It is a cold and clear early Christmas morn. I gaze out the window and think of the moon as a gentle beacon of hope. Hush now, the voice that screams in my head and torments my soul. Gary, do not cry, for despite your painful isolation, intensified on Christmas Day, you have so much to be thankful for.
And I look out the window. See the rising Christmas moon, cast glowing shadows, on snowy fields. Embrace the moment. Rejoice and understand that life is what you make it.
I sit here. Not sure what now to write. The words are not there, just a jumbled mess in my mind. I turn around and the reassuring look of Penny, radiates the sweet innocence of a beloved dog. I am deeply touched by her unconditional love.
The Christmas moon now shines brightly through winter tree. I see this as symbol of better times to come. I may be alone, I may be isolated, devoid of human contact, yet my optimism for a better world, remains resolute, on this, a cold and clear, early Christmas morn.
My gratitude for you, on the other side of my computer screen, goes beyond any words that I can summon.
May the lonely, the isolated, the homeless, the rough sleepers, the sad and the desperate, find a few moments of comfort, during this, the festive season. Humanity is for life, not just for Christmas.
You need a box that says, "insightful." I'd check it every time.
ReplyDeleteHi Lettuce Head,
ReplyDeleteThat is very nice of you. I so hope you have a peaceful and positive Christmas.
With respect and goodwill, Gary
Awww, Gary! I wish I could just hug the hell out of you. You can see Penny with all that love in her eyes for you. How precious. I do understand feeling aloneness even more keenly at a time when we are supposed to be with family. I'm glad you have a positive attitude about it all though. And yes it is definitely going to get better. If you like, why don't we have Christmas in May? I'll put up the tree and we'll have turkey and all the trimmings. Love you soooo much.
ReplyDeleteHeather
Hi Heather,
ReplyDeleteWhy am I still awake? Hey, thanks hon. Yeah, it can be rather tough being away from friends and family at this time. Still, like you, I do stay positive and determined. I reckon the future is gonna' be a pretty darned good situation.
And Penny is terrific company. She doesn't argue or cause me any grief. lol
Thanks Heather and what a great idea! Christmas in May and another turkey with all them trimmings. Excellent.
Have a great Christmas love. And, of course, it's your birthday on Christmas Day. So happy birthday, Merry Christmas and warm thoughts to you and your loved ones.
Hugs, your way, Gary :-)
I'm stung with the words, "Life is what you make it."
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I love it..
because a few of my friends always say that they don't really feel the season... that they are sad or something...
but then when I go here at blogger... every bloggers seems to count their blessings than enumerating their reasons to be sad and lonely...
ohhh Gary... We are here for you!! Don't Worry!!!! Merry Christmas!!!!!! :)
hi mr gary! im sorry your feeling so alone. im just happy you got penny and mre hedgehog and the wee folks and all your fun friends. and you got ME! and that not just for christmas. its for every day. :)
ReplyDeletei hope you could think of all your blogger friends today and know youre not alone. happy christmas mre gary!
...big warm hugs from lenny
Here's wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteStrange how the time zones work. You are rising to Christmas morning just as Ali & I are off to bed. Sorry you are feeling the pain of loneliness, Gary. Know that I will raise a glass to your health tomorrow.
ReplyDeletePeace and best wishes.
Ian
Hello Gary: One thing I have learned recently is that, however bad things seem to be, there is, sadly, always someone worse off.
ReplyDeleteThis is the time to be positive and count your blessings.
For our family there will be no Christmas this year!
May you and your lad and Penny have a wonderful Christmas and New Year with best wishes from Bazza of ‘To Discover Ice’
Such gorgeous pictures and thoughtful words.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling so alone. I hope you get through this Christmas with the warmth of online friends and the love of Penny, who knows your true worth.
Thinking of you.
Hi Gary and lovely Penny!! Me and Charlie would like to wish you a very merry Christmas!! We hope today brings you peace and resolution.I know you find such joy and beauty around you and I hope that they comfort you especially at this time. It's taken me till way past 40 to be content with my own company - to find quietude in silence and to embrace my being alone. I think of all the christmasses I've spent with family and others and I truly don't think I was ever happy even with a crowd around me.
ReplyDeleteI'm raising a glass of rather nice and warming mulled wine to you and yours!!
Take care
x
Merry Christmas Gary!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written words that many can deeply relate to. Sometimes people surrounded by people are still lonely. You are surrounded by not just the moon, but many people around the world who care deeply about you. Sip some delicious hot chocolate, and a toast to you, Penny and the family under your very inviting tree. Warmest Regards, Rebecca
Dear Kamila,
ReplyDeleteFor sure, life is what we make it. We do have choices and I continue to focus on a more positive way.
And I am indeed grateful for all that I have. The kind and supportive blogging community is most inspirational. For, we can all be here for each other. That is a blessing.
Thank you Kamila, Please know that I am always here for you and others.
Merry Christmas, Kamila.
In peace, Gary :-)
I thought I'd stop by quickly here before all hell breaks loose during my wife's family Christmas dinner fiasco commences. Zippity doo da! I wish I could be with ya, buddy, instead of being here. Not just because of the continuing chaos that has been erupting up until this day and that will become a complete Apocalypse in five more hours, but because I truly do feel for you as a friend and somebody who cares. I know the depression you feel, but in a slightly different way. With mom being gone from my life and my own family fractured and no longer speaking to one another, it has been hell. In many ways. That's a long story I won't go into.
ReplyDeleteAnyway... Our place is going to be trashed with hyperactive kiddies, crazy, overly excitable family members (on my wife's side) and a continuous frenzy of activity that we have absolutely not enough room for in this apartment. And my poor cat will be terrorized by my chasing, giggling nieces until it hides underneath the bed, never to come out until Easter. Yayhoo and pass the Valium!
The only peace and joy I've gotten this year from Christmas is from checking out Christmas scenery (as you can tell from the other site).
Take good care, my friend. I want you to know I'll be thinking of you, man and wishing you peace this day and through the new year. Know that though you are isolated from living, breathing human beings... You have your online friends here for you and keeping you in our thoughts.
Merry Christmas, Gary. Now I must get back to doing a thousand and one things the wife wants me to do. :)
Hey Lenny,
ReplyDeleteIt's okay Lenny. I'm just miss my friends and family in Canada. Of course, I'm grateful to have Penny and all the little characters that are in my blogs. And, there's you, my kind little friend and the rest of the blogging community. It makes me very happy. Yes, we can all be here for each other, everyday. I am not alone and none of us, need be alone. How good is that:-)
Merry Christmas Lenny, hugs and smiles from Mr. Gary
Dear Mayet,
ReplyDeleteThank you and here's wishing you and your loved ones a merry Christmas.
In kindness, Gary
Hi Ian,
ReplyDeleteYes, this time zone thing. As you know, we are 8 hours ahead of you.
I'm okay, thank you, just a bit reflective. I know how much I have to be grateful for and I focus on the positive.
Thanks Ian and may you and your family have a most peaceful Christmas.
With kindness, Gary.
Hi bazza,
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, my friend and that it what I was alluding to in this post. In fact, I was thinking of the ongoing situation that is happening to your loved one.
I am grateful for what I have and know that there are others in a much more traumatic situation than me. Bazza, I do count my blessings and only try to be of support for others who may be experiencing various situations during this, the so-called 'festive season'.
You know my thoughts are very much with you and your loved ones.
In peace and sincerity, Gary.
Dear fairyhedgehog,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind and thoughtful response.
I'm really okay. I have much to be thankful for. I just wanted to be here for others who might be feeling a bit down during this time. I am alone, but not lonely. Luckily, I comfortable with who I am.
My gratitude for my online friends, such as you, is immeasurable. I am truly blessed. And Penny, year after year, has been a great source of comfort.
Thank you so much and may you and your family, have a most joyous Christmas.
With respect and kind wishes, Gary.
Dear Old Kitty,
ReplyDeleteThank you. Penny and myself wish you and Charlie a most peaceful Christmas.
I find much solace in the beauty of nature and the inspiration I receive from you and my other wonderful friends in the blogging world.
I also, am content with my own company. Sometimes solitude can be a blessing. There's something to be said about not being with a crowd of folks at this time of year. I have mentioned this in previous blogs. I've just been thinking a bit about my friends and family in Canada and do miss seeing them.
Still, what the heck, loads of positive things in my life:-)
Cheers, my friend.
May you have a most peaceful and inspiring Christmas.
In kindness and goodwill, Gary x
Dear Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas Rebecca:-)
Thank you for your warm and supportive words.
Indeed, the thought behind this posting was to be there for others.
I am most thankful for all I have and my solitude gives me plenty of time to appreciate the wonders of nature. It inspires me to maintain a positive focus. I want others to know my aim has always been to be of comfort and compassion.
The blogging community has so many kind folks, such as you, dear lady. I am honoured and truly thankful for all the kindness and caring.
I shall now go and have a cup of hot chocolate and send peaceful, positive wishes, back to you.
Thanks Rebecca.
May you and your loved ones has a wonderful and happy Christmas.
With kindness and goodwill, your way, Gary :-)
Hi Kelly,
ReplyDeleteThanks dude. I really appreciate you stopping by. Good grief, you are having quite the contrasting day to me. I've got it pretty darned easy:-)
Some of the reasons I do posts such as this is to give folks the opportunity to verbalise their feelings. I admire you for your honesty and candour. I'm grateful for your kindness and support.
You have gone through hell and I respect you not wishing to divulge any more. Depression can seem overwhelming, but we both know that this interaction can be cleansing.
So, at least I can have the consolation of not enduring the hectic family get-togethers that can leave you feeling stressed and anxious. Luckily, I'm going to be able to stay relaxed. So, despite my missing my friends and family in Canada, I've got my own quiet little world and know I shall see them, fairly soon. Life aint so bad:-)
I sympathise with you man. I do know how much a positive distraction taking photos and getting out there, has been for you. Very pretty pictures on your other site. Almost made me go all 'Christmassy'.
And thanks so much for your words of kindness and encouragement. I really am thankful for all my online friends and to you for all your positive interaction. We really can be here for each other, supporting each other. Kelly, you are a shining example of humanity at its finest.
I'm going back to my peaceful and reflective solitude. I've so much to be thankful for.
I hope you manage to get through this day with a smile on your face. Maybe through gritted teeth, but a smile nonetheless:-)
Anyway, my friend, may you and your loved ones, hopefully, have a peaceful and pleasant Christmas
Kind wishes and some aspirin, your way, Gary:-)
I know exactly what you mean, Gary, when you say, loneliness and isolation, is intensified on Christmas Day. For many, it can be the worst day of the year. Especially when the mind wanders off, imagining what it would be like to be someone else. Anybody else. To have another life entirely... To wonder what it would feel like to be truly happy...
ReplyDeleteIt is obvious, however, by the amount of comments you receive, that you are definitely 'not' alone dear Gary.
Well, my Christmas was a very quite affair and I'm mightily glad it's over to be honest with you, as it's a day I struggle with too. Enormously.
I hope this finds you and Penny well and warm. And don't forget - you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination.
Bye for now :)
Dear Gary,
ReplyDeleteI think there is a Shakespeare sonnet (no. 29 in my book) which has something to say about your current situation. It goes as follows:
"When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings'."
Good, eh? So, I know you know you have many good friends and indeed, are aware of your blessings (as you say in your post), but if bloody Shakespeare can feel alone and outcast, I guess we all can, and Christmas can make it even worse.
Just to say, then, I hope that things with you are not so bad and I share your sentiments about remembering those less fortunate than ourselves at this time. I know that you have actually been out there helping the homeless and such before, so it's easy to see that you have a great, big heart, Gary,- take care of it!
Ring anytime if, in the horrible parlance of our times, you wish to "share".
Warm fuzzies and a hopefully splendid New Year, your way,
David.
Hi Gary,
ReplyDeleteSome may think your Christmas view to be bleak. However I know your strength and capacity to summon up joy and positivity from the negative things that could be perceived around you. You and your loved ones have a lovely Christmas, we look forward to talking soon.
Lots of seasonal wishes
Philip and Julie X X X
Thank you so much, Gary. It felt like you wrote this specifically for me. God Bless.
ReplyDeleteChristmas is crap on your own.
ReplyDeleteIt’s on the TV, the radio it everywhere you go reminding you that unlike the rest of the whole stinking world have to spend it away from you family. I have sat in my office listening to everyone whine on about the endless shopping list, the inlaws, the family , the parties etc etc etc.. All the while thinking about how am I going to get thru one of the lousiest day of the year?
This year was no different I was anxious feeling lousy missing the past Christmases of kids and cats and I ended making a really lovely friend ...just when you give up hope something nice happens ..
But I still hate Christmas well Christmas flaming carols and films and pop songs and etc etc
K
Dear Wendy,
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly for your thoughtful and understanding comment.
You have eloquently stated exactly what I was alluding too. I could have added so much more. Yet, I knew that I would get deeply profound added dimensions to my blog, such as yours.
There are those who consider Christmas to be a deeply painful time. A reminder of just how sad and despairing, life can be. Thus, despite my own concerns, I do know I have much to be thankful for. I have even spent time with those much worse off than I am and attempted to give them some comfort on Christmas Day.
I am definitely not alone. I have found great strength from those who are so kind to interact with me. I hope that I demonstrate that I am truly supportive of others.
I do so hope that your quiet Christmas was a time of peaceful reflection. At least, we know that it is over and we can look forward, with realistic optimism, to a positive 2011.
Penny, my son and myself are warm and well, thank you. I have drawn great comfort from your lovely comment. I am most grateful to you and those I have such great honour to interact with.
Peace and good wishes, your way, Gary :-)
Dear David,
ReplyDeleteThat was a pretty good effort by old Willie:-) Indeed, it just proves that we are all vulnerable to the possibility of such feelings. Christmas can very much enhance the feelings of desperation and loneliness.
Things are not too bad for me. I get into these reflective moments and I'm actually trying to be of comfort to anyone who may have felt the pain of what might seem to be an indifferent world.
I know you share my sentiments. You are a kind and decent man, David. And, of course, that one deeply moving Christmas, I spent the day being of support and feeding the homeless and the rough sleepers. It made me realise, even more so, just how blessed I am.
Thank you for your warm and thoughtful words. I shall look forward to talking to your good self, fairly soon.
May you have a most peaceful and positive New Year.
With respect and very good wishes, Gary.
Dear Philip,
ReplyDeleteYou are most correct. My view of Christmas is indeed, a hopeful one. I very much embrace positive possibilities out of what could be perceived as a negative situation. I know that you understand that I write with compassion and wanted to try and be some semblance of comfort to those who may be going through a very tough time, painfully enhanced at Christmas.
Thank you Philip. May Julie and your good self, have a truly happy festive season.
In peace and goodwill, Gary xx
Dear Joylene,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I have always tried to write from the heart, and in doing so, perhaps wrote something that could be related too. I care and wish you much joy and positivity.
Bless you, dear lady.
Warm wishes and goodwill, Gary.
Dear kerrie,
ReplyDeleteChristmas can be crap on your own. In a weird way, I find it a blessing.
Still, listening to those whining, can infuriate those who would like to be with friends and family. Those that bitch should maybe realise that there are folks out there who would savour a bit of company on what can be such a painful and lonely time. The insensitivity of those who do not seem to realise just how 'lucky' they are, beggars belief to those in desperate situations. I wonder what the rough sleeper, the lonely old lady, the sick child in a hospital bed, would make of such outlandish behaviour.
Yet, through all the crap of Christmas; something wonderful happened to you, dear kerrie. To gain a friend shows that something very positive can come of what can seem like the most negative time of the year. I think that's wonderful.
I cannot be doing with all the 'tis the season to be jolly, flippin' Christmas carols, or the lousy films and I don't care about the Christmas number one. I hear you on all of that.
Take very good care and know you are never alone.
In kindness and good wishes, Gary :-)
Gary, your words are so moving. I hope for all the lost and lonely that they have a few moments of peace during this holiday season.
ReplyDeleteDear lifeshighway,
ReplyDeleteThank you. Your words resonate with the true meaning behind this posting.
May the lost and the lonely find some comfort during this, the 'festive season'.
Here's wishing you a most peaceful and pleasant 2011.
Warm wishes, your way,Gary.
thanks G you write lovely replies
ReplyDeleteK
Dear kerrie,
ReplyDeleteThank you for that. I do really try to give the personal touch and endeavour to reply to each person.
Please take good care of you.
G :-)
I apologize for missing this post.. You know I woke up early Christmas morn, went outside and cried.. I did.. for my broken dreams, the homeless, unloved and lonely people. Then I somehow found the strength to go back in and smile as my son and daughter woke up.. I too have much to be thankful for.. WE will have a wonderful new year Gary.. I command it for us both.
ReplyDeleteLynne
Dear Lynne,
ReplyDeleteNever any need to apologise for missing a post. I am honoured that you are kind enough to leave a comment:-)
You are a kind and caring soul. Christmas morn brought you moments of deep reflection. It also shows your compassion and your transparency. I respect this very much.
And, we both know just how much we have to be thankful for. You felt in that moment when your son and daughter woke up on Christmas morn.
Yes, we will have a peaceful and positive New Year. Lynne, we will make it so.
With kindness and positive wishes, your way, Gary.
A very belated Christmas hugs and pokes and tickles from me. :)
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, Gary, as always :)
Hey Shanaz,
ReplyDeleteThank you. And here's some hugs, pokes, tickles, back to you.
In peace and positivity, Gary :-)