Wednesday, 4 August 2010

'Ghost' Blogger.

Katie Price is set to go straight to the top of the Sunday Times Bestseller list this week, with her new novel Paradise. The former glamour model's fifth novel, the final instalment in her Angel trilogy, will go straight in at number one for hardback fiction, outselling the number two book by two copies to one, her publisher, Random House, said.
Price, who chooses the plots for her books, penned by ghostwriter Rebecca Farnworth, said: "I think it's brilliant that it's number one.  "It just goes to show people that when I really put my mind to something it makes number one and it's brilliant and I'm absolutely over the moon."

If you click on the link below, you can see Katie, one of Britain's true intellectuals, in all her glory.

Now, if you are not familiar with Katie Price (or whatever her last name is, this week) aka 'Jordan' (so popular they named a country after her), please allow me to briefly tell you that in Britain, she is famous for being a model, a 'reality' television star and having a 'boob job'.
So you can imagine my shock when I discovered that this highly talented and most articulate intellectual required a 'ghostwriter' to formulate her stories. 

Now doesn't that just warm your heart?  You may be an inspiring writer who has worked tirelessly to get yourself published.  You may have had the frustration of getting that rejection letter.  So all you have to do is wear a bikini, or, if you are a guy, perhaps a pair of micro Speedos and blatantly publicise yourself via reality shows such as 'Big Blogger'.  The boob job part may not be a necessity.  Especially if you are a guy with impressive 'man boobs'.

So, once again, I've been thinking.  Yep, that's twice in one week.  If Katie aka Jordan can have a ghostwriter, why don't I get me a good ol 'ghost blogger'?  Instead of me sitting here trying to think up something, anything, let someone else write it while I take all the plaudits.  Of course, this could seriously backfire if the ghost blogger was an even crapper writer than yours truly.

Yet, as they say, just who are 'they', nothing ventured, nothing gained.  So I've been looking for potential ghost bloggers to take over and write this blog.   Well, I have been disillusioned in my search.  My thinking, yes even more thinking, got quite desperate and I typed in 'ghost blogger' in the search engine.  What I got back was something about 'Casper', Wyoming, Casper the friendly ghost,  Jacob Marley (not related to a reggae singer) and an option to go try out some ghost hunting.

This means, well in the meantime at least, that I will have to keep writing my own blog.  I could try again.  Maybe check out the situation from ghost to ghost, wait til the ghost is clear and continue haunting, I mean hunting for that elusive ghost blogger.  That's the spirit.

The above photograph is of my friend from the garden, 'Scarecat'.  Scarecat has done a very good job of keeping cats from shitting in my vegetable patch.  Scarecat says, 'Boo'.  Are you scared?   Perhaps you might say 'boo' back and that might be boo as in boo this blog is crap and could really you the services of a ghost blogger.  It's enough to make you want to kick me in the 'ghoulies'.

Now very briefly back to Katie, famous for a boob job and being an idiot.  She has a television show titled, 'What Katie Did Next'.  I've no doubt you are eager too, if you haven't done already, check out this British icon.  I would like to have my own television show, 'What Klahanie Did Next'.  I just know you would be an avid viewer of my show because you are so fascinated by my fun-filled and totally awesome life.   And speaking of ghosts, I bet you could see right through this posting.  BOO!!


  1. OML I'm laughing so hard my sides hurt. That is hilarious. Of course you know what you've gone and done? Now I have to sneak at peek at her book.

    Thanks dear man for brightening my evening.

  2. Phew! I was spooked for a second,I am very relieved that you did not have any offers to ghost write your blog - we want the real thing in your case Gary!
    It is so hard for unknown writers to compete with the likes of Katy Price and it does drive me mad to see similar names up on the best selling shelves at bookshops, I just hold on to the thought that I am true to myself and if ever I find success, it will not be by feeding of another persons talent.
    Best wishes to you

  3. What in the name of the father, the son, and the holy ghost is this? You didn't post any picture of Katie's titties. I'm absolutely sure that your blog will get more hits if you display her jewels in each and every post you create. By the way, there are actually many men out there who have "woman boobs" - they're called transexuals. You could try posting pictures of them as well.;-)

    Ok, the ghost is clear now. I must go and grab my wife's... uhm... dirty clothes. It's laundry day.

  4. Hey, I would come back for Klahanie's titties. Before I just came back for the stories but this way I could see some good skin.

    Unfortunately, I may have to bust a favorite male fantasy. Women do not really enjoy banana slings...ever.

  5. Hi Joylene,
    I'm glad you enjoyed this one. If you click on that link on the bottom of the news item; you can find out about this remarkable woman and her latest thought provoking creative literary masterpiece.
    I've no doubt that she is an inspiration to aspiring and published writers, alike. Or maybe not lol
    Kind regards, Gary:-)

  6. Hi Diane,
    No, I could not spirit away some ghost blogger to take over my writing. So thanks for your compliment. It appears you are stuck with my gibberish lol
    Seriously, it must be most frustrating for unknown writers to make a mark when the likes of Katie etc, have this publicity machine backing up there alleged writing exploits.
    I knew you would be true to yourself. It is so much more satisfying to know that your work is your work and is acknowledged on its own merit.
    Kind wishes, your way, Gary :-)

  7. Hey Ryhen,
    Sorry about the lack of cleavage presented in this posting. However, if you click on the link just below the news item, you can marvel at the wonderfully talented 'authoress', complete with her fake assets.
    You know my blog is not the type to try and generate more hits by posting up titillating photographs. Would I do that? lol Tis true, I get very few hits on my blog. Still, that is okay because this really is a therapeutic exercise for me. I appreciate the kind interaction of good folks such as you.
    Hope you had a pleasant laundry day. I was going to hang out some more clothes to dry but with all the rain here, I don't have a ghost of a chance:-)
    In peace and good wishes, Gary

  8. Hi lifeshighway,
    'Klahanie's titties were somewhat exposed in a posting regarding the exciting world of sheep shearing.
    I have to look at those photographs through slightly parted fingers lol
    I believe it's those dudes who wear the 'banana slings' who think the ladies find it attractive. I've no doubt you are correct in what you note.
    Kind wishes and a pair of tiny white Speedos, your way, Gary :-)

  9. Now I've completely lost my ghoul from all the giggling here! So much fun to read your writing!

  10. How sad it is that Katie Price thinks she is a best-seller.
    Some might think she is a slag; not I. I think she is a very good business woman but she has sold her soul. Men have often exploited women - perhaps she is turning the tables!

  11. Dear Gary,
    Once again your incisive wit and intelligence cut through the banal, turgid mediocrity some of us call "entertainment".
    Katie Price. A writer? Methinks not. Nice tits, though, although I could say the same thing about myself, being the proud owner of a pair of "man boobs". Maybe I should take a photo of them and put them up on the web in an effort to enhance my popularity. Then again, perhaps not.
    Seriously, though, Gary, you make a salient point about how the talentless and vacuous are seemingly taking over the world!
    Yours with Very Best Wishes,

  12. Maybe Sir Tom Eagerly could take over your blog. I hear he's not doing anything these days.

    "What Did Klahanie Do Next?"

    You mean besides write read-worthy posts and take the occasional poo?

    Because of my impressive hairy man boobs, I just made the cover of Newsweek and and have just signed on to Random House Publishing for a major book deal. So take that Katie Price! Tit for Tat!

    Funny post, Gary. It's always the most absurd news that seems to get me laughing and shaking my big ol' melonhead. Give my regards to Scarecat.

  13. This one got me going, laughing like I was on something. Wow, after reading the snippet of the article you shared with us, up there, my thought was: How could she take all the credit, what a loser! Not to be mean, but if you're planning to write your own book, you can actually start by at least picking up a pen or use a freaking computer and type your ideas yourself! Anyway, your post is Priceless, Gary, you kept on tickling my guts away. and Naw, you don't need that ghost writer because I can do it for you...if only if you want your blogspot to turn into a cemetery.

    Hahaha, I crack myself.

    Peace to you, my funny friend.

  14. Hello THE SNEE,
    I am so glad you liked this posting.
    Now how did that song by Cyndi Lauper go? Oh yeah...'ghouls just wanna' have fun..'
    Nice spooking, I mean nice speaking to you, Gary :-)

  15. Hi bazza,
    I think the media machine has helped create her delusions. I too find it rather sad.
    A 'slag'? As in possibly, a mixture of shale, clay, coal dust, and other mineral waste produced during coal mining? Sorry. There's me trying to be clever and failing miserably.
    She is indeed an astute business woman who maybe only pretending to be thick. Heck, with all the millions she's made, she must be doing something right.
    Still, I find the whole Katie 'circus' hard to stomach. I really don't give a shit what Katie did next.
    Cheers bazza.

  16. Dear David,
    Thanks David. You have summed up, rather nicely, what I mentioned in the posting.
    You bring up a good point or two in regards to your good self. By all means, post up some photos of your magnificence for all to see. It's a great marketing strategy to increase the hits on your, well worth a read, site. Then again, like you say, perhaps not.
    Sadly David, it is this kinda' crap that sells newspapers, makes for voyeuristic televison and turns those with no talent into best-selling 'writers'. I shudder.
    Best wishes, your way, Gary.

  17. Hi Kelly,
    You know, Sir Tom Eagerly would have been an ideal 'ghost blogger' on my site. His literary genius and incredible wit puts my disjointed ramblings to shame.
    Thank you for thinking my post are worth a read. Hang on..I'll be right back...that's better..just had a dump. Wow, now if I did blog about my toilet activities my hits would go through the roof or maybe down the loo. (yes, British word for toilet).
    Will you be showing off you impressive hairy dude tits and your first book signing. I not sure if you have done so but, if you click on the link just below the partial news story I posted, you can see the whole article and Katie posing at her book signing. Like wow wee.
    Scarecat says 'boo'. Or was that 'boob'? lol

  18. Hi Shanaz,
    It is kinda' funny, sad but funny. I think she almost believes that here life, her books and yes, her singing career, are vitally important to us all.
    Did you know that you can click on the link just below the part story and get to see this British 'icon' in all her glory?
    Would you really be my 'ghost blogger'? That would be quite the undertaking but I can dig it with hopefully no grave consequences.
    Peace and 'boo' from Scarecat, your way, Gary:-)

  19. I've never used a ghost writer, I do my own stunts. However, I have had a BOO, that's not a typo. I have real fake ghost tits. But has that made me famous. NOOOOOOO! 8/

  20. Hi Klahanie! I can see where you're coming from, but Hey! - everyone creates their own Karma - each person attracts what they think they deserve into their lives, Katy Price (idoiot?) and the unknown author (talented?) alike. So, though I can't be bothered with her media circus either, I just ignore it, don't waste energy on it. She's got her path to follow, I've got mine, so I don't let it bother me. well, most of the time - for a small percentage of time, it DOES get to me, and then I shake my head a lot in disbelief! Annnyyyway!
    Don't you think she'd wither and die if she didn't get any attention? from the media? Tv, papers, internet, celeb sites, - bloggers........?????
    Are YOU feeding her empty fame???
    Hahaha! love the potential for irony!
    There's a place for everyone in this beautiful world of ours(as long as they're not actually hurting anyone else)!
    Peace and Harmony, Dude!
    Abide! ;)
    *It's because she enjoys making a SPOOKticle of herself!!!
    *Her boobs are way too big - they should be reduced to a MEDIUM size!!!
    *OUIJA credit her writing a book!
    *It's only about the SKELETONS in her cupboard anyway!
    *that was a serious post, a bit GRAVE mebbe?
    *she's not gonna have a launch, but an EXORCISM!
    She had someone to WRITE it for her, now is she going to get someone to READ it to her???

  21. In America we have our own "Kate" who is also a publicity vacuum cleaner and famous for a reality show with her equally brilliant husband and, either having 8 children, or adopting 8. I don't really know because I never watched it. She and the bozo got divorced, or separated, then she sold a reality show of her own..and on, and on...Forget ghosts, you are lively and funny enough on your own. Brace up and hit the keyboard!

  22. Hello Static,
    I reckoned you used your own 'stunts'. I think you should be famous for your real fake ghost tits.
    Talk about you being renowned for a 'boo job'.
    Thank you, Static. It's been um...interesting and spirited:-)

  23. Greetings Brand New Day,
    Oh, I know all about Karma. All this get back what you give out stuff. I attract fine and articulate folks, such as your good self to bestow their thoughtful comments on me. In turn, I do my best to give back positive interaction via my site and their's. So thanks to lovely people like you, my Karma is very good and I am grateful.
    Me thinks that Katie does not need the extra oxygen of publicity. She's hogging enough oxygen as it is. I doubt my humble and very little known blog will make much of an impact on her life. I ignore her, people like her, and the Media circus that surrounds them. So, here I go contradicting myself by writing about it. Yep, I don't care at all. Still, I'm wondering what Katie is going to do next? lol
    Irony? I will tell you about irony. Heck, I've used this one before. Irony was the night my car got wiped out by an ambulance. Now there's irony.
    Did you hear about the dead chicken that liked to make really loud eerie clucking sounds and create general disorder? Well that would be a 'Poultrygeist'. I know that was fowl. And speaking of eerie clucking sounds; have you had the great pleasure of hearing Katie's latest attempt at singing? She needs a 'ghost singer'.
    Thanks for the added bonus of a PS.
    Excellent plays on words. I reckon the folks from Land's End to John O' Ghost would be delighted with all of this.
    Would you like to read the book to Katie? You could always read 'Run Spot Run', to her. Somehow, I doubt she would 'spot' the difference.
    Kind wishes, Gary :-)

  24. Hello Count Sneaky,
    In America, you have 'celebrity' who is also a 'publicity vacuum cleaner'. Well, that sucks!
    I'm not sure who you mean, which really is a shame, but there are some similarities between what you mentioned and the adventures of one of Britain's iconic legends, that is Katie aka Jordan.
    Oh, by the way, would America, please, please, please take back Paris Hilton. She keeps visiting here. We have enough problems, already.
    Thanks, Count Sneaky, for your kind words. I will do my utmost to forget all about having a 'ghost blogger' take possession of my beykoard...I mean keyboard.
    With respect, Gary

  25. bob from tolkein's tree6 August 2010 at 10:17

    You have brought humour to a rather depressing subject.

    Incidentally I find her quite ugly.....and boob jobs make women look like weird in my opinion.

  26. Hi Bob,
    I do try to instil a bit of humour into what is a rather bewildering fascination that the media hypes even further, with sadly, over exposed, in this case, quite literally, deluded celebrities who truly believe they have a semblance of noteworthy talent.
    It must be very frustrating for aspiring writers to see such shenanigans transpire.
    Kind wishes, your way, Gary.

  27. Sir Tom Eagerly6 August 2010 at 18:59

    Good gracious! I just noticed that I have not graced this post with my incredible wit yet.
    I see my good pal, Bob of Tolkiens Tree, has visted you. He's rather good you know. Not in Bazza's league of course but still good!

  28. "Good gracious! I just noticed that I have not graced this post with my incredible wit yet."

    And Sir Tom, I shall look out for your witty comment. Tick, tock, old chap....

  29. ha ha. You said "boob."

  30. Hello Doug aka 'I Like Cheese',
    You Gouda be kidding me :-)

  31. So, up until today I've been totally oblivious to 'What Katie Did Next." How can that be? However, to redeem myself, I have a passing knowledge of a soon-to-be-televised U.S. reality show called . . . Are you ready? . . .Celebrity Divers in which "celebrities" actually dive from high places into ( I think) water.

    Is the world ready for more hard core reality? I know I can hardly wait.

    1. Hi Cleem,

      The shame of it. How could be oblivious of the wonderful, intellectual, philosopher and accomplished 'writer' such as dear Katie. Are you ready for this?

      Yes, even in lil' ol' Britain, we are subjected to Z list 'celebrities' seeing their careers dive even further.

      Perhaps you might like to join us on my "Big Blogger" show?

      Thank you for commenting and have a peaceful day.


  32. Oh dear, I'd love to ghost blog for you, but I already do that for myself. I'm not really who I say I am and people can see right through me. Not good to be a ghost, I can tell you.

    1. Who is this? Ah yes, it's becoming clear. I hope you are the ghost of Christmas "present", cause I sure could use a present. Thank you, oh ghostly one.....

      And just like that, I vanish!


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.