Wednesday, 16 September 2009

'Congratulations! You've Won A...'

'Ring, ring.' "Hello." Then the recorded message starts: 'Congratulations! You've won a trip to Orlando!' "Flippin' heck I have?" I found myself saying to the recorded message. "Wow wee, I have won yet another trip to Orlando! How lucky am I?" Then the message stopped and the dull hum of the ring tone took over.
I get a tad aggravated by these occasional recorded messages. Sometimes I answer the phone, only to get a blast in my ear. Can you imagine what it's like to answer the phone expecting to talk to someone; only to be greeted by the unmistakable sound of an ocean liner's horn? Suddenly, I'm thinking 'Love Boat' and the golden tones of Jack Jones singing the theme tune. 'Toot..toot'...'congratulations you've won an all-expenses-paid trip for a week cruising the Bahamas on a luxury liner!' "Thanks very effin' much.!" I scream into the phone. "Trips to Orlando, cruises in the Bahamas. How much luck can one guy have?" Once again, I realised that I had been ranting and raving to a recording. Then the message stopped and the dull hum of the ring tone took over.
I found out that most of the calls are coming from America and I have a plan. At certain times of the day, I can make free calls to the States. So maybe, just maybe, I will phone them up and state the following: "Congratulations! You've won a free trip to all the landfill sites in Britain!" I can just imagine the uncontrollable excitement of the person at the other end of the line.
In the meantime, I have our dog. 'Penny', ready to monitor incoming calls. So if you phone me and hear something that sounds like a slobbering noise; it aint me, honest.


  1. I adored this post! What a wonderful idea! Hugs and love....

  2. I got a similiar call yesterday only I put the phone down after the word "congratulations". I can't be doing with it!! Those calls drive me mad. I seem to get them in little flurries.

    Julie xx

  3. Dear Gary,
    I hate those calls too, but loved your pictures of Penny.
    Thanks for yet another entertaining blog telling of your whacky adventures in life.
    With Very Best Wishes,

  4. Dear Carole,
    I'm seriously thinking of phoning one of those 'junk' calls back. I have done a 1471 (that's *69 in North America), and have been informed of the actual number.
    Knowing my luck, if I do call them, I will probably get a recorded message..:-)
    Thanks for your comment, Carole and happy anniversary to you.
    Warm wishes, Gary x

  5. Dear Julie,
    I know this might seem a bit bizarre; however, I noticed when I yelled really loud into my phone at one of those recorded messages, it stopped and started all over again.
    I figure, heck they are making the call, it must cost them a bit to stay on my line longer.
    Must assume you wont be trying this, Julie:-)
    Thanks for taking the time to comment. Good luck with all those short stories you have been sending out.
    Kind wishes, Gary.

  6. Dear David,
    Kinda' thought you might not exactly enjoy those calls either. Penny is most pleased that you love the pictures of her.
    Thank you David. Oh, by the way, cute kid in your picture icon:-)
    'Ring...ring'..must go now David.
    Very best wishes, Gary.

  7. Hi Gary:
    I have an old 'standby' remark: "You've reached the Charlotte Police Dept.. With 6000 officers, 6000 significant others, and 1.5 child per couple..hmmm...(+/- 9000 children); we'll be expecting 21,000 cruise tickets on 'what' date?"
    The caller sheepishly backs out of the verbal transaction, and says they'll removes our number. How rude. Don't they know that officers like criuses too?!

    Sorry I could not resist sharing my devious action. Most of the time I'm very polite on the phone.(!)
    Give Miss Penney a hello from me. I do like your post, but so dislike the calls. "Toot-toot, clang-clang, all a-board."

    I'm hanging up now, Dixie

  8. Hi Dixie,
    I love your 'devious action'. Sometimes, I think it is quite right to get, shall I say, a little bit of revenge on these 'intruders'.
    Still, like you mention, cops need cruises too.
    Thank you very much for your 'call', Penny sends you positive barks:-)

  9. Hi Gary;
    You made me laugh!! I too have those calls and don't like them either. The best one I got though was when I thought I would go along and see just what the deal really was. Well, he got all the way through telling me the details and I was so excited, it made him try harder, then it got to the end and he said, all I need now is your credit card number to verify that we have the right person. I thought he was going to cry when I told him that not only did I not have a card, but that I would never have one. I didn't believe in them. He was incredulous and suddenly in a big hurry to get off the phone. I kept him talking as long as I could until he realized I was just jerking him around. Then he was rude and said he had to hang up. Heck he didn't even tell me to have a nice day!! How rude!

  10. You could have fun with this. Find out where one is that has a name that might evoke interest.

    Then you could rabbit on about 'the archeology of the future' LOL; after all isn't a lot of archeology based on examining ancient rubbish tips?

    Phrases like, 'See it before it becomes history'

    Love the photos of the doggy!

  11. So annoying, but loved your post.


  12. Hi Heather,
    Keeping the poor guy on the phone like that. Oh, what the heck, I love it!
    Sometimes I get a call from some junk caller based in Britain. Using my finest Canadian accent eh; I have actually convinced a couple of them that they had dialled a number in Vancouver by mistake. They soon hung up. And, just like you, they didn't say, 'have a nice day', or even 'cheerio' :-)
    Thanks Heather, talk to you soon.
    Warm wishes, your way, eh, Gary x

  13. Hi John,
    You have come up with some handy tips in your comment and I would most certainly not rubbish what you have stated here.
    Maybe I could phone up one of those junk callers in America and try and control my excitement over the fact they have won a trip to some of the finest landfill sites in Britain, or like you so cleverly note,'the archaeology of the future'.
    Doggy thanks you kindly 'arf..arf'
    Thanks John.
    Kind regards, Gary.

  14. Hi Suzanne,
    Thank you for dropping by and leaving a comment.
    Many congratulations on the fact another one of your stories has been published.
    'Ring..ring'...oh no..not again:-)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.