Thursday, 20 December 2012

International Date Line.

I thought I might as well give it a try and so I phoned up the "International Date Line".  I was hoping they would work out better at providing me with a date then those dating agencies I've seen advertised on television.  You might know of the ads I'm meaning.  Yes indeed, they boast, if you don't get a date in the first six months, you get the next six months, free!  Wow, great stuff!  Add another six months of humiliation.

Anyway, I got through to the International Date Line. "International Date Line, how may I help?", stated the friendly female voice.  "Hi there, my name's Gary and I'd like a date please.", I replied.  "Certainly sir.  Any particular date?", she said.  "I'm not fussy.  As a long as she's breathing would be a heck of start.", I explained.  "Sorry?  I  don't understand.  This is the International Date Line and we can offer you a calendar date of your choosing."  At this point, I was going to tell her that I didn't want a date with a calendar, but thought better of it.

"Sir, at a nominal fee, we can have a day in your honour marked on calendars worldwide."  I started fantasising about staring at my calendar and grinning at February 30th aka "Klahanie Appreciation Day."  Realising that the International Date Line was not a dating agency, I politely ended the conversation.

After smashing open my piggy bank and gathering up my life savings, I proceeded to the betting shop.  "Good day Mr. betting shop dude.  I wish to bet my life savings that the world will end on December 21, 2012!"  Oh yes, I noted the silly grin on his face.  He wont be smirking when I win my bet.  Hang on a second.....hmmmm....

I'm going to be calling the Tonga Information Board and being the closest country to the International Date Line, where the new day begins, I will ask them if the world has ended.  Anybody west of me, I shall duly inform you if the world ends on December 21, 2012.  You are very welcome.  Apocalypse Yes?  Apocalypse No?
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48 comments:

  1. Austan20 December 2012 at 14:56

    Well, I think that qualifies as a service to humanity on an international level. Perhaps a Nobel is in order? Certainly then you'll have dates lining up for your good self!? This seems a win-win situation to me.

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 15:05

      Hey Laura,

      You know me, always trying to be a public information service. A Nobel Peace prize, for me, no less. Yes, I can see it now, dates on an international level! :)

      I'll let you know what happens when the date changes here. I'm such a nice guy :)

      Delete
    2. Austan21 December 2012 at 00:36

      Tis past midnight in Merrie Olde... are you still alive? :) The Solstice is 12:11 a.m. our time, so is it already Winter there? These things confuse me.

      Delete
    3. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:40

      Hi Austan,

      I'm typing from another dimension, a new reality. Yes, it would be winter in Merrie Olde Great Britain. Ah, those were the days...:)

      Delete
  2. Alex J. Cavanaugh20 December 2012 at 15:03

    You're five hours east of me - keep me posted.
    You should set up a Penny Modest Internet Superstar day!

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 15:08

      Hi Alex,

      Yes, I'm five hours ahead of you. I will let you know at seven P.M., your time.

      The "Penny Modest Internet Superstar day!" will be on January 32nd.

      Delete
  3. Joylene Nowell Butler20 December 2012 at 15:16

    That's the thing about living in BC, the world will end tonight because it'll be tomorrow where you are. Technically that's not fair, don't you think? Shouldn't I get the same time as everybody else? I didn't win the lottery either. I should have known something was up.

    Merry Christmas, my dating fellow! Good idea about the Penny Modest Superstar Day! Alex is just so smart most days, eh!

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 23:43

      Hi Joylene,

      Actually, if things go wrong, you might find the world ending on December 20th and you will be cheated out of those extra hours. I shall let you know what happens here, at 4 P.M., your time. The good news is that you did win the lottery. The bad news...well, I'll keep you posted.

      Merry possible Christmas to you, eh. Yes, Alex had a moment of inspiration. I quite liked "Klahanie Appreciation Day" on the calendar. Penny, however agrees with you and Alex. What a surprise!

      Delete
  4. PT Dilloway20 December 2012 at 15:43

    I'm going to start decorating and shopping now for Penny Day to avoid the rush.

    People always seem to forget about the time zones and date line, like with Y2K. I mean here in America if the computers really did go belly up on 1/1/2000 then we would have known about it long in advance when it happened in Japan. So it was pretty anticlimactic.

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 23:49

      Hi PT,

      I reckon you will shop at JCPenney!

      Yeah, that millennium bug was a right bore. Anyway, I believe I'm five hours ahead of you and I'll keep you posted if the world ends here.

      Delete
  5. Anonymous20 December 2012 at 16:05

    I pre scheduled my apocalypse post...just in case you know....hmmmm...maybe I should precook and pre eat my Christmas dinner as well. I'll be waiting for your advance notice of imminent doom...or I may just go to bed and let the chips fall where they may.

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 23:51

      Hi Delores,

      You might want to publish your posting within the next five hours. You might also want to sit down and have your Christmas dinner right away. Be careful of chips falling on your bed :)

      Delete
    2. Anonymous21 December 2012 at 01:12

      Cisp crumbs in my bed.....what a way to go.

      Delete
    3. klahanie21 December 2012 at 01:48

      Ah, I can sort of make out what you wrote. There seems to be a lot of interference in this new dimension. What a way to go...crumbs! :)

      Delete
  6. YVONNE'S POETRY CORNER20 December 2012 at 16:39

    Good luck with your dating, interesting about The International Dateline. Time Zones when I have travelled to the US really confuse me.
    Have a great Christmas.
    Yvonne.

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 23:54

      Hi Yvonne,

      Thanks and I shall proceed with my dating ideas for the next few minutes. Time zones can be most confusing. I know when I fly over to Vancouver, it's a nine hour trip. Yet, when I get there, only one hour has passed. How strange :)

      May you have a peaceful Christmas, Yvonne.

      Gary

      Delete
  7. Michael Offutt, Phantom Reader20 December 2012 at 16:56

    I wonder if Apocalypse Now will get any love today.

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    1. klahanie20 December 2012 at 23:57

      Hi Michael,

      Apocalypse Now, based on time zones, you might find you have to wait. That movie might get some love. Go watch it before it may well be too late...

      Delete
  8. Hilary Melton-Butcher20 December 2012 at 17:57

    Hi Gary .. well we're 6 hours away from knowing here - does it happen at midnight on the dot ... do I go first, then Leek follow next - I'm about on the actual 0 degree date line ... I'll be asleep that's good news - at least I won't know til I wake up.

    With the rain we're having we might not be worrying about it anyway ... this island will have sunk ..

    Should be an interesting day - I suspect we'll still be here ... and my money is staying where it is ..

    But a Penny Internet SuperStar Day ... is a very good idea .. let's get that organised for 2013 - Penny deserves her day in the limelight ..

    Cheers - Hilary

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:03

      Hi Hilary,

      Actually, as I type this, we have little time left. I would assume the world ends here in Britain at the stroke of midnight. Still, great idea, just sleep through the end of the world :)

      And the torrential rains have returned. Hampshire is having it very bad.

      Oops, have I lost my life savings from my piggy bank to the guy at the betting shop. Oh no!

      Alex seems to have taken over my posting without even being here. I quite liked "Klahanie Appreciation Day". Penny, of course, agrees with the rest of you. I'm now jealous of her! :)

      Sweet dreams, Hilary.

      Gary

      Delete
  9. Suzanne Furness20 December 2012 at 19:34

    Was wondering how that date line thing worked! Thanks for giving me a chuckle today, Gary. As for Penny Day - sounds great to me!

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:05

      Hi Suzanne,

      If you jump back and forth on the International Date Line, I guess you could go back to yesterday and then go back to today. Glad this made you chuckle. Good to chuckle just before we...

      Oh no, Penny Day. Yikes. Penny, they seem to love you :)

      Delete
  10. Rebecca20 December 2012 at 20:39

    so that is how it all works and here i was relying on EHarmony for a possible date. I knew i was doing something wring

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:08

      Hi becca,

      You might try out, 'EhHarmony', it's a dating site full of Canadians who like maple syrup and ice hockey :)

      Keep smiling, becca :)

      Gary

      Delete
  11. Sharon K. Mayhew20 December 2012 at 20:48

    lol...you made me laugh out loud! (really, you did)

    I sure hope the world doesn't end tomorrow. It's my husband's birthday. I'll be watching to see if you won or lost your bet tomorrow.

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:10

      Hi Sharon,

      I'm glad this made you laugh :)

      You might want to give your husband his birthday card and gifts right away. I will be enjoying my winning on that bet:)

      Take care while you can.

      Gary

      Delete
  12. Nancy Thompson20 December 2012 at 21:46

    I'll never know. But I've written a post for tomorrow anyway. Stay tuned...

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:11

      Hi Nancy,

      You are eight hours behind me. You might think about putting up your post now!

      Delete
  13. Kelly20 December 2012 at 22:03

    Yes, please... let me know if the world ends tomorrow. I want to be up early enough toi my my daily cup of coffee, take my meds, eat a little something- all so I can continue my day like I normally would- except you know, where instead of seeing the sun... the sky is black or some funky color, everything is on fire, the planet is being ran by power-mad lunatics (oh wait... that's already happening) and the people are still yapping about celebrities and other really really really important folks.

    I found a dripping overused blow up doll in the gutter. Her mouth is all stretched out and she smelled like old cheese. I think I can set you up for a date with her. She'd probably like garden gnomes and fairies, if you ask.

    Take care, man. Hope you're still here, tomorrow. Aloha!

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:21

      Hi Kelly,

      Of course I will let you know if the world ends tomorrow. That way, you can get up and wait your turn. Relax, watch the pretty colours in the sky and listen to the screaming of those who thought austerity and targeting the vulnerable was a really good idea. Watch them vaporise before your eyes. See, still had some time for poetry.

      Actually and I don't know how you did it, but that blow up doll arrived at my house. And if I have any time left, I shall have a wild orgy with the blow up doll and a collection of willing and randy 'wee folks'.

      Take care and wait for the fun, dude. Maybe you might smoke your grass skirt. Aloha and lei!

      Gary

      Delete
  14. All Consuming20 December 2012 at 23:12

    Hahahaha, brilliant. I doubt twill end tomorrow mind, we can't be that lucky ;p And as for dates,I do recommend the internet, tis how I met hubby, and you can always send them back with a receipt if they don't fit *laughs x

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 00:26

      Hi All Consuming,

      Ah, dearest lady of such renowned wisdom doth haveth time for thy to talk like somebody out of a Willie Shakespeare play.

      A money back guarantee if your internet date doesn't work out. I wish I'd met my ex on the internet. I would have demanded a full refund and an extra cash settlement to ease my worried head :) See you or maybe not.....:)

      Gary

      Delete
  15. Berts Blog21 December 2012 at 04:18

    Oh GAry, I just love your sense of humor. I hope the world doesn't end, I'd miss your blog...

    berts my vickie

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 23:39

      Hi Vickie,

      Thank you for loving my sense of humour :) Evidently, the world didn't end and I can apparently continue with this blog. Or Penny can continue with this blog :)

      Take care Vickie and say hello to Bert for me. Thanks.

      Gary

      Delete
  16. Suzanne Bean21 December 2012 at 04:51

    Gary:
    You are the funniest!!! Even though as I write this message you are on the other side!! Keep up your wonderful humor in this Age of Aquarius!!! Oh shit, I can hear that song ringing in my ears!!

    Happy Holidays from your Canadian friend!! EH!!!

    Suzanne

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 23:44

      Hi Suzanne Bean,

      You are way too kind :) I managed to get back to this dimension. And speaking of dimensions, this is evidently the "Fifth Dimension" who went on about this, "When the moon is in the Seventh House And Jupiter aligns with Mars
      Then peace will guide the planets And love will steer the stars..."

      Happy Holidays to you, my Canadian friend, EH! :)

      Peace and a truckload of maple syrup, your way, Gary

      Delete
  17. Elephant's Child21 December 2012 at 05:51

    From here in Ox, I am able to tell you that it is Apocalypse No - for today. However, I don't think we can rest easy just yet. In a calendar as long as that of the Mayans there is plenty of room for a teensy, weensy slip - which could move the date to next week. Or last week. I don't think it was last week....

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 23:46

      Hi The Elephant's Child,

      Ah yes, nothing happened and now the rest of the world has found out. Or maybe, just maybe, it happened last week and we aren't actually here :)

      Delete
  18. Teresa Ashby21 December 2012 at 06:55

    This did make me laugh :-) I had completely forgotten it was the end of the world and hadn't done all those things I'd meant to do - is there still time?! :-) x

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 23:51

      Hi Teresa,

      I think you might still have time to get all those things done you had been meaning to do. This means, the parade in your honour, is still happening :) x

      Delete
  19. River21 December 2012 at 11:24

    It's 9:55pm here in Oztraya, (that's how the politicians pronounce it) and my world is still turning.

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 23:54

      Hi River,

      I can hear that accent of your politicians ringing in my ears. I wonder if they are into 'Ozsterity' measures, which means having the vulnerable pay for the mistakes of the rich.

      Start the world, I want to get on...

      Delete
  20. FANCY the Red Standard Poodle21 December 2012 at 14:29

    Hi Y'all!

    Penny, stop by today...I answered your question about my long furry tongue.

    Thanks for sharing my post about the dogs who are alone in doggy jails this Christmas.

    Y'all come back now,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 19:27

      Greetings, my illustrious dog friend, Hawk,

      "My British Blogville friend seems to have developed an accent of the southeastern USA, don’t you think? And yes, Penny, it does appear to be a long furry tongue, doesn’t it? Instead it’s a fun toy! More on that later!"

      Penny, after she has finished her latest well deserved nap, will be reading the above quote, my dear doggy friend.

      Ah yes, I thought it was most important to share that very important post about the plight of those poor dogs at Christmas.

      Have a jolly good day.

      Gary

      Delete
  21. Anonymous21 December 2012 at 15:47

    Now why didn't I think of that? I'm sure you'll be rich when you win that bet!Then you can pay for the Gary appreciation Day date. ;O)
    But hey, you are already appreciated by at least 319 people. It's a bargain.

    Merry Christmas Gary & Penny

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    1. klahanie21 December 2012 at 23:59

      Hi Madeleine,

      I wish I had gotten rich from winning that bet. Sadly, it never happened and I'm now skint. Those Mayans have a lot to answer for! :) I still may be able to scrape up enough money to get my name as a special day in the calendar. Then again, it will probably end up being changed to 'We Love Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar, Day!' :)

      I find it amazing that Penny and I have 319 folks who are willing to link into my blog. After all, I've only been writing a blog for nearly six years. Yes, I know, get some sleep, Gary...

      Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones, Madeleine.

      Gary

      Delete
  22. Susan Flett Swiderski21 December 2012 at 21:04

    Well, I reckon we all dodged another bullet... or giant asteroid... or whatever. Bottom line, we're still here. (Darn, guess I'm gonna have to pay for all that stuff I bought on credit...) Take care, Gary, and a very Merry Christmas to you.

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    1. klahanie22 December 2012 at 00:02

      Hi Susan,

      You reckon we missed a catastrophe? You're probably right as December 21 has ended in the UK and points east of here.

      Get the Mayans to pay your credit card expenditures.

      All the best to you, Susan. May you and your loved ones have a most peaceful Christmas.

      Gary

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.

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