Each Christmas.

Each Christmas, over the last few years, I contemplate not bothering with putting up a tree or adorning my home with all the decorations.  Those special moments of Christmas past, had become just a faded blur. Why bother with seasonal lights when nobody would come to see them?

And I went for a stroll in the heart of Leek.  I gazed at blue twinkling lights adorning the branches of two trees that stood beside the Nicholson War Memorial.  And on that cold snowy night, alone with my thoughts,  I realised that in actuality, I have much to be grateful for.  I got in my car.  I headed home.

I went into my living room and I suddenly found myself putting purple lights on my fake flower arrangement that sticks out the top of a big tub that looks like something a snake might come out of.  If you click on the photo it might give you a better idea.   It appeared that I might be giving in, yet again and would soon be merrily covering the house with pretty little lights and seasonal adornments.   Oh my.....

Before you could say, 'Merry Boxing Day Eve', I found that I had gone into some kind of Christmas trance and my living room was sort of transformed into some kind of magical wonderland.  Even Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, was dazzled by the light display.  You may note her staring up at her 'Santa's Little Helper' bib she proudly wore in her previous posting.
And so, despite the probability that I will have no visitors, I realised that the soothing ambience, the gentleness of the scene, was giving me a sense of peace and tranquillity.   Yes, I have a son who may take a fleeting glimpse at the Christmas tree.  And yes, we have a dog that will provide us with much needed company.   So really, it aint so bad.  

I stared into the candle.  Found my thoughts absorbed in the warm, reassuring glow.  I thought about the gifts that have nothing to do with money.  Gifts that are truly priceless.  I am determined, more than ever before, that I will praise my son, bestow upon him the positive affirmations he craves within his heart.  I give him the gift of a smile.  And I wait for the smile to return to his face. I wait for the flickering glimmer of hope to return to the eyes of a sad young man.

A 'Boxing Day Eve' Carol.

Now, I realise that previous blogs that I wrote, regarding the festive season, and Christmas in particular, were, at times, somewhat 'tongue-in-cheek'.  There I was going on about Christmas and affectionately calling it 'Boxing Day Eve'.
Now the usage of 'Boxing Day Eve', does sound quite awkward when used as a replacement in much-loved Christmas songs.  For example: 'Have yourself a merry little 'Boxing Day Eve', just doesn't work.  'Rockin' around the 'Boxing Day Eve' tree',  The twelve days of 'Boxing Day Eve', 'I'm dreaming of a white 'Boxing Day Eve'...you see, it just doesn't work.  And, heaven forbid, can you imagine 'Noddy Holder' from 'Slade' screaming out that opening line to, 'Merry Christmas everybody', with not, 'It's Christmas!', but instead, 'It's Boxing Day Eve!'  Me thinkest not.
So in my own ongoing tradition of 'thinking out of the 'box'...ing day eve'; I present to you, A 'Boxing Day Eve' Carol'.  So this will be a slight variation on 'A Christmas Carol' by Charles Dickens.  My apologies to Mr. Dickens.  My apologies to you if you have 'great expectations'.
Now then, you may be familiar with Ebenezer Scrooge.  Ebenezer was a really mean, cynical and downright stingy old chap.  Ebenezer had a business partner named Jacob Marley.  Jacob Marley was not related to Bob Marley, or for that matter, had never even listened to Reggae music.  Jacob, as miserable as Scrooge, had passed away and left the business in the capable and greedy hands of our cynical friend, Scrooge.
On December 24th, Scrooge went to bed and got a visitation from Jacob who was wearing chains.  Apparently, the chains were symbolic of the way he had led his rather nasty life.  The chains had nothing to do with a kinky fetish.  Ebenezer also got a visit from the ghost of 'Boxing Day Eve' past, the ghost of 'Boxing Day Eve' present and the ghost of 'Boxing Day Eve' yet to come.  All of these visitations scared the crap out of him and thus he awoke a changed man.
Upon realising that only the night had passed and it was actually December 25th; Scrooge got all giddy, ran to his window and yelled at a rather confused child.  He asked the child to go to the butcher's and grab a turkey. This new, improved, happy-go-lucky Scrooge made amends for his cynical past.  He became a friend to his employee Bob Cratchit and his son 'Tiny Tim'.  In fact, Ebenezer became a changed man for all to see.  His family, his new friends, reaped the benefits of a kinder, more caring, more compassionate man.
'A Christmas Carol' is a story of inspiration.  It demonstrates that we can all change for the better.  Personally I didn't need a bunch of ghosts sorting me out.  No, I confronted, I challenged my 'demons'.  Being positive can be hard work.  Yet the alternative is a dark, dreary and lonely place.  A place I left behind.  Just like Ebenezer Scrooge...

If you want to see some of my past 'Boxing Day Eve' blogs , maybe out of curiosity, maybe out of boredom; here are some links: http://klahanie.blogspot.com/2007/12/boxing-day-eve.html
                               http://klahanie.blogspot.com/2007/12/simply-complex-christmas.html
                               http://klahanie.blogspot.com/2008/12/boxing-day-eveagain.html
                               http://klahanie.blogspot.com/2008/12/cynics-christmas-party.html

'Boxing Day Eve'...Again.

Well here we go again. December 25th and 'Boxing Day Eve' has arrived. Time for those who waited a whole year to renew family hostilities; to make up for lost time.
I was thinking that, yes indeed, I could do another cynical blog, somewhat similar to my blog about cynics at Christmas parties. I could continue on about how some folks use Christmas day to truly catch up on the resentment they felt towards other family members. Yet what good would that do?
So instead, I wish people would take that little bit of effort to see the good in each other. To respect rather than undermine. Let us dare to be happy and pass our positive intentions on to friends and family. Life really is too short for negative energy. So have a peaceful, positive 'Boxing Day Eve'. Oh...what the heck...'Merry Christmas'!

Boxing Day Eve

When I reflect back on the past several Christmas Days, I remember the overwhelming sense of loneliness and isolation. Christmas Day was a sad reminder of just how ill I was. I would spend that special day with my son's Jack Russell, she was a bit of comfort in a very uncomfortable day.
I tried to find some solace by going for a long walk with the dog. All around me were people doing 'Christmassy' things. The excited little children with their brand new shiny bicycles. The friends and families gathered in their cosy homes celebrating the Festive Season. I observed this 'normality' and longed for the Christmas spirit to embrace me. Wandering aimlessly, nobody paid any notice of me, I was the 'invisible man'.
This year I have finally decided that enough is enough. I dreaded the thought of spending Christmas Day, strolling about, going back inside to an all-consuming quiet and discussing the meaning of life with the dog. As my positivity began to grow, I knew I had a choice. I would challenge my solitude, I would try to socialise. Maybe, just maybe, people would accept me and allow me into their lives.
What kept me going during Christmas Day was by trying to have a bit of a laugh about my situation. So Christmas Day became affectionately known as 'Boxing Day Eve'. Oh yeah and before you ask...December 24th is 'Boxing Day Eve, Eve'. So despite Boxing Day Eve being a time of sadness, I did manage to have a chuckle. Even during those times when dark thoughts tried to completely destroy my morale, I just knew that Christmas would eventually be a time of joy. I clung on to that thought, for I would perservere.
I think of all the sad and lonely people, who are only spectators, whilst those around them, rejoice in Christmas celebration. For these sad and lonely people crave social interaction. In this often, all-too-hectic, indifferent world, we can easily overlook the lost souls who need love and understanding. See the tears in their eyes and know that one moment of kindness can mean so very, very much.
I am fortunate, I am blessed. For one Christmas Day, I spent feeding and hopefully comforting the homeless of Stoke on Trent. I witnessed decent people, who through a series of spiralling circumstances, had been sleeping rough. I was truly touched by that experience. For despite my battle with mental illness, I could take comfort in the knowledge that I had a home to go back too. I focus on that Christmas, it has made me more determined to be grateful for what I have.
This 'Boxing Day Eve' will be different. Yes Christmas is tough because my family is so far away in Vancouver. However, I am so thankful, that through challenging my fears of society, I have met people who sincerely care. I respect them, they respect me, and perhaps, most importantly, I respect myself.
May you have a peaceful and positive Christmas.