I've been known to be a bit of a "cross-dresser." No, not like the photo above, "possums!" And no, nothing to do with putting a dress on a cross. I'm talking about the times I'm getting dressed. Those times when the socks don't match, the zipper breaks on my jeans and the t-shirt has armpit stains. I would wear different clothes. Of course, the rest of my clothes are dirty and the washing machine decides to break. This makes me a "cross-dresser" and nothing to do with the dresser draws I couldn't put back together.
I just visualised somebody with "butter fingers", "green thumbs", "pigeon toes", "cauliflower ears" and a "glass jaw."
Apparently, "the walls have ears" and somebody I know wants to be "a fly on the wall."
I got a part in a local play. Great money, easy work. I'm acting out the part of a motionless puppet. "No strings attached." I've entered the World Championship Air Guitar Competition. Great money, easy work. "No strings attached." Nothing to fret over.
What little arachnid is always correct? A tick.
Does that tick answer make you a mite cross?
I had a wardrobe malfunction once when I stuffed a potato in my shorts to be popular with the ladies.
ReplyDeleteNobody told me it should have gone in the front.
Or that I shouldn't have used a baked potato.
Haha!
DeleteMr. Penwasser,
ReplyDeleteDid you know that in Britain they called a baked potato, a "jacket" potato. Bottoms up, old chap!
I never have a wardrobe malfunction because I've got the the age where I don't care what anyone thinks. I wake up in the morning and wear what I want, when I want. I do my best to be appropriate for the job in hand but then again, they don't buy my clothes so they get what I can afford.
ReplyDeleteYou should see me right now basking in the British Summer Heat of the year. 30 plus degrees. I'm shameless.
Hi Rum-Punch Drunk,
DeleteI was only trying to do a play on words. I really don't care much about my clothes.
I'm sure you're quite the shameless vision in the incredible British summer heat :)
A good day to you, my friend.
Wardrobe malfunctions: I've been known to fix a droopy hem with a stapler or scotch tape. I've gone to work with two shoes of the same colour and style with different heel heights, then spent a couple of hours thinking I was coming down with MS before I realized. Fixed a pair of glasses once with a bread tie with the paper stripped off it (the little screw had fallen out and the arm consequently fell off). I've been known to put on a shirt or sweater inside out and go rolling through my day unawares until some helpful Nellie pointed it out to me. I guess mostly I have brain malfunctions and my wardrobe suffers from them lol. And yes...they do indeed make me a 'cross' dresser.
ReplyDeleteHi Delores,
DeleteI'm cross-eyed reading your comment :) Clothing gaffes and arrestable offences by the fashion police. My brain needs new instructions and much like the crazy wardrobe, I must go to the brain shop and get the right instructions.
A good day, eh.
Gary
Love to see your wardrobe getting crossed Gary.
ReplyDeleteLoved your post cheered me up reading this.
By the way thanks for the lovely comment the other day. Much appreciated.
Yvonne.
Hi Yvonne,
DeleteIt's always fun having confused furniture and get cross, dressing :)
I'm glad that this post cheered you up. This was just a fun posting and I appreciate what you say.
I'm heartened that you liked my comment. Shall visit your site, real soon, dear lady.
A peaceful Sunday to you.
Gary
I'm a cross-dresser too, Gary. I once came home, looked in the mirror and saw that I had on two completely mismatched earrings (on my ears. I suppose it would've been worse had I worn them on my fingers or toes).
ReplyDeleteBe well, dear friend.
xoRobyn
Hi Robyn,
DeleteWould you like the other two earrings back? Oh heavens to Betsy, whoever Betsy is! :)
Have cheeky Chico time, dear lady.
Gary :) x
I am like Rum-Punch Drunk, too old to care. I wear what feels comfortable to me.
ReplyDeleteHi Dizzy-Dick,
DeleteThis was just a bit of fun. Have a good Saturday, my friend.
I had a wardrobe malfunction in my car on the way home from work. A couple button holes on my blouse were really large and the seat belt had pulled them wide open. So there I was, car dancing and singing for a good 15 miles before I noticed that my wallies were hanging out. No wonder the people in pick up trucks next to me were looking at me. At least I was wearing a bra. I got hysterical laughing too.
ReplyDeleteHi JoJo,
DeleteYou manage to fit a wardrobe in your car? Ignore me! :) Oops and I could imagine the view for the truckers. Too funny. All the breast, um, all the best! :)
A delightful day to you.
Gary :)
As a small fox once said . . . . . . . Boom Boom HAH HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHa hah ah hah ah
ReplyDeleteHi Rob,
DeleteWhat the fox? The previous posting has self-destructed. Guess what, this comment will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3......
Gary, you never fail to crack me up. :) It's been a while since I last fought with myself about the matters of clothes. I've taken the casual route. Shirt and jeans. Blouse and pants. Nothing to complicated you know. My advice on your wardrobe malfunction: get a better manual and let somebody else do it for you.
ReplyDeleteHugs from Malaysia!
Hey Shanaz,
DeleteHow lovely to see your adorable self! :) Me too, total casual. In fact, so casual, I'm typing this naked! Ha ha and yikes!
It would of helped if it was the correct wardrobe, in the correct box, with the correct instructions. Then again, maybe not....
Hugs from England!
Gary :)
Maybe people will think you are creating a new style trend...
ReplyDeleteHi Robin,
DeleteExactly, I could walk around wearing a wardrobe that was put together without the correct instructions.
A lovely day to you, Robin.
Gary :)
Love the play on words, funny. But this morning I switched an a television show where these ladies were making money selling brand name shoes, purses, clothes, jewelry - you know all that stuff women would 'just die for'. I could not believe my eyes, and told my husband something must be awful wrong with me because I can't imagine paying 8,000 dollars for a purse - hell my entire wardrobe isn't worth 8,000 dollars. But folks were coming into this second hand store and paying thousands for used stuff! Amazing!
ReplyDeleteHi Yolanda,
DeleteI'm relieved that you understood this was a play on words and nothing more. I so relate to what you say. Actually, we have shopping channels that cater to such things. I also would never, ever pay $8000 for a purse. Okay, I once paid half that amount. Okay, I think I'm kidding! LOL
A peaceful, positive rest of your day. Yes, I promise to get back to your email. Oops...
Gary :)
Hilarious, Gary! Enough said :)
ReplyDeleteGidday Wendy,
DeleteThanks and I shall forward you a baked potato! Ha ha and ha! :)
Have a nice Sunday down under. As in New Zealand.
Gary :)
Occasionally I do have the sock problem. I keep wondering where is the match hiding? It's an unresolved mystery. If they look similar then who will notice the difference under my pants?
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh out loud again, Gary.
Have a lovely weekend my friend.
Hi Julia,
DeleteYep, the mystery that is the missing sock, the missing comb and the missing pen. I do try to remember to put the left sock on the left foot and the right sock on the right foot :) Yes, who is going to notice when I'm wearing shorts.
I'm glad this made you laugh, Julia. I think there was quite a few silly moments in my posting.
A wonderful weekend to you, dear friend.
Gary :)
Oh, yes, the whole post was funny. Not just the sock issue.
DeleteHi Julia,
DeleteI knew what you meant. So much silliness in one posting.
Be well and smile, Julia.
Gary :)
I'm so out of style and have been for so long. I hope one day to afford a "consultation" with a wardrobe specialist just for the fun of it. I've also toyed with the idea of only wearing Napoleonic style dresses because I love the look and the dresses don't constrain the torso! Just a bit hot though here in the south...
ReplyDeleteHi Lisa,
DeleteIf you wish to consult about a "wardrobe", may I suggest a reputable furniture store. Notice I make no mention of IKEA.
I didn't realise Napoleon wore dresses. Wow! :) Seriously, stay cool down in the south, y'all.
A good rest of the weekend to you.
Gary :)
Bah i cross dress all the time, sock here sock there, two make a pair. At least i don't go naked like the cat.
ReplyDeleteAh Pat Hatt,
ReplyDeleteYes I know
Seen the video
Mismatched socks make a pair
Darn it, there everywhere
A naked cat?
How about that
As for Pat
Posing proudly on the mat
Did you break a leg in that play?
ReplyDeleteMy wardrobe malfunctioned and I found myself in Narnia. Which wasn't a bad thing.
Hi Alex,
ReplyDeleteVery good, my esteemed friend. Indeed I did. I slipped on the greasepaint.
No Lion, I hope you had a good time in Narnia and followed all the instructions.
A pleasant remainder of the weekend to you.
Gary
I think I got cross when I had to put dressers together. Otherwise as long as it don't got holes in it I don't really care. And sometimes even if it has holes in it.
ReplyDeleteHi Pat,
DeleteWell holy dresser, Patman!
Enjoy your Sunday.
Gary
And here I thought you mean dressing crosses. I was just a mite confused. :-)
ReplyDeleteDress well, Gary.
Hi Jeff,
DeleteI mite of meant that :)
A good Sunday to you.
Gary
Yet another wonderful wacky post. Ticks make me all kinds of cross. I guess you could say they tick me off, the miserable little blood suckers.
ReplyDeleteHi Susan,
DeleteThank you for your wonderful wacky response. Ticks make you bloody cross. Check! :)
A gosh darn fun Sunday to you.
Gary
I gave up trying to match my clothing a long time ago. I'm fat, which means comfort is more important to me than coordination. It always catches me off-guard when my sister will occasionally say "wow, you look good today." She's the fashion guru.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs tonight
.....dhole
Hi Donna,
DeleteI also gave up matching my clothing. If it fits, I'll try to wear it. Gets me strange looks in the ladies section of the store, but do I care...
Donna, your sister is the fashion guru. And you look good, no matter what.
I'm glad this could make you laugh. Thank you.
Gary
Air guitar is the only kind of guitar I can play. And I'm still pretty bad at it...
ReplyDeleteHi M.J.,
DeleteDon't worry. You'll get better at air guitar. Nothing to fret over :)
A good Sunday to you.
Gary
This post put a big smile on my face. I had a drawer malfunction once similar to your wardrobe malfunction. That drawer was never the same afterwards :-) x
ReplyDeleteHi Teresa,
DeleteThank you and big smiles are warmly welcomed :) My drawers have been malfunctioning for years! :)
Enjoy your sunny Sunday.
Gary :) x
Dear Lady Gazza :)
ReplyDeleteThe picture of Dame Edna trying to look like you does her, er, I mean you, no justice...
(Where are the sweaty armpits, he cried!)
PS. Just wanted to remark that this post solidifies my thoughts that every time I read you, you make me laugh so much that tears fill my ducts (but please remember the thoughts I say remain those that belong in my humble onions).
Lady Gazza, before I go, with your excellent name, may I also refer that you consider a life as a pop singer?
Methinks that should you have a Poker Face or have a Bad Romance (with a stone?) you may indeed have a new career on MTV (and Tom Selleck 'stache be darned! :)
Dear Sir Mazza :)
DeleteDame Edna would like you to know you're her favourite possum. Her best effort of trying to look like me was a rather poor attempt.
Sweaty armpits? Please refer to the icon photo of "Pat Hatt"! How about that! :)
I almost had a vision of your "humble onions".
All we here is Lady Gazza, Lady Goo Goo. Did you know I have a younger sister named "Radio Gazza"? The "Queen" is not amused. I shall be romancing the stone and perhaps Poker Face. I want my MTV and a remake of "Magnum Wae'aye Man!" Geordie meets Hawaii....
I shall now go wear a dress made out of meat products...
Hi Gary - love the jacket potato story! But wardrobe malfunctions are troublesome .. I thought I was going to a barn dance last night - then I find out from my visitors .. that actually it's a summer dress party - i.e. I guess it's too hot and pretty dresses would suit the day - thankfully I possess one dress! So my dungarees will await another day ..
ReplyDeleteFitting together furniture turns my wardrobe into sweaty underarms .. or is that gentle perspiring notations somewhere on the arms ..
Have a fun rest of the weekend .. warm one too - cheers Hilary
Hi Hilary,
DeleteI have tried to explain, much to the bewilderment of my friends overseas, that in Britain, potatoes have "jackets." :) Good grief, what a mix up. And I had no idea a barn could dance...
Fitting furniture together, even occasional furniture, which must be something else, occasionally, would make anybody perspire in the hot, humid weather.
Enjoy your Sunday, Hilary. Another hot one, indeed!
Gary
Gumtree had to have three ticks removed recently! He was sent to the vet's with a flea in his ear! Ahem.
ReplyDelete:-)
Take care
x
Hi Old Kitty,
DeleteSorry about Gumtree. Perhaps you could now go to a Flea Market.
Enjoy the sunshine :)
Gary
x
Ker-tish! To your cunning punning. And yu don't fool me, you love a dress and heels, it's quite clear the maid doth protest a little too much here hahahaha. Enjoy your Sunday Gary :D
ReplyDeleteHi Michelle,
DeleteCunning punning can be quite stunning. What cunning stunts we plan! :) Yes, my secret's out. And send me your pink wig. Ha ha and ha!
A lovely Sunday to you, Maiden of the Candy Floss :)
Gary :)
Hahahaha, some extra 'ha-ha's thrown in there for such fine effort on your part :P
DeleteMichelle, part two,
DeleteAha to the extra "ha-ha's" and a couple of customised ha ha's, I fling back atcha':)
Very funny, Gary. There is one kind of cross-dressing you didn't mention, though. Buttoning your shirt un-ligned up. Little boys are very prone to this...
ReplyDeleteTina @ Life is Good
Hi Tina,
DeleteThank you, thank you :) You would be correct, no ifs, ands or buttons....
A lovely, hopeful Sunday to you, Tina.
Gary :)
I understand completely. When repairing clothing I am always a cross stitcher. We are all semi-hostile in this heat. The other day I took a very cross town bus.
ReplyDeleteLaura
x
Hi Laura,
DeleteThank you for understanding. The heat can get you in cross-stitches, that aren't so funny. A very cross-town bus in some very cross-town traffic.
Have a comfortable Sunday, Laura.
Gary
x
I had a wrap-around skirt become "unwrapped!" once....have never and WILL NEVER wear one again!
ReplyDeleteHi Caren,
DeleteQuite the unravelling experience for you. Oh my and that's an unwrap! :)
A good Sunday to you.
Gary :)
Klahanie Klahanie Klahanie!
ReplyDeletea mite cross at you... I was not
cause you blog oh yes, it was hot
it made me laugh
more that by half
as I imagine you with a flat pack and in a knot!
:-)
Kerrie, Kerrie, Kerrie!
DeleteA mite fine not cross
A tick is a loss
Glad you could laugh
While others might barf
A flat pack you see
It's my tummy hee hee :)
Lovely to see you again, my friend.
Hope you had a nice weekend.
Gary :)
You two Gary
Deletecheers
meant to say it good rhyming with such an eloquent writer
DeleteThank you so much, Kerrie. You are a very kind, dear lady. I want you know you've been missed, my friend.
DeleteCheers,
Gary :)
We turn the clocks back around here in the fall and it was dark one morning when I wore a navy blue pump and a black pump to a meeting. Needless to say, I kept my feet under my chair and ran to the car afterwards.
ReplyDeleteHi Eve,
DeleteSpring ahead and fall behind. And with that in mind, mixed pumps under a chair, to avoid the stare. After that, the car, which seemed so far, to drive off and away from the meeting, with pumps that were fleeting.
Hope you're enjoying your weekend.
Gary :)
Your posts are more eclectic than the pick and mix at woolworths
ReplyDeleteHi John,
DeleteAnd we know what happened to Woolworth's....
Hope you had some rest on Sunday evening.
Gary
Ever since I was a teenager, it seems I've had a penchant for wearing whatever would look best on a gas station attendant. I'm not a "Frilly" kinda girl.
ReplyDeleteHi lotta joy,
DeleteFiller up, check the oil and clean the windows, please.
"Hello Possum!" No one ever said assembling your special 'look' was easy! Great post!
ReplyDeleteGidday Denise,
DeleteMy "special look", requires the right kind of screw. Maybe that didn't sound right. Oh well, never mind! :)
Glad you liked my post. Might even read it myself.
Gary :)
Hi Gary,
ReplyDeleteJust stopped by to let you know that you've won a prize for the Paying Forward Awards. Congrats! Please contact me at mishagericke(AT)gmail(DOT)com to claim your prize.
Hi Misha,
DeleteNeat stuff! I won a prize. I wonder what it could be? A prize for being so incredibly awesome? Ignore me and thanks :) I already knew your email address, Misha. I have contacted you by sending an email. My megaphone is broken.
Did you like this post? Misha? Misha? Where did she go? LOL
Gary :)
I have had several wardrobe malfunctions in my time. Every time I spill something at work, it ends up spilling on my crotch so that I have to go around the rest of the day looking like I pee'd myself.
ReplyDeleteAh Keith,
DeleteIt be the, "Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer." Nice try, dude. Blame it on the wardrobe malfunctions! :)
Gary :)
Haha! I wish someone would draw the images you conjured up of a person who was literally butterfingered, cauliflower eared and so on!
ReplyDeleteHi Jenny,
DeleteFor sure! :) Or somebody taking an actual photograph of such a person.
Enjoy the sunny weather and try to stay cool.
Gary :)
My own malfunctions have always been minor, non-embarrassing events. Oh, well.
ReplyDeleteThe bugs? Oh how I hate ticks and fleas. Spiders are okay, since they serve a purpose.
Hi Susan,
DeleteOkay, I'll send you a wardrobe that needs to be put together with the wrong instructions :) That should be an event.
Ticks are little spider-type critters. I think that's correct, tick.
Gary :)
Recently my brother ran into an old friend who reminded him about the time my bathing suit top accidentally came off when we went swimming in high school. I don't know how I didn't remember that horrible incident, but then again I also missed seeing this last week. Something is clearly amiss, and now I don't know if I've had any recent wardrobe malfunctions or not. Despite everything, this was fun!
ReplyDeleteJulie
Hi Julie,
DeleteOops and things didn't go so swimmingly. Wardrobe malfunctions. There might be a clue. The torn up instructions that were actually instructions for a different wardrobe, along with the fact, they also had the wrong wardrobe in the wrong box. You do remember that :) I
I'm glad you took the time to backtrack to this posting. Heck, I just read it for the first time.
Gary :)
When I was younger... It was the IN thing to go braless... so I am sure I had many malfunctions. I don't even want to think about them.
ReplyDeleteHi Terry,
DeleteOkay, I lost the instructions to my bra. Have a good weekend, Terry.
Gary :)