Thursday, 2 July 2009


Homophobe: 'someone with an overwhelming fear of homogenised milk products'? Homo Erectus? Mooo..ving swiftly on.
So who first thought of the idea of using cow's milk? Was it a case of one thing leads to an udder? Was it a matter of someone thinking that it would be a really great idea to go and squeeze some cow's teat and see what happens? Did the person in question get some rather perplexed looks from those who may have witnessed this act? Did they perhaps think that this person needed to talk to a professional about their rather strange urge to grip the dangling underside of some startled, and no doubt, very confused cow? Would they recommend, that said person, make an appointment with a 'psycowatrist'?
Okay then, now lets get the milk joke out of the way. It's an old joke but, what the heck, I think it's kinda' clever. This lady wanted to have a milk bath. So she asked the milkman: 'I would like to order enough milk to have a milk bath please.' The milkman replied: ' Would you like it pasteurised?' She responded: 'No, just up to my shoulders'.
So why do we drink cow's milk? When was the last time you had a glass of cow's milk and a bale of hay for breakfast? Let me put it this way. When was the last time you saw a collection of cows lurking around the maternity ward? Can you imagine some cow wandering into the maternity hospital and demanding: 'Hay' lady! I want your human milk and I want it now!' Can't really see that happening. However, if it did, the cow might as well go all the way, have a glass of human milk and a full English breakfast with an extra portion of fried bread.
If you 'googled' 'milk' or 'cows' and ended up on this blog expecting to find out some fascinating information; I am truly sorry for any inconvenience. May I just say, well done though, if you managed to read this far. So, now it is time to end yet another completely silly blog. Our mission, to one day make 'Monty Python' seem like serious drama. I've had a dairy good time doing this blog. Now please smile at the cowmera and say; 'cheese'. That's it, I've milked this blog for all it's worth. 'Moo', or is that 'boo', followed by a 'groan'? Homo Erectus?


  1. You do make me laugh! Yes it does make you wonder who thought it was a great idea to try cows milk! What were they thinking?!


  2. Greetings Julie,
    Thanks for commenting. What were they thinking? Now then...who was the first person to milk a goat and what the heck were they thinking? :-)
    Happy writing, Julie.
    Kind wishes, Gary

  3. Gary, I'm sure you 'cud' have said a lot more.

    And even though I have 'herd' some of those jokes before it's always nice to hear them spoken by an 'udder' voice.

    So, Gary, I will give you a 'pat' on the back for all the 'bullshit'.

    It's made me smile and isn't that what it's all about?

    On a serious note I'd put the question another way. Given that our ancestors will have been well aware that 'milk' was common to all mammals and a wonderful source of food for the young it surprises me that we don't use the milk from more animals; horses, pigs etc.

  4. Hello Gary,

    You didn't fail to make me smile!
    and ooh the government over here in the Philippines has just launched a program to import milking cows purportedly to develop the dairy industry. I just hoped corrupt people will not make this program a "milking cow".

  5. Gary,

    I thought Monty Python was serious.
    Your original and 'borrowed' jokes are very funny; a clever blog!
    I drink 2% milk, so does that make me 98% homophobic? Please say no.


  6. Well,Gary,once again ,i am speechless,shouldnt that be gnomogenise?Iwont milk the jokes too mooch,cattle do for now.It is weird how people start these things,how ,why? Asusual ,this blog reaches the cream of the crop.Cheers Gary,at least it made me laugh,and think.Is that multi tasking.Yours in peace.Dave.s

  7. Hi John,
    I herd a rumour that you would, with minimal prodding, leave a cowment.
    Heard of herds? Well here's the herd you heard.
    John, I have been told that the cream always rises to the top. (unless it is homogenized of course). I must say, your cowment was most definitely not homogenized:-)
    Interesting slant on our ancestors and mammals milk. Although, I don't fancy milking a blue whale, or, for that matter, a sperm whale....
    Must go now and have a cup of cowfee.
    Kind wishes and keep up the terrific writing, John.

  8. Hello Jun,
    Always a pleasure to have you drop by and leave a response.
    I hope that the evil of corruption does not get in the way of the developing dairy industry in the Philippines. That would indeed be what you might call a 'cash cow'.
    Thanks for your input and all the very best with your wonderful blog.
    Peaceful wishes, Gary.

  9. Hay Dixie,
    You are right of course, 'Monty Python' is very serious drama:-)
    I only borrowed the one joke about the milk bath. The rest of the thoughts came from my 'cow pie' mind.
    "No", to your homophobic question.
    Thank you for you cowment, Dixie.
    Please keep up the wonderful work on your fantastic blog.
    Peaceful thoughts, your way, Gary:-)

  10. Hay David s.,
    "gnomogenise?" Well I did hear a rumour that someones been 'goblin' down the milk,
    Yes it would be all to easy to round up a load of cow jokes. It could be most re'veal'ing and not one to do anything in calf measures..I thank you for your cowment and now wait for the cows to come home:-) cattle be the day..
    Keep on blogging David and may you find continued positive therapy from the power of your written word
    Kind regards, Gary.

  11. While I don't think I could milk much more from my small mind to add to what everyone else has said, I do thank you for a serious chuckle today.


  12. Hi Roger,
    You, good sir, are the milk of human kindness.
    I'm so pleased that I provided you with a serious chuckle.
    Always nice to see a cowment from you, Roger.
    It is good to get my brain into gear when I read your thought provoking blog, my friend.
    I thank you. Positive wishes, Gary:-)

  13. Dear Gary,
    Just an udder one of your very funny, surreal blogs. Indeed, who first had the idea to "milk" a cow? Must have looked very strange to all the udders. Oh stop it, I hear you say. That's enough bad jokes for one blog. I think we've milked this one dry.
    Hope you keep on keeping on, though, with your twisted, funny ramblings. A bit of a laugh goes a long way.
    Yours with Very Best Wishes,

  14. Dear David,
    Thank you for your cowment. It just ocurd (preceding pun courtesy of dcrelief) that you cud have a field day with these plays on words.
    It's amazing graze that the cowments have been so funny. That's it Gary, you are pasture best.
    You are so right, David. A bit of a laugh goes a long way. Thanks for your continued sharing of your blog. Kind wishes, Gary (no bull):-)

  15. Having been around a few brewery tours, I was intrigued to find out that in beer making, they add finings to condition it - often from the swim bladders of fish. I always wander how they settled on that, who thought of it as a thing to try and what did they try or discount before that? They had a what goes into your food programme on last night, but I think I'd probably prefer to be in blissful ignorance - moo-re of the same? Beast wishes xx

  16. Hi Jewel,
    Thank you for your cowment. Having once worked in an abattoir; I've seen some things that are better left unmentioned. Blissful ignorance is probably a good thing.
    Thanks for your input in my docowmentary. All the beast:-), Gary


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.