Friday, 14 May 2010
The Wind Chimes.
Listen very carefully. Can you hear those gentle sounds? The chirping of the happy birds. The rustling of the branches. The soothing and peaceful songs of the wind chimes. Sweet, sweet music dancing upon our ears and dancing in our souls. Behold, the orchestra of wondrous delight.
I do all that I can to maintain a positive attitude. Yet the memories of being a scared and lonely little boy haunt this scared and lonely man. My father was powerful. He instilled in me an overwhelming sense of being stupid. To a scared and lonely little boy; if your dad says you're stupid then you must be stupid.
Oh, how I've tried to break his power. Yet, the chains of doubt still burden my tormented mind. Indeed, the self doubts and the low self esteem are always there; taunting and teasing me in my everyday life. It has stifled my ability to get involved. For the thought of getting caught out and reveal my true stupidity; creates waves of panic, that happen right here, behind closed doors. I am like that TV series, 'The Littlest Hobo'. I enter the world of others, try to make them laugh and smile. Then, like the littlest hobo, I move on. Familiarity scares the hell out of me.
I sit here alone, night after relentless night. The battle rages on. This bizarre double life of mine is confusing and complex. If you saw me on the street, you would see a cheerful and pleasant man. If you saw me as I am right now, you would see a paranoid recluse. It is time for me to breathe. I shall focus on all that makes me grateful to be alive.
My garden is a statement of peaceful defiance. As my garden was transformed to a world of great beauty; so too will my life be recreated through the power of hope.
It is very early on a Friday morning. All is peaceful. I look out my living room window and find reassuring comfort from the glowing solar lamps. Soon the sun will rise and the new dawn will provide fresh desire to live a better life.