Saturday, 24 December 2011

Defrost The Old Bird.

Well now, I have come to the realisation that it's time to defrost the old bird.  And no, I'm not referring to my ex wife.

Of course, as I quickly move on, I'm referring to the defrosting of the turkey.  I just hope I've worked it out.  Um....lets see.   Okay, if I leave it in the fridge, the temperature should be 4 degrees C or 39 degrees F.  I must allow about 10 to 12 hours per kilogram.  Or, in a cool room where the temperature is below 17.5 degrees C, 64 degrees F, allow approximately three to four hours per kilogram, or longer if your room is as bloody cold as my kitchen is.   At a room temperature of about 20 degrees C , 68 degrees F, allow around two hours per kilogram.
Whoops....I'm already confused.  Yet somehow, each year, my turkey seems to turn out okay.  As for the ex wife....well.....
At this point, I would usually try to do a bunch of predictable puns.  Puns such as wasn't this a fowl blog and I'm not one to duck the issue because that would be the chicken's way out and I'm just trying to write a very pheasant article.  No, I'm not going to do that and send you on a wild goose chase.  

The 'wee folks' who live in my garden, wish you a most peaceful Christmas and that the dawning of the New Year shall see you feeling positive and truly inspired.

And it seems only fitting that Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, the real talent on this shy, humble, unassuming site, has the last word.
"My dear friends, human and otherwise, here's wishing you a pawesome Christmas and a pawfect New Year.
Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, your way, Penny xx"


  1. Dear Klahanie,
    At the mention of "the old bird," your mother-in-law popped into my mind..... but let's not go there. :) Oh my goodness, you lost me completely. But I too, know your turkey will turn out to be juicy and succulent with some good left overs for Penny.
    Cody sends Penny the Jack Russell good Christmas wishes and hope she gets lots of meaty bones.
    And Merry Christmas to you.

  2. Good luck with your bird and tell Penny I said, "No bones!"
    You are a good man and I wish you a Merry Christmas and a very blessed New Year. You deserve all things good.

  3. Here's a little tip to keep from getting confused: the turkey takes a lot less time to thaw than the other "ol' bird". ;)
    Wishing a very peaceful, happy, loving Christmas for you, Gary, and for your son and Penny, too!

  4. OMD...almost forgot, CindyLu reminded me - Merry Christmas to the Wee Folk, too! :)

  5. What kind of stuffing are you making? :) Nerry Christmas, dear man! (and dear Penny, JRT&MIS)

  6. Dear Gary, you crack me up! 'Well now, I have come to the realisation that it's time to defrost the old bird. And no, I'm not referring to my ex wife'. Hahaha!

    Much love to you and Penny. Enjoy the 'old bird', hope Santa feels you've been good :)

    Merry Christmas!! Oh, what the hell !!! :)

  7. Penny you adorable creature and most amazing star!! You and the wee folk must help your human figure out the instructions on the frozen turkey! Yay!!

    Have a gloriously turkey filled Christmas! Me and Charlie wish you and all your family joy and peace and love, take care

  8. Gary I know what you mean...I have nightmares about that darn turkey. He runs through my dreams the last few days before Christmas. Right this very minute he is sitting on my kitchen counter along with the ham and the ground pork...everything thawing nicely (I hope).
    Wishing you, your son and Penny the most warm and wonderful family Christmas and all the best in 2012....
    May your star burn bright
    May your tinsel hang straight
    And may Santa's reindeer
    Leave poop at your gate (for luck).
    Merry Christmas

  9. Last time I cooked a turkey it was pink in the middle and not even all the hot air I was blowing at it changed things, so the meat eaters had to have their turkey for afters while I tucked smugly into my quorn escalope :-)
    A pawfect Christmas to you dear Penny and I look forward to reading more of your pawsts in 2012 xx

  10. Dear Gary,
    Fortunately, I will be having Christmas dinner at my Mum's, so I do not, like your good self, have to defrost a bird. However, with my Robin Hood-alike looks, and unassuming manner, I have been known to melt the hearts of a few birds in my time! This year, though, the only melting heart will probably be my Mum's when I give her her present. That should keep the old bird happy!
    Hope you have a wonderful Christmas, Gary, and a great New Year. And thank you for your friendly call last night. Best Wishes also to Tristan and Penny.

  11. We're having ham this year. The thoughts of "the old bird" were just too much for this ole turkey. Ham it is. With pineapple and lots of glaze. I don't suppose lip gloss will do?

    Not to worry. Christmas is almost here. By Sunday night your time, we'll all be so full, the chesterfield will be shagging.

    Merry Christmas, young fella. Watch that Penny the Jack Russell and modest internet star doesn't eat too much of the old bird. It doesn't agree with her tummy like it used to. She's probably forgotten that.

  12. Oops, I meant sagging. Honest.

  13. Gary, I see you were winging it with the puns today. I hope you beak careful and don't gobble the old bird or you'll feel stuffed.

    Our turkey is already defrosting nicely. I skip the math and just take it out two days beforehand to be sure.

    I hope you, your son, and Penny TJRDAMIS have a wonderful Christmas. Hmmm...looks like turkey on the menu for the next month or so?

  14. Dear Manzanita,
    Hmmmm.. the idea of my ex mother-in-law popping into my mind or popping anywhere, is just to frightening a thought :)
    My turkey has always turned out juicy and succulent. Amazing how well a fan oven works.
    Penny will enjoy a bit of turkey and we must keep her away from the turkey bones.
    And from Penny and myself, we wish you a most awesome 'Boxing Day Eve'..oops, I mean, Christmas Day :)

  15. Hi middle child,
    Thanks for the good luck wishes with my bird. I'm sure I will have better luck than with the other um...
    And Penny will be kept well clear of the bones.
    Thank you, dear lady and I really hope you do have a lovely Christmas and a peaceful New Year.
    In kindness, Gary

  16. Hi Kim,
    Thanks for the tip and you are so very right. And this 'old bird' is a lot less expensive than the other 'old bird' :)
    Thank you for the kind wishes for Christmas for my son, Penny and I. And thanks to CindyLu for reminding you about wishing the magical 'wee folks', a Merry Christmas :)
    In peace and positivity to you and your loved ones, this Christmas,

  17. Hi Austan,
    Um..I got to thinking about an certain ex who should get stuffed :)
    Sorry, that was rude of me. I shall be using sausage meat, bread crumbs and onions, for the stuffing.
    And a Merry Christmas to you, Laura.
    Kind wishes from Gary and Penny TJRDAMIS ! :)

  18. The inebriated Sir Tom Eagerly says:
    Greetings old chap. You are a pheasant plucker indeed.
    Have a good one!
    Toodle pip!

  19. Dear Wendy,
    Ah yes, I'm glad that cracked you up :) Nothing like a bit of a laugh or cry or something, anything..
    And I'm sure this 'old bird' will be most satisfying. At least the turkey wont try to 'bleed me dry'. Well, I hope not :)
    And if Santa is reading this, 'I've been really, really good. Honest I have! :)
    Much love to you and your loved ones in New Zealand. And hey, at the time of this writing, gosh, it's 'Boxing Day Eve', oh what the hell, it's Christmas where you live!
    Merry Christmas and gidday, dear lady.
    In kindness and respect from me and yes indeed, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star! xx

  20. Hi Old Kitty,
    Gary, the human I kindly allow to live with me, has pointed out your comment. And thus, I Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, feels it only apt to reply.
    The 'wee folks' and I will take over the cooking of the 'old bird'. My human just stares at the turkey and scratches his head:)
    Thank you for your kind thoughts, Old Kitty. May you, Charlie and all your loved ones, have a lovely, peaceful Christmas.
    Pawsitive wishes and doggy kisses, your way, Penny and co-starring that mere human, Gary xx

  21. Hi Delores,
    Coincidentally, I have nightmares about 'the old bird'.
    I'm sure all will be fine in the thawing of the bird. Well, the turkey, anyway :)
    Thank you for your warm seasonal wishes. Here's wishing you and your family, a wonderful and 'thawtful' Christmas...
    In kindness and gratitude for your poem. And now I shall duly look for reindeer shit at my gate:)
    Take care and have fun,

  22. Hi Teresa,
    Ah you should of had my ex blow hot air on your turkey. Problem solved! :) Then again, you got to enjoy your porn, whoops, your quorn escalope while the meat eating humans had to resort to afters.
    And here's to you, Tilly and all your loved ones, having a pawesome and pawsitive Christmas.
    Penny is delighted you look paward to her future pawblishings in 2012:)

  23. Dear David,
    Here's wishing you a lovely Christmas dinner at your mum's.
    Of course, a man of such radiant charm, would thaw out and melt the heart of the most frozen of birds.
    You should beat your 'Robin Redbreast' with pride.
    I'm sure your mother will be touched by your present. In fact, your presents, sorry, your presence at their home, is a gift in itself.
    Thank you for your kind Christmas wishes for Tristan, that darned dawg, Penny and for shy and humble me.
    A delight talking to you, good sir.
    Merry Christmas, your buddy, Gary

  24. Hey Joylene,
    Ham eh. That seems like a great idea. Ham comes from a pig, right? And "You know, you can put lipstick on a pig," Obama said, "but it's still a pig."
    And gosh darn, it's Christmas as I type this. Yep, almost half an hour into Christmas and I'm not sure I can take all this excitement.
    And um, yep a 'shagging chesterfield'. Now, that's what I call a 'love seat' :) And yes, I believe you when you note that was a typo and you meant 'sagging' :)
    And a Merry Christmas, young lady. Penny will take it easy on the 'old bird' and even the turkey.

  25. Hi Ian,
    Very good with the responding puns, Ian :) And on a wing and a prayer, I will not get into a flap over it. No sir, I'm 'game' for such puns and watch out for the Canada Goose.
    Yeah, basically I skip the math, also. I reckon if it's squishy, it's ready to go. And yes, the turkey, also.
    Thanks for you Christmas wishes for my son, Penny TJRDAMIS and my oh so modest, self. Turkey lasagne by next week.
    May you and your loved ones have a wonderful Christmas.

  26. The inebriated Sir Tom Eagerly says:
    Ah Sir Tom, you have been sorely missed. What the pluck are you on about?
    All the beast to you, good sir.
    With respect and a 'Famous Grouse', your way, Gary

  27. sending wishes to you that you have a wonderful husband probably would love to "thaw" me out as well!!! lol

  28. jWell here it is Boxing Day and we've made it through another epic event...Christmas 2011 has been filed...hope your day went peacefully and pleasantly and that your icy hearted bird thawed properly and cooked delightfully. Turkey soup time.

  29. Hello Cat Chat With Caren And Cody,
    Why thank you, Caren. I sure hope you and your nearest and dearest had a pawfect Christmas!
    And my goodness, how 'thawtful' of your husband! :)

  30. Hi Delores,
    Indeed, the fun-filled festivities finally finished. Of course, we are now past Boxing Day and my favourite day, 'Boxing Day Eve' :)
    The 'big day' went ever so smoothly, thank you. The bird turned out excellent, beyond our wildest dreams. As for the ex...well....
    And now we wait for 2012. May celebrate the New Year with a bowl of turkey soup. Gosh n' stuffing...
    All the best, Delores.
    Happy holiday thoughts, your way, Gary :)

  31. I suspect your turkey was delectable, and hope your Christmas day was wonderful in every way!

  32. I think the easy way to defrost the turkey is to get it away from your ex-wife!

  33. Hi Susan,
    Indeed the turkey turned out very well, thank you. My Christmas was quiet and peaceful.
    I hope you had a wonderful Christmas :)

  34. Hi Ray,
    Well, that worked. Sent the ex away and the turkey started thawing! :)

  35. Hi Gary .. it's that purple .. ghastly plastic offering .. hope the innards turned out better than that wrapper and its instructions!

    8 - 10 .. are you feeding the multitude .. or you three just greedy .. or perhaps it's those little people outside ... or perhaps Penny has loads of waifs and strays in ..

    Hope you have left overs and can enjoy ...

    Now I'm going to read what happened once the turkey hit the oven ... stuffed or otherwise .. sagging sofa ... or otherwise ..

    Great post and comments ... Happy mid Christmas week to you all .. and Penny - boy can she type well .. and this year can have lovely walks no snow to freeze her paws off .. cheers for now .. Hilary

  36. Hi Hilary,
    Ah yes, the colour purple. More reasons to shop Morrisons...or maybe not....Much too my relief, the bird inside was not purple and the innards were, according to those who scoffed most of it, very good :)
    Seriously it would feed 8-10 Munchkins as long as they weren't too hungry. A certain young man, no not me, a ravenous dawg and a gathering of 'wee folks', devoured almost the entire amount of the 'old bird'.
    Thanks and I did actually have a couple of slices of white meat. Of course, I had to sneak to the fridge in the middle of the night...
    I appreciate you checking out the 'fascinating' update on this fowl situation. And thanks for typing "sagging" sofa :)
    I am honoured with your comment and the other fine folks that found a moment to leave such interesting thoughts on my shy and humble blog.
    And the talented Penny will be pawing away without the chance of her having icy droplets on my keyboard.
    Happy after Christmas but not quite New Year's day to you.

  37. The real reason your turkey was so juicy is that the Wee folks had their way with it and filled it with gooey holiday cheer.

  38. Howdy Kelly,
    Great, the secret is out!
    Now then, about that 'secret sauce' in a Big Mac :)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.