Wednesday, 4 January 2012

Aisle Be There.....Eventually!

Welcome to 2012.  And just when I'd got myself familiarised with where everything was in the store in 2011, the store decides to have a bit of a laugh.
Do you know what I mean?   I go into the store and head straight down the cereal aisle only to discover that the boxes of cereal have vanished and have been replaced with various brands of dog and cat food.  Suddenly, I wonder if I've entered a parallel universe, an alternate reality, or maybe entered the wrong store.
And so, visualise this, I wandered aimlessly around the store, terrified that I would go from aisle to aisle and not find the "Special K" or the drastically reduced packets of "Pop Tarts".   What if I ended up an aisle expecting to find the breakfast items only to realise that I was in the middle of the ladies undies section?   What if I ended going down the wrong aisle and shudder, discovered I had become married?
So why do they do this?   Why the urge to rearrange the shop that had become so familiar?  To keep us alert?   No, me thinks it may well be a ploy to get us so confused that we impulse buy and end up with not only a lot of exercise, but a lot of extra junk we didn't really want.  Not surprisingly, the milk is in its usual location and that would be at the back of the store.
Now then, you may well ask, 'Gary, for goodness sakes man!  Why didn't you just ask a friendly shop attendant where the cereal was now located?'   And well you may ask.  Okay, time to stereotype us dudes.  Dudes asking for directions?   You must be joking.   Heck, get lost driving around a strange town without a map or a Sat Nav and do you think we are going to ask for directions?   Heck no.   I mean I'm sure the place we want to go is just around the next corner...
After much strolling about in the store making out like I knew what I was doing, I found the cereal.   Time to go to the checkout, a minute before closing and pay for the Special K, the drastically reduced packets of Pop Tarts, various brands of dog and cat food and um.....some ladies undies....and help!.... A marriage certificate!.....


  1. I hate it when they rearrange the grocery store. The breading mix used to be in the bread aisle now its over with the flour and the sugar, the kleenex used to be with the paper towels and the tp and now it's in the cleaners aisle. It wouldn't be so bad if the rearranging made sense but it just doesn't Gary, it just doesn't. What are we going to do ? Hey..maybe we could start up a web service for people who hate to go into stores. They could order their groceries on line and have them delivered. start the business, I'll be your first customer.

  2. lmao! well done and quite clever!!

    I loathe when the stores do this and I agree that they do it to get us to increase our impulse shopping.

    I pride myself on knowing where everything is in the store, it enables me to get in and OUT fast...something that the retailers do NOT want to happen!

    So have you annulled the marriage yet? lol

  3. Oh, yes, know this one well! And as for asking directions--whether guy or gal, the first problem is finding an attendant somewhere, innit? Glad you found those drastically reduced Pop Tarts, though. That was tense!

  4. I blame marketing consultants. These are nasty little people who spend their lives trying to devise ways to get us to spend more money than we'd planned. That's why the milk and bread are always so far away. The stores should stop spending the thousands these people charge, pass the savings on to us and just put things where we can find them. But marketing consultants seem here to stay. And I say to Hell with them.

  5. PS: For your amusement, you many enjoy taking a peak at the sidebar at PD to see the added music . . .

  6. ha
    the marriage certificate must have been in the beer aisle!

  7. Shopping is a pain. So...what are you going to do with the ladies' undies? And who are you now married to? We need names to congratulate you two!

  8. Ah, so when you say "Special K", you're not referring to the awesome, wonderful and wise Kelly. Just cereal. Darn the luck.

    I'm with ya on the frustration that comes with the situation where a store completely changes where things used to be. When I worked at Walmart, they did that at least once a year. It pissed off customers and employees alike.

    They would come up and ask me, "Where is the ladies panties section?" I'd reply, "Over in aisle three. You'll see that Gary fella with a wad of them in his hand, sniffing them and... well... I gotta get back to work. Besides, I think I'm gonna have a mess to clean up in aisle three pretty soon."

    Have I demanded that you have a nice day or a Happy New Year yet? If not, I am doing so now. :)

  9. Dear Gary,
    Ah, the journey to the supermarket, which when you get there, turns out to have rearranged all the yummy goods you wanted to buy. I don't know why they do it, either, Gary, if only, as you say, to make us walk around more and so "impulse buy" things we don't need.
    Or maybe you should think of changing your diet. Special K, pop tarts, and dog and cat food doesn't sound like a balanced diet for a growing boy like yourself. Or maybe you should actually get married, and send wifey to the shops instead!
    Apologies for not commenting on your previous post, Gary. I tried, but blogger (annoyingly) wouldn't let me!
    Very Best Wishes to you and a Very Happy New Year, your way,

  10. You hit the nail on the head...they re-arrange it so we are tempted by other items we wouldn't normally go looking for. Is there a correlation between Pop "Tarts" and ladies undies?;)Anyway it is annoying and don't even bother asking an assistant for help unless you want a surly look which shouts "How dare you ask me to do my job"! Have you ventured into the Sales yet?

    Take Care


  11. My dear friend...I'm so very excited to know that I am NOT the only one that HATES the rearranging of the grocery shelves! I'm talking HATE here MAJOR HATE...HATE...HATE! Do you think I've made my point? Whenever I encounter this, which is every time I go into a grocery store, they have moved the items. But my take on this is very different....I feel the managers do this because they have NOTHING better to do! I mean this re-arranging is extremely disconcerting...waste of my valuable time, for when I shop, which is part of my duties, I'm talking time management here, I'm talking efficiency here! I am a control freak, I value my time, and to go hunting for a product which is no longer in it's RIGHTFUL place, wastes my TIME! It is intolerable, deplorable and inexcusable! Thank you for sharing the very sentiments which I have felt for the last few years! I'm not alone after all! Excellent entry, it justifies my frustration! Later......

  12. I think wonderful Penny would approve of the new change! Where there was Special K there are now dog food! :-)

    Take care

  13. Hi Delores,
    I think that the rearranging of the stores makes sense to those 'clowns' who think it would be great fun to confuse their customers. Confuse them so much that they stroll down the wrong section and impulse buy. Hmmm..
    Yeah, we could start an online service for those who hate going into rearranged shops. And for a right good laugh, I could keep rearranging the web site :)

  14. Hi there Cat Chat With Caren And Cody,
    So who am I typing too? Caren or Cody? :) lol or mol...
    Thanks for thinking this was quite clever. I will never reach the lofty heights of the 'comedy' bloggers. But, what the heck, I try :)
    Me too, I take great pride in familiarity in the shop and getting the heck out in swift time. And those sneaky retailers bewildering us with their 'strategic' changing of the content's locations.
    I went back into the shop and sadly, I couldn't find the 'quicky divorce' paperwork. Well, that's what the lady in the store said, when I shyly asked. Whether the lady in the shop actually worked there is another question...:)

  15. Hi Susan,
    Good point. Or finding an attendant who can spare some time off their mobile, or to speak in North American, their cell phone :)
    "Innit" good grief Susan, seems you been learning English from way oop North.
    Yes, it was a stressful situation. Thankfully I found the wayward Pop Tarts. For some strange reason, my son likes the awful things...
    "Oh Vienna...." hey, thanks for that, Susan :)
    Kind wishes and aisle talk to you again, soon, Gary...

  16. Hi Austan,
    Indeed, these would be the same marketing consultants that suggest they put the candies up by the checkout. I mean really, one must buy treats for the 'little angels' :)
    Yes, the milk and bread are always placed at the back of the store, or somewhere near the back of the store. That way the customer who only went in for milk and bread ends up buying a 55 inch HD TV and a year's supply of Pop Tarts.
    Agreed, cut out the greedy marketing 'middle man'an pass on the saving to customers. Especially in these austere times.
    Although, this posting was slightly tongue-in-cheek', I appreciate your more serious take on it. Thanks Laura.
    In kindness and good wishes, your way, Gary

  17. Hey Ray,
    Yes, the beer aisle where customers who suddenly found themselves married, were drowning their sorrows :)

  18. Hey Kim,
    Shopping is a pain. Especially wearing these rather tight, but kinda' smooth ladies' undies :)
    Well I discovered that the aisle I went down, which looked amazingly like a registry office, also had a selection of Muppets on display. And now I'm married to 'Miss Piggy'. I noted she had a raspy voice. Something about a 'frog in her throat'.

  19. Hi Kelly,
    Yes indeed, "Special K" was in reference to you and Klahanie. You may remember when they had that gosh darn fun, 'A to Z' blogging challenge' and I put up a posting about the letter 'K'. Yes, that blogging challenge, which has everything to do with positive interaction and nothing to do with blatant self promotion by the creators of it. Um...moving on.
    I knew you were very aware of the tricks of the trade. You would think if enough customers got pissed off and didn't return. The shops might have a rethink. Well, maybe with the notable exception of 'Wankmart'.
    Not sure who this Gary fella' you are meaning. Now if you had typed something really British like 'knickers', you would of got my attention :)
    Did you know the mess in aisle three has now been moved to aisle six?
    And dagnabit, don't y'all tell me what type of day to have!
    Anyway, thanks for the Happy New Year n'stuff. You make sure you have a good one and get your butt down to aisle six! :)

  20. Dear David,
    Ah yes indeedy do. It really is all about getting us to impulse buy when we go down an aisle and discover the aisle aint the way we remembered the aisle to be.

    "Or maybe you should think of changing your diet. Special K, pop tarts, and dog and cat food doesn't sound like a balanced diet for a growing boy like yourself." You forgot the ladies' undies...
    Send the 'misses' to the shop, perhaps. Would that be after she cooked, cleaned and catered to my every whim? Hang on David, I think you have just become Fred Flintstone's hero :)
    Thanks for letting me know, via our fascinating and intellectual phone conversation, that blogger has been acting up and you tried so hard to leave a comment. I appreciated your efforts. Of course, blogger acting up is nothing new.
    Happy New Year to you.
    In kindness, Gary.

  21. Hi GEM,
    Exactly, get us into a state of confusion and we end up buying stuff we never even thought about.
    Clever of you to note the correlation between Pop 'Tarts' and ladies undies :) Which reminds me, I really must go to Bakewell....
    Oh yeah and what I really hate is when the cashier ignores you, continues talking to someone else and only finds enough energy to take your money for the goods you didn't really need.
    Next stop, sales department. Should have no problem finding it.
    Thanks GEM and may you continue to enjoy your new life adventure.
    Happy New Year and take good care.
    Gary :)

  22. Hey Manic Chef,
    Um..I'm getting the impression that you also HATE the rearranging in the stores. Yep, this is an international pet peeve. I was going to buy a pet 'peeve', but they had been moved to an aisle I never found :)
    Interesting angle you allude too. So those store managers are just time wasting because they are bored silly. And their boredom causes you, my good friend, all sorts of aggravation and inconvenience. You are completely correct. Your time is valuable and you should not be wasting it wondering where the heck they shifted your favourite delicacies. Only to discover the delicacies are now down some aisle at the complete opposite end of the shop. This is an outrage. This is unjust and needs to be stopped! Perhaps we could all have a meeting about this at an arranged time and location. Only to find the arranged time and location has been changed and nobody bothered to tell us! :)
    Thanks buddy. I do wish for you a most peaceful and uplifting New Year. Laters eh :)

  23. Hi Old Kitty,
    She probably would approve of the change. In fact, her and Charlie are going shopping together! :)
    All the best y'all

  24. Hi Gary .. yes - I agree .. I think it's so the Stores feel they're exercising us and we need to perambulate their aisles .. seeing the best to get married in .. it is our year after all - or will be ... ladies of the times will get their moment.

    To find an employee to help us is challenging ... I think they must be playing Supermarket lottery in the back - deciding where they should place things ...

    Easter Eggs are the rage now - when's that? Is your store selling engagement rings ....?

    Enjoy Sunday and the week ahead .. cheers Hilary

  25. Hi Hilary,
    Absolutely. The stores want us to go for a nice, leisurely stroll down the aisles and discover new and wonderful things to buy that may never had occurred to us.
    Indeed, this February 29th provides all the lovely ladies with a chance to ask eligible dudes for their hand in marriage. Just the hand, of course!
    To find an employee to help can be quite the result. Or do like I do and end up talking to someone you think works in the store. Only to realise they are just another confused customer wandering aimlessly down the aisles.
    Easter Eggs. Ah yes, the 'Easter Bunny' is part of the conspiracy and you may well find the Easter Eggs right at the back of the store, right beside the milk. April 8th eh. I can hardly wait. Might as well forget Valentine's Day. The store is selling all sorts of rings. They even sell rings for the bathtub.
    Thanks Hilary and I hope you had a lovely weekend.
    With respect, Gary

  26. Hi Gary - just to make sure I keep on with my tying loose ends blogpost - next one! .. while I wander along aisles ..

    They had easter eggs for sale on Boxing Day in Worthing I think .. as apparently they'd been asked for them and thought they'd put them at the front of the store on prominent display - saying happily their customers rather like Easter Creme Eggs and other sorts!! I'd have thought the rabbits, hares and chimney sweeps would be sick of them by April 8th - is that the day this year .. now I know - thank you!

    I need to get some cheap calendars! Cheers and have a good Easter - I'll say it in advance .. Happy Elvis day, ANC day, Professor Hawking day .. that's enough from me .. Hilary!!

  27. Hi Hilary,
    You are doing a blog about 'knots'...sorry that was silly of me. Aisle be looking out for your 'loose ends' blog posting :)
    I'm not surprised they had Easter eggs for sale on Boxing Day in Worthing. I noticed the Cadbury's cream eggs on display in Morrisons in Leek just before Boxing Day Eve, sorry, just before Christmas. They had the ice cream variety for sale.
    I noticed the rabbits, hares and chimney sweeps happily eating tubs of the ice cream outside in the car park right beside the section where you can drop off your old shoes.
    On those reduced price calendars it should note that Easter is on April 8th.
    And Mr. Hawking turned seventy today, Sunday.
    And now I must purchase a calendar and see what day, 'Hilary Melton-Butcher Appreciation Day', is this year :)
    Hoppy Easter....

  28. Hi Gary ..keep an eye on Friday for that?! Cheers - H

  29. Hi Hilary,
    Aha, thanks and I really must get a half priced calendar before Friday....

  30. Hi Gary,

    You are so bloody funny! I'm navigationally challenged, so store rearranging is a killer! It can turn a five minute drop-in for milk into a one hour expedition into the consumer jungle. I'm surprised, you only left with some underwear, cereal and a new wife.

    It's quite early here, and I've got a huge grin on my face. I also need to get a cup of coffee. Hopefully it's on the shelf where I left it. Aisle definitely be back for more reading. I have a ton to catch up on!

  31. Hey SNEE,
    I was going to send out a search party to see if your blog had been relocated from the zany satire aisle and placed in with the super serious section of the local blogger market. Rebecca, nice to see you have finally submitted another blog on your delightful site.
    I was surprised I didn't go into the store for some milk and end up purchasing a collection of the finest stilettos.
    Thanks Rebecca and I do so hope you ended up finding the coffee. After all, it's normal to leave the coffee in the garden shed.
    Aisle be seeing you, eh.
    Take care and have fun "moon watching" :)


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.