Tuesday, 30 June 2015

Chevy Reads Blog Posts?

I'm being very careful what I type just in case my car reads this post.  It seems like it might of been more than coincidence that after I put up a post moaning about cars these days and how simple repairs had become not so simple, that my car promptly acted up the very next day.  I have a hunch that my car's computer read my post.

Thus, my lovable Chevrolet Lacetti, do not worry,  This will be a nice post.  In fact, I'm going to take you back to that friendly, honest mechanic, Adrian.  I shall have Adrian change your oil, your oil filter and give you the best lube job ever.  Besides, my lovable car, I felt bad when he didn't charge me anything in regards to your mystery electrical ailment.

You know, that electrical show you were doing inside my car.  Flashing on and off inside lights that brought back memories of seventies disco.  So, thanks for the boogie wonderland routine, my amazingly nice car.
























Dear Chevy, do you recall this photo?  Yes, it was part of that BBC wildlife documentary.  Oh what joy you brought to the precious creatures as you interacted.  They crapped on your roof, fiddled with your wipers and the moose tried to head butt your headlamps.

Dear Chevrolet Lacetti, I should of given you a name.  I recall a time when it seems everybody named their car.  I remember when "Tinker Bell" was a popular name for a car.  I shall discuss a name with you.

My beloved car has been functioning very well since I had it checked out. I'm grateful to that very honest mechanic, Adrian.

My car is no longer an Aston Martin and I'm no longer James Bond from the sixties.  My car in now a "Shaguar" and I'm Austin Powers, "International Man of Misery!"  "Yeah, Baby, Yeah!"
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68 comments:

  1. James R.30 June 2015 at 01:41

    Well. Well well. You sir love your car. I love my car as as well although I know that deep down it hates me as much as myself and that is where my love comes from! It is dark. A darkness as fierce as the light that has shown down from me from this post that you have made. You have touched something in me. You car. It is alive. Why have I not thought of my car like this? All things, just as alive as I am? You are much further in your understanding of writing and literature than me. It was a great read. Thank you.

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    1. klahanie30 June 2015 at 02:14

      Hi James,

      Very nice to meet you, good sir. Your car does indeed have a form of awareness. Your car loves you and wants you to love yourself. Your car has also asked you to kindly wash the windscreen :)

      You, my esteemed new friend, have the passion and the heart of a writer. Your post I just read is testimony to that. Thus, thank you for your candour.

      Gary

      Delete
  2. Debra She Who Seeks30 June 2015 at 01:53

    A Shaguar? Oh, behave!

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  3. Elephant's Child30 June 2015 at 02:07

    I think you possibly need to grovel a little more. Cars need positive re-inforcement as much as any of us, and have ways of making their displeasure felt. Very effective ways.

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    1. klahanie30 June 2015 at 02:11

      Hi Sue,

      I have been lovingly kind to my car for over five years. I hope this positive reinforcement post will show my car how much I love its personality.

      Thank you, Sue.

      Gary.

      Delete
  4. Jo30 June 2015 at 02:24

    My car doesn't have a computer so I can say what I like. Mind you it's an old car but it still runs very well. We like it.

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    1. klahanie1 July 2015 at 23:47

      Hi Jo,

      Often, the old bangers are the most reliable. I do mean the car! :)

      Thanks, Jo.

      Gary

      Delete
  5. ~Sia McKye~30 June 2015 at 03:10

    I stopped by to see what you've been up to and here I find you lavishly praising your car. hmmm....

    I love my chevy and it's only 3 years old. It's an Impala with lots of zoom and I l o v e lots of zoom! This is the second Impala I've owned but this one is having traction control issues--so do I on ocassion, but we won't go into that, lol! I turn it off but you can't disconnect it, dammit. My '07 didn't even have all weather traction control and it worked just fine, the '12 is going to put me through $$ pains. I already priced it. Sheesh. But it's a project for later in the summer. I have a couple of other things than need attention first.

    Car computers read blogs? Who knew? I wonder if it's been reading my onstar reports (OnStar keeps in contact with said Chevy on a monthly basis)

    Take care of yourself. Oh, and you missed a spot over there on the car when you were polishing it so lovingly. They don't like it when you miss spots especially if the car is a female type. It's like missing part of your eyeshadow or lip gloss. Better look after that. :-D

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:09

      Hi Sia,

      I've be taught a lesson by my car. Never moan about today's cars because they can watch what we're doing via their onboard computers :) Of course, my car seems to have had a reinCARnation.

      You have an Impala? Oh deer. Traction issues will most likely involve some weird probe stuck into your car. As for you, you might be needing an update :)

      Indeed, very suspicious that my very reliable car with never a problem in over five years, suddenly acted up after I went on a cynical tirade about modern cars and not being able to fix simple things like I could in the past. Wow, a run on sentence! Your Impala is reading your OnStar reports. Notice how the car stereo suddenly goes on without you switching it on.

      I missed the spot because I was too busy checking my make-up in my rear view mirror. However, I shall remove said spot. Um, well spotted, Sia.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  6. PT Dilloway30 June 2015 at 03:33

    I've named all my cars. The current one is named #Five because...wait for it...it's the fifth car I've owned.

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:11

      Hi Pat,

      Nice one, dude. Your next car will be named, "everything you wanted to know about six but were afraid to ask...."

      Thank you, Pat.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  7. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com30 June 2015 at 03:50

    Yeah, baby, I dig a man in a Shaguar, one who drives really fast and shifts gears smoothly. I bet it never even needs a lube job. Racy post, Gary. I'm awfully hot over here.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:13

      Hi Robyn,

      Groovy, baby! There's a bit of lube all over my Shaguar's stick shift :) See you at the chequered flag!

      Thank you, Robyn.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  8. Riot Kitty30 June 2015 at 06:12

    Wheeeeeeee!~ A Shaguar! Let us know how that works out for your love life, because there are a TON of guys who want in on that.

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:16

      Hey Riot Kitty,

      Wheeeeeeee!~look at me! I have a Shaguar and my love life is stuck in neutral. A TON of guys might relate to that :)

      Thank you, my kitty-type friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  9. dolorah30 June 2015 at 07:54

    I always have to be careful talking about money where my car can hear. Good thing my pay checks are direct deposit now instead of in a check resting on the front seat on the way to the bank.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:20

      Hi Donna,

      Your car wants your cash. It's a conspiracy with the manufacturer and your car. Your car might have access to your direct deposit. Be carful, um careful ;)

      Thank you, Donna.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  10. Tigermouse30 June 2015 at 07:59

    Whoever knew that cars can read blog posts?! I'll have to be careful what I write on my blog now in case Toyah the Toyota reads it!

    Love the photo with all the little animals, very cute :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:22

      Hi Eunice,

      Your posts bring lots of Joyah to Toyah :) Your Toyota, which wants to be a real Ota instead of a Toy Ota, is one happy camper.

      The little animals were involved in my car's BBC wildlife documentary :)

      Thank you, Eunice.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  11. Alex J. Cavanaugh30 June 2015 at 09:44

    Shaguar would like to discuss what those bunnies did to his tires...

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:26

      Hi Alex,

      Shaguar tells me the bunnies were using the rubber on the tires, (aka tyres, for anybody from the UK), as condoms. Very strange behaviour for a bunny....

      Thank you, Alex.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  12. Rob Z Tobor30 June 2015 at 10:05

    Austin Powers . . . . . As I remember Austin's never had much power and were prone to be a bit rusty. . . . I learnt to Drive in a Austin Maxi it was to put it politely rubbish.

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:28

      Hi Rob,

      I knew you do some lateral thinking and that has nothing to do with rugby. I thought you had an Austin Healey, and nothing to do with a cricket player of the same name, I'm guessing :)

      Thank you, Mr. Rob.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  13. JoJo30 June 2015 at 10:43

    You crack me up Gary!!!! My annual auto inspection has to be done in July and I am holding my breath that nothing happens to it today so that I can take it tomorrow and hopefully get the all important 'JULY 16' sticker instead of the dreaded 'R' which gives you I think 30-60 days to fix it. Last year I had the back license plate out so I had them fix it before I left.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:32

      Hi JoJo,

      I have a hunch and here goes, "Whoopdeedoo whoopdeedoo car passed inspection." Nice one and you can breath a sigh of relief.

      Thank you, JoJo.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  14. Anonymous30 June 2015 at 10:52

    You should indeed name your car, Our little PT Cruiser was 'Black Beauty' . When we got the Chrysler 200 we named her 'Wild Child'. Hey...old people have to make fun where we find it.
    Seriously, I'm sorry you are having car troubles. I think that's worse than computer troubles.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:40

      Hi Delores,

      You are correct. A name for my car is in order. Might call her Gertrude. I recall my mother constantly talking to our 1958 Austin Cambrian. "You can make it up this hill, Tinker Bell!"

      The car troubles seemed to have departed as quickly as they arrived. It was a car computer problem but without the freezing up that you get with bloody computers!

      Thank you, Delores and have a Happy Canada Day, eh!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  15. Pickleope30 June 2015 at 11:40

    Do not bow to the whims of your car! You are not a slave to it, it is YOUR slave! Stupid car, even if it is reading this, needs to learn a lesson. Remind it who's boss. Take out a spark plug and hold it up high, taunting it. Hold on, I hear something...Is that...Uh oh, I see headlights! Pray for Pickleope!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:46

      Hey there Pickles,

      Aha, I'd love to take out a spark plug. However, if I do that, the car will go loopy loo and will have a total computer crash. Then I will probably need an electric Windows update. Lie down real low, Pickleope!

      Thank you, my friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  16. Pat Hatt30 June 2015 at 13:12

    Tell the car to get a grip and grow up, no more breaking down or you'll send it to the glue factory.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 00:48

      Ah, Pat in the Hatt,

      The remains of the car will have some grip if I take it to the glue factory. The car says you're horsing around!

      Thank you, Pat in the Hatt.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  17. Intangible Hearts30 June 2015 at 17:47

    Yeah baby. Lacetti? It's a new breed. Watch those animals. Chevys are morphing into uglier and uglier. Yours is pretty cute actually. The ones around here don't look like Chevy's anymore. They look like Toyotas. Do you think they might be interbreeding? If so, please separate any creatures before Adrian gives them narcotics and forgets to offer them condoms. Sheesh. What's the world coming to?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:02

      Hi Eve,

      Oh yeah a groovy tunes. Yep, a Lacetti, a confused British Chevrolet. My pretty cute car was once the featured car on the UK version of Top Gear. Cars are now kissing cousins. What next, Adrian takes on a Volkswagen Rabbit, which was also a Golf at one time. The world has gone carazy...

      Thank you, Eve.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  18. Suzanne Furness30 June 2015 at 19:47

    Our cars have names. I'm not sure if it makes them 'friendlier' but it makes it easier to distinguish between them!

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:04

      Hi Suzanne,

      I think it might make your fleet of luxury cars feel better having a personal name. I shall now go out and hug Gertrude the car! :)

      Thank you, Suzanne.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  19. shelly30 June 2015 at 22:47

    Gary, I love your posts. You make my day!

    Hugs and chocolate!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:05

      Hi Shelly,

      You are most kind. Of course I can't take total credit for my posts. Yes indeed, a certain dawg gives me writing tips.

      Thanks for the hugs and chocolate, Shelly.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  20. Cat and DOG Chat With Caren30 June 2015 at 23:13

    you are hilarious! I have named each and every one of my cars. Love the color of yours!

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:06

      Hi Caren,

      That's nice of you to say. I bet Cody helps you with naming your cars. Evidently, my car is a green colour?

      Thank you, Caren.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  21. Susan Kane1 July 2015 at 00:14

    You are not alone in believing that our cars have a conscious and are sentient. I praise my car regularly. Gary, think about the name carefully. It will reflect its personality and bond to you.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:10

      Hi Susan,

      For sure, I believe that cars have a form of awareness. I do know that my car has been faithful as I have a nice chat with the car as I drive along. Gertrude the Chevrolet, methinks.

      Thank you, Susan.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  22. Yolanda Renée1 July 2015 at 00:20

    Never named a car, but always took excellent care of them. My favorite was a blue Jeep pickup, we had many an adventure together. Glad your car is behaving now, I'm thinking the lovely little critters keeping him company helps with the loneliness when you can't be there! Austin Powers now, hmm, I prefer the suave martini drinking Bond, he better fits your style! But whatever alter ego you choose, you'll always be in the groove!

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:14

      Hi Yolanda,

      Taking excellent care does help in most cases. Unless the car decides the excellent care is confusing its computer. Yes, my car magically returned to its usual lovable self. Those lovely little critters were partying with the car and I was told to stay away :) Austin Bond? James Powers? Good heavens, who will I be next. I might need to have a new program downloaded into my last two brain cells. I'm in the groovy, baby! :)

      Thank you, Yolanda.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  23. Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe1 July 2015 at 01:11

    What a sweet baby! Now, be good to Gary and don't leak any oil.

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:15

      Hi Arleen,

      Oh, I though you meant me! :) Anyhow, the car has assured me that no wet patch shall be evident.

      Thank you, Arleen.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  24. Manzanita1 July 2015 at 04:43

    Seventies disco, huh? How sweet. It sounds like you have a respectfull passion for your car. Gary, you rock. I don't know what that means but someone said that to me so I thought I'd pass it on. You rock.

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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:18

      Hi Manzanita,

      Boogie wonderland and a Bee Gees tribute act. I have strange feelings for my car :) I rock, you rock and the best rock time I had was in Boulder, Colorado. I think I almost made a joke....

      Thank you, Manzanita.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  25. Anonymous1 July 2015 at 21:23

    I've never named my cars, but I have a kinship with them. I always miss them when I have to sell them, even though the replacement is more advanced. I also love sliding into the driver's seat after the work day is finished. My car and I create great memories.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:29

      Hi Medeia,

      We do become rather attached to our cars. It's a sad day when we have to sell them or have them sent to the scrapheap in the sky. The memories of driving along can be something special. Then again, that road hypnosis thing always gets me.

      Thank you, Medeia.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  26. KimT1 July 2015 at 22:22

    Yeah, baby! Gotta love a mystery car :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:31

      Hi Kim,

      Yeah and groovy, baby! A mystery car, eh. It was a mystery the first time I got into a car over here and wondered why the steering wheel was on the opposite side :)

      Thank you, Kim.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  27. Robin1 July 2015 at 23:25

    I think your car must be reading your blog posts. So, ssshhhh, don't speak too loudly (or meanly), because that car will retaliate in kind. I frequently tell mine she's a good girl. It's the principle of Monkey See, Monkey Do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:33

      Hi Robin,

      My car should be reading your blog posts. My car will listen to any music :) My car, like your car, is such a good girl. Sometimes, I stroke her dashboard. That might of caused the car's weird electronic fault. Monkey see one monkey grab wiper and then monkey also grab wiper.

      Thank you, Robin.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  28. FANCY the Red Standard Poodle2 July 2015 at 01:07

    Hi Y'all!

    Ah, electrical problems are the bane of any car owner. They are a nightmare for any mechanic. My Human has been there.

    A bit late for you, so I'll make it belated, Happy Canada Day!

    Tomorrow on Barks and Bytes we reply to your comment about our visitor.

    Y'all come on by,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. klahanie2 July 2015 at 01:35

      Howdy Hawk, the dog with two names,

      Your human might of been shocked by it all.

      Thanks for the Canada Day wishes, my illustrious doggy friend.

      I shall check out your follow up comment on your doggy blog :)

      Y'all come back now. You hear?

      Gary :)

      Delete
  29. Austan2 July 2015 at 04:16

    Another reason why I don't have a car! They're vindictive spies!
    Laura
    x

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    Replies
    1. klahanie3 July 2015 at 00:10

      Hey Laura,

      I hear you and so does my car, on that one! Of course, you have a helicopter! :)

      Thank you, Laura.

      Gary :)
      x

      Delete
  30. Maurice Mitchell2 July 2015 at 16:23

    Looks like your car caught boogie fever Gary. The effort it took to find Adrian has paid off. I remember in the past I've worked with some truly horrible mechanics that ripped me off for hundreds in unnecessary work. The worst was when I had a cable on the engine replaced because they said it was all corroded. It cost over $400 in labor. Then, when I got the cable back (always a good idea to ask for old parts) it was only corroded at the end. Another mechanic said it would have cost me $50 to replace the end. When I confronted the shop he dismissed me saying "that's not how we work here" and turned away to help another customer. I never went back.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie3 July 2015 at 00:13

      Hi Maurice,

      Oh yeah, a bit of boogie fever and every time I turn on my car stereo, it's Donna Summer :) Luckily, I already knew Adrian. I was hesitant to see him because it entailed a four day wait. The wait was certainly worth it. Maurice, you were treated deplorably and no wonder you never went back.

      Thank you, Maurice.

      Gary

      Delete
  31. Shannon Lawrence3 July 2015 at 22:08

    That's not my bag, baby. If it's a Shaguar, me thinks it needs another photo. All plush, with fuzzy dice and the like.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie3 July 2015 at 23:20

      Hi Shannon,

      You have to use your imagination. After all, you are the one with a fascination with rocks. Yeah baby, rock on!

      Thank you, Shannon. May you find your muse! LOL

      Gary :)

      Delete
  32. Ann Bennett3 July 2015 at 22:14

    I have always suspected my car always knew when I had a little spare cash.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie3 July 2015 at 23:21

      Hi Ann,

      Your car has a bunch of your lost coins stashed down between the car seats. You're welcome :)

      Thank you, Ann.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  33. Empty Nest Insider5 July 2015 at 09:07

    I hope you shined up your Chevy, and let her listen to her favorite music for a change. It might be nice to take her to a drive-in movie, but try to avoid seeing Fast and Furious. Drive safely, Gary!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie7 July 2015 at 01:25

      Hi Julie,

      My Chevy is shiny and the Chevy went to the levy which was wet. I think my car has her own Spotify collection. Something having fun after the T-Bird gets taken away....Drive-in movie? I shall have to go find one of those over here. Take her to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Bang Some More! Which side of the road do I drive on? Yikes and help!

      Thank you, Julie.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  34. cleemckenzie6 July 2015 at 15:40

    Can you recommend where I can get a Shaguar?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. klahanie7 July 2015 at 01:28

      Hey, it's that touring celebrity author, Lee!

      What's the craic? You can purchase a Shaguar right outside Leap Castle.

      Thank you, Lee.

      Gary :)

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.

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