Friday, 11 June 2010

The Little Shopping Horrors.

I've talked about this subject before.  I was hoping that the situation would improve.  Alas, if anything, it seems to be getting worse.  This little expedition is the sort of misadventure that would turn any respectable superhero into a quivering wreck.  So just what is it I'm talking about?  Maybe you can relate.

Yes, in the photograph is the entrance to that place of little shopping horrors, also known as a supermarket.  Note the instruments of chaos neatly rowed in front of the entrance.  You might call them trolleys, or, if you prefer, shopping carts.  I call them instruments of terror designed to have wheels that don't work properly and cause pandemonium within the store.  They are, apparently, supposed to be used to place groceries and screaming kids in.  'Responsible' adults have been known to allow their children to cling on backwards to the front of these trolleys of folly.  Gee, why is there a little kid yelling hysterically under the display of now broken jars of peanut butter?  Hell, he looks like he's covered in sh**!
Based on other trips to the shop I take a deep breath and head inside.  All I really want is carton of milk and a jar of coffee.  And where is the milk located?  At the front of store because some folks just want to dash in and buy only milk?  No, of course not, it's way at the back. I wonder why that is?  Could it be the store owners want you to go in with your intent of only buying milk and end up buying six cases of beer, tortilla chips and a 52 inch, high definition, colour T.V.?  Nah.....
So, ever so bravely, I head down the aisle that will lead me to the milk.  This must be done with great skill as I must avoid the 'old rage pensioners' who are standing guard over the reduced price section.  Do not, I repeat, do not even attempt to take an item from the reduced item section.  The old rage pensioners will beat you up with their walking sticks and their heavy duty handbags.  
I successfully manage to obtain the milk.  Now it is time to go and get the jar of coffee.  The coffee I want to purchase is on special.  It is difficult to locate, but finally, after a few minutes of searching, I find the promoted brand.  I overhear a lady talking to her child.  'I wonder where that coffee on special is?' she states.  Being, I like to think, of helpful nature, I speak to the lady.  'Is the brand you are looking for?  The 'Kenco Rapport'?' Did she thank me for trying to be helpful?  Did she heck.  The lady looked at me with utter disgust and responded ever so abruptly with, "No!"  I thought to myself, 'Well I hope you spend the rest of your pathetic life looking for that jar of coffee, you miserable bitch!'  I walked off to the cashier's check-out with the carton of milk and the prized jar of coffee.  
When I get to the check-out I usually have a good laugh with the cashier.  Quite a different situation than the madness of the frantic shoppers who think it is okay to bump into me without even the semblance of an apology.  Maybe, the difference is that the cashier is stuck there and has to put up with my quirky conversations.  I would really like to know what happens to folks when they enter a shop.  Does today's fast-paced, hectic world turn some into rude and inconsiderate individuals with no thought for anyone but themselves?  Well, that was another day of the little shopping horrors that I've experienced too many times.  I head home and suddenly realise that I'm out of bread.  Oh shit!  .  


  1. Ah yes, the supermarket is, indeed, a frightening confusing mess of disorienting aisles, rude f*ckin' people, screaming monkeys (kids) and all manner of inconvenient product placements. I don't know how your supermarkets are up there (Canada) or over there (Britain) but our Wal-Mart Supercenters and Krogers are a mile wide in radius. Those managers want you to walk yer ass off for that jug of milk and hope that their strategically placed crap will get your attention and your hard earned currency.

    I know how it all works due to being a manager of a grocery store and working in retail for 13 years. Those tricks only serve to annoy the hell outta me. In short, I feel for ya brother. And we got our own sets of old, crabby non- budgers here in the states, too. I guess manners don't grow in abundance with old age.

    I like how you tried to help that one bitch with her coffee situation and she gave you that "you have less value than a single ant turd" look for your consideration. Ah, don'tcha just love people like that? Nope.

    A blowtorch for their rude facades would be a welcome and handy item for times like those. Yesiree.

    Love the post, man. True, funny and sad all at once. Just like life. Take care, Gary. don't let any old codgers get the best of ya. lol.

  2. I detest supermarkets and begin complaining a whole day before I am drug into the weekly shopping project. In fact, if I am fortunate enough, my hubby will determine it is not worth the effort of taking me.

    Also there is not pain comparable to a shopping cart rammed up the back an exposed ankle.

  3. Hi Kelly,
    I have observed that folks who might be your normal average calm and collected person can turn into some kind of rude and ignorant monster when they enter a shop.
    I'm guessing this shopping fiasco is a worldwide thing. It didn't seem as bad when I was in Vancouver recently, as it seems to be here in England.
    I figured that was a deliberate ploy to put the milk at the back of the store. Then again, where do they put those candy temptations. Of course, right by the check-out so the screaming angels go into a temper tantrum because they want the adults to buy them every flipping candy available.
    I'm not kidding about a certain element of, shall we say, older than me folks. They block of everyone with their shopping carts and take everything. They have looked at me with utter contempt if I even have the audacity to grab something. What happened to sharing and caring? Hmmm.
    I guess that lady thought it is inappropriate for a total stranger to try and help her. Very sad.
    Thank you, Kelly. With respect and packet of tortilla chips, your way, Gary :-)

  4. Hi lifeshighway,
    I don't blame you for not wanting to go off on the weekly shopping trip.
    It is indeed a hazard with those shopping carts that seem to head straight for your ankles. I try to stay well away from folks in shops who are experiencing 'cart rage'.
    Thank you and enjoy your weekend.
    Kind wishes, Gary :-)

  5. Dear Gary,
    I don't know. First, the birds crap on your head and your solar lamps, then the cats crap on your vegetable patch, and now, goddamit, someone has been rude to you in the supermarket.
    Do you think God is trying to tell you something, through the machinations of his minions?
    Another very perceptive blog, Gary, funny yet sad and true at the same time.
    Thanks for the continued entertainment.
    Kind Wishes, your way,

  6. Lovin the new look of your blog, man. It's sharp, clean and eye-catching.

  7. Dear David,
    Yikes, I think I am turning into a moaning old git. Or, you might say, already have.
    I think it is time for a remake of that film 'Grumpy Old Men'. I have plenty of new material for a remake.
    I do try to look at the funny side of some rather sad situations. I could explain my feelings in a rather darker manner. Yet being totally crude would leave not much to the imagination. If I told you in a more detailed manner what I thought of that woman...well it would involve a lot of Anglo Saxon derivatives.
    Thanks David. I hope to meet up with you very soon. Who knows, we could both have a good old moan in 3D reality:-)
    With kind wishes, Gary.

  8. Hi Kelly,
    Thanks for that. I'm a real technophobe and was freaking out on what the final result would end up as. I have only lost one widget. Which I can, if I figure it out, reinstate. Thanks and enjoy your weekend.
    With kind wishes, Gary:-)

  9. Oh, I so dislike shopping of any kind. I am an anomaly as a woman. I do lots of gift shopping on the Internet and if I could order my groceries, I most certainly would. I really relate to this one, Gary!

  10. Dear Cher,
    I believe there are quite a few folks who could relate to the shopping excursion and the nightmare scenarios.
    The sad thing is that what I wrote, with the exception of some narrative licence, is all true.
    Thanks, Cher.
    With respect and kind wishes, your way, Gary.

  11. The Walmart is Prince George was recently expanded. What a shame. Before this it was easy to maneuver the aisles and find what I was looking for. Now it's just a huge unfriendly mass of deadends aisles. Why isn't the pet section with the food section? It's over in gardening. Huh?

  12. Well written, looking forward to seeing more of your posts! :)

  13. Gary, the supermarket is one of the many houses of horror. I liked the funny touches you used while describing the most annoying of events that one is bound to encounter at that freaky place.. Crazy customers, screaming kids, and gawdamn little trolleys that just never really work the way they're made to, don't they!

    I had, on a number of times, gotten stuck with a rusty old thing that had faulty wheels; with me struggling to make it move forward, while the wheels went sideways! I hate that, haha.

    And..That lady was just old, forgive her for being a pain in Uranus. :p

    Peace and a bag of bread for your breakfast,
    Shanaz :)

  14. Hi Joylene,
    I had the great misfortune of going into a 'Wal-Mart'in Surrey, British Columbia. It was a most confusing place and the staff seemed to know even less about the shop than me or the friend I was with.
    Perhaps they put the pet section in with the gardening section to remind you what certain pets will do to a garden after they have had some pet food:-)
    Thank you, Joylene.
    With respect, Gary.

  15. Hi ludder,
    Thank you for such a nice compliment. Here's wishing you some happy writing and managing to arrange the letters of the alphabet into a way you like:)
    All the best and thanks again.
    Kind wishes, your way, Gary.

  16. Hello Shanaz,
    You know that trolleys are designed in such a way that the wheels have a 'mind of their own'. You are happily going down the produce aisle and the next thing you know; you find yourself on a collision course with the display of eggs and maple syrup. Not good lol
    That lady was actually quite young with a small child with her. When I tried to be helpful, she looked at me like I was some kinda' disgusting weirdo. Hmmm...when I think about it...I've had that look from a few folks:-)
    Peace and a tray of kitty litter, your way, Gary :-)

  17. Oh don't you let those nutty people get to you, Gary. They're not worth your time! =)

    Oh it was you who sent the kitty litter up on my door step? My mother thought it came from heaven. Thank you oh so very much! =D

    Hope your day's filled with joyful delight,

  18. Hi Shanaz,
    I try not to let rude and abrupt people get to me. I usually stay calm and ignore them. Every once in a while, I speak out what I'm thinking. Needless to say that I do get some rather strange reactions to my ever so occasional tirade.
    I was hoping that the kitty litter would 'drop' in by your door step. 'Heaven' only knows how it got to your place so fast lol.
    Have a wonderful weekend, Shanaz.
    In peace and an extra packet of kitty litter, your way, Gary :-)

  19. For all that we all say we hate supermarkets we all use them.

    I quite like them as long as I accept them for what they are.

    A convenience, pure and simple.

    Love the new look blog Gary......although it does take longer to load up.

  20. Hi John,
    I've had some very pleasant experiences in supermarkets. I usually have some wonderful banter with the cashiers.
    What I don't understand is that some folks become rude and inconsiderate creatures when they enter a supermarket. Saying, 'excuse me',when they bump into me, should really not be that big an effort. Convenience, yes, but those who have no consideration for others can spoil the convenience.
    Thanks for liking the new look. It can load up slow, at times. Has not happened that much to me. I have noted that yours can load up rather slow.
    Take good care, Gary

  21. Haha! 'Note the instruments of chaos neatly rowed in front of the entrance'. Love it :)

    I don't think there's one person who cannot relate to the 'shopping horrors' of today.

    And yes, why is it all trolleys have a mind of there own?

    I've often thought 'rage pensioners' and small children with sticky fingers should be banned. Well, when I'm there anyway... Just a thought.

    More posts like this please dear Gary :) Brilliant!

  22. Hi Wendy,
    How does that song go? 'Well, hello trolley..'
    I just knew you, like so many others, traumatised by the horrors of the shopping expedition, would relate to this.
    Trolleys have minds of their own to cause us maximum aggravation during our fun-filled supermarket festivities.
    Kids and 'old rage' pensioners should be banned or placed in a special section of the shop, as far away from us as possible:-)
    Thank you, dear Wendy. I really have lots of fun writing posts like this.
    I think I need protection at the 'reduced price' section.
    Take very good care and mind them trolley wheels :-)
    Kind wishes, Gary


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.