No silly photographs. No ridiculous attempts at quirky humour, such as, this guy asked me if I would like an ice cream sundae, to which I replied, 'well, I'd rather one now, thanks.' Indeed, my postings have been my way of trying draw attention to myself. Can you sense the irony? A virtual recluse seeking attention.
Overwhelming negative aspects to my environment came so close, oh so close, to undermining the remaining fragile shreds of dignity and self respect that lingered in the back of my mind. For there were those who saw me as a mere shadow of a man and preyed on my vulnerability. What sort of person would relish with glee the plight of their fellow man? Perhaps they take comfort in bullying easy targets to mask their own insecurities.
I have mental health concerns. I openly admit that I cracked and came so close to dying. Situations so traumatic, turned me from an outgoing and happy guy to a sad and lonely recluse. Yet I fight on and, to some degree, I am so much better now. I don't have a lot of social contact and that is where my blog has played a vital role in my ongoing battle with my mental health. Each posting a positive coping mechanism. In fact, I would go as far as to say that writing has saved my life.
I am a positive guy. When I do venture out most people pick up on my friendly vibes. It warms my heart to see them smile. I go home and the buzz of my few minutes out, makes me realise, that maybe, just maybe, I'm worthy to 'impose' myself on society.
I never thought I'd become mentally ill. I mean, shit, that only happens to other folks. Oh, how wrong I was.
Through all of this I have discovered the power of empathy. If you were drowning in the negative sea of despair, some would throw you an anchor. I would throw you a life jacket.
I look into the glow of a solar lamp and reflect upon the day just gone. Here's to a kinder, non-judgemental, more compassionate world.