"D" is for depression, disillusionment, dismay, despair, daunting and the feeling of having yourself devalued. "D" is for the 'duvet or doorway dilemma' I have to challenge everyday. Indeed, some days, just getting out of bed is a personal triumph. And today, to be in front of the keyboard, to find the inner resolve to type away, is a profound, uplifting personal triumph.
The "Blogging From A to Z Challenge, April 2012", as much as I attempt to satirise it, has my admiration for those who can take on such a challenge. For I find many a day very difficult to even publish a posting. Such is my lack of esteem that I feel unworthy of having what I write be read by anybody. That is the brutal reality of a mind tormented by the 'inner critic' that constantly tries to undermine the sweet, gentle, soothing voice of my 'inner child'. A constant battle between negativity and positivity.
There are days I cannot sleep and there are days I do nothing but sleep. Sleep, sometimes the only freedom that I know. There are days I cannot eat. The thought of food repulses me and the effort to even have a piece of toast becomes too much.
Maybe you can relate to what I wrote. Maybe you think there is no way out of a situation so overwhelming that what's the point in even attempting to make a change in your life for the better. Then again, maybe you realise that even at the worst of times, there are options that are called positive resources. And today, as I'm in the dark and foreboding place that drenches my soul with tears of sorrow, this man, this confused, sad and lonely man, reaches out, in one last desperate move, to make some sense of it all.
If your life is immersed in doom and gloom, in negative speculation, come take my virtual hand as we seek the help that puts us back on the road to recovery. There are Organisations that can help you and most importantly, can empower you. See your doctor, let your doctor know what you are going through. Contact your local mental health charity or even become involved, as a stepping stone, in an online mental health community that empathises with those who would rather live with, rather than, suffer from, mental health concerns.
Yes, I'm ill and yet I know that I'm not really alone. I have to fight my away out of this pit that tries to smother me with the dirt of depression. I reach up and you pull me out. Thank you and with that, I present you with a wondrous gift. The gift of empathy.
"D" is for devotion, dedication, desire and determination.