Friday, 9 October 2009

Waiting To 'Catch Me Out'?

It is indeed a sad reflection that some people are so cynical that they can interpret kindness as being some part of a devious 'hidden agenda'. 'Why is he being so nice?' 'What's in it for him?'
I have encountered this attitude on numerous occasions. It seems to stem from a trust issue. These people trust nobody. Everybody and everything is treated with suspicion. They have been let down and disrespected. So, to them, all people are waiting for the right time to inflict them with further pain and misery.
Caution is one thing, being constantly bitter, anxious, waiting for the 'dark side' to reveal itself, is another. They wait for that negative inevitability that confirms that they were right. Right, that even the person who is kind, compassionate and caring, has a 'master plan' to take advantage of their vulnerability. So they perceive that even genuine, well-meaning people are just planning to reveal their betrayal at a later time. Genuine, well-meaning people are perceived as being just like the rest.
Yes, I have been disillusioned, betrayed and disrespected. But does that mean I assume that all folks are out to get me? Of course not. For, if all I ever did was keep searching for the bad in people and dismissed the good; then I would find myself trapped in a world of suspicion, bitterness, anger and resentment. The end result? A life overwhelmed with negative speculation.
So they are waiting to 'catch me out'. My kindness treated with suspicion. I believe there is much good in our world. I celebrate, I embrace the spirit of those, who through the test of time, have been there for me, and I, in turn, have been there for them. I do not wait for a hidden agenda. I do not wait to catch them out. For to do so, would destroy the foundations of the trust and faith I have in them.
I have no hidden agenda. I haven't got time to be plotting the demise of others. I'm too busy trying to live my life as best I can. I try to display kindness, caring, compassion and empathy. What's in it for me? To realise that my demeanour has impacted someone in a positive way. If I make them feel good about themselves; then I feel good about myself. If this has been read from a cynical point of view; all I can say is that anger, bitterness and resentment destroys the pure heart that beats within. Look for the good. Seek and yee shall find.


  1. Thank you for your very positive comments. My spiritual director always says that one of the reasons he knows there is a God is the goodness in human beings, the goodness of those who receive no reward for their care and love for others. He believes in God's love because of all the love in the world - a love the exists despite the evil that attempts in vain to destroy it. With hugs...

  2. Hi Klahanie, another thought-provoking blog of yours, that rings truth in me. Best wishes, xx

  3. Some people are so suspicious of another Human Being's offer of help or kindness aren't they. I've seen it often where genuinely caring people have had rumours and lies circulated about them by people who don't understand what kindness is and that not everyone is out for everything they can get at the expense of others!
    Keep being kind no matter what other people say. I'd rather be kind than cruel.

    Julie xx

  4. Dear Carole,
    It is always a pleasure to leave a comment on your wonderful blog.
    There is a lot of good within people. What saddens me is there are those who, instead of embracing the goodness of others; are determined to only search for the alleged bad within them.
    Thank you, Carole. With respect, Gary

  5. Hi jewel,
    I'm glad to note that you found this blog thought-provoking.
    You have submitted some lovely photos on your latest blog. I sensed the serenity.
    Best wishes to you, Gary x

  6. Hi Julie,
    It does make you wonder why genuinely decent, caring people can become the victims of malicious rumours. Perhaps some folks are determined to try and make their lives miserable.
    Like you, I shall maintain a kind disposition, no matter how hard someone tries to sabotage my good intentions.
    Positive wishes, Gary x

  7. I agree wholeheartedly with what you say.

    I'd add too that those same people tend to view being 'nice' as being soft too.

    They dare not show the nice side of their nature as they see it as showing vulnerability which they interpret as being weak.

    Oh, how wrong they are.

    To show your vulnerability by being nice without any expectations is a sign of strength.

    Long may you stay strong Gary.

  8. I sense that even your usual kindness has been sorely tested lately my friend. Some people are indeed determined to get whatever they can get out of others, but never forget the kind, genuinely well meaning people who do hold you in a high positive regard! You are a caring, compassionate, intelligent and kind human being Gary, and you have been and continue to be a source of inspiration to me. Don't let the negativity of others impact on your conciousness were possible, most people do see the good in you. Kindest regards and best wishes, Simon

  9. Hi John,
    Thanks for your understanding of what I had tried to convey. I was trying to hopefully inspire those who may find themselves trapped in a world of negative suspicion; that we must give folks a bit of slack.
    I have experienced that suspicious mind-set. Negative thinking about others does me no good, or the well-meaning folks who have only the best of intentions.
    You have brought up another added dimension that I too have observed. It is indeed sad when there are people out there who consider politeness and kindness as some form of weakness. Like you note, John, oh how wrong they are.
    Thank you John, I will stay strong.
    With respect and kindness, Gary.

  10. Nice is a lovely thing to be, Gary. Don't change for anyone - we need more people like you in the world.


  11. Hi Si,
    I have been somewhat tested. As you realise by our conversation at my house; that I can get disheartened that my sincerity has been treated with a sense of disbelief.
    You have known me long enough to know that I am just a guy trying to live his life in a way that is, I hope to the positive benefit of others and not to their detriment.
    All I ever ask is to be given a chance, without the preconceived notion that I have some sinister plan. I've got enough to deal with in my life to even contemplate 'plotting' the downfall of some vulnerable soul.
    In peace and empathy, Gary.

  12. Hi Suzanne,
    Thank you for that. I really do try to be a kind and decent man.
    From what I have observed from your excellent blog; you most definitely embrace the positive ideals that this world has to offer.
    Thank you Suzanne. The world needs more people like you.
    In kindness, Gary:-)

  13. HI Gary;
    Well, I can certainly hear some pain there. I'm sorry that people have been suspicious of you. It's difficult because if you protest, it makes you look even more suspicious or needy> As Wayne would say, don't let the bad guys get you. There are a lot less of them than appears. Sort of like the wizard of oz behind the curtain making lots of noise and lights and spectacular motions drawing your attention away from how small and insignificant he really is. Look at the distrusters that way and you will see that they are pathetic and you should feel sorry for them without getting involved with them.
    Love you Gary, Keep strong!!

  14. Hi Heather,
    I try to distance myself from those who have decided, no matter what, that I, and for that matter, all people and situations are to be perceived with negative speculation.
    I know. like you mention, to protest and try to prove my good intentions, can backfire. Indeed compound their suspicions.
    I posted this blog as a way to hopefully inspire those who only see the assumed negative; that we do have choices.
    I sense that we are embracing a more positive world. You stay strong too, Heather.
    Warm wishes, Gary x

  15. Hi Gary,

    well, i read "waiting to catch me out" and i find nothing but truth and honesty .
    I believe that people who mistrust the good in others mistrust themselves. And in being suspicious of everyone is a time and energy consuming way to live life. If i spent all my time mistrusting others then i would miss the wonder in life.

    I have been there, when i was poorly i was suspicious of others, now i don't waste my time on such things. There is so much to look at, listen to feel and taste in our world that i will not give up the short time i have on this earth to such negativity.

    Yes there is call to be careful, there are those people who will hurt or betray us, but most will not.

    Am i unusual in that i have a good number of people in my life who are good, well meaning and empathetic? I don't think i am, i think i just recognise and appreciate people.

    Gary, you know you are one of my most treasured friends. I love your writing, keep up the good work.


  16. Hi Julie,
    What an excellent comment. You are a shining example of a wonderful, inspirational lady that worked through the 'dark times'.
    Indeed, you have embraced in your life kind, caring, empathetic, well-meaning folks. Yes, we must be cautious. Yet, if we lived our lives assuming everyone was out to betray us; that would cause us nothing but anxiety and our anxiety would cause others to feel on edge around us.
    You are also a treasured friend. Good people, like you and Philip, make me realise just how grateful I am for all the positive aspects in this world.
    Recognition and appreciation for all the good people. Thanks Julie. Happy blogging to you and thank you for the very nice compliment.
    In peace and empathy, Gary xx

  17. Dear Gary,
    Sorry for not commenting sooner.
    I think, if we have been ill, we have all, at some stage, been suspicious of people's intentions. I know for me, when i was at my lowest, I was paranoid to the degree of delusion. OK, I was ill, so I had an excuse. But the outcome of such behaviour, is, as you say, massively destructive.
    Now I am "recovered", or rather, "in recovery", I can see things more clearly and that, in general, folks around me are kind and well-meaning. And I would include you in those people, Gary.
    I was once told that "we see in others what we sometimes see in ourselves", so it perhaps isn't a great quality to be constantly on guard and suspicious, as then, as you say, the goodness of others gets obscured.
    Anyway, thanks for being a great bogging, and now also "3-D" friend, and I hope to see you soon.
    With Very Best Wishes,

  18. Dear David,
    Thank you for your excellent contribution to the proceedings.
    We both know that our perceptions can be rather clouded when we are in overwhelming paranoid state.
    Like you allude too; the goodness of others can be obscured. Yet one has to find a way to challenge the negative thought process. It means getting out there and finding positive resources that are conducive to ones mental health well being.
    David, you are an inspirational guy. It has been my honour to have gotten to know you.
    I have faith and I have trust. For to assume that all people have a 'hidden agenda' would only intensify negative perceptions of the world around.
    Thank you David. I look forward, with positive anticipation, to some more of our '3 D' meetings.
    In friendship and respect, Gary.

  19. I haven't heard the expression "catch me out"...but I sure know the treatment. When someone treats me that way, I'm very surprised and angry at first (because I am like you in that I don't expect the worse from others)--then I remind myself to be happy that I'm still surprised by the behavior, which means I'm still not a member of that club.
    Great writing. Thanks.

  20. Hi Victoria,
    Thank you very much for dropping by and leaving such a thoughtful response.
    "I remind myself to be happy". That is a most positive outlook, Victoria. Those who are not conducive to our mental health well being; are folks to distance ourselves from.
    I reckon, if somewhat continues to be suspicious of good intentions; then they need to have a good look at themselves.
    Thanks again. I really enjoyed reading your blog.
    In kindness, Gary:-)

  21. A path is laid one stone at a time. Keep up the good works.
    Have you read any of the works of William James? Re: actions follow thoughts and the converse -- that thoughts follow actions. That old phrase, "Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic." really works!

  22. Greetings Etier,
    Thanks for leaving your excellent response.
    I am not familiar with the works of William James. However, I shall go and check him out.
    I have a passionate enthusiasm for life and all the positive aspects that are there. I choose to embrace and celebrate the goodness and kindness in others. I am most grateful.
    Thank you kindly. Positive thoughts, your way, Gary

  23. It's a very sad indictment of modern society that words like 'trust' and 'honour' are fading from the vocabulary, swamped a new order where cynicism pollutes at every level.

    To do something for someone without expecting reward is almost taboo in some circles where everything has a price...

  24. Greetings Steve,
    It is indeed a sad commentary that 'trust' and 'honour' can be viewed with such cynicism.
    It would nice to think the only 'price' involved would be a 'thank you' for well-meaning gestures.
    Thanks Steve. Your concept story is a fascinating read. I hope people check out your excellent story.
    With respect, Gary.


I do try to comment back to each commenter individually. However, I might have to shorten my replies or give a group thank you. That way, I can spend more time commenting on your blogs. Thank you and peace, my friend.