Thursday, 4 June 2015

Not My Fault.

I notice a few bloggers review movies.  I've never reviewed a movie before.   However, whatever, here's my first ever movie review.  Maybe I could become a movie critic.  Maybe not.
"San Andreas", the movie.  This is a film of some magnitude.  A "blockbuster" movie in the literal sense.  San Andreas, not meant to be a comedy, but some of the dialogue will crack you up. Speaking of dialogue and notably Dwayne Johnson, who hits The Rock bottom in this film. 

San Andreas can be easily summed up by letting you know the plot has one major fault.  

Do you remember the song in this video? 

116 comments:

  1. You need some kind of ratings system like two paws up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat,

      Paws for thought on that one, my bulldog type friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  2. Shortest review I ever read. Oh if only they were all like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Delores,

      Short and barely causing a tremor.

      Thank you, Delores.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  3. Pure genius! And you didn't even have to suffer through the movie. Props to you, Gary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Alex,

      Thanks and yep, no enduring the movie. Hope The Rock is okay with that.

      Cheers, good sir.

      Gary

      Delete
  4. LOVE it! I think you may have found a new career.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      Thanks! My blogging career went down the pun, um pan, so why not become a movie critic :)

      Gary

      Delete
  5. You would have thought Hollywood would have merged with interpol since they've saved the world so many times from so many disasters. lol, good review.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ann,

      Hollywood has save the world so many times that interpol just takes a back seat to proceedings. Thank you for your nice comment.

      Gary

      Delete
  6. I have zero interest in this movie and I don't like The Rock either, although this sounds like a movie right up my husband's alley. I am also reluctant to see this because I lived out there and was in the 1989 Loma Prieta quake. I don't need the PTSD kicking in, esp. seeing my fave San Francisco icons destroyed, even if it's not real and just special effects.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi JoJo,

      I hope you realise this was tongue-in-cheek satire. Sorry to have caused you concern. I must be more careful in my feeble attempts at humour.

      Gary

      Delete
  7. You are a natural film reviewer I can imagine a few film producers quaking in their boots if you were to turn up at a preview.

    I guess Penny would just say the film was RUFF. . . . .HAH HAH haha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aha, Mr. R.,

      Oh yeah, Jonathan Ross has nothing on me. Watch out Spielberg, you're next!

      Penny related the film to her rumbly tummy. Take the RUFF with the smooth, you funny guy, you! :)

      Thank you, Rob.

      Gary

      Delete
  8. Hehe! I enjoyed all the puns. I must admit there is still a part of me that would like to see San Andreas just because I do enjoy disaster movies, particularly by earthquakes and volcanoes.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Cherie,

      Having a bit of pundemonium here :) Seriously, I wouldn't fault you if you wanted to see San Andreas. Yep, nothing like a disaster movie. Anything with Steven Seagal is a disaster movie and that's just the acting....

      Thank you, Cherie.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  9. The puns were awesome! I've been wanting to see this movie because of my book Seismic Crimes that my publisher currently has, and the fact that I love disasters. ;)

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    Replies
    1. Hi Chrys,

      Thank you and the dog thinks they were pawesome! I reckon you will go see the film after my non-review, review. I hope you don't mean your book is a disaster! Kidding! :)

      Thanks, Chrys.

      Gary

      Delete
  10. Hi Y’all!

    Slippin' Away, sure my Human remembers Jean Shepard's big hit! Who doesn't? We got the message on the movie...cool review!

    I’ve relocated to www.browndogcbr.net. There is a link on http://browndogcbr.blogspot.com .
    Hope y’all come to my new home. I’m still workin’ on it. You need to click the title to find a spot to comment.

    Y’all hurry on by now!
    Hawk aka BrownDog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Howdy Hawk!

      Ah, your human relates to one of music's all-time classic tunes :) Delighted you liked the informative review.

      I've had difficulty keeping up these days. Long story. However, I'll check y'all out later on. Thanks for that.

      Y'all take care. You hear?

      Penny's alleged human,

      Gary :)

      Delete
  11. You pun-alized this movie perfectly! We live on the Santa Rosa fault where it tapers off the coast of San Diego. Still...
    We will go see it because my hubby wants to, and because I like Dwayne Johnson.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      The movie should be given a punalty for crimes against dialogue. Living on the edge, methinks. Having lived in Vancouver, we share the same fault, but it's not our fault about the fault.

      A nice compromise then. Hubby is happy and you get to see The Rock.

      Thank you, Susan.

      Gary

      Delete
  12. Fun. Your talents rock the world. Well the blogosphere anyway...

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    Replies
    1. Hi Sue,

      That's most kind of you. My talents are more comparable to a mild aftershock :)

      Have a peaceful rest of your weekend, Sue.

      Gary

      Delete
  13. I enjoyed your review! And, what puns?

    Scene: The Rock pulls his wife to safety after she has jumped across the tops of crumbling buildings, dodged exploding gas pipes, climbed broken re-bar, without losing her high heels, and what does he say?........... "You okay?"

    Everyone was so quiet during the movie that my explosive laughter could have gotten me thrown out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Dana aka lotta joy aka the queen of irony,

      Thanks, maybe I should start reviewing movies on a regular or irregular basis. Never do puns but I do like deadpun humour, sorry, humor.

      The understated dialogue. "Of course I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be?" Yikes!

      Your explosive laughter might have caused a seismic shift. Irony alert.

      Thank you, dear Dana.

      Gary

      Delete
  14. Has Rotten Tomatoes made you an "official" reviewer yet?
    I hadn't heard that song before but I love it in this context. Did you pay to see this movie? If so, you knew what you were getting into with this film, right? That has to give this madness of a movie some extra points.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Pickleope Von Pickleope,

      Oops, never heard of "Rotten Tomatoes". Guess I'd better ketchup.

      That song, a classic from 1969. I think it should of been the theme song for that alleged film. Luckily, I haven't actually seen the film :) It does get bonus points for inane dialogue based on the um highlights I've seen.

      Thank you, kind friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  15. Damn, what a review. The sheer magnitude of it was grand

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    Replies
    1. Ah, Pat in the Hatt,

      Thanks for that. I thought you'd notice a few cracks in my review. And that's fissure.

      Thank you, this be true.

      Gary

      Delete
  16. It is nice to see your post. I hope that all is well with you

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    Replies
    1. Hi Munir,

      I appreciate that. Thank you. Still struggling with chronic fatigue. However, I'm challenging it by doing weird posts like this.

      Have a lovely weekend, my kind friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  17. I love your review! You have a real future here :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Carol,

      I'm encouraged. I'm on the edge of become the world's number one movie critic! Yay! :)

      Thank you, Carol.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  18. you witty person you!! "by letting you know the plot has one major fault. "
    Bwwwah!!!
    Sending much love!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Caren,

      You reckon? At least the plot wasn't my fault :)

      Thanks for the love. I appreciate that, my amazing friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  19. Probably would not have enjoyed it anyway, you or me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jo,

      Probably not and you can save your money for some extra games of five pin bowling.

      Have a nice weekend, dear Jo.

      Gary

      Delete
  20. I love short but sweet reviews! Thanks Gary, and I agree on the paws rating system!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lisa,

      Fissure and it's a great way to do a review. Thank you and I will have to get Penny review the next movie. She gives San Andreas 2 out of 5 paws :)

      Have a peaceful weekend, Lisa.

      Gary

      Delete
  21. Oi! You are so punny.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Janey,

      It's all for pun and pun for all.

      Love,

      Gary :)

      Delete
  22. I agree that you have a promising future as a move reviewer! Short, to the point, and witty! Love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi M.J.,

      I'm getting very encouraged here. Thanks for that. I figured if I wrote a long review the cracks would start to show.

      Have a lovely weekend, my dear friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  23. Excellent!!! xx I assume that 's 2 Paws UP.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Kim,

      You are way too kind! Penny has decided to rate the movie as 2 out of 5 paws :)

      Gary :) xx

      Delete
    2. 2 out of 5 paws is NOT GOOD! xxx

      Delete
    3. 2 out of 5 paws is being generous, according to Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :) xx

      Delete
  24. I enjoy reading movie reviews from fellow bloggers. I agree with the above comments. Add some paw prints (instead of stars).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Medeia,

      Then you read a review, of sorts, from me. I would have to have Penny do the reviews to warrant paws. However, after her reading the comments, she has told me 2 out of 5 paws for San Andreas.

      Thank you, Medeia.

      Gary

      Delete
  25. This is on my list of movies to see. If there is enough wiggle room in the budget, I'll see it Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi River,

      Hope you enjoy the movie if you have enough wiggle room. Of course, you might want to wiggle the hell out of the movie theatre upon listening to the dialogue :)

      Have fun.

      Gary

      Delete
  26. I don't know if it's because I'm getting old, but it feels like every movie that comes out completely lacks originality!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Stephanie,

      Looking at your icon photo I would reckon you need picture ID if you so wished to purchase alcoholic beverages. No argument from me about lack of originality.

      Thank you, Stephanie.

      Gary

      Delete
  27. Well done! You managed to convey your feelings for this stupid movie in the best way possible - short. If only the movie was.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Arleen,

      Thank you! I'm sensing the movie was one hour and fifty four minutes too long.

      Have a great weekend, Arleen.

      Gary

      Delete
  28. Oh, those puns and double entendres! Well done, sir. No, I don't remember that song but talk about a light-hearted take on a dark subject, eh?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Debra,

      You like a few puns, eh. And this lady asked me for an example of a double entendre, so I gave her one! :)

      That song was a major hit in Canada in 1969. We were all going to buy waterfront property in Idaho.

      Have a good one, eh.

      Gary

      Delete
  29. LOL! I think you should review movies for a living.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Diane,

      Wow, I have found my calling. Thanks for the feedback.

      A good weekend to you and yours.

      Gary

      Delete
  30. I just knew this review would leave me laughing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Shelly,

      Thanks and I'm cracking up :)

      Gary

      Delete
  31. Your review put a smile on my face. :) Thanks!
    ~Jess

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    Replies
    1. Hi Jess,

      I'm very pleased this could make you crack a smile :) Thank you, my kind friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  32. Penny could give so many tail wags for movies she liked and so many growls for movies she didn't like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi rhymeswithplague,

      Thank you and I shall pass on your suggestions to her. Have a nice weekend.

      Gary

      Delete
  33. Ha-ha. Ooh, made me laugh, and have to agree, Penny could round out your reviews. You could be the new Sieskel and Ebert.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sharon,

      How did Penny end up hijacking this post? :) Although and yes I remember Sieskel and Ebert, Penny and I could more than match them in movie debates.

      Thank you, Sharon.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  34. Very clever, Gary. Until this I never considered the irony in casting The Rock. Ha!

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    Replies
    1. Hi Robin,

      Thanks, Robin. Somewhere between The Rock and a hard place. The hard place could act better! :)

      Thank you, my kind friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  35. Of course if you became a film reviewer without actually having to see the film you could review hundreds every day! That job would be on a (tectonic) plate for you...ouch.
    Shango look like 1970s porn stars (apparently) ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Barry,

      Watch a great idea. A virtual non-review, review of films I never actually saw. Maybe you could help me with some of my shifts.

      Rumour has it that you were in Shango!

      Delete
  36. Confession: I'm movie-challenged so I have no comment.
    Actually your entire post went "right over my head" LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle,

      You should set up the movie-challenged, no comment, blog fest.
      Your comment was up in the air. LOL

      Thank you, Michelle.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  37. Puurrrrfect review. Pawsome :) I think The Rock is trying to redeem his image after the Fast And Furious commando roles.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Donna,

      Penny aint here right now but I know she's okay commenting for her :) The Rock is competing with Steven Segal for ludicrous acting. Hollywood needs a shake-up.

      Thank you, Donna.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  38. This post officially makes you one of the funniest people I know. That's a big, big compliment. It's, say, an 8.0 on the Robyn scale. (Throw in a 5.0 of the German judge. They always give low scores.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Robyn,

      That's very nice of you. Of course, the funniest are the um, comedy bloggers. On a scale of one to ten, your compliment to me is a deffo' eleven :)

      Did I just appear on the X Fissure?

      Thank you and wait tell I talk to that German judge!

      Gary :) x

      Delete
  39. I LOVE the pathway in your header. Such beautiful countryside.
    I haven't seen San Andreas yet but I'm looking forward to it when it gets to Netflix, no matter the flaws in acting. My big thrill is watching the earth crumble, split, melt under molten lava, etc. That's the way I roll. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi River Fairchild,

      Delighted you like my pathway header. So close to where I live.

      The flaws will floor you. Did the earth move for you, baby? :) The Rock and roll....

      Lovely seeing you, my kind friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. I'm sure I'll give it four paws up. ;)

      Delete
    3. Four sure you will. High paws from Penny! :)

      Delete
  40. Your career as a reviewer had a shaky start, but you kept it well grounded. The review is short and to the point.

    I enjoy these kinds of movies and so does my wife. They can be stupid as can be but I rather watch it in a movie than experience it in real life which is a possibility since this is where I live. I'm still waiting for that tsunami that gets as far as where I live. Don't think it's gonna happen.

    Never heard that song before, but I don't think I missed much.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Road trippin' with A to Z
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lee,

      Thanks and isn't nice to read a blog that doesn't go on and on and on and....Fissure,good sir, your review of my new, after shock laden career, is truly appreciated.

      Harmless brain candy are such movies. Yes, where you live is right on the fault line. You might consider purchasing waterfront property in Idaho.

      It's just the sort of song you could include in your battle of the bands, if you can find another band that did that classic song.

      Thank you, Lee. Nice hat and glasses, dude!

      Gary

      Delete
    2. I can't imagine that anyone would ever have wanted to cover that song--well actually I can imagine it and it would be scarier than a San Andreas earthquake.

      I will soon be selling official hats, glasses, and shirts on my official Arlee Bird store. Now you can become Klahanie Bird.

      Arlee Bird
      A to Z Challenge Co-host
      Road trippin' with A to Z
      Tossing It Out

      Delete
    3. Hey Lee, part two,

      Rumour has it that The Rock aka Dwayne Johnson, is going to do a cover version. It should be the theme music for the movie.

      "Klahanie Bird." Wow, the irony of us being related!

      Thanks for that and I shall visit you at the Arlee Bird store. Almost as much fun as The Alphabet Shop.

      Gary

      Delete
  41. Major fault! LOL. Try living in California and saying that with a straight face. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Eve,

      Difficult to say it with a straight face when the cracks are starting to show! :)

      Gary

      Delete
  42. Hi Jenny,

    Thank you from this brand new movie critic ;)

    Gary

    ReplyDelete
  43. There are no more original puns :-( I don't recognise that song at all, and I thought I knew ALL the songs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Annalisa,

      And the end of deadpun humour :) You now know a new song that shall play over and over and over, in your mind :)

      Thank you, Annalisa.

      Gary

      Delete
  44. Those of us who grew up in the Bay Area DO NOT LIKE these kinds of (possible) Armageddon movies. Otherwise we'd leave scathing reviews of them.

    I mean, do you notice how San Francisco gets thrashed in movies almost as much as New York? I wonder if they're sick of it, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Riot Kitty,

      Actually, in a weird way, this was a scathing review. And me, being from Vancouver, Canada, also on the San Andreas fault, do not like seeing movies and TV shows where Vancouver is portrayed as San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Washington. D.C, Seattle and even Philadelphia.

      So, actually San Francisco and New York getting thrashed in movies may well have been filmed in Vancouver :) The whole thing is ridiculous.

      Thank you for your comment, my friend.

      Gary

      Delete
  45. Now this is my kind of review, short, sweet, and to the point; though, you might have added a "spoiler alert" warning. At this point, we have a split decision on whether or not to see this movie. Thanks to your stellar review, we'll make no bones about it, Bravo Gary!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie,

      A spoiler alert about a movie I haven't seen :) The split decision, right up there with the split in the movie that runs right though it.

      Thank you, Julie. My non-movie reviews need some shaking up and down....

      Gary :)

      Delete
  46. I find the Rock quite amusing. But the trailor, wow, how any one survives is beyond me. It's a movie I'll wait to see when it hits the TV screen. Great review - right to the point! Shake, rattle, and role - just not over my house! :)
    No, can't say as I recall that song. Be well my friend, give Penny a hug and kiss for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yolanda,

      I remember the days when we could buy a pet Rock :) San Andreas, coming to a TV screen near you before the end of the year. Thanks and I did try to formulate a moving review, cracks and all.

      Wow, I thought that song was a well-known classic. It will be now. Thank you, dear Yolanda. I shall hug and kiss Penny, skilfully avoiding her doggy breath! Yuck! LOL

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. Wish I'd thought of the pet rock. I love rocks but never considered them a pet or of selling them. Dumb me. My mother always had the radio tuned to country; that didn't sound country. I'm a music dunce, always have been. Never bought a record, until I was in my twenties, even now my selections are limited, although I love listening - remembering who, what, when, or where not my thing. Hubby though, he a music trivia master.
      Patches never had doggy breath - and she loved kissing, right on the mouth, or the entire face! LOL She'd lick you to death if you let her! We love them despite their foibles because they love us because of ours.
      Be happy, be well, and thanks for all the comments, sharing, and postings!

      Delete
    3. Hey Yolanda, part two,

      If you were a little "boulder", you could make a fortune selling rocks. Start with pebbles and go from there. Rock on, Yolanda :)

      That song in the video is Reggae gone very wrong. Country music and line dancing, two things that can make me violently puke!

      Dogs have the situation licked. They want our salt and they want it now. Yes, they put up with our crap and in return, they lick us to death. Sounds like something out of your writing style. Man licked to death my salt-crazed chihuahua!

      "Because I'm happy...." Delighted to share in my own very discreet way. No fanfare, just being there in the background cheering and sharing. Yep, even on Farcebook!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  47. Hi Y'all!

    Wanted to say I love that header photo.

    Thanks for helpin' Martin today.

    Y'all come on back now,
    Hawk aka BrownDog
    http://browndogcbr.net

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Howdy Hawk, part two,

      You are most kind, my doggy friend.

      I hope that I can bring further awareness about Martin via the shared links. I can also keep in contact with your blog better now that I'm subscribing to new posts by your amazing dog self.

      Penny's pawtend human,

      Gary :)

      Delete
  48. I haven't seen this movie yet, but I think I'd like to. Even if it has a fault, it beats summer reruns. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lexa,

      I hope you see the movie. Just hold on tight to your seat. Seat, as in the seat you would be sitting on and not your seat, if you know what I mean :) Summer reruns don't happen in Britain.

      Thank you, Lexa.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  49. Hi Gary, we hardly ever go to the pictures but just had to go and see this one. We loved every single second of it – best laugh we've had in ages.
    I don’t remember the song in your video, but it got me dancing around the office – thanks for that.
    Hope your week is going well. Barbara x

    PS we laughed a lot through the film but really enjoyed it – thought I should add that in case anyone is thinking of going.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Barbara,

      Unintended laughs, perhaps. Then again, the dialogue cracks folks up.

      That song should be a classic. Good vibes, I reckon.

      Thanks for the review. Maybe I should actually go and see what all fuss is about :)

      My week has gone quite well, thank you. Hope yours is going amazingly well, dear Barbara.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  50. So what you're saying is some blocks were busted? Dear Lord... what a magnificent plot! How many paws?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Howdy Blue Dude,

      Considering the usage of "blocks" is not commonly used In the UK, I knew that "blockbuster" would be something my millions of adoring North American fans would relate to. The plot was lost in a crack and that's fissure. 2 out of 5 paws, according to Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

      My kind friend, I hope all is well with you.

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. Lost in a crack... I know what that's like haha moviewise of course... wait.... in real life? 2 paws is still better than no paws.

      I'm doing okay. 2 paws out of 5...

      Hey, guess who's in my show today. You may know this handsome dude. HERE

      Delete
    3. Greetings Blue, part Two,

      Lost in a crack, but back on track. Two paws or not to pause.

      I hope you will soon be five out of five paws, which draws applause.

      Thanks for the notation and salutation. I was over there as in there where you is. I flattered to be included with such famous folks and that aint no jokes.

      Cheers to you, Mr. Blue!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  51. Replies
    1. Hi Carole,

      Your kind words are warmly received. Thank you, dear lady.

      Gary :) x

      Delete
  52. best movie review ever - i heard it got off to a shaky start and then fell apart...
    you need to do more of this (one major fault...excellent!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Tara,

      Nice one! You are cracking me up as my sides split with laughter! :) Thanks for that and yep, another short, all shook up, movie review, seems to be in the cards, whatever that means.

      Thank you, Tara.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  53. I enjoy those movies where it's funny, but the movie itself, is not a comedy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oops, I didn't realise you'd commented. Now I do. The movie is an unwitting comedy, perhaps :)

      Thank you, Happy Whisk.

      Gary

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.