Saturday, 2 April 2011

The Wee Folks Friends Equals Fun And Frolics.

You can sure tell it's spring time in Britain.  Out front of my home was an ice cream van.  Luckily, when I took this photo, Mr. Ice Cream man had turned off his ear piercing musical tune.  Every year it's the same bloody song.  If I hear 'Popeye the sailor man', one more time, I shall rush out the house and shove a can of spinach up his great fat ass!  After doing that, I will then proceed to place him under the soft ice cream machine, cover him with great globs of creamy goo, sprinkle the dude with chocolate flakes, nuts and strawberry syrup. And to complete his new look, I shall stick a cone on his head.  Change the tune man, change the tune.

Anyway, I bet you would now like an ice cream and the 'great globs of creamy goo' was indeed a reference to soft ice cream.  However, the above paragraph has dick all to do with the topic of this posting, which will, once again, be a waste of your time to read.  

This time of the year the 'wee folks' and their friends are usually out in my garden, playing about and rejoicing in the wonders of spring.  Imagine my surprise when I wandered into my living room and noticed our little monkey buddy with a rather shocked looking garden gnome.  It may indeed be a case of spunky monkey making funky frolic on garden gnome's gleeful genitals.

And then I noticed the rabbit with a garden gnome appearing to be inspecting the rabbit's rectum.  At least I think it's a rabbit.  Or am I just splitting 'hares'?
Oh my, the garden gnomes are taking turns.  Note the sheer delight as our wee gnome pal attempts to shove his hooter into the rabbit or hare's hair, which, I guess isn't really hare, I mean hair, but fur, or maybe it's also called hair on a rabbit, or a hare, as well as fur and I suddenly realise that I'm doing a run-on sentence and thus I shall stop hare, I mean hear, because I don't mean to rabbit on.....

So, what's this then?  Could it be Teagan the best gnome from Fidelina's and Geoffrey's wedding, with Fidelina's sister bridesmaid, Venetia?  There had been rumours of the two of them having a bit of romantic feelings for each other.  'Teagan buddy, say something!  Venetia, speak to me.....ummmm..maybe not!'

And there you have it.  It was late at night.  Outside I could hear the gentle breeze swaying through the budding leaves.  I heard the distant call of the night owl and the haunting sound of a wayward fox.  Inside, the wee folks, a funky spunky monkey, a randy rabbit, or is it a horny hare, were having uninhibited, unabashed and kinky  sex.   Gosh  and wow.  Just when I thought my life was boring, I witnessed the wonders of the wee folks and their frolicking friends.  And now, my dear friend, I share these photos with you.  

Sorry mum, I know this photo is rather blurry.  It's a photo of a photo and I don't have one of those fancy scanner things.   See mum, all those years of scribbling notes have paid off.  Note what really neat stuff I write like the wee folks and friends having a wild orgy in my living room.  See you in May.  Love Gary xx


  1. Well, Gary, I don't know what to say about the wee folk, but as for the ice cream truck: I keep thinking, could anything be worse? And then I thought (one track mind), god, they could be playing Lachenmann. Just kidding . . . I think your reaction to the ice cream truck is absolutely spot-on!

  2. I tell you spring time hits and the gnomes and stuffed animals are in heat. I hope you cleaned all the furniture and table surfaces.

  3. Your poor mother. You've associated her with rabbit porn! As the Chas and Dave song goes:
    "you wont stop talkin,
    why dont you give it a rest?,
    you got more rabbit than Sainsburys,
    its time you got it off your chest".
    PS: I have the same aversion to ice-cream vans and Popeye the Sailor Man.
    Enjopy the weekend Gary.
    Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

  4. Hi Gary,
    I really don`t know what to say about the goings on of the `wee folk`, it`s outrageous! ;)
    Here in Peterborough the ice cream vans seem to play `Greensleeves` or the theme tune to `Harry Potter`, I suppose it makes a change from `Popeye the sailor man`!
    With kind respect,
    Follow me at HEDGELAND TALES

  5. I sear the tune the ice-cream van used to play used to scare me away 8-).

    LOL @ the errrm enjoyments of the wee folks. Least they don't mind getting messy and enjoying themselves ;).

    Have a lovely weekend good sir

  6. Naughty wee folk!! But it's Spring and tis the time for frolicking, mad Horny Hares and Ice Cream Van Man!!!!!!

    I'm very sorry to say but I'm one of those who runs out of the house, pushes all the wee kiddies out of the way and barge through the queue to get my 99 with a flake at the sound of "Popeye the Sailor Man" ding-a-ling-ing away!!!

    Great to see your lovely mum!!! Happy Mum's Day to her for tomorrow!! Take care

  7. That was hilarious! Beginning to end. I snorted over the food sploshing of the ice cream man too.

    Old Kitty is right. Tis the season.

    I suspect none of ours will be anything like the wee folk's. You should maybe check to see if they got into that sugar jar, though. Gnomes, orgies, and that white powdery stuff are sometimes infamous for going hand in hand.

    Great picture, Gary! I hope you have the best of weekends, my friend.

  8. in my small town we don't have an ice cream truck or ice cream palor for that matter. as fr the wee folk they really seem to know how to have a good time i would suggest a deep cleaning of the sofa and chair before using them.

  9. OMG, your wee folks are purrverts! Your dear mother is probably hiding out from embarrassment. Only a son would show photo of his mum in the same post with her purverted wee folks! LOL.

    We don't have a cloud in the sky, but it's chilly. Too chilly for ice-cream. In fact, after reading "ice-cream" I've decided to stick my head in the oven to get warm.

    Have a super-pooper weekend, my dear friend. And get out. You've been indoors way too long!

  10. There's something on my blog for you! Go check

  11. Yikes! Your poor mum may never visit again!

    We still have some snow and I haven't seen an ice cream truck in probably 15 years!

  12. Humming.... " it's a small world after all, it's a small world after all...". That's the tune that Mr. Ding-a-ling rings when he rolls his ice cream truck up the block. Maybe Mr. Ding-a-ling has been hanging around with the wee folk this winter. That would make it a small world! This was a silly and funny post Gary. I loved the pic of you and your Mom.

  13. From the shy and coy Sir Tom Eagerly:
    You know Gary, Lady Eagerly has ice cream delivered to Eagerly Manor by the lorry-load. God knows what she does with it all.
    I'm thinking of having my scotch delivered by road tanker. What do you think old boy?

  14. Hi Raining Acorns,
    Ah yes, the less said about the 'wee folks' after hours version, is maybe best left unsaid :)
    Actually, I was thinking about what kind of songs that could be played on ice cream vans. 'The Sound of Silence' might be a heck of a start!
    I've noted the dude seems to take great pleasure in cranking up the tune, right outside my place :)
    May you have a peaceful weekend.
    Kindness and and an ice cream, your way, Gary

  15. Hi The Wolf,
    Cleaning the sofa right now Ah spring is in the air and the garden gnomes decide to make a mess on my sofa and basically all my furniture. The little bastards!

  16. Hi bazza,
    Actually my mother prefers listening to the rousing renditions of the 'Chelsea Pensioners' on their superb, must listen, album.
    Chas and Dave eh? I thought you might like a bit of the 'Wurzels' :)
    And Popeye and ice cream vans equals, no thanks...
    Hope you are having a peaceful weekend.
    In kindness and a video of Popeye, your way, Gary :)

  17. Hi John,
    I too am shocked by the behaviour of those 'sweet and innocent' 'wee folks' :) I guess they were just letting their 'hare' down...
    Ah, a bit of classical music would be a nice change of pace of the ice cream vans, around here. Even listening to the theme tune from 'Harry Pothead' has gotta' to be better than listening to that bloody Popeye song :)
    Cheers John.
    In peace and a 99 Flake cone, your way, Gary.

  18. Hi Nas,
    I wondering if the tune to the ice cream van you heard was the theme to 'Jaws' :)
    And those darned wee folks and friends make a mess and leave me to clean up after their Thankfully, they have gone back to the garden :)
    May you, kind sir, have a peaceful weekend.
    In kindness and a double cone, your way, Gary :)

  19. Hi there Old Kitty,
    Cannot be having the wee folks turning my living room into some kinda' kinky hangout for their sordid little parties :)
    Me thinks you should come and get your 99 Flake cone from that dude in the ice cream van where I live.
    I can just see you getting in front of those kids as you dance to the awesome sounds of the Popeye theme tune! :)
    Yes indeed, my mum. Gets two Mother's Day, days, in one year. The one here and the one on May 8 in North America. I shall be there for that Mother's Day :)
    Kind wishes and a 99 Flake, your way, Gary

  20. Hi LilPixi,
    Ah yes, that ice cream guy and the 'great globs of creamy goo', which of course, was indeed, ice cream. At least, I think it was ice cream...
    Old Kitty and her lovable pussy, Charlie, are, no doubt enjoying the spring season :)
    Funny you should mention the sugar jar. Caught a couple of gnomes having a sniff of the stuff. I wonder if the sugar made their sex-filled frolicking fun, all the sweeter.
    Thanks for liking the picture. May you, my good friend and Farcebook buddy, have a most peaceful weekend.
    Kind wishes and some Ice cream with whipped cream, your way, Gary :)

  21. Hi becca,
    Me thinks that is a shame that you don't have the 'joys' of listening to the wondrous tunes that get played on an ice cream truck. And no ice cream parlour. That is beyond belief. Then again, I guess, there's always a 'McFlurry'...
    I must go and rent an upholstery cleaner. What they have done to my furniture. bad...
    Thanks becca and may you have a lovely weekend.
    In kindness and a British ice cream van, your way, Gary :)

  22. Hi Joylene,
    They sure as heck are like 'purrverts'!
    I mentioned to my dear mother that I have put up a posting. Hopefully, she will read it and admire just how well my writing has come along :) She will now know the crazy stuff I get subjected too.
    Now you know, Joylene, why I need to get back to Canada. I do so hope I can still stay a few days at my mother's place. LOL eh.
    And soon you will find that the spring weather has warmed up enough where you live, to appreciate a good ol' ice cream. eh. Just wondering if you have a fan assisted oven. They really circulate the warmth :)
    May you have a pooper-scooper weekend. Me thinks I shall take your advice and take Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, for a nice walk.
    Kind wishes and Bob and Doug McKenzie video, your way, Gary.

  23. Hi Nas,
    Thank you, I shall be over to your superb blog, very soon.
    Something on Nas' blog for me? Hmmm...hope it has nothing to do with 'great globs of creamy goo' :)

  24. Hi Jemi, poor mother might just deny all knowledge of my shy and humble blog :)
    What? You still have snow in your part of Canada. Say it aint so :) I reckon it's time for an ice cream truck to visit you. You could have an ice cream with a maple syrup topping and listen to the 'Maple leaf Forever' playing from the truck's speakers :)
    Take care eh and have a good weekend.
    In kindness and a cool cone, your way, Gary :)

  25. Hi Asma Khan,
    Why thank you and I've had a check of your very nice blog :)
    Have a cool weekend.
    Kind wishes, Gary.

  26. Hi there THE SNEE,
    It is indeed a small world after all. 'Mr Ding-a-ling' eh? Hmmmm..Chuck Berry has an ice cream van. How cool is that?
    Ah, so Mr. Ding-a-ling gets into a creamy frenzy with the wee folks in my living room, whilst his British equivalent, 'Mr. Whippy' whips it out and says check out my 'ding-a ling, Mr. Ding-a-ling'...and the wee folks and a variety of stuffed friends reckon that it's time for yet another party, complete with ice cream and great gobs of creamy goo and some various fruity sticky toppings n' stuff...
    Can you tell I'm bored, Rebecca? Glad you loved this rather idiotic post and the blurry photo of my mother and me, yes, shy and humble me :)
    Kind wishes and a 'Mr Whippy' ice cream van, man, your way, Gary :)

  27. Hello to, From the shy and coy Sir Tom Eagerly,
    Ah, Sir Tom, what a delight to have you take the time from your hectic schedule that involves outrageous adulation from your adoring fans, to visit me. I, of course, are most definitely, your biggest adoring fan.
    Lady Eagerly has your staff place said ice cream into her extremely large chest...sorry, her extremely large freezer chest.
    I thought you had your scotch delivered by cargo planes to your private airport and stored in your very large warehouse. Have you decided against that now, odd chap, I mean, old chap?

  28. Oh, wait, I know JUST the thing--The Sound of Silence reminded me: John Cage's 4'33". Do you know it? It's 4 minutes 33 seconds of silence. Ah, the avant-garde ice cream truck! What do you think?

  29. Hi Y'all,

    We live in very rural areas so we do not have ice cream trucks. My Human says when she was little the town where her daddy's office was had an ice cream man. He just pull a cord that rang a bell, so he was called the "jingle bell man".

    We don't have any "wee ones" or gnomes so I'm not sure what to think about all their carryin's on.

    Tell Penny vets are very expensive, but I'm worth it, too! (for an English lady, her southern accent is excellent)

    Y'all come by now,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

  30. Dear Freakin' god, Gary! I bet you've shocked some followers with this hilarious story about the Wee Folk and Stuffed Animal Orgy from Hell. Or from Leek, rather. This has to be your naughtiest post yet. Kudos! You have done well. It sounds like you taken a bit of our funny little exchanges at Facebook, thrown in some crazy 'great globs of creamy goo' and added some sticky dribble dribbles of insanity to the whole mess of fun. I congratulate you on this fine, wholesome posting, goddamn it! What a wonderful story and fun for the whole sordid family.

    You be one sick mutha. And this is a high compliment from me, ya know. :) Gosh and wow. "Oh I'm Popeye The Sailor Man, I lives in a Frying Pan...." and so on. Btw, I like the pic of you and your mom. But that is funny what bazza said in his comment at first, regarding that. lol. Here's to a great day and happy gnome fucking. You've done well, my friend. I'm proud.

  31. Hi Raining Acorns,
    Ah yes, I do indeed know of John Cage's 4'33" It gives me much listening pleasure :) Oh, by the way, I have a Marcel Marceau CD that I just cannot seem to sell...
    I reckon John Cage's song, or Marcel Marceau's CD, should be played on every ice cream van :)

  32. Greetings Hawk aka BrownDog,
    That's really neat that your human's daddy had an ice cream man at his office. I hope the dude didn't melt :) So I reckon, if you or your human wants an ice cream, y'all have to visit a town.
    Me thinks the 'wee folks' had best stay in the garden. My poor human was shocked at what he saw.
    I knew you were worth any cost that might occur at the vets. Your human's know your health is paramount.
    And now I'm wondering if you might try chatting away in an English accent. I think that would be jolly fun thing to do :)
    Take very good care of yourself and your humans.
    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star! xx

  33. Howdy Kelly,
    You may well be correct. As you are well aware, I do like to variate my writing styles. I think we both like the idea that folks who grace us with a visit, never know what to expect from us.
    Personally, I think sticking to one genre is boring and my mixed-up mind needs to keep trying new formulas.
    I knew you would be proud of me with this one. And I am deeply humbled and flattered, that you, Kelly, would give me kudos for my attempt at something rather cruder than what one might possibly expect from lil' ol' me.
    And 'Fartbook', 'Farcebook', 'Fakebook' and the interaction I share with a number of bloggers on there, including your good self, was indeed a bit of inspiration to give me the urge to write this thought provoking and deeply profound posting :)
    Thank you ever so much for your congratulations. Coming from the master of 'farts and crafts', such as your awesome self, is high praise, indeed. In fact, this really was good wholesome entertainment for the entire family. Or maybe not.
    I am honoured, beyond any appropriate adjective, that you liked this posting. Thank you for liking the photo of my mother and me. Happy British Mother's Day, mum.
    Bazza's comment was very funny and I appreciate his musings and his, no doubt, fondness for rabbits :)
    A great day to you in your strange world of serious, sensitive writing and your thoughtful postings on sex-crazed psychotic clowns who like to play with biologically correct plastic dolls :)
    'Oh, I'm Popeye the sailor man, I lives in a frying pan. I turned on the gas and burnt my ass. Oh, I'm Popeye the sailor man. Toot...toot...'

  34. Well, I never guessed that a lament about ice-cream vans would morph into such a hot topic!

    Where I used to live, they (ice-cream vans, not the wee folks) used to crawl the street several times a day through the summer months. The music drove me crazy, and I always found something creepy and rather predatory about the way they drove slowly along enticing children to bug their parents for a treat...

  35. Hi Ian,
    Yes indeed, a hot topic about a cool subject.
    What? No 'wee folks' crawling the streets around where you used to live. Gee, that sounds boring :)
    Aha, so you are not exactly a fan of the screeching 'music' that emanates from those ice cream vans. I reckoned a lot of folks would feel that way. Actually, I do believe they passed a law over here that states they can only have the song playing on their van for only a few seconds at a time. Yeah right.
    And there is something a bit creepy about they way the drive around and basically torment the parents into getting their adorable kids a nice messy cone.
    Cheers Ian and have a good week eh.
    Take care,

  36. Gar,Gar,Gar...You have GOT to get your gnomes under control. You don't want them ending up on some kind of "registry" for pervy gnome offenders! I laughed all the way through this post!! Thanks for the chuckles, eh? =)

  37. Oh, the ice cream van! You can't even imagine how much I miss the good old ice cream van from my childhood. I miss the 99flakes, and screw balls and choc ices. Americans don't do ice cream vans.

    I bet all the spring blossoms are looking gorgeous but I can't say that I'm into those 'wee' folk you mention. I don't think I thought about them much.


  38. Howdy The Reckmonster,
    Reck, Reck, does that song go? 'Gnome, gnome and deranged..where the fairies and the stuffed animals play...'
    A registry for pervy gnome offenders? Yeah, could put them on some kind of clean up crew, starting with my living room furniture.
    Glad this gave you some chuckles eh. Take off eh, you hoser! :)

  39. Hi Jai,
    Ah yes, a big creamy cone with a 99 Flake. Very nice, indeed.
    And speaking of 'screw balls', you're right, the ice cream truck is a rarity in North America. I can understand you missing the great British ice cream van.
    The blossoms have finally started to burst in all their radiant glory. As for the 'wee folks', I wish they'd leave their 'radiant glory' for the privacy of the garden :)
    In peace and kindness, your way, Gary.

  40. As a long-time follower of your blog I usually enjoy your slighty off kilter sense of humour, but I have to say I found this post to be in poor taste.

  41. Hello Anonymous,
    I respect what you have noted. I experiment with different styles of writing. I knew this posting might be risky, but it was very much tongue-in-cheek.
    Take very good care of yourself and keep smiling.
    In kindness, Gary

  42. OH MY, Wee Folks settle down. Whew, I need a shower after all that wee activity.

    And I do want some ice cream.

  43. Howdy lifeshighway,
    Aha :) I wish to thank you for reading this in the tongue-in-cheek way it was intended.
    Kind wishes and a British ice cream, your way, Gary :)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.