Saturday, 13 July 2013

Wardrobe Malfunctions, A Cross-Dresser And A Tick Cross.

I've had a few wardrobe malfunctions in my time.  Nothing to do with my cleavage falling out.  Everything to do with me trying to assemble a wardrobe.  One time, I tried to assemble a wardrobe and was more baffled than I usually am.  It turned out to be the wrong wardrobe, in the wrong box, with the wrong instructions. I took it back to the shop, in pieces.  And I also took the wardrobe back to the shop, in pieces.
I've been known to be a bit of a "cross-dresser."  No, not like the photo above, "possums!"   And no, nothing to do with putting a dress on a cross.  I'm talking about the times I'm getting dressed.  Those times when the socks don't match, the zipper breaks on my jeans and the t-shirt has armpit stains.  I would wear different clothes.  Of course,  the rest of my clothes are dirty and the washing machine decides to break. This makes me a "cross-dresser" and nothing to do with the dresser draws I couldn't put back together.

I just visualised somebody with "butter fingers", "green thumbs", "pigeon toes", "cauliflower ears" and a "glass jaw."

Apparently, "the walls have ears" and somebody I know wants to be "a fly on the wall."

I got a part in a local play.  Great money, easy work.  I'm acting out the part of a motionless puppet.  "No strings attached."  I've entered the World Championship Air Guitar Competition.  Great money, easy work.  "No strings attached."  Nothing to fret over.
What little arachnid is always correct?  A tick.
Does that tick answer make you a mite cross? 

88 comments:

  1. I had a wardrobe malfunction once when I stuffed a potato in my shorts to be popular with the ladies.
    Nobody told me it should have gone in the front.
    Or that I shouldn't have used a baked potato.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mr. Penwasser,

    Did you know that in Britain they called a baked potato, a "jacket" potato. Bottoms up, old chap!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I never have a wardrobe malfunction because I've got the the age where I don't care what anyone thinks. I wake up in the morning and wear what I want, when I want. I do my best to be appropriate for the job in hand but then again, they don't buy my clothes so they get what I can afford.

    You should see me right now basking in the British Summer Heat of the year. 30 plus degrees. I'm shameless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rum-Punch Drunk,

      I was only trying to do a play on words. I really don't care much about my clothes.

      I'm sure you're quite the shameless vision in the incredible British summer heat :)

      A good day to you, my friend.

      Delete
  4. Wardrobe malfunctions: I've been known to fix a droopy hem with a stapler or scotch tape. I've gone to work with two shoes of the same colour and style with different heel heights, then spent a couple of hours thinking I was coming down with MS before I realized. Fixed a pair of glasses once with a bread tie with the paper stripped off it (the little screw had fallen out and the arm consequently fell off). I've been known to put on a shirt or sweater inside out and go rolling through my day unawares until some helpful Nellie pointed it out to me. I guess mostly I have brain malfunctions and my wardrobe suffers from them lol. And yes...they do indeed make me a 'cross' dresser.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Delores,

      I'm cross-eyed reading your comment :) Clothing gaffes and arrestable offences by the fashion police. My brain needs new instructions and much like the crazy wardrobe, I must go to the brain shop and get the right instructions.

      A good day, eh.

      Gary

      Delete
  5. Love to see your wardrobe getting crossed Gary.
    Loved your post cheered me up reading this.

    By the way thanks for the lovely comment the other day. Much appreciated.
    Yvonne.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yvonne,

      It's always fun having confused furniture and get cross, dressing :)

      I'm glad that this post cheered you up. This was just a fun posting and I appreciate what you say.

      I'm heartened that you liked my comment. Shall visit your site, real soon, dear lady.

      A peaceful Sunday to you.

      Gary

      Delete
  6. I'm a cross-dresser too, Gary. I once came home, looked in the mirror and saw that I had on two completely mismatched earrings (on my ears. I suppose it would've been worse had I worn them on my fingers or toes).

    Be well, dear friend.
    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Robyn,

      Would you like the other two earrings back? Oh heavens to Betsy, whoever Betsy is! :)

      Have cheeky Chico time, dear lady.

      Gary :) x

      Delete
  7. I am like Rum-Punch Drunk, too old to care. I wear what feels comfortable to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dizzy-Dick,

      This was just a bit of fun. Have a good Saturday, my friend.

      Delete
  8. I had a wardrobe malfunction in my car on the way home from work. A couple button holes on my blouse were really large and the seat belt had pulled them wide open. So there I was, car dancing and singing for a good 15 miles before I noticed that my wallies were hanging out. No wonder the people in pick up trucks next to me were looking at me. At least I was wearing a bra. I got hysterical laughing too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi JoJo,

      You manage to fit a wardrobe in your car? Ignore me! :) Oops and I could imagine the view for the truckers. Too funny. All the breast, um, all the best! :)

      A delightful day to you.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  9. As a small fox once said . . . . . . . Boom Boom HAH HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHa hah ah hah ah

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Rob,

      What the fox? The previous posting has self-destructed. Guess what, this comment will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3......

      Delete
  10. Gary, you never fail to crack me up. :) It's been a while since I last fought with myself about the matters of clothes. I've taken the casual route. Shirt and jeans. Blouse and pants. Nothing to complicated you know. My advice on your wardrobe malfunction: get a better manual and let somebody else do it for you.

    Hugs from Malaysia!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Shanaz,

      How lovely to see your adorable self! :) Me too, total casual. In fact, so casual, I'm typing this naked! Ha ha and yikes!

      It would of helped if it was the correct wardrobe, in the correct box, with the correct instructions. Then again, maybe not....

      Hugs from England!

      Gary :)

      Delete
  11. Maybe people will think you are creating a new style trend...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Robin,

      Exactly, I could walk around wearing a wardrobe that was put together without the correct instructions.

      A lovely day to you, Robin.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  12. Love the play on words, funny. But this morning I switched an a television show where these ladies were making money selling brand name shoes, purses, clothes, jewelry - you know all that stuff women would 'just die for'. I could not believe my eyes, and told my husband something must be awful wrong with me because I can't imagine paying 8,000 dollars for a purse - hell my entire wardrobe isn't worth 8,000 dollars. But folks were coming into this second hand store and paying thousands for used stuff! Amazing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Yolanda,

      I'm relieved that you understood this was a play on words and nothing more. I so relate to what you say. Actually, we have shopping channels that cater to such things. I also would never, ever pay $8000 for a purse. Okay, I once paid half that amount. Okay, I think I'm kidding! LOL

      A peaceful, positive rest of your day. Yes, I promise to get back to your email. Oops...

      Gary :)

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Gidday Wendy,

      Thanks and I shall forward you a baked potato! Ha ha and ha! :)

      Have a nice Sunday down under. As in New Zealand.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  14. Occasionally I do have the sock problem. I keep wondering where is the match hiding? It's an unresolved mystery. If they look similar then who will notice the difference under my pants?
    You made me laugh out loud again, Gary.
    Have a lovely weekend my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julia,

      Yep, the mystery that is the missing sock, the missing comb and the missing pen. I do try to remember to put the left sock on the left foot and the right sock on the right foot :) Yes, who is going to notice when I'm wearing shorts.

      I'm glad this made you laugh, Julia. I think there was quite a few silly moments in my posting.

      A wonderful weekend to you, dear friend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. Oh, yes, the whole post was funny. Not just the sock issue.

      Delete
    3. Hi Julia,

      I knew what you meant. So much silliness in one posting.

      Be well and smile, Julia.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  15. I'm so out of style and have been for so long. I hope one day to afford a "consultation" with a wardrobe specialist just for the fun of it. I've also toyed with the idea of only wearing Napoleonic style dresses because I love the look and the dresses don't constrain the torso! Just a bit hot though here in the south...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lisa,

      If you wish to consult about a "wardrobe", may I suggest a reputable furniture store. Notice I make no mention of IKEA.

      I didn't realise Napoleon wore dresses. Wow! :) Seriously, stay cool down in the south, y'all.

      A good rest of the weekend to you.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  16. Bah i cross dress all the time, sock here sock there, two make a pair. At least i don't go naked like the cat.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Ah Pat Hatt,

    Yes I know
    Seen the video
    Mismatched socks make a pair
    Darn it, there everywhere
    A naked cat?
    How about that
    As for Pat
    Posing proudly on the mat



    ReplyDelete
  18. Did you break a leg in that play?
    My wardrobe malfunctioned and I found myself in Narnia. Which wasn't a bad thing.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi Alex,

    Very good, my esteemed friend. Indeed I did. I slipped on the greasepaint.

    No Lion, I hope you had a good time in Narnia and followed all the instructions.

    A pleasant remainder of the weekend to you.

    Gary

    ReplyDelete
  20. I think I got cross when I had to put dressers together. Otherwise as long as it don't got holes in it I don't really care. And sometimes even if it has holes in it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Pat,

      Well holy dresser, Patman!

      Enjoy your Sunday.

      Gary

      Delete
  21. And here I thought you mean dressing crosses. I was just a mite confused. :-)

    Dress well, Gary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jeff,

      I mite of meant that :)

      A good Sunday to you.

      Gary

      Delete
  22. Yet another wonderful wacky post. Ticks make me all kinds of cross. I guess you could say they tick me off, the miserable little blood suckers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      Thank you for your wonderful wacky response. Ticks make you bloody cross. Check! :)

      A gosh darn fun Sunday to you.

      Gary

      Delete
  23. I gave up trying to match my clothing a long time ago. I'm fat, which means comfort is more important to me than coordination. It always catches me off-guard when my sister will occasionally say "wow, you look good today." She's the fashion guru.

    Thanks for the laughs tonight

    .....dhole

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Donna,

      I also gave up matching my clothing. If it fits, I'll try to wear it. Gets me strange looks in the ladies section of the store, but do I care...

      Donna, your sister is the fashion guru. And you look good, no matter what.

      I'm glad this could make you laugh. Thank you.

      Gary

      Delete
  24. Air guitar is the only kind of guitar I can play. And I'm still pretty bad at it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi M.J.,

      Don't worry. You'll get better at air guitar. Nothing to fret over :)

      A good Sunday to you.

      Gary

      Delete
  25. This post put a big smile on my face. I had a drawer malfunction once similar to your wardrobe malfunction. That drawer was never the same afterwards :-) x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Teresa,

      Thank you and big smiles are warmly welcomed :) My drawers have been malfunctioning for years! :)

      Enjoy your sunny Sunday.

      Gary :) x

      Delete
  26. Dear Lady Gazza :)

    The picture of Dame Edna trying to look like you does her, er, I mean you, no justice...

    (Where are the sweaty armpits, he cried!)

    PS. Just wanted to remark that this post solidifies my thoughts that every time I read you, you make me laugh so much that tears fill my ducts (but please remember the thoughts I say remain those that belong in my humble onions).

    Lady Gazza, before I go, with your excellent name, may I also refer that you consider a life as a pop singer?

    Methinks that should you have a Poker Face or have a Bad Romance (with a stone?) you may indeed have a new career on MTV (and Tom Selleck 'stache be darned! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Sir Mazza :)

      Dame Edna would like you to know you're her favourite possum. Her best effort of trying to look like me was a rather poor attempt.

      Sweaty armpits? Please refer to the icon photo of "Pat Hatt"! How about that! :)

      I almost had a vision of your "humble onions".

      All we here is Lady Gazza, Lady Goo Goo. Did you know I have a younger sister named "Radio Gazza"? The "Queen" is not amused. I shall be romancing the stone and perhaps Poker Face. I want my MTV and a remake of "Magnum Wae'aye Man!" Geordie meets Hawaii....

      I shall now go wear a dress made out of meat products...

      Delete
  27. Hi Gary - love the jacket potato story! But wardrobe malfunctions are troublesome .. I thought I was going to a barn dance last night - then I find out from my visitors .. that actually it's a summer dress party - i.e. I guess it's too hot and pretty dresses would suit the day - thankfully I possess one dress! So my dungarees will await another day ..

    Fitting together furniture turns my wardrobe into sweaty underarms .. or is that gentle perspiring notations somewhere on the arms ..

    Have a fun rest of the weekend .. warm one too - cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Hilary,

      I have tried to explain, much to the bewilderment of my friends overseas, that in Britain, potatoes have "jackets." :) Good grief, what a mix up. And I had no idea a barn could dance...

      Fitting furniture together, even occasional furniture, which must be something else, occasionally, would make anybody perspire in the hot, humid weather.

      Enjoy your Sunday, Hilary. Another hot one, indeed!

      Gary

      Delete
  28. Gumtree had to have three ticks removed recently! He was sent to the vet's with a flea in his ear! Ahem.
    :-)

    Take care
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Old Kitty,

      Sorry about Gumtree. Perhaps you could now go to a Flea Market.

      Enjoy the sunshine :)

      Gary
      x

      Delete
  29. Ker-tish! To your cunning punning. And yu don't fool me, you love a dress and heels, it's quite clear the maid doth protest a little too much here hahahaha. Enjoy your Sunday Gary :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Michelle,

      Cunning punning can be quite stunning. What cunning stunts we plan! :) Yes, my secret's out. And send me your pink wig. Ha ha and ha!

      A lovely Sunday to you, Maiden of the Candy Floss :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha, some extra 'ha-ha's thrown in there for such fine effort on your part :P

      Delete
    3. Michelle, part two,

      Aha to the extra "ha-ha's" and a couple of customised ha ha's, I fling back atcha':)

      Delete
  30. Very funny, Gary. There is one kind of cross-dressing you didn't mention, though. Buttoning your shirt un-ligned up. Little boys are very prone to this...
    Tina @ Life is Good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Tina,

      Thank you, thank you :) You would be correct, no ifs, ands or buttons....

      A lovely, hopeful Sunday to you, Tina.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  31. I understand completely. When repairing clothing I am always a cross stitcher. We are all semi-hostile in this heat. The other day I took a very cross town bus.
    Laura
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Laura,

      Thank you for understanding. The heat can get you in cross-stitches, that aren't so funny. A very cross-town bus in some very cross-town traffic.

      Have a comfortable Sunday, Laura.

      Gary
      x

      Delete
  32. I had a wrap-around skirt become "unwrapped!" once....have never and WILL NEVER wear one again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Caren,

      Quite the unravelling experience for you. Oh my and that's an unwrap! :)

      A good Sunday to you.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  33. Klahanie Klahanie Klahanie!
    a mite cross at you... I was not
    cause you blog oh yes, it was hot
    it made me laugh
    more that by half
    as I imagine you with a flat pack and in a knot!
    :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kerrie, Kerrie, Kerrie!
      A mite fine not cross
      A tick is a loss
      Glad you could laugh
      While others might barf
      A flat pack you see
      It's my tummy hee hee :)

      Lovely to see you again, my friend.

      Hope you had a nice weekend.

      Gary :)


      Delete
    2. meant to say it good rhyming with such an eloquent writer

      Delete
    3. Thank you so much, Kerrie. You are a very kind, dear lady. I want you know you've been missed, my friend.

      Cheers,

      Gary :)

      Delete
  34. We turn the clocks back around here in the fall and it was dark one morning when I wore a navy blue pump and a black pump to a meeting. Needless to say, I kept my feet under my chair and ran to the car afterwards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Eve,

      Spring ahead and fall behind. And with that in mind, mixed pumps under a chair, to avoid the stare. After that, the car, which seemed so far, to drive off and away from the meeting, with pumps that were fleeting.

      Hope you're enjoying your weekend.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  35. Your posts are more eclectic than the pick and mix at woolworths

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi John,

      And we know what happened to Woolworth's....

      Hope you had some rest on Sunday evening.

      Gary

      Delete
  36. Ever since I was a teenager, it seems I've had a penchant for wearing whatever would look best on a gas station attendant. I'm not a "Frilly" kinda girl.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi lotta joy,

      Filler up, check the oil and clean the windows, please.

      Delete
  37. "Hello Possum!" No one ever said assembling your special 'look' was easy! Great post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gidday Denise,

      My "special look", requires the right kind of screw. Maybe that didn't sound right. Oh well, never mind! :)

      Glad you liked my post. Might even read it myself.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  38. Hi Gary,

    Just stopped by to let you know that you've won a prize for the Paying Forward Awards. Congrats! Please contact me at mishagericke(AT)gmail(DOT)com to claim your prize.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Misha,

      Neat stuff! I won a prize. I wonder what it could be? A prize for being so incredibly awesome? Ignore me and thanks :) I already knew your email address, Misha. I have contacted you by sending an email. My megaphone is broken.

      Did you like this post? Misha? Misha? Where did she go? LOL

      Gary :)

      Delete
  39. I have had several wardrobe malfunctions in my time. Every time I spill something at work, it ends up spilling on my crotch so that I have to go around the rest of the day looking like I pee'd myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah Keith,

      It be the, "Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer." Nice try, dude. Blame it on the wardrobe malfunctions! :)

      Gary :)

      Delete
  40. Haha! I wish someone would draw the images you conjured up of a person who was literally butterfingered, cauliflower eared and so on!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Jenny,

      For sure! :) Or somebody taking an actual photograph of such a person.

      Enjoy the sunny weather and try to stay cool.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  41. My own malfunctions have always been minor, non-embarrassing events. Oh, well.

    The bugs? Oh how I hate ticks and fleas. Spiders are okay, since they serve a purpose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Susan,

      Okay, I'll send you a wardrobe that needs to be put together with the wrong instructions :) That should be an event.

      Ticks are little spider-type critters. I think that's correct, tick.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  42. Recently my brother ran into an old friend who reminded him about the time my bathing suit top accidentally came off when we went swimming in high school. I don't know how I didn't remember that horrible incident, but then again I also missed seeing this last week. Something is clearly amiss, and now I don't know if I've had any recent wardrobe malfunctions or not. Despite everything, this was fun!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Julie,

      Oops and things didn't go so swimmingly. Wardrobe malfunctions. There might be a clue. The torn up instructions that were actually instructions for a different wardrobe, along with the fact, they also had the wrong wardrobe in the wrong box. You do remember that :) I

      I'm glad you took the time to backtrack to this posting. Heck, I just read it for the first time.

      Gary :)

      Delete
  43. When I was younger... It was the IN thing to go braless... so I am sure I had many malfunctions. I don't even want to think about them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Terry,

      Okay, I lost the instructions to my bra. Have a good weekend, Terry.

      Gary :)

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.