Sex Coach.

You might think of a "sex coach" as a bus full of footloose, fancy-free folks finding fun frolicking fondly  forwards fondling for flappy, floppy favours.  Sort of  like, "A Streetcar Named Desire", if you so desire. A coach full of wild folks doing the naked kinky conga down the aisle as the driver does her best to drive onwards and up the hill that is fast approaching.  No, the hill is not fast approaching.  The bus is fast approaching the hill.  So, stop having that pedantic thought.  Up the hill as the naked kinky conga slides down the aisle and knocks down the toilet door, startling the poor guy who is only trying to have a quiet dump. Well, that's not what I'm referring to.  Although I have ridden a Greyhound, but we wont talk about that.

No, I'm talking about an actual sex coach as in somebody who coaches you and your partner on how to have sex in a more fulfilling way. Yes, the sex coach gives you sex lessons.  How thoughtful of a sex coach standing at the end of your bed and encouraging you on.  You would be well advised to let your sex partner know that there is going to be a sex coach leering, sorry, observing the both of you from the end of your bed or whatever it is you're using.  And it would also be advisable to inform your partner that the sex coach charges $240 for a two hour coaching session.  I would also inform you that I charge half that amount.  Actually, I charge nothing.  Actually, I'll pay you to have me watch you, um coach you.

I leave you with some conga dancing, doggy style, um Pomeranian style.  "Ah Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star!   I know, I know, you're enjoying this video!"

"M" Is For Metrosexual.

I've been getting thousands of emails wondering why I'm not doing much posting these days.  Okay, slight exaggeration.  I got one phone call asking me if I still write a blog and if so, what was the name of it.  

Actually, during that incredible challenge about the alphabet that thrills me beyond any adequate adjectives, I've been rather proactive commenting on numerous sites who are involved in the A to Z Challenge.  This means that my own eagerly anticipated postings, have been few and far between.  

Anyway, because the hosts of that alphabet challenge have pleaded with me to do some postings regarding the alphabet, here is one for the letter "M".  I know,  if you're involved in that gosh darn fun challenge, you might be thinking, 'Wait a sec!  He's one letter ahead of where he should be!'  What the 'L'.

A number of folks assume that, "Metrosexual is a neologism derived from metropolitan and heterosexual, coined in 1994, describing a man (especially one living in an urban, post-industrial, capitalist culture) who spends a lot of time and money on shopping for his appearance."  Source: Wikipedia.   

However, there is another meaning to Metrosexual that precedes the commonly regarded definition.  'Metrosexual' is a person who has a bizarre sexual fetish regarding public transport.  In particular, subway and underground systems with the name "Metro" in them.  There are plenty of examples of rapid transit systems that have the word Metro in them and you will note the Metrosexuals eagerly clambering onto them and finding the location with the most advantageous vibration.  My favourite Metro system has the intriguing name,  "Belo Horizonte Metro", which is located in Belo Horizonte, Brasil.  

So, if you see somebody riding the Metro, who fondles the seats, insists on stroking the hanging overhead knobs, has a silly grin on their face and groans a lot, they may well be a Metrosexual   If someone gets on the London Underground and says they just love anything involving "The Tube", they may well be a Metrosexual.  If  you are talking to someone and they can't stop talking about their love of "BART" (Bay Area Rapid Transit), then indeed, they might just be a Metrosexual.  Metrosexual gives the name of that play, "A Streetcar Named Desire", a much deeper meaning. 

Okay, not exactly a Metro system, but a bus is a form of public transport.  This is the bus that goes to the big city from the little town I live in.  This can be a fun ride, as the roads are needing repair and those potholes can be an extra moment of Metrosexual joy.......

And to get it out of the way, there is neologism derived from Neapolitan and heterosexual.  Or "N" is for 'Neasexual'.  Neasexual is a bizarre sexual fetish regarding being covered in triple flavoured ice cream, whilst having an orgasm....