'Ring, ring.' "Hello." Then the recorded message starts: 'Congratulations! You've won a trip to Orlando!' "Flippin' heck I have?" I found myself saying to the recorded message. "Wow wee, I have won yet another trip to Orlando! How lucky am I?" Then the message stopped and the dull hum of the ring tone took over.
I get a tad aggravated by these occasional recorded messages. Sometimes I answer the phone, only to get a blast in my ear. Can you imagine what it's like to answer the phone expecting to talk to someone; only to be greeted by the unmistakable sound of an ocean liner's horn? Suddenly, I'm thinking 'Love Boat' and the golden tones of Jack Jones singing the theme tune. 'Toot..toot'...'congratulations you've won an all-expenses-paid trip for a week cruising the Bahamas on a luxury liner!' "Thanks very effin' much.!" I scream into the phone. "Trips to Orlando, cruises in the Bahamas. How much luck can one guy have?" Once again, I realised that I had been ranting and raving to a recording. Then the message stopped and the dull hum of the ring tone took over.
I found out that most of the calls are coming from America and I have a plan. At certain times of the day, I can make free calls to the States. So maybe, just maybe, I will phone them up and state the following: "Congratulations! You've won a free trip to all the landfill sites in Britain!" I can just imagine the uncontrollable excitement of the person at the other end of the line.
In the meantime, I have our dog. 'Penny', ready to monitor incoming calls. So if you phone me and hear something that sounds like a slobbering noise; it aint me, honest.