I thought I might as well give it a try and so I phoned up the "International Date Line". I was hoping they would work out better at providing me with a date then those dating agencies I've seen advertised on television. You might know of the ads I'm meaning. Yes indeed, they boast, if you don't get a date in the first six months, you get the next six months, free! Wow, great stuff! Add another six months of humiliation.
Anyway, I got through to the International Date Line. "International Date Line, how may I help?", stated the friendly female voice. "Hi there, my name's Gary and I'd like a date please.", I replied. "Certainly sir. Any particular date?", she said. "I'm not fussy. As a long as she's breathing would be a heck of start.", I explained. "Sorry? I don't understand. This is the International Date Line and we can offer you a calendar date of your choosing." At this point, I was going to tell her that I didn't want a date with a calendar, but thought better of it.
"Sir, at a nominal fee, we can have a day in your honour marked on calendars worldwide." I started fantasising about staring at my calendar and grinning at February 30th aka "Klahanie Appreciation Day." Realising that the International Date Line was not a dating agency, I politely ended the conversation.
After smashing open my piggy bank and gathering up my life savings, I proceeded to the betting shop. "Good day Mr. betting shop dude. I wish to bet my life savings that the world will end on December 21, 2012!" Oh yes, I noted the silly grin on his face. He wont be smirking when I win my bet. Hang on a second.....hmmmm....
I'm going to be calling the Tonga Information Board and being the closest country to the International Date Line, where the new day begins, I will ask them if the world has ended. Anybody west of me, I shall duly inform you if the world ends on December 21, 2012. You are very welcome. Apocalypse Yes? Apocalypse No?