I mean this type of rubber glove. You are washing the dishes and all seems fine. The water is very hot and the cups and plates come out sparkly clean. Then, as if by magic, the mystery hole appears. How did this happen? You do not recall suddenly having this weird urge to poke a hole in said glove.
So you're washing merrily away and you realise that your hand is getting very wet and that the water is indeed very, very hot! You then curse and scream at the rubber glove. This would be the same rubber glove that you cannot remove without the aid of your teeth. This would be the same rubber glove, when it was still intact, required you to blow into it like a balloon just to get the fingers on said rubber glove to reappear.
Of course, you knew you were on to a loser from the outset. You knew when you bought the gloves that stated 'large' size on them; that they would be more suitable for a 'Munchkin'. That's if Munchkins even bother doing the dishes. Probably more interested in some flippin' 'Yellow Brick Road'.
So you get very frustrated with your rubber gloves. Yet this frustration gives you an idea. 'Hey, I've kept some of the rubber gloves that don't have holes in them, in the cupboard under the sink. Excellent, I can mix and match!' So there you go. One pink glove and one white glove. Then the water trickles in.
At what lengths we go to avoid 'dishpan hands'. Not much good when the rubber gloves keep splitting. Even making a wish to my 'Fairy Liquid', failed.
Yes, I've thought about purchasing a dishwasher. However, I recall just what a crap machine the last one was. Ended up taking out all the 'clean' knives, forks, spoons, cups and plates and re-cleaning them in the sink with the rubber gloves that had holes in them.
I've just about had it with this glove affair. What's glove got to do with it? All you need is glove. I'm not in glove. I wanna' know what glove is? Well, at least one that works properly.
So, that's just about it. And remember, no, not that type of rubber glove!
Hi Gary
ReplyDeleteI've never got on with them, broke more dishes when wearing them as I never get a pair to fit, usually end up with a pair two sizes too big and so have to fumble around trying to pick things up. Have you noticed the little finger always seems to be too long anyway? Or perhaps I just have very odd hands.
Best wishes
glove Di (oophs sorry couldn't resist that one!)
x
Dear Gary,
ReplyDeleteI'm not in glove, so don't forget it!
Oh, the pitfalls and perils of the rubber glove, indeed. Once again you launch us in to a comedic exploration of your quotidian world, which is, I must say, rather funny.
However, as I never use said rubber gloves, I do not seem to have the same problems, thankfully.
Neither am I au fait with the "other type" of rubber glove, used, as you say, at airports and such like.
Out of the two, I think I prefer your type, pink and full of holes though they are!
Thanks for another great post and good laugh,
Yours with Very Best Wishes,
David.
P.S. I aim to post another blog soon.
The problem started with the choice of pink. So a pink large would probably mean a woman's large which still would be tight on the average man's hand. (So that is the logic part)
ReplyDeleteFor the not logical: What do those wee folk do all day but lounge around the yard? Get them to do the dishes.
Haha, Gary, what a hilarious post. What's glove gotta do, gotta do with it. What's glove but a second hand emotion! Singing aside, just buy a new pair of hole-proof rubber gloves, Gare, that'll solve your problem.
ReplyDeleteA dishwasher is going to take up more space in the kitchen, so I recommend you to cross that off your list. Plus, your hands need some exercise, so dishwashing manually is the best way to do it!
Peace! Thank you for this exciting post! =D
It'seven worse when your habds get wet due to said hole and you can't pull them off for love nor money! Terrible things they are! I think they develop holes just to vex us!
ReplyDeleteJulie xx
Hi Diane,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the 'size' debate when it comes to the legendary rubber glove.
In my case, it the so-called 'large' glove that ends up being more like a medium. Darn things cut off the circulation and are a nightmare to remove from one's hands.
I'm sure you don't have odd hands. The little 'pinkie' on the glove can indeed be too long.
Best dishes, glove Gary :-) x
Dear David,
ReplyDeleteNo, you're not in glove. It's just a silly phase you're going through...
Perhaps we could compromise with security at the airport. Offer to do their dishes with a pair of holy pink gloves. And definitely not using the type they seem so keen to stick up your *ss (North American spelling) or a**e(British spelling)...
Thanks for your usual brilliant input, David.
Look forward to your next blog. Happy aiming.
Kind regards and a holy rubber glove, your way, Gary :-)
Hi lifeshighway,
ReplyDeleteI can see your logic. Perhaps they should have more availability of a blue version for dudes. Yes, as I have proven, we can wash dishes.
Actually ,when I think about it, the 'wee folks' partied in my kitchen and didn't even bother to wash up the cups. The nerve of them!
I shall go into my garden and get their wee butts in here. About time they helped out.
Thanks for your comment.
Kind dishes, Gary :-)
Hello Shanaz,
ReplyDeleteYes it's me commenting on this posting. Not a garden gnome; not a fairy princess. Good to take back control of my keyboard:-)
'A second hand emotion'. Well both hands on my rubber gloves have given me some emotional times. Is it wrong to hate a rubber glove?
Hole-proof rubber gloves. Can I assume they have reinforced titanium on them? Hmmm...
Oh, don't worry about me buying a dishwasher. I'm trying to save the planet by conserving energy. I will do like you say and go through the tortuous hell of manually washing the dishes:-)
Peace and glove, your way. Or, should that be, a piece of glove, your way.
Kind wishes and respect, Gary:-)
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteI think it is a conspiracy by the manufacturers of rubber gloves to make sure that the mystery hole appears at a most convenient time. Which is every time. That way, we go back to shop in an overly optimistic frame of mind thinking that this time the rubber gloves will not suddenly have that mystery hole.
Thanks Julie.
Glovely wishes, your way, Gary x
Gary, yeah, I know too well what you mean about rubber gloves and dishwashers. I'm not in "glove" with either of those 2 things. I'm presently wearing vinyl gloves at the moment for my "leprosy hands". They rip so freakin' easily. Using them for washing dishes is almost useless, because, as you explained, you can never can the right fit. They're made either for hobbits' or cyclops' hands. Dishwashers, like the one we own, often don't get stuff clean. You'll usually have leftover hardened bits of pasta or meat stickin' onto your pots, pans and so forth. (So much for non-stick pots and pans, aye?...lol-in reference to one of your earlier posts)
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's easier just to take the whole lot of dishes and stuff out in the back of your place, pour some flammable fluid on the pile and set it all on fire. Imagine the stink from the fiery heap and the commotion from your neighbors! Hell, throw the worthless dishwasher onto the heap, to boot. Why not? Make a party out of it!
Damn gloves! Damn dishwashers! Damn them all to hell!
The only good those gloves are sometimes, when you can get them to fit, is for stickin' one of those hemmoroid suppositories up your butt. Just sayin'. Take care, friend. Try not to get yourself worked up in a soapy lather over it all. :-)
Haha! That was sick! I mean, the glove, just look at that. Have you mistakenly used hydrochloric acid as your dishwashing liquid? And oh, Tina Turner, the Beatles, and Foreigner... very nice mixture, indeed. Thanks for the laughs, Gary. Your post cracks me up. I just feel like a glove.
ReplyDelete"All you need is glove!" Oh, Gary, this was such a funny post. I can picture you mixing and matching. What a visual!
ReplyDeleteHi Kelly,
ReplyDeleteI figured you would understand my ongoing hatred of rubber gloves. I'm thinking of starting up a rubber gloves, dishwashers, toasters, solar lamps, sticky rolls of tape, and yes sir, 'non-stick' frying pans anonymous support group. (You can take a breath now)...
I'm sorry about your plight with your hands. I really hope that clears up soon.
I like your idea about just dumping the lot outside and setting it on fire. Have some kind of a ceremony and a really weird BBQ.
You know what? To heck with it. I gonna' buy some paper plates and plastic cutlery.
Right then. I'm off to the airport. I hope I get there in the end. I promise not to get worked up over some foamy soap. I'd lather not, thanks:-)
Best dishes and a suppository, your way, Rectum? Darn near killed 'em....
Ah Rhyen,
ReplyDeleteCan you hear it? Can you feel it? Glove is in the air.
Never used any acid when doing the dishes. Now that would be a trip.
No, there is one of the great mysteries of the Universe, happening. The holes in the gloves just seem to occur due to some distortion of our dimensional reality. Or something like that:-)
I'm glad you like my musical references. Might as well face it your addicted to glove...
Hi Cher,
ReplyDeleteThanks for that. I about to do some more mixing and matching.
I cannot stop thinking about my gloves. The power of glove. Some might say that glove is a many splendored thing. Hmmm...
Thank you Cher and much kindness to you and your loved ones:-)
Hi Gary. I remember when my wife handed me a pair of oven gloves and asked me to remove a hot dish from the oven.
ReplyDeleteBecause her hands are small she didn't realise that there was a hole at the top of each glove.
Have you ever heard a man scream?
Two blisters popped up in front of my eyes, one on each index finger the size of a grape.
I've never known her to laugh so much!
Trouble with 'Marigolds'? Huh!
Hahaha, a piece of glove my way, LOL. Just a piece? What about the other piece? You really cracked me up, Gary.
ReplyDeleteSmiles!
Hi bazza,
ReplyDeleteOven gloves...Aha, another blog topic!
That must have been very painful. Still, I suppose it was worth giving your wife some hot entertainment. Quite the hands on experience.
Have I ever heard a man scream? Well yes I have. I remember screaming when I saw the demands of my ex-wife via her divorce lawyer.
'Marigold' gloves eh. Only the best for you..
Take very good care.
Hey Shanaz,
ReplyDeleteYou have returned. Thanks, that helps with my comment total. Yes I'm sad.
Okay, just for you, have an entire rubber glove. Be interested to know just how long it takes before the mystery holes appear in the entire rubber glove I have sent you...
Here you are...have fun.
Wanna' hole lotta' glove...:-)
"I've just about had it with this glove affair. What's glove got to do with it? All you need is glove. I'm not in glove. I wanna' know what glove is? Well, at least one that works properly."
ReplyDeletethat was hysterical.
l gave up with the gloves; l bought a dishwasher, and l am giving LittleMissAttitude xtra allowence money to do the dishes.
Hi vanilla north,
ReplyDeleteThat is such a cool name. Suddenly I've got this urge for an ice cream:)
I wish you good luck with your dishwasher. The last dishwasher I bought took its name literally. Yeah it sort of washed the dishes...but the cutlery and cups..well, forget it.
I wish somebody would pay me allowance to do the dishes. Perhaps then I wouldn't get so angry with the rubber gloves.
Maybe Beyonce had it right. So crazy in glove....
Best dishes and a rubber glove, your way, Gary :-)
Hi Gary,
ReplyDeleteI was feelin' lucky, lucky, lucky, until my yucky, yucky yucky, glove, blew out. Aw, too bad I can't get pink ones, or I might try again! Sigh; no pink for my sink.
I just glove the way your mind works :)
Hi Dixie,
ReplyDeleteNo pink for your sink. The pinkies on my pink ones. (Yes, I am referring to rubber gloves). Have be decimated by the mysterious holes that seem to appear just as I dip my gloves into the very hot water.
Please be very careful with pink rubber gloves.
Can't buy me glove. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me glove. Well, at least a decent one:-)
We have a dishwasher.
ReplyDeleteWe also wash in the sink. Depends on the mood.
However, when I wash up in the sink it is without a rubber. It is 'Bareback' washing up, unprotected.
I love the feel of warm soapy water on my naked hands ;)
Hi John,
ReplyDeleteNaked hands being caressed in the soothing foamy water.
Your 'Bareback' washing up sounds mildly erotic:-)
Ha ha you never cease to amaze me how you can turn the most trivial of things into a highly entertaining and amusing subject! Keep up the good work and when I get my own computer I am looking forward to joining this ongoing fun. Kind regards, Simon :)
ReplyDeleteHey Simon.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you. Can you tell I'm bored when I can do a blog about the evil that is the holy rubber glove?
It will be fantastic when you get a computer and get involved in the wonderful world of blogging.
Peace and respect, Gary :-)
Now this is an originale glovely post. These gloves are made to tease you. Those who make them laugh at us!
ReplyDeleteLook at the bright side, you wrote an awesome post.
Don't you wish for a Wizard's wand to do the dishes! (Ron's mother does that)
Hello санжог,
ReplyDeleteYep, you've got to hand it to them. They make those gloves just to torment us.
Actually I wont be wishing for any Wizard's wand to do the dishes. Although a Wizard doing my dishes, using 'Fairy' liquid, kinda' makes sense. Don't know who 'Ron' is, but if his mother is in to doing dishes; I've got a sink full just begging to be done:-)
Dear Gary
ReplyDeleteGlove is a many splendored thing! I actually have a pair that is too big for me so you can have them if you like. I used to use gloves for dishes but decided that it was a useless effort so now I use them only for toilet cleaning. I won't send those ones tho. They don't have a hole in them....yet!
Dear Heather,
ReplyDeleteThank you commenting on this archived posting. That is most appreciated.
Glove, glove, glove...glove is all you need. By all means, please send them thar large gloves. And that would be very nice of you if you forwarded me the ones you use for toilet cleaning. Of course, I must wait until they have a hole in them! :-)
Cheers.
Kind wishes, Gary
BRILLIANT! I'm absolutely in glove with this post! I am truly smiling inside. Who new that sudsy water, and dirty dishes could have that affect on me?
ReplyDeleteI have one extra large lavender glove that was left a widow when her perfect match developed a hole, followed by a vicious rip. Should I post it your way?
Hey it's THE SNEE,
ReplyDeleteYou see, SNEE, I do like to try my hand in a bit of comedy writing :) I want to thank you for commenting on this archived posting. SNEEKY me, went and blatantly posted it back up on Farcebook.
You know, that glove is a many splendored thing. And I'm so thrilled you are in glove with glove. Being that today, July 5, is my birthday, it would be really neato n' stuff if you sent me that viciously ripped glove.
Thanks Rebecca. Kind regards and a very special airport customs glove, your way, Gary :)
And glove lies bleeding in my hand...
ReplyDeleteI hate the suckers too! :)
Laura
Hi Laura,
ReplyDelete...crazy little thing called glove....
Me thinks there are a lot of folks who hate them suckers :)
Thanks Laura.
In kindness and some used gloves, your way, Gary :)