Saturday, 21 April 2012

Me Sarcastic? Never!

I've been told that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour.  I completely and absolutely agree with that!  In fact, I've never, ever been sarcastic in my life, ever!  
I want to humbly apologise for not posting much recently.  I realise how vitally important my postings are to your life.  I'm sorry that I have caused you to sob uncontrollably due to the scarcity of my highly anticipated, much loved, to the point of thrilling exhalation postings, bring to your life.  So, please, please, please forgive me for not delighting you with my deeply profound words of wisdom on a more regular basis.  Try to handle that disappointment by realising that this infrequent blogger is posting up this posting which will, no doubt, tide you over until the next time I post up one of my must read postings.
In between my hugely adored postings, you can continue to check out, or gosh, participate, in that awesome A to Z Challenge that makes me understand that further awareness of the alphabet is a great way to meet new bloggers and um get loads more 'followers' who of course, will be so in awe of your blog, that they just have to come back to your blog and get further, incredibly philosophical musings.  I mean, none of them would be 'drive-by' bloggers who do the old 'follow me, follow you' routine,  never to be seen again.  No way!
Although I could never compete with those chuckle a second comedy bloggers who make you evidently laugh your ass off while you are rolling in the aisles, here's a very feeble attempt at something bordering on almost mildly amusing by this shy and humble man.  I have met a number of people who have, speaking of number, the fear of the number between five and seven.  So, with the lyrics from that Marvin Gaye song, 'Sixual Healing', as a bit of inspiration, I shall let you know I'm writing a self-help book for the sufferers of the fear of the number between five and seven.   Hopefully, my book titled, 'Everything You Wanted To Know About Six, But Were Afraid To Ask', will be ready somewhere within the next five to seven years.  You can learn about the opposite six, six therapy, the joy of six  and how to keep your relationship with six on a healthy level and not become a six addict.  I know this sequence on six, sucks.  However, that's another story.... 
I just read that there is going to be a 'Sarcasm Workshop' at a local venue.  I've read some incredibly exciting announcements in my time but the thought of having an awesome event such as a Sarcasm Workshop, has left me in a state of euphoria that goes beyond any suitable adjective!

54 comments:

  1. Oh Gary...I am so glad you never stoop to sarcasm. Wait, did something just zip over my head? No? I can't wait for your discourse on "six" as I can never hear enough about it. Until then my friend...see you at the Sarcasm Workshop.

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    1. Hey Delores,
      Nah, never ever seen the need to lower my amazing standards and resort to sarcasm. I think I should make mention that I will also be writing about the 'fairer sex'. Seems only fair. I'm excited to have found out that you will be the guest speaker at the Sarcasm Workshop!

      Delete
    2. Hi Delores,
      Only fair beyond your wildest dreams :)

      Delete
  2. Every thing I wanted to know about Six - as in, Number Six from Battlestar Galactica? Because there are things I want to know about her!

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    1. Ah Alex,
      How about this, instead. Has little to do with you wanting further info about Six, but what the heck.
      Did you realise that it was a couple of Canadians who basically sorted out the Universe? Please allow me to explain. Captain James T. Kirk (William Shatner) of Star Trek fame, is Canadian. You remember this famous line? 'Space... the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship 'Canada eh'.' Then again, there was also Commander Adama, (Lorne Greene) another Canadian trying to get things sorted out in space and the leader of a noble mission. Do you recall him saying this? "Fleeing from the Cylon tyranny, the last Battlestar, 'Galacticanada', leads a ragtag, fugitive fleet, on a lonely quest—for a shining planet known as Earth." So there you go, some overwhelming 'proof' just how vital Canadians have been in our space type adventures.

      Bet my reply, if you read it, has left you breathless with amazement!

      Delete
  3. "I just read that there is going to be a 'Sarcasm Workshop' at a local venue" - my husband thinks I must be running it.

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    1. Hi All Consuming,
      I've every confidence that you would be an excellent coordinator of the 'Sarcasm Workshop' at your local venue. I reckon they will be clambering in to get a front row seat! :)

      Delete
  4. What a wonderful post, so clever - and no, that is not a sarcastic remark! :0)

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    1. Hi Carole,
      Why thank you. I knew you would appreciate my wonderfully written, eagerly anticipated posting! :)

      Delete
  5. Indeed. I have never in the slightest gotten the impression you were being sarcastic.

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    1. Hi The Golden Eagle,
      Indeed, indeed! How anybody could even think I was being sarcastic, is beyond my comprehension! :)

      Delete
  6. Dear Gary,
    Ah, sarcasm, the lowest form of wit. Of course, I would never be sarcastic either, as you may have noticed from the always deeply profound, heart-felt comments I leave on your blog.
    But I have to go now to work on my six-pack. After all, I do like a beer at the end of the day.
    Wishing you all the best, Gare, my scabrously sardonic friend,
    David.

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    1. Dearest David,
      You noble sir, kindest of the kind, leave me breathless, bordering on speechless, with your heartfelt philosophical responses. Sometimes I sing and dance with unabated joy. Sometimes, I just sigh and think, 'awe gee whiz'.
      You go work on your sex-pack, sorry six-pack and swig away in the knowledge that once again, you have left a comment of such magnitude, without any scale of scandal or scornful mocking, that makes me realise that on a scale of one to six, you my illustrious friend, are a seven!
      Take care and thanks for the fun, David.
      Your starstruck fan, Gary

      Delete
  7. I really hope you write the book. You have the neatest ideas. Cheers for the tongue sharper than a double-edged sword. May I refer to you as 'a witty wonder'?

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    1. Dearest Dixie,
      With such an encouraging comment, this shy, humble and unassuming dude shall most definitely contemplate perhaps formulating that book. My ideas bring thrills and astonishment to all who have the great pleasure in noting them. Ah yes my razor sharp wit is the envy of even Humpty Dumpty, the world's favourite 'off-the-wall' comedian. You may refer to me as the most awesome witty wonder you have ever had the immeasurable joy of knowing:)

      Delete
  8. Half the time I don't get what you are saying but I like it anyway. You crack me up......Wait, was that sarcasm. See I told you, I just don't get it. Or do I. I am so confused.

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    1. Hey Bert,
      And half the time you get what I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? I've every confidence I crack you up and there's no confusion in that. Of course, I crack me up, I'm in bits, beside myself and all over the place. Oops, now I'm confused. Who would ever had imagined that!? :)

      Delete
  9. Replies
    1. Hey middle child.
      Ah yes, of course my neighbours will be quiet and respectful and not crank up Guns and bloody Roses at three in the morning because they respect my right to a bit of peace..

      Delete
  10. None of my friends here in the blogosphere or either of my real life friends have any need of a sarcasm workshop. And I suspect that those who do need it will be afraid to attend. Sad really.
    I am looking forward to your self help book - the one that our New Zealand friends will refer to as 'Everything you ever wanted to know about Sux'.

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    1. Gidday The Elephant's Child,
      Actually, I think you might have been referring to the 'Assertive Workshop'. The assertive workshop was cancelled because nobody had the nerve to show up.
      I was well stoked by your reference to our New Zealand friends. And me, not being a hoon, will now head off to my bach on a tranquil beach near Auckland and be idol worshipped by my adoring Kiwi fans.

      Delete
  11. Hello Gary:
    We are sitting on the edge of our seats in eager anticipation of the forthcoming, five to six years hence, book. But why, we have no idea, as we are not at all troubled by any number except those on the bottom of the bank statement which are, alas, all far too small and invariably appear in red!!

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    1. Hello Jane and Hello Lance,
      I knew, despite your overwhelming popularity on your fascinating, highly enjoyable, deeply philosophical, praised and admired by those with exquisite taste blog, would potentially find it within your generous hearts to grace me with one of your wondrous and enchanting comments. I have not been disappointed.
      No doubt, when you queue up for my book, which will be available at the finest of book shops, you will take a photo of the book, post up a picture of my book on your blog and get your usual, thoroughly deserved zillion comments.
      And because I'm such a thoughtful guy, I shall send you a black marker to go over those red numbers!!!
      With untold gratitude, your way, Gary

      Delete
  12. THANK YOU GARY! This post finally explains why the world is all sixes and sevens! My sixth sense tells me that your cleverness and humor will propel us all to buy your literary masterpiece when it is completed. In the meantime, I must content myself with reading your blog postings. Keep writing! You are a breath of fresh air.

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    1. HELLO THE SNEE,
      YOU, yes YOU, my incredible friend, put in a reference to sixes and sevens. I was like totally going to use that in my posting but I couldn't remember if that was an expression used in North America. Of course, I really care about such things.
      Your six sense makes sense. And because I am such a kind and caring chap, you, my incredible friend, will be able to buy my literary masterpiece at a reduced price. Even though I know you would gladly pay double, even triple, the suggested retail price.
      Meanwhile, keep watching out for my next anxiously awaited posting. I understand how much my superbly clever writing means to you.
      And with the freshest of air back to you, Rebecca, I shall suddenly end this comment.

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Hey Ray,
      Well, I most definitely get it that I don't get it.

      Delete
  14. Hmmm. Wonder if the fear of six may stem from overexposure to that group of French composers called "Les Six"? I'll look forward to your (undoubtedly) best seller.

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    1. Hi Susan,
      Nothing like being overexposed to a group of French composers with the fascination for six. I've heard they are trying to get another French composer to join in on all the fun and thus, 'Les Sept'.
      Yes, my best seller in a reputable bookshop near you, within five to seven years....

      Delete
  15. I would love to attend the Sarcasm Workshop as there can never be enough sarcasm or self-help books out there! Thanks for the fun post! Julie

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    1. Hi Julie,
      For sure. What could possibly be more enjoyable than seeing a bunch of really interesting intellectuals attending a 'Sarcasm Workshop'.
      And self-help books, please, please, please, we need more and more of them. You are very welcome for this marvellously written fun post!

      Delete
  16. Sarcasm workshop? The mind boggles!

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    1. Hi Jenny,
      Must agree with you. I reckon it would be the most mind bloggling, I mean, mind boggling experience, ever in the history of the world.

      Delete
  17. Sarcasm is the scourge of the modern age....I'm just glad there is a workshop close to you - they've really helped me contain my sarcasm over the years.

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    1. Hey G,
      Sarcasm, a wondrous and inspirational scourge of the modern age. It's heartening to know and makes me smile with delight, to know that the 'Sarcasm Workshop' has kept your sarcasm under control.

      Delete
  18. I need a sarcasm seminar AND I need a book on six. I'm sarcasm starved and I'm six of being stuck between seven and five. Seven is bossy and five is lazy. You guessed, I get stuck with all the leg work. Leg work during six is a pain in the ... you know what. Okay, it's BASS, as in bad ass verses good ass. Which makes no sense at all.

    Happy hockey game, Gary! Yay Canucks!

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  19. Hi Joylene,
    Welcome to four in the morning in England. I know, I know, why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
    I'm sure you would be singing and dancing with outrageous glee at the very thought of going to a local meeting of a 'Sarcasm Workshop'. And my book on six will be available at the "7 Eleven", complete with a complimentary "Slurpee". How good is that eh?

    Oh and why did I wait until now to reply to your comment? It seems it's No Canucks No!

    Take care, Joylene.

    I'm going to have a good cry now over the hockey result.

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    1. I left my note BEFORE my beloved team lost. Boohoo, I'm devastated. To compensate, I'm baking cookies and cooking ribs for supper. My men are laying carpet. I know, I know, strange family.

      Delete
    2. Hey Joylene,
      I realised you left your comment before the result of the game. Your first comment came through at the end of the first period. I thought it best not to reply until after the game. I was hoping to leave a really upbeat comment about a certain team heading back for another game in LA. Oops!
      And speaking of baking, I get the feeling you wont be baking any Stanley Cupcakes.
      I've never laid a carpet. Although a 'shag' certainly has a different meaning over this side of the pond.
      Take care, eh

      Delete
  20. Why, good golly gracious, Gary, you've never been sarcastic in your entire life. Why, I remember, even when you were a baby you often engaged in slapstick type of humor rather than 'lower form of humor' known as sarcasm.

    Do you remember when you were only a month old and you jumped from your stroller, out onto the sidewalk and slapped an old crippled woman with a stick. Heck, you were the inventor of slapstick, if I read my history book right. I remember the old hag, upon being slapped with said stick, declared, "Someday I will have a child or grandchild who will have a blog that will be all about this entertaining, completely informative A to Z Challenge and they, my progeny, will have followers, nay, I say, disciple from 'round the world who will praise them for their efforts to fully engage readers of every kind." And then she abruptly farted and quickly continued down the sidewalk, imagining a seahorse was chasing her.

    Gosh, this latest posting of yours was exciting. I felt deeply compelled to click the 'funny' and 'interesting' reaction check boxes at the bottom. And I sure hope this latest offering from Gary gives those A to Z folks more attention in the blogworld because it seems they could really use it, you know? Btw, even though this challenge has been explained to me a couple times, I keep forgetting what it's all about. I think it's about making the world a better place and the "bonerfide" notions of giving and caring for one another, isn't it? Also: I know the secret of #6. It is horrifying! Too grisly to talk about in this sincere posting.

    Take care, Gary.

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    1. Hello the most amazing blogger the world, in fact all known dimensions, has ever had the sheer thrill of reading, the one, the only, KELLY!!!
      Ah yes, my incredible colleague, I have never, ever, ever been sarcastic, ever! Actually, as a baby, I was into 'bedpan', sorry, deadpan humour, humor. Or maybe it was bedpan..shit, who remembers...
      So, I sort of remember being only a month old and jumping out of my pram onto the pavement and threw the contents of a bedpan all over an old crippled lady.
      She did declare that someday she might have child or grandchild who would have a blog. And that person would have an alphabet challenge to bring attention to themselves and get way more 'followers' than they could of imagined, even in their wildest dreams. Sorry, they would have a gosh darn fun alphabet challenge to highlight a caring, sharing blogging community. Where they would rejoice, make new friends, in an all different, all equal blogging ethos.
      I had every confidence that this latest posting of mine would excite you to the point of jerking yourself silly. I am not worthy of anybody clicking "funny" or "interesting" buttons. Especially the funny button, or the belly button. For, how could I, a variety blogger, ever stand chance against those superbly humorous bloggers who just do funny blogs that are so funny we become consumed with laughter that makes our heads fall off and roll down the aisle!
      And to summarise, the A to Z folks embrace the true meaning of positive interaction. Some might say it's a cry for help and that insecurity and the need for um 'followers' is what's really going on. I like to think that it really is about everyone reaching out with their electronic thoughts and showing mutual respect for each other. Then I woke up....
      And let's talk about six, baby....and no, we better not mention 'oral six'...
      With unsurpassed joy at your comment and huge admiration for your incredible writing skills, I bid thee farewell until the next time I am amazed and awed by your words of wisdom!
      All the best to you, my friend and thanks for a great response.
      In kindness, Gary

      Delete
  21. The rather fabulous Sir Tom Eagerly says:
    A sarcasm workshop? Yeah, right.(He-He)

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    1. Hello The most stupendously fabulous to the point of glowing adulation Sir Tom Eagerly,
      My dear fellow, you who never even remotely hints at sarcasm, would find the sarcasm workshop to have meaning greater than even you would of thought possible...

      Delete
  22. Hi Gary .. I'm going to see if this works from the local library .. and they use IE not Gchrome ..

    Good posting for us to laugh with you or at you .. but sarcasm workshop .. I'll be there - even in Leek ..

    Got short time .. checking this one out - cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi Hilary,
      Fantastic! Finally one of your comments has shown up on a posting. And it sure was worth the wait.
      I couldn't ever believe that anybody would laugh with me or at me over this most serious of postings.
      Much to my astonishment, the headquarters of the sarcasm workshops is in Leek, yes Leek, a town they named after an onion.
      Seriously Hilary, I appreciate your effort trying to comment after all those bewildering technical problems.
      I shall visit your blog in the next little while and see how you are doing with the castles.
      Cheers and have fun, Gary

      Delete
  23. Replies
    1. Hey Susan,
      Me sarcastic? Never! :)

      Delete
  24. I'm intrigued....what is the opposite of six? Rather selfishly I am glad you have not penned much this month as I had fallen far behind on keeping up with my fellow bloggers postings and am spending time now trying to catch up with the latest news and gossip in blogland. No you're not sarcastic Gary...who would've thought such a thing. Witty, facetious and jocose maybe but sarcastic....never!:)

    Take Care friend.


    GEM

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    1. Hi GEM,
      The opposite of "six" is "nine" :) Oh, I've had no time to pen many of my um 'must read', 'highly admired', 'deeply thought provoking' posts recently. Too busy taking the p**s, I mean encouraging all those bloggers who are doing the 'alphabet challenge'.
      I'm greatly relieved to know that you realise that I could never even dream of being sarcastic. I couldn't imagine anybody thinking that of me. Nope, like you so note, I may try to be witty, facetious and jocose, but sarcastic...never, ever, in a million years and then some :)
      All the very best to you, my friend. Must go now and listen to an album by 'The Six Pistols'....
      Gary

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  25. Hahaha! Why, gee golly, I think that was quite possibly the most sarcastic post I have ever read! It was fantastically funny as usual. Good news, I've finished my semester at school with flying colors, so I will be 'round more often than I have been...with my own sarcastic self! :D

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    1. Thank goodness, my life is now complete. The legendary and lovable Static has graced my site with his thought provoking, deeply philosophical words of wondrous wisdom. Thank you, my esteemed colleague, thank you!
      Delighted you had such a good semester, complete with flying colours. It will be beyond my wildest dreams to get future comments from you. And you, I could not even begin to imagine you being sarcastic, ever!:)

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    2. Poop! How's that for philosophical? 8D

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    3. "Poop", my highly regarded literary genius, was the most philosophical and um deeply 'moving' word you have graced me by typing on my shy and humble site. Good sir, I thank you from the bottom of my fart :)

      Delete

I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.