.  The year was 1962, the scientist in question, Edward Asselbergs, created something so significant to the betterment of mankind, that other events of 1962, such as John Glenn being the first American to orbit the earth, pale by comparison.  That's right, Mr. Asselbergs brought to the world.... instant mashed potatoes.  
Right then, the above two paragraphs were 'copied and pasted' from one of my previous blogs.  The next part is now bonus fascinating information about Canada.   Here are some famous female Canadian singers, Alanis Morissette,  Avril Lavigne,  Nelly Furtado,  Shania Twain and whoops, Celine Dion.  Here are some well known Canadian male singers, Neil Young, Bryan Adams, Michael Buble and whoops, Terry Jacks.   Here are some famous Canadian bands, Rush, Steppenwolf, Bachman Turner Overdrive, The Guess Who and whoops, NickelBack.   
Briefly, cause you are probably falling asleep reading this, here are some famous Canadian folks from the entertainment industry you may have thought were American.  Raymond Burr aka 'Perry Mason' aka 'Ironsides'.  Dan Akroyd,  Michael J. Fox,  Rick Moranis,  Donald Sutherland, Leslie Nielsen, Tommy Chong (as in Cheech and Chong...'cough, cough')  and whoops, Jim Carrey. And to conclude this paragraph, here are just a few Canadian actresses that you may be familiar with, Margot Kidder, Neve Campbell, Mary Pickford , Catherine O' Hara and whoops, Pamela Anderson.
Now there were plenty more Canadians I could of mentioned such as Glenn Ford, Mike Myers, Joni Mitchell and Leonard Cohen, but I wont.   In closing, here's a bit of trivia for you.  The board game 'Trivial Pursuit' was invented by a couple of Canadian dudes named, Scott Abbott and Chris Haney.  Hmmm...trivia about Trivial pursuit.
Finally, yes really, finally, in closing,  it is thought that Canadians say 'eh' a lot eh.  They think that Canadians say 'how's it goin' eh?', all the time eh.  Well eh, I can tell you eh, that's not true eh.   So then, how do you spell, 'Canada'?  'C eh n eh d eh'.
Have a happy Thanksgiving Day, Canada!

Oh Great! Britain.

The following blog was typed in front of a 'dead' studio audience. I may have to type this rather quickly as the zombies are getting quite close to the cast and crew that helped produce this blog.
So here I am living in Great Britain. That's right, Great Britain, also known as the United Kingdom, or the U.K. Then again, shouldn't it be called the 'U.Q.'? Which ofcourse means the United Queendom. After all, when a King is on the throne, the national anthem is sung like this: 'God save our gracious King, long live our noble King.' So it stands to reason that with a Queen on the throne, that indeed, at this time, I am living in the 'U.Q'?
Now, speaking of the national anthem, I have noticed something that I consider rather contradictory. Although I don't see as many as I used too, there is a collection of 'anti-establishment' rebels with skin heads and Union Jacks stamped on their heads. Very scary looking. (The men can look pretty scary also). Well these anti-establishment rebels like to go to football matches. When the national anthem starts up, I have observed that these 'rebels' sing the song with such awe-inspiring gusto. Matter of fact, it is not unusual, for these, 'I hate all things relating to establishment', to break into spontaneous bursts of the the national anthem. Maybe they are just part time 'rebels'. I think they are actually very patriotic.
In Britain, there is a grocery shop named 'Iceland'. There modern slogan? Well, it would be right up to date in... oh the nineteenth century. There slogan is: 'Mum's gone to Iceland'. Well as somebody who just happens to be a Dad, I take great offence to this sexist slogan. It stereotypes that women do the grocery shopping. Well, having been a single Dad, I can tell you that I do know how to grocery shop. Still, how about this Iceland. 'Dad's gone to Iceland'. Then again, I wont shop in such a silly shop with even sillier adverts on the television. Rant over.
You may have noticed that there are two other flags up at the top of this blog, besides the 'Union Jack'. The one with the red maple leaf is the flag of Canada, 'the true north strong and free'. I would like to take this opportunity to dazzle you with some amazing 'facts' about Canada eh. Did you realise that it was a couple of Canadians who basically sorted out the Universe? Please allow me to explain. Captain James T. Kirk of Star Trek fame, is Canadian. You remember this famous line? 'Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship 'Canada eh'. Then again, there was also Commander Adama, another Canadian trying to get things sorted out in space and the leader of a noble mission. Do you recall him saying this? 'Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, 'Galacticanada', leads a ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest—for a shining planet known as Earth." So there you go, some overwhelming 'proof' just how vital Canadians have been in our space type adventures.
Wait there's more. Let me tell you about an invention by a truly great Canadian scientist. The year was 1962, the scientist in question, Edward Asselbergs, created something so significant to the betterment of mankind, that other events of 1962, such as John Glenn being the first American to orbit the earth, pale by comparison. That's right, Mr. Asselbergs brought to the world.... instant mashed potatoes.
So that leaves us with just one more flag. That is the flag of the United States of America. Our American friends may have realised that Britain has put a rather boastful adjective before the name of the nation. 'Great' Britain, well gee whiz...I'm surprised you have not done something about that and bettered that adjective for yourselves. So here you go...'Super Duper' United States of America. From now on, no chants at the Olympics of: 'U.S.A...U.S.A.'... from now on you can chant this: 'S.D.U.S.A.'....or maybe not.
Right then, enough of this. The audience is starting to head towards the cast, crew and...uh..me!
So as I proceed to take off outta' here...I wish all of you a peaceful, positive 2009.