So I went to the recreational shop in search of mood swings. There are many different ways of using the word 'swing' in a sentence. You can be in the swing of things. You can practice your golf swing. Spring can be in full swing. You can listen to Swing music. Heck, you can even be a swing voter. Swing high. Swing low. It's all swings and roundabouts.
Playground swings may have chains attached to them. Sometimes chains can be what shackles the mind. Chains of self doubt that imprison my mind with paranoid thoughts. 'Where am I going? What am I doing? Why do I bother when I'm destined to fail?' These thoughts; these notions that come from a dark and lonely place; deep in the back of my mind, sabotage the happier me.
Yes, I have mood swings. From the euphoria of thinking that I have been a kind and responsible single Father; to the depths of despair when I see my boy in pain. In my mind, the voices talk. 'Have I caused his pain? You might think you are a good Dad but lets be honest about this...you are a lousy Dad.' And so the battle, the forces of dark and light, rage within my soul. I will, I must gather up all the strength of the positive me and continue to work through this.
I am but one man. I sit here alone and type away. Gentle music plays in the background and I know that I shall find comfort in the ambience. My mood swings will return to a more serene state of mind. Back to what I'm more used to these days. My mood swings from joy and contentment to joy and contentment beyond my wildest dreams. Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm getting there.
I focus on the swings of my childhood. The playground swings where I laughed as I swung too and fro. And those swings with the chains attached? Well, I found the weakest link and I'm trying to say 'goodbye'.