Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Blog Air: Destination Vancouver.
On Saturday, May 7, I shall be heading for Manchester airport to fly on the blogger's favourite airline, yes indeed, I'm flying on 'Blog Air', destination, Vancouver, Canada, eh.
I've no doubt that someone will notice me with my luggage outside my house and comment, 'Going somewhere nice?' Why the f**k do folks say that? I will probably reply, 'Going somewhere nice? Of course not! Why the f**k would I go somewhere nice when I can go on a world tour and visit the best sewage treatment plants on the planet!'
And where oh where shall I be sitting on 'Blog Air': destination Vancouver? Will I be sitting with the self-obsessed bloggers? Nope. Will I be amongst the self-promoting bloggers? Definitely not. Will I be in the section of the plane where the 'hey lets have yet another competition on my site, because I love y'all and it has nothing whatsoever to do with me trying to get more bloggers to follow my blog, bloggers'? Of course not. Will I be sitting beside a blogger who links into every blogging site they see and has like a thousand 'followers' after a week, because other bloggers notice their icon and thus link into their blog? Umm, no way. Will I be sitting amongst the blogger 'sheep' or as I call them 'Bleeps', who go to sites and heap praise and worship the self-obsessed blogger? No chance.
I suppose, based on the above paragraph, you might assume that I would be sitting in the cynical bloggers section of Blog Air. Me cynical? Never! Me sarcastic? Never been sarcastic in my life, ever!
No, this shy and humble blogger on his unassuming site, will be down in the cargo hold. Down there with the exotic animals, an iguana named Fred, a kiwi named Marvin and a couple of bloggers who do nothing but blogs about cats. Help me!
Of course, piloting the Blog Air plane is the true star of this blog, yep, Penny the Jack Russell pilot dog and modest internet star.
Ah yes, I can imagine the following announcement on Blog Air, 'This is your captain speaking. Captain Penny. Would you please fasten your seat belts. We are experiencing turbulence in the self-obsessed section of the plane. Apparently too many Bleeps are hanging around the self-obsessed bloggers and their excitement is causing the plane to shake.....'
And, upon my return from Vancouver? I've absolutely no doubt that some idiot will say, 'So, how did you find Vancouver?' Why the f**k do folks say that? Of course, I will reply, 'You stupid f**ker! I didn't find Vancouver. I left that up to the pilot. Penny the Jack Russell pilot dog and modest internet star.'