Saturday, 2 October 2010

Scrap Notes.

The above photograph shows 'Penny', our lovable little Jack Russell, having a check over some of my random and scrap notes.  Perhaps that should read 'crap' notes.  Penny noticed that I had not been posting up much, recently.  So she said, 'Gary, why don't you just take some of this scribbled stuff and post it up?  Please do some of that dog versus cat observations.  You know, the ones I told you about.'  'Okay Penny', I replied, 'why not.'
Penny had told me about some of the good things that can relate to our canine friends.   Dogmatic, dogged determination and 'doggie style' swiftly on.  Here is some stuff that can relate to those creatures who have this evil plot to rule the world, aka cats.  Catastrophe, catatonic, the dreaded 'cat walk' and swiftly on.  But, before we leave this fascinating subject, here is, once again, an excellent reason to choose a dog over a cat.   Your house is on fire and the smoke alarm aint working.  Your dog will warn you, whilst kitty pisses off out the cat flap.
I will let you in on a secret.  Penny is actually my literary agent, my editor and has even considered becoming my 'pawblisher'.  This might explain the disjointed and inane ramblings that I have been known to publish, I mean pawblish.  So, in the name of 'grammar anarchy', I shall now type out some more selected scrap notes that Penny has suggested.  Be warned, the following might be even more confusing and ridiculous than anything I've submitted, ever.
Okay, I've grabbed my scrap notes.  So here goes.  Here are some things I'd like to do.   Throw a frisbee in front of a camera at 'Area 51'.  I'm so sure that would really confuse them.  Change the tunes on ice cream vans.  If I hear 'Popeye the sailor man', one more time, I going to stick a cone up the ice cream guy's butt.  How about something like 'Highway to Hell', by 'AC/DC'?   Something I would not do.  Play naked baseball.   If you think I'm gonna slide into home base, using my balls as brakes, well forget it.
Hang on one moment while I have a look at some more of my scribbled notes.  Are you still here?  Yeah, I know, this posting has been a waste of your time, so far.  Let us see if it improves by adding the following musings.  Did I tell you I was 'strapped for cash'?  Yeah, I know, what sort of straps were used and how much was I paid.  Was that better?   'No!  That was lousy!  When is this blog going to end?'  Soon, very soon.
You know that person who always moans?  No, not me.  And when I say 'moan', that is a reference to 'complaining' and has absolutely nothing to do with the sounds from a certain delicatessen scene in the film, 'When Harry Met Sally'.   'Yes...yes..yes..'  I mean, no.  This is referring to those who moan about everything and everybody.  Well, try this.  Be really, really nice to the constant moaner.  Of course, knowing your luck, they will moan about you being really, really nice.
This has been my feeble attempt at 'raising the bar' in this blog.  When I say 'raising the bar', that means trying to do something bordering on vaguely interesting, and does not mean, 'lifting a tavern off the ground', or 'elevating a sheep'.  That would be 'raising the bah'.  Yeah, I know, that was 'baaaahhhdd'....

Above is a photograph of Penny the potential 'pawblisher', perusing papers.  Did you like my usage of alliteration?  Beside Penny, is her assistant, some wayward stuffed hedgehog.   Together, they decided what I should post up.  So blame them.  I'm innocent, I tell you, innocent!   Anyway, you may note that Penny has a slight distraction from my random notes.  Hmmm..yummy treats!
One last thing, at the insistence of Penny and some wayward stuffed hedgehog.  According to scientists, when you smell food, as in, 'gee that food smells delicious, dear..' you are actually 'tasting' some of the food in the form of tiny molecules, that have wafted through the air.  I'm staying well clear of public toilets....


  1. You do make me laugh! Especially about the cat pissing off out the cat flap when there's a fire. That's exactly what my cat would do. He's such a jerk!

    Anyway, just wanted to let you know I gave you a blog award, because I've been thoroughly enjoying reading your blog. You can find it at

    Take care!

  2. Hey, us cats are smarter than dogs. Who wants to hang around when there's a fire going on? We let you humans feed us and look after us without getting all soppy and loved-up like a stupid dog would. We are regal, animal royalty and we refrain from lowering ourselves to the level of lesser animals. Winston, peel me another grape!
    Signed, Bazza's cat Ginger.

  3. I enjoyed this post very much. Thanks Penny! :)

  4. Is 'Penny' short for 'Lady Penelope'? She seems to be in charge of your household. I should imagine she'd expect you to warn her in the event of a fire.

  5. Dear Gary,
    So, the dog is speaking to you again. What have I told you about that lysergic acid diethylamide? Only to be used IN SMALL QUANTITIES!
    Meanwhile, your inane and incoherent ramblngs kept me amused...for a few seconds.
    Seriously, though, my very best wishes to you and your pawblisher, Penny.
    From your normal, average, Robin-Hood-alike friend,

  6. HA HA HA HA! The scientific stuff is something I've read to, and yes it's really creepy when you're in the bathroom doing your thing, and thinking man, can I wear a mask or something. And it's your OWN stuff that's being cooked up. Yeah sorry, I'm so yucky.

    I really love your post Gare! Hugs to Penny and hedgie hog!!

  7. Loved you publisher, wish I had one like Penny.

  8. Don’t forget the new canine phrase coined by Sam: ‘doggy gums.’

    The good thing about cats though, are that they are more independent, and therefore less trouble to look after. And more importantly, they take the trouble to tidy up after themselves, having ‘used the toilet.’ Far more prim and proper.
    The enigmatic, masked blogger strikes again

  9. Ha ah! Buster, the cat read your post and demanded that I retaliate immediately! I said, "Wow, killer." But that did not suffice. So...

    he'll have you know that the only reason we know when a bear, cat, fox or critter comes onto our property is because our trusty cat Buster alerts us by standing on his hind legs at the patio doors and growling deeply... while the dog sleeps in front of the fire.

    LOL. It's true. Buster is the guard cat in our house. Bandit figures that's a good excuse for him to catch some zzzs.

    Great post, Gary. You are a hoot.

  10. Hello Gary old chap. To tell the truth I have absolutely no idea what you are saying here but then I am pissed. I thought it would be rude of me not to say hello to you while passing by.
    At least you aren't talking about cannibals like your pal and my biggest fan, Bazza:
    I think the poor chap needs some visitors but I warn your readers that he is a bit, well you know, poncy and intellectual.
    I think he relies on me to keep him steady. Chin chin!

  11. Hi Tracey,
    Awe thanks. Cats, don't you just love 'em? You know that cats have an evil plan to turn us into gibbering slaves, available at their beckoning whim. Oh, that's happened already.
    Thank you very much for the award. I shall post up the award and forward it on to some fine recipients. Decisions, decisions.
    Have a great weekend in Winnipeg, eh!
    Kind wishes and some melted cheese on fries with gravy, your way, Gary:-)

  12. Hello Ginger,
    Come here Ginger, nice kitty cat. Yeah I know you cats reckon your some kind of royalty. You are worshipped and adored by many. All hail the cat.
    'Penny, there's some smart ass cat leaving a comment. You don't care? Oh you've got this plan to take some used kitty litter and fool cat owners into thinking it's 'Ferrero Rocher'.
    Thanks for your comment, 'Ginger'.
    It's been a 'catalogue' of errors

  13. Hello 'lettucehead',
    Why thank you ever so much. Did you know that sometimes I give Gary a 'ruff review'. 'Arf, arf...'
    Pawsitive wishes, your way, Penny:-)

  14. Ah Gorilla Bananas,
    How nice of you to swing over to my blog. How are your two awesome pals, Magilla Gorilla and Grape Ape?
    Well to coin a phrase, Penny is short for Penny. Not only is she in charge of this household but has celebrity status. She is forever trying to avoid the 'puppyarazzi'.
    Have a good weekend.
    A banana split, your way, Gary:-)

  15. Dear David,
    What did you say, say, say....far out man...
    Of course she talks to me. Here's some blatant blog promotion to refresh your memory.
    It's such a relief to know that I managed to keep you amused for a few seconds. Now, that's progress for you!
    Thanks for your kind wishes, David.
    'Penny' also thanks you, 'arf, arf..'
    All the beast, Gary :-)

  16. Hi Shanaz,
    Thanks for that. So you knew I wasn't making it up about us 'tasting' food via our sense of smell. It is kind of a yucky thought.
    I shall forward your hugs to Penny and some wayward stuffed hedgehog. I've got to hug a stuffed hedgehog:-)
    Take good care of yourself, Shanaz,
    Kind wishes and some nose plugs for using in the bathroom, your way, Gary :-)

  17. Dear Carole,
    I shall duly send over my 'pawblisher'. lol
    Have a great weekend.
    Kind wishes, Gary x

  18. Hello 'Masked One',
    'Doggy gums', okay I will check that out. Coin a phrase eh. If I had a 'dog pound' for every time somebody wanted to 'coin a phrase'. Well the 'Penny's' dropped :-)
    And this toilet, because not everyone is responsible with their cats, appears to be the usage of my garden. Still they do a dump in my vegetable patch, all prim and proper.
    Have a wonderful weekend.
    Kind wishes, Gary :-)

  19. Hi Joylene,
    Now how different is this. You have a 'watch cat' and no, that doesn't mean some kitty with a Timex. In fact, you have a guard cat. Yikes! What next, will your cat be rounding up sheep? What the flock am I saying?
    I hope 'Bandit' is having a well deserved sleep.
    Thank you, Joylene.
    Hope you have a great time 'winterizing' your garden:-)
    With respect and pawsitive wishes, Gary, Penny and a wayward stuffed hedgehog....

  20. Warm and welcoming greetings Sir Tom Eagerly,
    I am glad that you dropped in to say 'hello' whilst passing out, I mean, by.
    Obviously, Sir Tom, we have a bit of a problem here. I thought that I was your biggest 'fan'. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to learn to cope with this devastating revelation.
    I wish to thank you for promoting bazza's superb and informative blog via my blog. That is greatly appreciated.
    To tell you the truth, old boy, I have no idea what I'm saying, either. May you have a wondrous and magical weekend.
    With respect and admiration for your incredible wit, Gary.

  21. I was going to query Ms Penny, but I don't think she represents children's I guess I'll keep trying other publishers. :( I'm rather bummed out, as I thought I had an in with her owner.

    Fun post, Gary....Have a great Sunday!

  22. Penny and you are quite a team and can honestly write a funny and "cat"chy blog! LOL, you made me laugh this very early morning dog gone it! Enjoy your Sunday!

  23. Love the post. Those cats, slinking out.

  24. Is Penny available for freelance? I could use a publisher. Although she does seem to let through a few too many puns, and she should have made you elaborate on more things you would not do while naked.

    Naked = publicity, Penny.

  25. Hi Sharon,
    Penny has taken note of your comment and reckons she could maybe come to some workable arrangement with you.
    She wonders if you would perhaps do a children's story with a dog theme in it? Penny thinks she might be able to 'Spot' some interesting concepts from you. 'Arf, arf..:-)'
    Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
    In kindness, Gary, Penny and a wayward stuffed hedgehog:-)

  26. Hi Rebecca aka THE SNEE,
    Hey, thanks for that. You just love coming up with those 'Cat'chphrases. I always look forward to your funny and clever interaction. Makes me have to use my last two brain cells to try and think of some reply.
    I've noted that you have done another blog and I must go over and leave one of my incredible and deeply profound comments. Your blog is fantastic and I think you should be 'cat'apulted to blogging stardom.
    I hope you are having a peaceful weekend, Rebecca.
    With respect, Gary:-)

  27. Hi Jean,
    That cat rushing out the cat flap makes for quite the visual:-)
    Thank you for commenting and I hope you are having a nice weekend.
    Kind wishes, Gary.

  28. Howdy Doug,
    Penny might consider doing some freelance. You, I'm sure know that dogs like cheese, and heck, you like cheese. So if you supply her with plenty of that wonderful Texas cheese; then perhaps we could work out something.
    Now Penny thinks that there is actually not enough attempts at puns in this blog but she will not hound you on your observation.
    I think one can do too long a blog and thus, elaboration on things I would not do while naked, would have made it far too long a posting. That can be a separate posting. It's a fast-moving world in blogland and I wouldn't want to bore anyone with an overly long blog, or for that matter, an overly long comment back.
    And Penny has informed me that I do not need publicity via the promotion of nudity. No, what brings folks to my site are using key words. The most hits I get relate back to a blog I did about 'horse manure'. Might say something about me. Have a nice weekend, Doug. This comment is now going to suddenly STOP :-)

  29. This is so funny I'm going to partially forgive you for bashing my feline friends-who by the by keep the rat population down (very important stuff)-did you know that the lack of cat population in Europe during the Middle Ages was one of the causes of the of the black plague?? Hmmm? LOL. Anyway sorry for blathering on here-my point? I love your post! And Penny is ADORABLE!

  30. Hi Joanne,

    Penny's from heaven....

  31. Hi Sam,
    Thank you so much for partially forgiving me:-) Well, it's a start.
    You have brought up a valid point about cats and rats. Now then, if only the cats around here would go a rat hunting, (starting with local politicians), rather than using my vegetable patch as place to take a dump.
    Thank you for your comment. It is most appreciated. I have been for a visit over to your highly entertaining blog. Have a great week and happy writing.
    'Penny' thanks you for thinking she is adorable. 'Arf, arf..'
    With respect and kind wishes, Gary :-)

  32. Potential pawblisher, Penny, has a doggone good head on her shoulders. That much is certain.

    Strapped for cash? Well, the money better be good. When I let 'em strap me down for cash, I tell 'em I'm ticklish in my nether regions.

    oops... Did I say that out loud?

    Cats aren't out to take over the world, man. they're just messin' with your mind and your flower garden, dude. They also enjoy sucking the breath outta babies, shootin' heroin and playing the music for ice cream trucks..

    Bad kitties.

    You have a wonderful way with words. Just purrrr-fect.

    Well, as you can plainly see, I'm back to doing the blogging thing. We'll see how far I get until I'm stopped. :) Take care.

  33. Howdy Kelly,
    Firstly, on a serious note, I just want you to know I'm really pleased to see you blogging again. Hoping life will become more peaceful for you.
    I have a very large strap, complete with feathers, ready to give your nether regions a good whippin' That's the good news. The bad news is you will be paid with 'Monopoly money' (not to be confused with Canadian money).
    So, now I reckon, based on what you say, that pussies are actually my friends. I heard about them sniffing babies' breath. I will try to believe it is kittie's way of checking for milk on the lil' one's breath. Music on ice cream trucks, eh? Would the theme tune used be 'What's new pussycat?' Or 'Cool for cats'?
    Thanks for commenting. It made me paws for thought.
    Happy writing, Kelly.
    Please look after yourself.
    Gary :-)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.