Monday, 28 September 2009

Cheese Please.

A blog about cheese? You Gouda been joking. I've never recovered from the fact that cottage cheese is apparently not made out of a cottage. Okay, let's get that old cheese joke out of the way. What cheese is 'made' backwards? 'Edam'.
I love cheese, the stronger, the stinkier, the better. If I open the pack and get an aroma that burns out my nostril hairs; that's a result. If I open up the pack and I am greeted with a pungent stench, reminiscent of socks that have been inside a pair of trainers, used in a frantic game of basketball; well that sends me to cheesy heaven.
Mild cheese? Forget it. To me, mild cheese is like eating glorified wax. No, I'd rather enjoy an exotic cheese. Heck, I have this urge for some Gorgonzola, which is an Italian blue cheese (and not, as I used to think, some female Greek mythical creature with sharp fangs, whose appearance, would turn anyone who looked at her, to turn to stone).
So just what have I learnt about cheese? Well, eating Stilton cheese will not make me seem taller. That eating blue cheese will not make me sad. That is not the law in Philadelphia that you must eat Philadelphia cream cheese. I'm going to end this 'cheesecurdling' blog very soon. I've got this urge to 'gorge' myself on some extra strong cheddar. Cheese please, anything but mild. Some cheese you must handle 'Caerphilly', because it crumbles so easily.


  1. Dear Gary,
    As a keen observer of mental health issues, I am once again enthralled and indeed, fascinated by the workings of your brilliant, yet deranged mind.
    Maybe I could involve you in some "experiments" I've been thinking of doing- (laughs cruelly and wrings hands).
    Seriously, though, I tried to think of a suitably "cheesy" response to your blog, but found it too hard (a bit like "Cheshire") and in the end simply got cheesed off.
    Thanks Gary for another witty, smile-filled blog. I'm sure my Mum will love this one, as she suffers similar problems to yourself (i.e. having a sense of humour)
    Yours with Very Best Wishes,

  2. Dear David,
    That's me dude. Well, deranged anyway.
    I reckoned this might just start some cheesy responses. I was thinking of mentioning the fact that I have 'Emmental' health issues, but thought it might seem politically incorrect.
    I'm glad you liked this, David. As we both know, you cannot take life too seriously. Having a bit of fun with the written word can be most therapeutic. It helps me cope.
    Please send my warmest wishes to your Mum. I hope you Mum enjoys this blog.
    In kindness and respect, Gary.

  3. Very entertaining, Gary, and very caephilly written. I brie-lieve that stinky cheese is foul. I'm not a cheese lover apart from a nice piece of Wenslydale with cranberries in it on a digestive biscuit at Christmas.

    But I think you've Gourda give it a try!

    Julie xx

  4. Your post could not have been goudar. Your posts of late have been brilliant examples of what can happen when monkeys and cheese get together for a walk through the mind.

    Well done my friend.


  5. Oh cheesestatic; I love it too but not quite as stinky as you appear to.

    But I am a cheeseaholic, a cheeseofile.

    It has such an intimate flavour, almost alive.

    A good cheeseboard should be called "A Pleasure of Cheeses"

  6. Cheese please Louise... (I think that used to be an adert).


  7. Sorry, spelling - I meant adVert..


  8. Hi Gary,
    I must a-brie, you're quite the head cheese, with your stinky choices. Moldy and aged has nothing on you(smile)! Never the muenster, instead you're the king of the cellophane. Swiss you well with cutting the cheese.
    Grate blog!
    Smell ya' later, Dixie

  9. Hi Julie,
    Did I mention that I have been trying to 'grow' Dutch cheese in my back yard? It might be called my 'Garden of Edam'.
    Thank you for your comment. I pay 'fromage' to you:-)
    I must assume it would not be a good idea to send you a packet of Limburger cheese?
    Cheesy wishes, Gary:-)

  10. Hi Roger,
    I think there might just be a bit of a 'cheesy monkey' swinging through my mind. But that's another story:-)
    Thanks for adding your cheese and cheerful comment, Roger.
    Cheesy wishes, Gary:-)

  11. Hi John,
    Okay, just a slight exaggeration in regards to the stench levels in the cheese I like. In other other words, if the smell could knock a buzzard of a shit wagon; well that would be just a tad too much.
    Speaking of 'cheeseboard', I believe they are also known as the CEO's of banks. 'CEO' which stands for 'Cheese Executive Officer'? :-)
    Cheese for that, Gary.

  12. Hello Suzanne,
    That's fine with me if you made a typo. I mean, what the heck, that way, I get an extra comment. How sad am I?
    I am fairly certain that over in America, they say, 'Cheese Louise'.
    No, not really, before someone from the States corrects me, it is actually 'Geez Louise'.
    Now, speaking of your latest blog about the 'Dukes of Hazzard', as such; have you heard of the old American cheese television show called the 'Roquefort Files'?
    Three cheese for you, Gary:-)

  13. Hi Dixie,
    Me thinks I am running out of cheesy things to type. I 'Camembert' any more. I think my brain is turning to Swiss cheese:-)
    So you like your cheese shredded? Well, like Tony the cheese loving tiger said, 'Thaaaat's grate...'
    In cheesiness, Gary:-)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.