Well now, I have come to the realisation that it's time to defrost the old bird. And no, I'm not referring to my ex wife.
Of course, as I quickly move on, I'm referring to the defrosting of the turkey. I just hope I've worked it out. Um....lets see. Okay, if I leave it in the fridge, the temperature should be 4 degrees C or 39 degrees F. I must allow about 10 to 12 hours per kilogram. Or, in a cool room where the temperature is below 17.5 degrees C, 64 degrees F, allow approximately three to four hours per kilogram, or longer if your room is as bloody cold as my kitchen is. At a room temperature of about 20 degrees C , 68 degrees F, allow around two hours per kilogram.
Whoops....I'm already confused. Yet somehow, each year, my turkey seems to turn out okay. As for the ex wife....well.....
At this point, I would usually try to do a bunch of predictable puns. Puns such as wasn't this a fowl blog and I'm not one to duck the issue because that would be the chicken's way out and I'm just trying to write a very pheasant article. No, I'm not going to do that and send you on a wild goose chase.
The 'wee folks' who live in my garden, wish you a most peaceful Christmas and that the dawning of the New Year shall see you feeling positive and truly inspired.
And it seems only fitting that Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, the real talent on this shy, humble, unassuming site, has the last word.
"My dear friends, human and otherwise, here's wishing you a pawesome Christmas and a pawfect New Year.
Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, your way, Penny xx"