Blogfest Detox.

While my ridiculous human is off searching for a clone or a cloning machine, I have decided to take over and help him out, yet again!

I have received millions of emails that have asked me for help.  They often start out like this, "Dear Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, I need your help!  I'm addicted to blog hops and blogfests and writing competitions and writing challenges and I have this weird fascination with the alphabet and I can't seem to stop writing run-on sentences.  Penny, I'm begging you.  Can you help?"

So I send back an email stating, "Why this fascination with all those things?"  The reply to my email goes something like this, "I love to be a part of a sharing, caring blogging community.  Okay, maybe I have some other reasons.  I join those challenges and even create my own challenges because I want to ego-trip and accumulate followers.  There, I said it.  What should I do, Penny?  I'm obsessed!"

I reply, "My human friend, you need a  blogfest detox.  Try staying away from all those tours and just do some writing that shows your originality.  It will take some practice, but you can do this.  I'm here to help you.  You have my total support.".

So concerned are the good folks at the "Blogger's Information Hotline", they have set up an additional number you can call if you need a trained counsellor to help you through the blogfest detox process.  Which means, in addition to all the other number choices below, you will now note that number for the blogfest detox.

"For the latest blogfests information, press one.  For the latest blog hops information, press two.  To set up your own blogfest, or blog hop, or blog party that you make out is because you care about positive interaction, but actually it's your way of accumulating followers, press three. For the latest information on how to be a blatant blogging self-promoter, press four or three..  For how to be even better at leaving vague comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the posting,  press five.  To learn to be really good at being a cynical blogger, press six.  To find out how to be an incredibly sarcastic blogger, press seven.  To leave comments to humour 'comedy' bloggers and pretend that their stuff is funny, when you know it isn't, press eight.  To find out more about "IWSG" or 'I Was Seeking Gary', press nine.  To have all the options repeated and to add your own suggestions to the Blogger's Information Hotline, press zero.

For a priority call right through to a blogfest detox counsellor, press the * key, followed by the # key, followed by the 0 key, followed by listening to a recorded message that tells you all our blogfest detox counsellors are busy and please call back in a year's time."

Press The "Hash" Key.

At the Blogger's Information Hotline, we do value your feedback from Gary's previous posting.  Several of you pressed zero to listen to all the options again and you were given the opportunity to pass on suggestions to us.  We have listened to your suggestions.  So thanks to you who actually got through to a human by giving up on pressing zero and pressed the hash key which looks like this, #.  And no, we have no idea why it's called a hash key.

Rum-Punch Drunk stated, "That's brilliant Gary. Can't stop laughing right now. You should have done a real poll next to your post and got people to press the buttons just to see the end results and added a little 'Bloggy Wonderland' music too, ha ha ha.  I wonder what button Penny would have pushed.. Great stuff."
We shall partly compromise, Rum-Punch Drunk and above is the music that those of you who haven't been able to get through to us, would actually hear, if you could get through to us.  

mybabyjohn/Delores stated, "But, if like Gary, you blog to expand others horizons, entertain, spread love peace and positivity....press 'star' because you are."  We have taken note of Delores' comment and we are touched by that.  In honour of her comment, we have now incorporated the star button, which looks like this, *, into our system.  If you press the star button, you will find out about bloggers we consider to embrace the all different, all equal ethos.

Al Diaz stated, "Gary, my friend, you forgot the "your call is important to us" line. And what about customer service? There must be someone you can yell at if something goes wrong in your blog. Maybe a robot that says "We care because you care" sort of thing. All companies have one."  We shall be changing our opening part when you have been spending an eternity waiting, by stating, "Please hang on, listen to 'Bloggy Wonderland' and know your call is important to us."  As for customer service, Al, um ha ha!  

Cherie Reich stated,  "What a fun post! It's a shame I'm too scared of phones to call. ;)"  We are saddened to hear that, Cherie.  I guess you'll just have to face the fax :)

L. Diane Wolfe stated,  "Is there a crisis number? One for those of us overwhelmed by all of it?"  We realise there is an urgency for such a number. Thus, we shall shortly be setting up a special number that takes you to the recorded sounds of whales.  

Sherry Ellis stated,  "Funny! I think I should press 3 to find out how to set up a blog hop. That might actually be useful."    Oh no, what have we done!?

Elise Fallson stated, "*presses 5* Great post! In other news, a group of frogs is called an army, but a group of toads is called a knot. (;"  To which we reply, Great comment! Thanks for sharing! I've noticed that there's a petition to have an official "Hedgehog Appreciation Day." I fondly recall my AMC Javelin. Quite a sporty number, red with white stripes.....

Julie Luek stated,  "If I press 6 three times, can I expect evil things to follow? This was hysterical"  If you press six, three times, you get directly through to some dude named Damien.

David stated, "Hi Gary,I think I'll press zero and have all the information relayed to me once again and then add my own category of "sycophantic comment leaver". This is a great post, Gary. Really funny. You're so wonderful. Really, I'm your number one fan! Very Best Wishes, your way, David."  David, we at  the Blogger's Information Hotline, completely agree with you.  

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com stated,  "Oh no, sorry. I seem to have misdialed. I meant to call the Adult Entertainment XXX Hotline. Never mind. *Click* Very funny post, Gary.  xoRobyn"  Robyn, we have noted your comment on Gary's blog and we are going to be setting up a * 69, number.  Oops, wait a sec, that's last call return.  Have to come up with another number that you can dial and will cost you an absolute fortune to use.

Laura Eno stated,  "Oh my... What happens if I repeatedly press 0? Will I become stuck in an interdimensional loop? Quite humorous, Gary. :D"  Yes you will. In unreality, you are not actually reading this within this dimension, but you are in alternate universe.

lotta joy stated, "Is there a number to press when the sidebar on EVERYONE'S blogs jiggles up and down? I have to read blogs at my own risk of getting a migraine!"  Nothing more annoying that a jiggling sidebar. We blame it on those who insist on having so many applications on their site that it takes two hours to load up their blog and actually read the darned thing. By that time, personally, we've lost the will to live. Press zero, listen to 'Bloggy Wonderland' and if you actually get through to a Blogger representative, you can make a suggestion to have the technical department try and eliminate the jiggling. Hint, just press the hash key. In the meantime, please try to avoid having a migraine by ignoring all those sites with the jiggling sidebars, which I guess, includes your own :)

Lisa stated, "I love # 9!!!! Actually they were all great. What a cool idea. Wish I could actually have that on my blog on the comments part... I'm laughing out loud now!"  We at the Blogger's Information Hotline, most assuredly agree with what you have mentioned.  We do hope you have some fun with this cool idea.

ilima stated, "I finally found the true meaning of IWSG...haha."  Ah yes, "I Was Seeking Gary."  We have noted that this been a good way for those participating at the other "IWSG" to remind them and others to maybe get involved with that one.  

Alex J. Cavanaugh stated,  "I guess I'll be pressing nine! Don't need more followers. Just want to support the ones I have now."  At the Blogger's Information Hotline, we would like to inform you that when you press number nine, it takes you to here,  Alex J. Cavanaugh: The Insecure Writer's Support Group  We have noted that "I Was Seeking Gary", has been a great way to remind folks who might like to check out the link.

At the Blogger's Information Hotline, we paid full attention to the comments in the previous posting.  And these were but a sample.  We truly appreciated all of them.  If none of this posting makes any sense to you, maybe the previous posting, might make things clearer, Blogger's Information Hotline.  Then again, perhaps not.

Good grief, what a long posting.  "Hello" if you skimmed to here! 

Blogger's Information Hotline.

"Welcome to the Blogger's Information Hotline.  For the latest blogfests information, press one.  For the latest blog hops information, press two.  To set up your own blogfest, or blog hop, or blog party that you make out is because you care about positive interaction, but actually it's your way of accumulating followers, press three. For the latest information on how to be a blatant blogging self-promoter, press four or three..  For how to be even better at leaving vague comments that have absolutely nothing to do with the posting,  press five.  To learn to be really good at being a cynical blogger, press six.  To find out how to be an incredibly sarcastic blogger, press seven.  To leave comments to humour 'comedy' bloggers and pretend that their stuff is funny, when you know it isn't, press eight.  To find out more about "IWSG" or 'I Was Seeking Gary', press nine.  To have all the options repeated and to add your own suggestions to the Blogger's Information Hotline, press zero."

""Please stay on the line. Keep listening to 'Bloggy Wonderland'.  There are one million calls ahead of you....."