Tuesday, 30 March 2010
The Inn And Out.
I sat down and a waiter proceeded to ask me if I would like some food. "Yes please", I replied,"what do you have on offer?" "Well sir, on our main menu, we have 'cottage pie', 'shepherd's pie', 'bangers and mash', 'bubble and squeak' and our acclaimed, 'toad in the hole'."
Stunned, shocked, confused, bewildered, I started thinking about what he had just told me. Thought it best to avoid 'toad in the hole', just in case it gave me a serious case of 'bubble and squeak'. "I'm not too sure about those suggestions", I responded. Do you have something I've heard of, like a pizza?" "Certainly sir. We get high praise for our 'margarita' pizza." "Ooooh.....I'm not so sure about that. The idea of a pizza with tequila, triple sec, lemon and lime juice; does not sound too appetising. Still, I can understand why your pizza gets such 'high' praise." I added. "Oh no sir, a 'margarita' is a basic pizza without any toppings", he said with a bemused grin on his face.
"Fine, thank you, I shall have one of your margarita pizzas, please." "Excellent sir! Would you like some 'or eee gan oh' on your pizza, sir?" "Huh?" I replied, "why would I want Japanese paper art on my pizza?" The waiter handed me the menu, which perhaps he should have done in the first place. He pointed to the word he had just spoken. 'Whoops'. I thought, the word was 'oregano'. "Yes, that would be fine. I shall have some 'or eee gan oh' on my pizza."
The pizza was brought over and I started to eat. Yes indeed, I grabbed a slice and shoved into my mouth. There were gasps of horror all around me. Responsible adults covered children's eyes. The waiter stared at me in disbelief. All I was doing, heaven forbid; was eating pizza with my fingers. Puzzled by this reaction; I looked around at some other folks who were having pizza. Good grief, they were using a knife and fork. I think I might have broken some law of pizza etiquette. Yeah, I know..here's that old joke. Do you eat pizza with your fingers? Or, do you eat them separately?
Upon finishing the pizza; the waiter asked me if I would like a drink. He said that the 'bitter' was very good. I gave that a miss and had a cup of tea instead. He asked me if I would like a dessert. "Sure thing buddy", I said. "What do you have?" "Sir, we have 'spotted dick'."