Saturday, 7 August 2010

Above My Clouds.

Above my clouds is a place of brilliant visions where hope and happy thoughts embrace.  High, so high above my clouds, the stifled dreams run free and play amongst the stars in an endless universe.   Those fleeting moments, those beautiful fleeting moments when this man, this scared and lonely man, escapes the world of doubt and negative sabotage.
Then I come back down.  Back down to a world where I struggle to breathe.  The panic, the pain, the realisation of lost love and broken hopes suffocates my positive thoughts.   Be quiet voices of doom and despair.   Let me live in peace.  Let me breathe.
I see me in the photograph and wonder where my life has gone.  Yet I know it is not too late.  For I still live to learn, and thus, I will learn to live.

And the baby became a little boy.  A little boy full of wonder, amazement, curiosity and hope for a happy future.  And the little boy became a man.  A man determined to challenge the voice of his inner critic and listen to the gentle songs being sung by his inner child.


  1. Beautiful writing and beautiful sentiment, Gary. To para-quote Richard Bach "If you are wondering if your mission in this world is finished, check if you are breathing. If you are, it isn't." (Illusions - Adventures of a Reluctant Massiah). Abide.

  2. Sir Tom Eagerly7 August 2010 at 05:48

    Klahanie, you probably think of Sir Tom as a precious and sensitive soul so you won't be surprised to learn that I am deeply moved by your sentiments, beautifully expressed.
    (Sir Tom dabs eyes with handkercheif).
    Also I am still pissed as a fart from last night so the world isn't too bad a place is it my friend?

  3. Dear Gary,
    Being the caring, sensitive chap you are, Gary, perhaps you are bound to have such thoughts now and again after what you have been through. I know I have my own feelings of regret and loss which used to govern my life, but now only creep up on me from time to time. Perhaps, then, it is as the old cliche goes, that time eventually heals. I certainly hope it does with you, and you keep on challenging your "inner critic" with more positive thoughts, because I think you deserve a life without such pain and distress.
    Here's hoping, then, that you stay "above (your) clouds" and keep on "reaching for the stars".
    With Very Best Wishes,

  4. What, is Sir Tom human after all?
    Beautiful piece, Gary. It is a rare gift to be able to express yourself with such clarity.
    Best regards from Bazza.

  5. Hi Gary,

    When ever I have negative thoughts I listen to my N.L.P. disc and those thoughts are banished and I'm raring to fight my way through life again. It really works!! Hugs and love, x

  6. Beautifully written, Gary. Made me teary. What a gift you have. Blessings.

  7. Very touching and honest post, Gary. As you struggle with your inner critic and do battle with your loneliness and painful past memories, keep in mind what I'm sure you already know. That you do have the strength and resolve to keep going and that there is hope in a brighter future. I can easily tell from what you you wrote in this post that you know this, but, as your friend, I want you to always remember that.

    Take care, friend and hold down the blogland fort while I'm gone for a short time. Peace out!

  8. 'Be quiet voices of doom and despair'

    No use telling them is it Gary, they don't listen. So make your own noise.

    And I don't mean that 'think positive' crap we hear all the time,avoid silence of all kinds; but I only know what helped me, words cannot help you, not mine, not yours, not kind visitor's. What is the alternative to thinking? - and I don't mean the chemical alternatives. Take care, Bob

  9. Hello Brand New Day,
    May I first say what a pleasure it has been having this positive interaction with you.
    I like that para-quote. I shall now breathe against the mirror and see if anything happens :-)
    Me thinkest, in my case, that I am the 'reluctant recluse'.
    Have a lovely weekend and thank you.
    In peace and respect, Gary

  10. Greetings Sir Tom Eagerly,
    I do indeed think of you, kind sir, as a precious and sensitive soul. I can vouch for that from the fact you have left comments conducive to the theme of my previous postings. My gratitude knows no boundaries.
    I quite like the world. I have much to be grateful for. And do farts really get pissed?
    Thank you old bean.

  11. Dear David,
    I somehow knew you could relate to this posting. I do have those moments of sad reflection. The 'what ifs' and the 'if only's'. Yet, I verbalise my honest candour that sometimes, life can seem a touch overwhelming.
    It is an ongoing battle with the 'inner critic'. I try my very best to live in the now and look forward to a bright and positive future.
    Time has healed many wounds. Occasionally a little bit of emotional 'blood' spills out.
    Thank you, David.
    With very best wishes, your way, Gary.

  12. Hi bazza,
    I think we both know that 'Sir Tom' is actually a very nice, caring and compassionate person. I quite look forward to his sharp, witty comments, in a way, bordering on sadistic:-)
    Thank you for the nice compliment. Writing is a therapeutic tool for me and has helped me work through some rough times. I hope that my writing can be of help to others.
    Kind wishes, Gary.

  13. Hi Carole,
    Now that sounds like a good suggestion. I will say that through my verbalisation via my blog, that I always feel better and rejuvenated.
    Positive distractions are very much the tonic for warding of any negative thoughts.
    Thank you for your kindness, Carole.
    Hugs and positive thoughts, Gary x

  14. Hi Joylene,
    Thank you for your thoughtful response. Through all the dark times and emotional upheaval, I have found that trying to formulate my thoughts into written words has helped me so very much.
    If my words have significance and I can help others, than that is a empathetic result.
    Peaceful wishes, Gary

  15. Hi Kelly,
    Thanks for that. Yes, just like you, my friend, I do have the resilience and the determination to keep moving forward. Forward to a place of hope and positive realities.
    My blog, from the outset, was my way of reaching out and trying to be there for others who may have experienced, or are experiencing, similar perceived daunting situations.
    It really is a case of help each other, we help ourselves.
    Thank you for your wise words, Kelly.
    I shall do my utmost to keep blogland under control why you take that well deserved break. I hope I am worthy of such a task:-)
    In peace, respect and empathy, Gary

  16. Hi corfubob,
    Oh, I 'yell' at the screaming 'inner critic' to go away so I can have a laugh and party.
    Well, the 'voices of doom and despair' do take heed. They occasionally taunt and tease me, but the negative voices are but fleeting and my right to live in peace, mainly reigns supreme. The alternative to thinking would be an alternative I'd rather not think about.
    Take care, Gary:-)

  17. I just left a very long comment...which I could never reproduce properly.....I hit my account and name and poof it was gone...I was hoping to see that your comment moderation was on...but it is my words are lost in cyberspace....??Oh well..I was just saying that I like your words...and that I am an inquisitive person...Nice to meet you..Oh and thanks for stopping by too..!

  18. It is a special quality to be able to both laugh and cry, be serious and silly. This post evoked my own memories of singing "The Circle Game" to my girls when they were little. Always good to stop by at Khalanie's Place. Hope your weekend is full of fresh air and sunshine. I'm a tremendous believer in the power of negative ions when life gets tough.

  19. Very deep and reflective words you have here, Gary. It is indeed nice to be with the clouds, the stars, the galaxies, and God knows what else is out there or is it "in here." For me, however, I think the reason we are compelled to stay with mother earth, with our feet on the ground, is that we have to help others so that we can all soar the heavens away from all the loneliness and despair. This is, at least, what I tell myself whenever I start to get the feeling that everything around me and about my life stinks. And maybe if I follow the wise Buddha's instruction, I can somehow contribute to the coming down of heaven to earth: "Teach this triple truth to all: A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things which renew humanity."

    Peace and respect,

  20. hi mr gary! i like that cloud stuff alot. i like to lie on my back and watch the clouds and make them into stuff. for me i dont look back at where i been. im just glad to be here on this day and hope i could be here tomorrow. so on this day im doing all i can to have fun and love everyone and that means you too.
    ...hugs and love from lenny

  21. Hi smArtee,
    I'm very sorry to discover that your long comment vanished. It can be very frustrating when such things happen. When blogger is acting up, I 'copy and paste' my response, in case I have to put the comment back in the comment box. I am truly sorry this happened to you.
    I'm glad you liked my words and it was a pleasure to leave a comment on your site. Thank you for taking the time to try again and leave a comment. Much appreciated.
    With respect, Gary :-)

  22. Greetings THE SNEE,
    I like to incorporate different moods and themes in my blogs. I'm sure you would agree that writing can be a wonderful therapy.
    Ah, 'The Circle Game'. I have listened to versions by those two fine Canadian singers, Buffy Sainte-Marie and Joni Mitchell. That invokes some wonderful memories and thanks for that.
    I am so pleased you took the time to visit. It is truly an honour.
    My weekend has been quiet and calm. Most of my days are like that. Hope you and your loved ones had a peaceful and positive weekend. I believe that positive distractions such as the interaction in the blogging community is a powerful and profound tonic. I thank you for being an integral part of this.
    In kindness, Gary.

  23. Hi Ryhen,
    And that's what it's most assuredly all about. All working in unity and a general caring and compassion for our fellow humans.
    My metaphorical and spiritual reaching, 'above my clouds', makes me believe that we can all be in this together, to create a positive environment for all life. Indeed, 'a heaven on earth'.
    You are a decent man, Ryhen. I want you to know that you have my utmost support and respect.
    In peace and goodwill, Gary

  24. Hey Lenny,
    Always great to have you come and visit:-)
    Lenny, living in the now, having fun in the now and smiling about a happy time ahead.
    Wonderful thinking, Lenny. I like to lie there and stare up at the clouds. The number of times the clouds looked like goodness!
    Wouldn't it be nice if we lived in a world where everyone loved and respected each other? If we had more people with your attitude, this world would be an even better place. Hope you had a super weekend.
    Happy wishes and smiles, Gary :-)

  25. Sing gently the praises you so richly deserve. You have suffered in your life, Gary, yet you continue to bring joy to many through your kindness and your very presence on this earth. When in doubt, try to see yourself through the eyes of those of us who appreciate your creativity, sensitivity and compassion. You are a good man. Life begins when we open the door once more and take a chance.

  26. You have such a way with words; it's truly a lovely gift you have.

    I can identify with so much of what you write, and I love the way you express it. You say it so much better than I ever could.

    Much love,

  27. Wow, Gary! What a beautiful way to describe both the positive and the negative sensations. I believe we need them both to balance each other. If you never doubt, how can you be sure? I love you loads and always have your back. Take care my wise and wonderful friend.

  28. I too have a picture of myself as a young child holding a teddy bear on my wall. When I pass and occassionaly notice it, I think it says,"I am you." To which I reply,"No. You are not me.I am a man. I have no inner you. You do not either exist or know what it is to be a man. I do. Farewell, little one."
    Our "inner children" are but dreams and keep us from facing the barbarities, brutalities, and vain desires of our own natures not to mention those of others. The first step is the hardest. Look inside without fear or favor.

  29. Hi Cher,
    Thank you for those kind and caring words.
    I try to articulate, as best I can, my own personal battle with niggling self doubts. This blog was another exercise in making me realise just how far I have come.
    It is hoped that my sharing is something that others, who may have battled self doubt, can relate to in their own lives.
    I am a very upbeat guy. I know that many have suffered personal trauma and discovered a resilience to embrace a more positive life.
    The duvet or doorway dilemma is an almost daily occurrence. It is indeed an triumph when I go out and realise that perhaps I am not an 'imposition' on society.
    Thank you for your words of wisdom and encouragement. It means so very much.
    In peace and respect, Gary

  30. Hi Gucci Mama,
    I want you to know that I have a lot of respect for you and how well you articulate on your beautiful blog.
    I thank you so very much for appreciating what I am trying to do with the power and the magic of the written word.
    Indeed, this posting was my way of sharing my feelings with an open and honest transparency. I sensed that some would understand the meanings, both from challenging a negative environment, to the ultimate goal of discovering a more positive and happy life.
    You are a dear lady and it has been profound inspiration interacting with you.
    In peace, love and empathy, Gary

  31. Hi Heather,
    Heather you are one of my dearest friends. I knew you would understand about, as you so perfectly noted, the balance.
    Through all the times of negative doubt, we have both realised that positive possibilities were the catalyst that has made us strive forward along that sometimes bumpy road, to that place of inner peace and contentment.
    With much respect and warm wishes, Gary x

  32. Greetings Count Sneaky,
    I understand and respect what perspective you make in reference to the 'inner child'.
    The inner child I refer to is an ideal. This is about maintaining the childlike qualities that fill us in awe and appreciation for the small wonders in life.
    My inner child is not a dream. It is a part of me that makes up the balance and the intricacies of me.
    I do see inside without fear or favour. I'm just trying to be the very best I can.
    Thank you, my friend for another perspective on this. Your interaction is greatly appreciated.
    With respect, Gary

  33. You are quite welcome, Gary. I have been unable to find an "inner child" in myself,but this may be just a confusion of terms on my part. I have faced death directly several times, and life directly many long years, and still I find the advice of the old Greek philosopher Epictitus the most helpful. He said, "What concerns me is not the way things are, but the way people think they are." It is also translated as, "People are not disturbed by circumstances, but by the way they interpret them." You are indeed a sensitive soul, Gary, but perhaps this has no part in the nature of things. It is all very interesting, is it not? We must keep looking with wonder and skepticism, and sensitivity. My best.

  34. Hi Count Sneaky,
    Thank you kindly for your follow-up response. That is very kind.
    Twelve years ago, I nearly died in hospital. They gave me little hope of surviving. Yet, just as I was about to depart, something inside me recalled all the wonders and beauty that the world had to offer. Something that had been clouded from my thinking all too long. I think of it as my 'inner child' telling me that I still had a chance to live and celebrate my life and the lives of others.
    I clung to that and made a remarkable recovery. Now, I try to live life with a sense of humility and gratitude.
    You have left another intriguing comment. We must keep seeking the wonder and yes, balance that with healthy scepticism. Very interesting and profound.
    Thank you. Kind wishes, Gary.


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.