Tuesday, 21 February 2012
Five Years Ago.
Five years ago, to this day, my blog was born. Born out of hope for a new beginning in my life and born to demonstrate that those of us who have mental health issues, have an important message to share. For we are more than just our illness, so much more.
My mental health concerns were caused when a series of events conspired to nearly destroy me. Physical, financial and worst of all, psychological bullying at work that I endured for over eight years, reduced me to a quivering wreck. I knew I was losing my mind. I began to drink. Drank to oblivion to blot out the pain of the bullying and blot out the fear of losing my mind. And the evil irony was that the drink that had become my best friend, became my worst enemy. There I was, a pathetic, incoherent man, barely clinging onto the remaining fragments of his sanity.. A spectator in some bizarre play watching my life fall to bits.
And then there was the woman that I loved, the women I was there for in her time of torment, the lady that I rescued from a life too horrible to talk about. Yet when I became ill, when she'd had enough, my wife, my beloved wife, got pregnant and I wasn't the father. Then she left, pregnant with another man's child and took our little eight year old boy, Tristan, to start a new life, a new family, with her new man. I was left to rot in our house.
And then, out of work, out of hope, I spent night and day drinking myself into a drunken stupor as the memories of a now empty house, embraced and choked my remaining shreds of dignity. I drank until that day, in one last act of compassion, my now former spouse, contacted my doctor and I was stretchered off to hospital. That first week I nearly died. I spent five weeks in hospital, alone and scared.
Of course, I survived. A tale of freedom and optimism has ensued as I do my utmost to turn negatives into positives.
And after the job had ended and after the drinking was no longer a part of my life, I rekindled a dream, a dream of a little boy who always wanted to write. Through the power, the magic, the therapy of the written word, I have tried to express the wonder and pure innocence that speaks within from the 'inner child'. Thus, the 'wee folks' became a profound and poignant series of enchanting tales on this blog. Their message of rejoicing in diversity and that no judgement must be made. Their message that true love has no boundaries.
Then we have the true talent on this blog. Yes indeed, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star. Penny, despite her fame, has remained truly humble and even the pesky pursuits of the 'puppyarazzi' have not stopped her from pawblishing pawstings providing pleasingly pleasant prose. Penny even has her very own award, "The Gold Framed Dog Blog Award", which has brought much joy to the lucky recipients, the world over and beyond. Penny, when you read this. I want to thank you for the times you have taken over my blog and tried, in vain, to show me how to become a better writer.
Here is my son stroking the head of Penny. Such moments warm the heart.. Yes, my little boy, now a young man, who came to live with his dad when he was twelve. All I ever wanted for him was to live in a house where he was happy. And a brave little boy had to finally tell his mother that he wanted to live with his father.
I hope you are sitting comfortably. Yes, I'm talking to you. Oh, I took the photo myself. Well, nobody else was brave enough. Anyhow, before I wrap up this anniversary blog, I have an announcement. Delores, a remarkably kind lady, over at this site, thefeatherednest , is having a virtual blog party to celebrate the fifth anniversary of my blog, yes my blog, my shy, humble and unassuming blog. It would be great if you attended the party over at her blog. I'm sure you will wear your best party clothes. Or no clothes. I shall be wearing my white dinner jacket that was purchased in Nassau, Bahamas. I should also inform you that there is growing demand that I star as the next James Bond.
Five years ago this blog was born. Five years on I remain resolute in my determination to show that mental health issues are just a small part of who I am. I have done my very best to live with, rather than suffer from my mental health issues. We are all in this together. I rejoice in the diversity we share. Further awareness brings further understanding. Truly, we can live our lives with realistic positive anticipation, rather than negative speculation. Here's to a kinder, caring, more understanding world for you, for me, for all of us.